Crisis of a Marriage
by lilienprinzessin
Summary: COMPLETE! This is a story told from Emily’s POV. It's mainly dealing with the marital problems between Emily and Richard. Chapter 40 is up. Emily and Richard are renewing their wedding vows. Enjoy!
1. Hotel Room

**Crisis of a Marriage**

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. The characters all belong to Amy Sherman Palladino. No copyright infringement is intended and no profit will be made from this story.

_Since Emily was always my favourite character of Gilmore Girls, this is a story told from Emily's POV. It's her thoughts about the events happening after "Tick, Tick, Tick, Boom!" It will mainly focus on the separation from Richard. I'll include some dialogue that actual took place in the episodes – sometimes I'll add some new. _

**Chapter 1: Hotel Room**

I did it – I've left Richard. I just couldn't take it anymore. He was acting like I wasn't even there. Like his wife, who had supported him for the last 39 years, didn't even have the right to know what's going on.

"_It's going to be okay." – _

that's not saying anything, but all he would say to me after the Stiles were gone. Of course I found out more eventually. About Floyd suing him.

I still can't believe, that Carol would actually participate in this drama – was like Blake Edwards night at the Gilmore Mansion - but she did, from being all nice to me and

"_let's not let business come between us again",_ to "_it's too late_"

and leaving with her husband.

And here I am asking myself how I would've acted if Richard was planning such a coup – would I betray my friend and be so loyal to my husband? I honestly don't know. Perhaps yes (that is if I would still have a husband).

So in fact I've lost my husband and a friend over that damn business. Because that's all that matters to Richard now – his business. I can't say how much I hate that. He's even jeopardizing our relationship with Lorelai. I couldn't believe my ears, when I heard her begging her father to stop suing her boyfriend. I don't remember the last time she ever asked him for anything (except the Chilton money of course). And he let her down. He really did.

So I decided to give him one more chance to listen or talk to me. And he didn't – again. He's not even realizing what he's doing.

"_We can't control what Lorelai will do. Rory won't go away. I'm doing what I have to do."_

That's all he had to say. Then he turned around as if I was a maid who's allowed to go now. Well if he's doing what he has to do, then I'll do what I have to do, too.

If I'm that unimportant to him, he probably won't even notice that I'm gone. No that's unfair, I guess he will miss me at the dinner table, but since we haven't had a decent conversation in months I think he will get over it.

Am I getting over it? Sitting here in a hotel room – alone. I just packed a few clothes and drove to the next hotel. Just left him a note, that I would be there for Friday night dinner, because I don't want the girls to know. I think because I still have this dream, that he will realize his mistakes. That he will come over apologizing for cutting me out of his life. For not consulting me anymore. I don't want him to do everything I say, no surely not, I just want him to listen to me. I want things to be the way they were at the beginning of our marriage – and to be honest for many years after.

When did we change? When was the point were we lost our ability to communicate?

I admit that it hurt when he cancelled my party for Jason's trip – and to be honest what did hurt me most was the fact, that he didn't realize how important that party was to me. That he left me standing there alone and went to his study instead of saying _"I'm sorry Emily, but I think we should really try Jason's way – I'm sorry that you put so much effort into this, please don't be mad."_ Then I wouldn't have been so hurt. Because it's true what I said to Lorelai. I'm doing (well did) this kind of thing for Richard for the last 39 years. If he thinks we should cancel the party it's fine with me. If only he'd recognized that it's not just a silly party, that I did put effort into this, that this is work, too. But nothing.

Then came the Yale game. There I found out that he was lying to me since we were married. So is our marriage a lie?

If only Lorelai wouldn't have spoken to that woman – but then it was unfair to blame it on her. I know that. But I needed someone to be mad at and since Richard was gone…

I still can't believe that he didn't tell me about Pennylin. That day something broke inside me – I can't say what exactly – perhaps my unfailing trust in our marriage. That we would never betray each other. Because even if it was only lunch, it was a betrayal. I don't understand Richard anymore, but then have I ever? Since he was lying the whole time about this I honestly don't know anymore.

But this is not the reason I left. If it would be, I would have left right after the game. In fact he did apologize several times for not telling me. And I accepted his apology. Because I know that I would have made him a scene, if he would have told me he was going out to lunch with his ex-girlfriend. Not that he was right in lying to me, but I understand his motives – he always tried to avoid conflict in not telling me. He did the same when he quit his job.

The maid is coming and brings me my dinner. I don't want to eat downstairs – I don't want people to stare at me. I'm not very hungry anyway. I'm just eating some fruits. After finishing I return to my thoughts.

I don't understand Richard. Does he understand me?

"_No need for you to hit any more stores, Emily. You've done enough shopping for a lifetime." _

That's what he thinks of me, that all I'm doing is shopping – is he right? Cause I did a lot of shopping the last days, I know that. That was my way escaping reality. I wonder if things would've been different if I'd taken Lorelai's advice to make him talk to me.

For a short moment I wanted to start this conversation, but just when I was about to he told me that he and Jason would go to Manhattan to meet some clients. I didn't know about his trip. So I dropped my talk. If he can't even tell me his travel plans in time, how can we talk about our marriage problems?

Or was I just afraid of this talk? Cause I'm not good at this, I know that. But with Richard – my old Richard – I didn't have that much trouble to express my feelings. I've always felt safe around him. But he has changed a lot. (Or is it me? Have I changed? – No I don't think so – if he wouldn't cut me out of all the important decisions in his life – our life, I would love to be his wife again).

I'm still sitting in the hotel room, trying to figure out what I want to do now. Deep inside I'm hoping for the phone to ring and Richard being on the other end, telling me to come home. I know I didn't tell him where I am, but if he really wanted to, he could find out.

My thoughts are returning to the evening, where he accused me of shopping to much. I remember how I begged him to shave his moustache.

"_And please shave that moustache, I beg of you."_

"_I will shave it when I shave it." _

That stupid moustache – and he refuses to shave it. I've asked him many times to do so, but no. I wonder if he knows how ridiculous that makes him look. Why is he refusing shaving? Just to annoy me? Sometimes I think that's the only reason. Cause honestly he can't truly like it, can he?

So here I am waiting for next Friday and the things to come. I really do hope we can pretend to be still together. I don't want the girls to know that we failed. And I certainly don't want society to know that either. I don't want to be the center of gossip.

_I hope you liked it. I apologize for any mistakes in the language – English is not my Mother language. It's my first fanfic, so I would appreciate honest reviews. Don't hesitate to criticize. _


	2. Friday Night Dinner

**Authors Note:** _Thanks _emilygilmore _for reviewing. I can't say how much it means to me, that someone is reading and enjoying my thoughts._

**Chapter 2: Friday Night Dinner **

I'm so glad to be in the hotel room again. Funny, I was looking forward to this Friday and dreading it altogether, but now I'm just glad it's over. I feel exhausted.

First there was terrible traffic (really I shouldn't be so critical with Lorelai, when she's late) and miraculously the girls were there before me - granted they were coming from the other end of the town. So my hole plan in going upstairs first and perhaps touch the base with Richard before they would arrive crashed.

The evening was so awkward. I just couldn't pay attention to the conversation. All I was thinking about was, how to behave in front of Richard. What to do to appear as normal as possible. To be honest I think I failed at that. And Richard was behaving silly and helpless, too. Spilling all the ice.

Dinner was very quiet. Was it a good idea to have Friday Night Dinner? Perhaps I should have cancelled it. I wonder if they've noticed something. I wouldn't blame them. We basically pushed them out of the house.

So finally we were alone. I expected him to say something. Afterall it was his behaviour that drove me away, but we were just quiet. I went upstairs to get new clothes, I hadn't packed much when I was leaving him. When I came downstairs he was standing at the same point where I left him.

"_I try to cancel next Friday Night Dinner"_ I said to him.

"_That would be the most sensible thing to do" _he answered.

Well if that is what he wants, he can have it. I walk towards the door. Why isn't he calling me back?

I don't think it matters, fact is he wasn't calling me back. So I went outside to my car (which I parked in the driveway, because I was late – something I normally would never do – I hope Lorelai hasn't noticed).

Now I'm in bed and can't sleep. Since the day I've left Richard I have trouble getting to sleep. I wonder if he has, too? Perhaps. But I think it will get better with time. Isn't that what people say? Time will heal all wounds? Do I believe this? I don't think I'll ever get used to sleeping alone.

* * *

Again I'm sitting here thinking about our relationship. It wasn't all bad. Even in the last weeks. I remember the terrible moment when I found the letter of his mother. I never told him about it. I know it would have hurt him. He was always between us – two of the most important women of his life. Sometimes I was mad, that he hadn't stood up for me, but that was him. I always knew that he had a special relationship with his mother. And thank God we rarely saw her. So I wasn't saying anything about her bad treatment towards me.

I know he didn't like it. But you couldn't tell that woman how to behave anyway, we both knew that. So he never tried. At least I think he never did.

But finding that letter was hard. Even after knowing she didn't like me, to find out that she begged him to leave me at the altar. That's devastating.

A terrible thought is coming to my mind _Was she right? Am I not a suitable wife for him?_ But then that's crazy. We were lucky for 39 years, and if he wouldn't cut me out of everything, I would still live at home and we would be happy. Because we were happy.

I remember the day of her funeral. That odious woman honestly wanted to be on my mantle to judge me forever. And I was just getting used to that imagination, when Richard told me

"_I'm not so sure the mantel is the best place for Gran's ashes._ _The ledge is too small. It wouldn't really be appropriate. Being buried with my father seems right. Don't you agree?"_

"_Whatever you want, Richard_."

I often said these words to him. And I've always meant them. That evening I thought everything would be alright again. That all the little things I've recognized before weren't that important afterall.

* * *

It's Wednesday already. Time to cancel next Friday Night Dinner. So I'm getting to the phone to call Lorelai.

"_Lorelai?"_

"_Mom?"_

"_Yes. It's me."_

"_Is everything alright with you?"_

"_Of course it is."_

"_Then why are you calling?"_

"_Honestly Lorelai, can't your mother call you without you making a big thing out of it?"_

"_I'm sorry Mom. I just thought there was a reason."_

"_Well there is a reason. But everything is alright. I just have to cancel Friday Night Dinner."_

"_You JUST have to cancel it? And you call that everything is alright?"_

"_Well it's not the first time this happened. I know it's very seldom, but we couldn't change it. Your father is away on business and I have a function to go to. Aren't you happy? That gives you a dutyless Friday Night."_

"_Of course I'm happy. I'm jumping up and down. In fact I have to pay attention not to hurt myself while I'm doing-"_

"_Lorelai, please!"_

"_Sorry Mom._

"_Can you tell Rory?"_

"_Of course. So I'll see you the next Friday"_

There's a knock at the door. "_Turndown service."_

"_Of course. Bye Lorelai" _

"_Bye Mom"_

I really wish she hasn't heard the maid. Well I'll kind of find out the next time I see her. After the maid is gone I call Richard to tell him I cancelled Friday Night Dinner, and that he is away on business. Just in case he's in touch with any of the girls. I doubt he'll speak to Lorelai, but Rory – could be. I take the phone again.

"_Richard?"_

"_Emily?"_

"_Yes. I'm calling to tell you I've cancelled Friday Night Dinner."_

"_Good."_

"_You're away on business."_

"_What?"_

"_In case you talk to one of the girls. I told them you're away on business and I have a function to attend. Hence the reason of the cancelling."_

"_Alright." _Oh please Richard don't be so monosyllabic.

"_Well that's all I wanted to say."_

"_Thank you."_

"_You're welcome. I've always kept what I said."_

"_Yes you did. It really is the best thing to do."_

"_I agree. Goodbye then Richard."_

"_Goodbye Emily."_

Did he sound sad? It nearly seemed so. But then why isn't he talking to me? Perhaps it's only me wishing he would be sad.

We need to solve our problems, one way or the other. I can't always cancel Friday Night Dinner. I've just won one week. I'm getting a headache. I'll think next week about next Friday. Now I'll just try to get some sleep.

_So that was Chapter 2. Please tell me when you want to read more. I basically have the story in my head, and I'm much more motivated to write it down, when I know some people are really enjoying and waiting for it._


	3. Lorelai knows

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _masamor99_ and _cmbarrytx_ for your reviews. I really enjoy reading them._

**Chapter 3: Lorelai knows**

I knew that next Friday would come sooner than I wanted it to. Ironic that it's now me, who's dreading Friday Night Dinner instead of Lorelai.

Thank God Richard is really away on business this time. I think it's far more easy to act normal, without him being present. It won't be so awkward.

For the time he's in Philadelphia, I moved into our house again. And now I'm asking myself why _I _ever went away. _He_ should be the one living in a hotel.

It's good to be here again though. I'm sleeping a little better - just smelling his clothes next to me makes me feel comfortable. Damn I still love this man, but I can't stay and pretend that nothing happened. That he hasn't changed.

On the other side, seeing all his belonging makes me sad. My feelings are on a roller coaster – and now I'm thinking of our sleigh ride outside the Independence Inn. It's funny I nearly forgot about this.

"_Say, when was the last time we were on a roller coaster?"_

„_Never." _I replied.

"We should go on one."

"_I'd be scared." _

"_I'll hold your hand." _

"_Fine. We'll go on a roller coaster." _

We never did. I remember how safe I felt that night. That is until I found out that he'd retired without telling me. His own wife. I was so mad at him. But his apology in the lobby – I couldn't but forgive him. After all the years I still remember his words as if it was yesterday.

"_Oh Emily, I know I've done nothing but disappoint you these past few months, what with all the social engagements I've made you cancel, and all the friendships I've jeopardized." _

Yeah, back then you noticed when you were jeopardizing relationships. Why not now? And why are you ignoring me, when I come to you and tell you that you're jeopardizing our relationship with Lorelai? I know it's more important to me to have a functional relationship with our daughter, but it's not true that you didn't care about her at all. You're just hurt Richard. That she lied to us. So you've given up trying to get to know her – in fact you gave up long before. Is that the point? You're hurt and that is why you're hurting me? You can't have the relationship so I can't either? But then that's not you. You've always cared for my feelings.

"_And you like order, you like lists, you like to know where you're going or what's coming. You like all things planned_."

That's right Richard – I like everything planned. But now I have no plan. I'm just living for the next day and hope that I'll survive – and that perhaps I might get the clue how to solve our problems. But the point is – I can't, _you_ have to solve them.

"_Well, I couldn't face disappointing you again. I didn't want to fight."_

That changed. Now you don't have a problem in disappointing me. But you still don't like fighting. Perhaps things would be a lot better if we would fight. If we would openly say what we dislike – even yelling – just letting everything out. But then that's not the Gilmore way. We bicker – about unimportant things. We rarely talk about the big problems.

"_I'm very, very sorry."_

I'm so waiting for you to tell me this again. Why aren't you coming Richard?

"_Anyhow, um, I've been sitting here going over our financial situation."_

He'd always cared for me. I got everything I wanted. I still do. I can still go shopping with my credit card. Not that I would expect him to change that, but you never know. The ex-husband of a friend of mine cutted his wife of immediately of all accounts the moment she left the house. It was a terrible divorce. Thank God we're not like this. I hope we'll never be.

"_Richard, let's just go to bed."_

That's what I was saying to him in the lobby after his apology. And we did. He took my hand in his and we went to bed. It was a wonderful night. To feel his strong arms holding me tight… – why am I allowing myself to think about this? I just makes me sad. Stop right now Emily Gilmore.

The girls will arrive any minute. I have to pull myself together. The doorbell is ringing.

"_Hi Mom."_

"_Hi Grandma."_

"_Lorelai. Rory. Come in. Come in."_

"_How's Dad, Mom?"_

"_Right now? Cause as you know, he's away on business."_

"_No. Just in general."_

"_He's fine."_

"_Oh – that's great"_

"_Yes it is. What do you want to drink?" _

"_White wine."_

"_Coke."_

"_Well you two sit down, and I go and get your drinks."_

I'm grateful for the opportunity to turn my back on them. This is harder than I thought. And why is her first question about Richard? I guess she knows that something is wrong. So act as normal as you can Emily. Just focus on Rory.

And that's what I'm doing when we're finally having dinner. I keep asking her questions about her love-life. I know this is a little unfair, but it's the only thing that comes to my mind to get rid of Lorelai's questions about Richard. That and going to the kitchen every now and then. She mentions him in nearly every sentence. She definitely has a suspicion. She questions everything – even the music I play. I turn to Rory.

"_And you don't have a boyfriend?" _

"_Not really." _

"_Why, do you?" _Lorelai says turning to me.

Oh yes, she knows. I'm pretty sure now. But I won't say anything. And she better keeps quiet about this, too.

* * *

Another Friday Night is over. I guess next Friday we have to face it. Richard is back by then, and if we don't have dinner Rory will get suspicious, too. Rory - I focus on her now, even when she's gone. Escaping my sad reality. Why hasn't she a boyfriend? As if there weren't many good-looking young men at Yale. I decide to help her a little bit.

Isn't Cassie Sullivan's son Graham at Yale, too? I think so. Tomorrow I'll arrange a meeting between the two of them and surprise Rory with it. At least I have something to do then – something that takes my mind away from my problems.

_Ok, this turned out completely different from what I thought it would be, but I couldn't bring myself to delete it. I'm not totally satisfied, but I don't know how to change that. There's always next chapter though. But I do hope that you enjoyed it. Be kind and tell me so. _


	4. The Dragonfly

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _masamor99_ for your review. I'm glad you're still reading it._

**Chapter 4: The Dragonfly**

Since Richard didn't gave me the slightest hint, that I should stay at the house, I moved into the hotel again when he came back. I hate staying here, but somehow I'm not ready to discuss this with Richard. I need some time away from here. I have to get out.

I know I'm normally not in Europe during summertime, but I think this year I'll go to Europe over the summer. I haven't been there on my own, since my college days. But then I don't want to be there on my own – not if there's another possibility. And there is. I'll ask Rory to accompany me. Every young lady should go to Europe at least once – and decently – not this hostel-backpacking thing she did with Lorelai. Yes, Rory would be a good companion. I'll suggest it to her on Friday.

When Richard came back from Philadelphia he was surprised to see me at home.

"_Emily. What are you doing here?"_

"_I'm just getting some new clothes."_

Somehow I couldn't admit to him, that I was actually living there – for the time he was away.

"_Oh – Well do you have everything you need?"_

"_Yes. It's upstairs. I'll get it now."_

"_Good."_

Do you have everything you need? What kind of question is this? Of course I have enough clothes, money – he took care of that. But what I need? I need you Richard – my old Richard – the man I married. But again, I was too stubborn to admit that to him. So I went upstairs. When I came into the hall again he was gone. So should I just leave? Without saying goodbye – again? No I don't think so. And perhaps he'll suggest that I should stay, that _he_ would move. Unlikely, but who knows? So I'm going to his study. I knock at his door.

_"Come in."_

I open the door.

"_Emily." _Yes – who would you think it would be?

"_I'm sorry, I don't want to disturb you. I just came to say goodbye."_

"_Oh – goodbye Emily."_

Ok, he's not going to mention it. I am about to leave when Friday Night Dinner comes to my mind. So I turn around again.

"_Will you be here on Friday?"_

"_Should I?"_

"_I think so. They will get suspicious when we cancel again."_

"_Yes. That's probably right."_

"_So I'll come around a little early on Friday – I think it's better when we see each other before they arrive."_

"_If you think so."_

"_So you'll be here?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Good. Goodbye Richard."_

"_Goodbye Emily."_

That was it. No: _Do you really want to stay in a hotel? Do you think we can talk? _Nothing. I think my decision of going to Europe is the right one. Perhaps he misses me, when I'm not around the corner. I do hope he'll miss me. He can't just throw 39 years away, can he? I'm wondering if he's having the same thoughts that I have.

**

* * *

**

It's Friday and I am at our house – early as I said I would be. I don't want it to be like last time, when the girls were basically watching me sneaking into my own house.The rooms are a little dusty. But what can you expect from a maid, when noone is around watching her? Richard certainly isn't. I will talk to Sriva later. First I have to speak to Richard. We have to get over this awkwardness which is between us. I knock at his study.

"_Come in. - Emily – you're early."_

"_Of course I am – I told you I would come early, remember?"_

"_Ah – yes."_

And there it is – the awkward silence.

"_Is there anything I can do for you, Emily?"_

"_I thought we should be around each other for a while, before the girls arrive. So that we can act as normal as possible when they're around."_

"_And you want us to do what?"_

"_I don't know. – Talk, perhaps."_

"_About what?"_

"_I don't know. - About this evening. I don't want them to get suspicious."_

"_Emily don't you think you're paranoid? Do you want to write down to me what I'm allowed to say?"_

"_No. I just thought – "_

"_Emily please – I have work to do. If you don't have something specific you want to tell me, I would appreciate if you would leave me alone. That way I have perhaps my work finished when the girls arrive."_

I turn around and leave. That went just like I planned it. I go into the kitchen.

_"Sriva, the house is full of dust. When you want to keep your job, it better is cleaner the next time I come around."_

**

* * *

**

We're sitting at the dinner table. At least it's not so awfully quiet. The girls are trading garnish and Richard and I bicker about whether the sauce is rabbit or duck. I hope that we're sounding normal. Since noone is enjoying their meal I tell Sriva to get the plates. Only Richard is protesting. Typical.

I'm turning to Rory. This time is as good as any to tell her my plan. And this way everyone will hear it.

"_So, Rory, I was thinking maybe we should go away this summer, just you and me. You should do Europe right at least once in your life, and this seems like the perfect time." _

"_Oh, well, Grandma, I don't really know what I'm doing this summer yet, but that sounds really nice." _

"_And really out of the blue."_ Lorelai says.

"_I agree."_ Richard is chiming in.

Of course you have something to say to this. I hope you're surprised. I don't need you to have some fun.

"_Were you going mention this to me?"_ Lorelai wants to know.

"_I just did. Plans aren't made, Lorelai. It was just an idea. If Rory doesn't want to go, then Rory doesn't have to go." _

"_Rory didn't say she didn't want to go." _

I knew you would like it. And Lorelai and Richard will get used to the idea, too. Though at the moment he is frowning. Lorelai notices it, too.

"_You okay, dad?"_ she asks him.

"_I'm fine. When is dessert? I have work to do." _

"_It's coming as quickly as the woman can spoon fruit over ice cream."_ I answer.

"_Well, clearly, she has carpal tunnel or some other modern disease which is slowing her down."_ he says.

"_If she's going too slow for you, why don't you just go into the kitchen and give her a hand?"_ I reply.

The whole evening it was this way between us. And I'm sure it would have been for the rest of it, if Lorelai wouldn't have dropped the bomb on us right now.

"_I forgot to mention, we're doing a test run at the Inn this weekend. We're inviting all our friends to spend the weekend, just to make sure we're ready to open. Hey, you know what would be great? If the two of you came." _

"_What?"_ I asked – shocked.

"_For the weekend." _

"_Oh."-_ Oh Lorelai, why are you doing this?

"_Well..."_ Richard seems to think the same. At least there's one thing we agree on this evening.

"_I mean, I've been working toward this goal for, my God, what is it, Rory, now, twenty years?" _she's going on.

"_Twenty years._"

And even Rory supports this. Does she know, too? No, I don't think so. But you never know – they tell each other so much.

"_Twenty years, wow. So basically, this is the biggest thing that's ever happened to me in my life, except for Rory being born, and I'm sure my parents wouldn't want to miss it. **I mean, unless there's some specific reason why you guys can't come, both of you together.** No? Okay, good, so you'll be there. Fantastic. Isn't that great, Rory? Grandma and Grandpa are coming to the test run together."_

If there was any doubt left that Lorelai wouldn't have noticed our problems it is gone by now. She knows and she wants to torture us. And she knows that she will get us this way.

"_Lorelai" _– though Richard is trying to get us out of it.

"_Dad, seriously, you have no idea how much this means to me." _

I have to butt in. I'm not sure whether Rory knows or not, and just for the possibility that she doesn't, we have to pretend everything is alright.

"_We wouldn't miss it for the world."_ I hear myself say.

The rest of the evening Richard and I are hardly saying a word to each other – we're both lost in our thoughts about the coming weekend. Finally the girls are gone.

"_We wouldn't miss it for the world. Are you insane?"_ Richard is saying.

"_Well what was I supposed to say? I think we agreed that the girls shouldn't know about our problems."_

_"You agreed that the girls shouldn't know."_

_"And do you want them to know? Do you want Rory to know it? To witness all of this?"_ I yell.

Why am I yelling? This way I'm certainly not getting what I want. The whole evening was too much for me. Richard is just staring at me. If he would only yell back – then I wouldn't have to do what I have to do now. I know I have to swallow my pride.

"_I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell."_ I'm nearly whispering the words.

Why is it so hard for me to say them? Not when they have the meaning "I'm sorry, I don't want to disturb" but when they mean something like "I apologize – Forgive me." Of course I had to say them to my parents as a child, but Richard is one of the few people I told them as an adult. I bring myself to look at him again. He nods slightly. His sign that he accepted my apology ( if we weren't separated I would most likely receive a kiss on my forehead, too, because he knows how hard it is for me to say these words – but I guess those days are over).

"_No I don't want Rory to know."_ he says quietly.

His face softens when he's talking about her – at least some things are still the same.

_"But do you honestly think Lorelai doesn't know?"_ he continues.

So he has noticed it, too. Of course he has. He is not stupid. I sigh.

"_No, I guess she knows. - Please Richard – one weekend. And it won't be the two of us alone. The whole town will be there. We won't have to spend that much time together."_

He's about to give in. I see it.

"_Besides you've already agreed to come_." I remind him.

"_Well - alright then. I have work to do now. Goodnight Emily."_

_"Goodnight Richard."_

He turns around and leaves for his study. I turn around and leave for my hotel room. I'm so glad that I'll be in Europe soon, hopefully with Rory – but I bet she'll come.

So next weekend the Dragonfly. I'm afraid of it. Richard and I just can't communicate anymore. Lorelai did this on purpose I'm sure of that. But perhaps if we are forced to be together he will finally talk to me. A glimmer of hope is inside me. And Lorelai's intentions – besides torturing her parents, which I bet is fun for her – might be to get us back together. All children want their parents together. Perhaps that is even right for Lorelai.

So next weekend – I think next weekend will be the turning point for Richard and me. If we can get through with it decently our marriage might have a chance – if not – I better don't think about that.

So next weekend…

_Stay tuned to witness what will happen next weekend (not that you don't know ;-))__I'm quite satisfied with this chapter – so please tell me your thoughts._


	5. Practical Joke

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _masamor99_ and _emilygilmore_ for your reviews. You don't know how happy they're making me. _

**Chapter 5: Practical Joke**

It's Wednesday already and Richard and I haven't talked since last Friday. Why is it always my turn to reach out to him? I'm taking the phone.

"_Richard Gilmore speaking_."

"_Hello Richard. It's Emily."_

_"Hello_."

Silence – I hate this.

"_I thought I would come by Friday morning to pack our things for the weekend."_

Have you lost your voice Richard? – Say something!

_"So is this okay with you? If not make another suggestion."_

_"That's quite alright Emily."_

_"Good – so I'm coming around ten. I'll get our things packed, we have lunch and then we'll drive to the Dragonfly."_

_"Sounds fine to me."_

_"Good."_

Another awkward silence. What's wrong with you Richard?

_"Well I'll see you on Friday, Richard. Goodbye then."_

_"Goodbye Emily."_

I really hope he will change during the weekend. All this silence is getting on my nerves.

* * *

We're having lunch. Silent lunch. Our things are nearly packed. Since Lorelai wasn't very specific with her invitation I had the maid pack for all kind of events. At least we're prepared then, though I can just imagine Lorelai's comment when she's seeing this.

Since Richard isn't saying anything I'll try again.

"_Is there any special book you want me to pack for you? I bet you have a lot of time to read there."_

_"No, I'm getting my newspapers. I hadn't much time to read them lately. Have a lot to catch up."_

Oh yes, you have a lot to catch up, and I'm not referring to the newspapers. For a moment I consider to actually say this to him, but then where's the use of it? We would argue and perhaps he would change his mind. And I want him to go there.

"_So please Richard, let's act as nice to each other as we can when others are watching us."_

_"Emily I'm eating. I don't want you to give me instructions. I'm not your child."_

We finish our lunch in silence.

* * *

_"Richard! Richard it's time to leave."_ I'm yelling through the house.

Why can't he answer? Or at least come?

"_Richard! I don't want to be late!"_

Finally he's coming.

_"Do you have to yell like that Emily?"_

_"Richard please – you're late, I don't want to be the last one to arrive."_ I say more quietly, but a little annoyed.

"_Well I'm here now and not deaf so please lower your voice."_

_"I'm not yelling anymore – so hurry, hurry."_

With that I'm out of the door. He's following me – slowly. Just keep calm Emily.

Inside the car he's silent – _quelle surprise_ – so I start to talk again.

"_I had Sriva pack your black suit. I think you should change for dinner."_

_"Hm."_

_"I don't know if you have to though – Lorelai wasn't very specific, so if it's an informal dinner what you wear might do it, too."_

_"Hm."_

_"Richard please – are you able to say a decent word to me? Or do I have to talk to Mr 'Hm' for the rest of the day."_

_"Emily please – just let me drive there in silence."_

_"But I don't want to be silent. We have to talk there, and the way I see it we even have to practice it, and this is the perfect opportunity."_

He's turning on the radio. How rude. I turn it off.

_"Richard please."_

_"Emily stop it. Not everything is going your way. You wanted me to come. I'm here. You can't force me to talk. And don't turn off the radio, or you can walk there"_ he says raising his voice.

"_You wouldn't dare to throw me out."_

_"You better don't risk that."_ he replies and something in his voice makes me wonder if he's serious.

I decide not to risk anything. Besides we're nearly there.

As soon as we arrive I start to talk again.

_"Oh look at this property Richard. It's beautiful. Don't you agree?"_

_"Hm."_

And right now I want to slap him. Why can't he talk decently? We walk into the Lobby, followed by our luggage.

"_Oh, Mom, Dad! Look, Rory, there are your grandparents and everything they own." _

I knew she would make this kind of comment. Somehow it satisfies me that I know her this well.

"_You didn't tell us what attire was required, so I had to pack everything." _I reply.

"_Hi, Grandma. Hi, Grandpa. We're so glad you could come." _

She appears to be normal – I don't think she knows. One more reason for us to be civil with each other.

"_May we have our key? I'm tired from the drive." _Richard says.

Oh, please Richard.

"_It takes twenty minutes to get here." _Lorelai answers.

"_It felt longer."_

Don't play the martyr Richard. I can't believe he's already complaining. But I have to pretend not to notice this, so I'm asking Lorelai, where our room is.

"_You're in our nicest room."_

Well I hope so, after dragging us here, that's the least you can do.

"_Guys, will you take my parents to room twelve? The boys will take you there." _

"_Where are they going?" _I wonder.

"_Just follow them, Mom." _

"_They're heading outside." _

"_Yes. Your room has its own entrance for privacy."_

If I wasn't suspicious before I sure as hell am now. What's with this whole outside/privacy thing? But again – pretend you haven't noticed Emily.

"_Oh. Well, fine. We'll see you later, Rory." _

Richard and I are following our luggage. They're bringing it into a cabin – I can't believe this. It's not even in the hotel anymore – it's a cabin outside. Entrance for privacy – oh yes I was right to be suspicious.

Richard and I are standing in an one-room cabin. Granted it's a big room, but oh how would we have preferred a suite. We're alone and staring at each other.

"_Well I think I'll unpack." _I say.

"_Hm."_

"_Richard I swear if you say this one more time, …"_

"_Then what?"_

Too many answers. But all would lead to an argument. So I decide to change the subject.

"_I'm going outside – looking at the garden."_

"_I thought you wanted to unpack."_

"_I've changed my mind."_

Outside I take a deep breath. I'm walking around the property. It really is beautiful. Lorelai can be proud of it. I am proud of her – though I would never admit it to her. Being alone calms me down. I know I can be lucky, that everyone is busy inside – I don't want anyone to see me here.

Richard and I really are not used to each other anymore – funny how fast this goes. A few hours and we do nothing but arguing. And I thought he would be different here, but no way.

I have to get back inside, I know this. Otherwise people will see me. But I'm looking forward to dinner. Hopefully someone nice will be at our table – Rory perhaps.

When I come inside the cabin again, Richard is reading his newspaper.

"_The garden is beautiful."_

"_Hm. – Yes."_ he corrects himself.

Is he listening to me? Perhaps there's hope for us afterall.

"_I don't think you have to change into your black suit. It didn't look very formal to me in the lobby."_

"_If you say so."_

"_Yes. So what are you reading?"_

"_The newspaper."_

"_Yes, I can see that."_ I answer with a little sarcasm.

"_Then why are you asking?"_

"_I meant what article are you reading right now?"_

"_Something about business – not interesting for you."_

"_How can you say that?"_

"_Because I know you."_

"_Well if you'd know me so well, do you think we would be at the point where we currently are?"_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_Exactly my point."_

"_Emily, I told you I have a lot to catch up, please let me read in silence."_ he answers somewhat annoyed.

"_But that's not why we came here."_

Crap, I have to pay attention to what I'm saying.

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Nothing."_

"_Well then be quiet."_

"_Richard Gilmore, you're not telling me what to do." _I say raising my voice.

Suddenly he stands up and leaves.

"_Richard, where are you going? You're not leaving aren't you?"_

"_I'm going for a walk. Alone."_

With that he's outside. It's not going to happen – our talk. I feel it. I begin to unpack a few things. Then I'm trying to read my novel, but I can't concentrate. I'm searching for a TV or at least a radio, but nothing. How could Lorelai do this to us? How could she stuck us in here like this? This is none of her business. As if she hasn't other things to worry about right now.

Why isn't Richard coming back? I do hope he hasn't left. Just when I really begin to worry he comes inside.

"_You're right – the garden is beautiful."_

"_Yes, isn't it? – I think we can leave for dinner now. It's almost time."_

One second after I've finished that sentence, the room service comes and brings us our dinner. Roast beef and champagne. How thoughtful of Lorelai. Richard and I are both looking tortured. If it weren't so sad I might even be able to laugh at the picture. Both of us sitting in a cabin, before us a candlelight dinner – the least romantic one you can imagine.

"_I wonder what her next plan will be."_ I say breaking the silence.

"_Whose?"_

"_Lorelai's of course."_

"_Hm."_

Ok, I'm going to ignore this from now on otherwise it's going to make me crazy. How can Lorelai force me to stay with him here? How could I had let this happen? I don't think I can take it any longer. But I have to try.

"_How long do you think we have to stay here tomorrow?" _Richard asks interrupting my thoughts.

"_Is that all you can think about – leaving?" _

"Aren't you?"

"_Richard this was not my idea." _I say annoyed.

"_We wouldn't miss it for the world – of course it was your idea."_

"_It was Lorelai's and you know it. And I'm tired of having this discussion again. – I don't know how long we have to stay – perhaps until Sunday."_

"_You can't be serious."_

"_For the last time, I don't know what Lorelai's up to. But I will find out now." _I add standing up.

"_Where are you going?"_

"_To find her – to give her some piece of my mind."_

I'm storming out of the cabin. Richard isn't following me. Well he doesn't like to fight. But I'm just in the mood now. I wonder if she has set up a video camera in the cabin to watch all of this later. I bet it would amuse her. But then it didn't look as if there were electricity. Who does she think she is – to imprison us there? And who does she think we are? We are her parents and our problems are none of her business. And I'm going to tell her this right now. I barge into the lobby – luckily she's there. so I don't have to search for her.

"_Lorelai Gilmore, why would you do that!" _

"_Do what?" _

Oh please, don't play dumb.

"_You stuck your father and me out in that Godforsaken cabin!" _

"_It's the honeymoon suite." _

"_One room, no access to the main building, pitch-black at night." _

"_It's romantic." _

Yes very.

"_No television, no radio."_

"_Actually there is a television. It's in the cabinet behind—_"

So there is electricity.

"_And then the room service."_

"_Roast beef and champagne." _

"_The one chance to get out of there, away from each other, and you yank it away!" _

"_Why would you want to get away from each other, Mom? Are you and Dad fighting?"_

Don't play naïve Lorelai. In case you haven't noticed I'm not going to buy it anymore.

"_Stop it! You know! You know your father and I are separated, and you brought us out here and stuck us in the woods to stare at each other for 48 hours!" _

"_What was I supposed to do? You weren't saying anything, Dad wasn't saying anything."_

Ha, so you knew. I knew it. But then again, how could you?

"_Of all the cruel, insensitive – "_

"_How was I supposed to know I was supposed to know?" _

As if that would matter.

"_You did know!" _

"_But you didn't want me to know."_

If you knew me only a little bit that would be obvious. But with this weekend you've forced me to change my strategy. Perhaps that was your plan. To humiliate me. Because you knew we wouldn't make it and I would admit it in the end.

"_Of course I didn't want you to know." _

"_Exactly." _

"_Exactly what?"_

"_You didn't want me to know, so I didn't know, and now you're mad I didn't know?" _

"_Because you did know!"_

And don't play your games with me Lorelai. I'm certainly not in the mood for this.

"_But I wasn't supposed to know, so I acted like I didn't know!" _

"_And then you forced your father and me to come here tonight under pretense of family obligation." _

"_Well, hello, that's the Gilmore way." _

Maybe she has a point here. This leads to nothing. So I'll change the topic.

"_I won't stay out in that cabin one more second. I demand a room in here." _

"_We don't have any rooms in here, Mom. They're all taken."_

And why does this sound familiar? Ah yes, the Bracebridge Dinner. Why haven't you learned from this Lorelai? It's always good to have one free room.

"_Then bump someone." _

"_Can't you and Dad just talk about it?"_

Haven't I made myself clear? You better stay out of this.

"_No, you stop it right now! This is none of your business." _

"_What happened? Was it Floyd's lawsuit?" _

In some aspects it was. Funny that even you are aware of this, but Richard… Again this is none of your business.

"_Lorelai, just give me a room." _

"_I don't have a room, Mom." _

"_You don't have a room for your mother?" _

"_I have a room for my mother. It's the room my mother's in." _

"_That's not a room. That's a practical joke." _

Yes. That's exactly what it is. And I still wonder about the camera. No she wouldn't be that cruel, would she?

"_No, it was a chance for you and Dad to do something special." _

Again I'm ignoring her comment. Though it makes me wonder whether my previous guess was right. That she wanted us to reconcile. That or torturing us are the only options. Maybe it was something of both.

"_Fine. If you won't find me another room, then I'll just sit in there until tomorrow."_

I walk away from her and can't believe my eyes. There's Jason sitting in the lobby. He has listened to our whole fight.

"_Jason." _

"_Emily." _

"_Do you have a room?" _I ask him suspiciously.

"_No, Mom, he doesn't. He just showed up here, because, apparently, it's Blake Edwards night at the Dragonfly."_

I'm not going to believe you. Of course he has a room. And you told us you broke up with him. But then you're always lying to us when it comes to your boyfriends, so why should I believe you now? Finally Richard is coming. Perfect timing.

"_Emily. - Jason?"_

Yes isn't that a surprise?

"_Richard." _

"_He has a room." _I say.

"_Are you trying to kill us?" _he asks Lorelai.

"_Oh, my God." _

"_I packed our things. I think it's time to go." _Richard says to me.

One of the few things we agree on. I turn around and leave.

This whole weekend was a ridiculous idea. How could I ever had thought we would be able to solve our problems by being forced to see each other for 48 hours? We can't even survive a dinner without fighting anymore. And I am done with it. I have to get out of here as soon as possible.

I go inside the cabin. Richard didn't lie – all our things are packed. And he is coming in right behind me.

"_Are you ready to leave?" _he asks me.

"_More than anything."_ I say.

I'm turning around and go to our car. Lorelai better stays inside cause I don't know what other things I would say to her when she would come outside right now. Probably some that I would regret later. Richard is coming with our luggage. He has to go back and forth several times to get everything. Finally he's done and we can drive away from this terrible place.

_I finally figured out how to allow anonymous reviews – so feel free to tell me your opinion. I know there was a lot of dialogue in it that you knew before, but I couldn't bring myself to delete it, cause I think the Emily/Lorelai dialogue is hilarious. __But I would like to know if you want me to include most of the dialogue that actual took place in the episodes in the next chapters._


	6. The Window

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _masamor99_ and _stjarna_ for your reviews. I love to read them – they make my day._

**Chapter 6: The Window**

If Richard thought our drive to the Inn was never-ending, I'm thinking it now. It seems as if we would never arrive at home. But is it still my home? Cause fact is I'm living in a hotel. But I said I wouldn't be there for the next days, so I decide to stay 'at home'.

"_I'm not going back to the hotel tonight. I'll sleep at home."_

"_That's fine with me. I never said you should go."_

No, but you didn't say I should stay either.

"_I want you to sleep in the guest room."_

There I said it – I want to sleep in my bedroom – I want him to move.

"_Why?"_

"_Because this is my bedroom as much as it is yours."_

"_So?"_

"_You don't want us to spend the night together, after the things that happened today, do you? And it was all yours in the last weeks. Now it's your turn to move. And if you would be a gentleman we wouldn't even discuss this."_ I spit out to him.

"_If it's that what you want."_

"_Yes it is. – Richard can't you drive faster? I have things to do tonight."_

"_I'm not allowed to drive faster. – What things?"_

"_That's none of your business."_

I have to prepare for Europe. I have to get out of here as soon as possible – tomorrow at best. I have to get my passport and decent luggage. That's the things I have to do, but it's not your business. You don't care about us at all, that's why I don't need you anymore Richard Gilmore.

Finally, finally we're there. I'm out of the car before it even stands, storming into the house. I can hear Richard following me more slowly. Where's my passport, it must be here somewhere? I'm slamming my purse on the desk and search through my papers.

"_You do realize you just leapt out of a moving vehicle." _

"_Everything cannot be on your schedule, Richard. Now, where is it? I know I put it in here.- Aha!" _

I knew I put it in here. Now I only have to find some decent suitcases and then I'm out of here tomorrow. Richard is going on saying things to me I don't want to hear right now. Why couldn't he talk to me before?

"_In all the years we've been together, I have never seen you behave as irrationally as -- Emily, I'm talking to you! Will you stop?" _

No I won't – and why is everything in my way right now – even the palm tree? I have to find some good suitcases – for me and for Rory, cause I still hope that she will come with me.

"_Emily, this feud of ours has now reached comical heights that… Charlie Chaplin, himself, would find hilarious, and he's dead." _

"_Don't follow me, Richard." _I say – turning towards him.

As I said before this is none of your business anymore – you had your chance you didn't take it – now I'm not in the mood for this. Of course he is following me.

"_Oh, wait, come back. Let me get you a cane and a derby." _

As long as it is a joke for you Richard. No I certainly won't talk to you right now. I'm going downstairs. And he is still following me – why doesn't he get that I want to be alone – he should go to the guestroom and that's it. End of the evening.

"_What are you doing?" _

You won't stop this until I tell you, right? I'm tired of you, so I'll just spill it out now. Though if you would pay attention to me and my plans you should have figured it out by yourself until now.

"_I'm looking for my European luggage, which some imbecile has chosen to hide from me." _

"_What do you need your European luggage for?" _

And why is everyone playing dumb tonight? First Lorelai and now you. But I'll just explain it to you, as if you were a four year old.

"_To put things in." _

"_You're making a mess." _

"_I don't care if I'm making a mess." _

"_Well, who's going to clean all this up, you?"_

Oh my, why do you think we have a maid?

"_Yes, me, or the maid, or perhaps Pennilyn Lott could come by after one of your clandestine luncheons and take a stab at it." _

I know that was mean, but at the moment I don't care. I just want him to leave me alone.

"_Oh, for heaven's sakes. Not that again. She's just a friend!" _

Yes, I don't want to get into that again, either. All I want is leaving for Europe as soon as possible.

"_I am going to Europe, Richard. I am going to Europe, and I'm going to have a marvellous time. I'm going to get up at 10:00, and I'm going to have two glasses of wine at lunch every single day." _

I so don't care if this sounds childish.

"_Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch."_

How dare you, compare me to that kind of women? But I can play along.

"_Well, then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business." _

The look on his face satisfies me. I still have the ability to shock him.

"_I -- I can't talk to you when you're like this. I'm going to bed."_

"_You go to bed. I'll go to France."_

Finally I'm alone. And I have found a decent trunk. Yes, plenty of my clothes will fit in there. I hear piano music from upstairs. So he tries to calm down. Well now that he could help me with the trunk, he's gone. But as I said before, I don't need him. I'll drag it upstairs on my own. - When I try to open the door, it is stuck. That can't be true.

"_Richard! Richard!" _

I'm pounding on the door – but he's not responding. I wonder if he really doesn't hear me, or if he merely doesn't want to answer. I bet it's the last. And perhaps it's not even the door, but him – that he locked me in here on purpose.

"_The door is stuck! Richard! This isn't funny!" _

Whether this is true or not, fact is the door won't open. I descend the stairs again. I have to find another way out of here. To prove him, that I don't need his help. Ha, and there is the window. It's big enough for me to climb outside. I open it. But I'll give him one last chance.

"_Richard? Richard!" _

"_Emily?" _

"_You locked me in." _

"_I did not lock you in."_

And still I'm not sure about that.

"_You certainly did lock me in."_

"_The door must be jammed. Did you try jiggling the knob?"_

I'm not stupid of course I tried that.

"_I suppose I could do that, or you could just get the hell down here and let me out!" _

"_Give me a moment, please." _

Oh yes, this is very funny to you. Letting me wait and playing the hero when you'll graciously come to rescue me – when you're ready to do it. But that's not what's going to happen.

"_If you don't come down here right now, I will climb out the window." _

"_You will not climb out the window." _

"_I will. I will climb out the window right now." _

"_Don't you dare."_

Don't tell me what to do. I begin to climb out the window.

"_I'm doing it. I'm climbing out the window."_

"_You better not climb out the window." _

Oh yes, I'm doing it – Oh no my skirt catches on a nail.

"_Damn it." _

"_Emily Gilmore, I better not catch you climbing out the window."_ he threatens.

Oh no, I hear him coming – and I am stuck here. I don't want him to find me in this position. I'm about to panic. What can I do – ah I'll just leave the skirt here – it's dark outside and noone is going to see me anyway. I unzip my skirt and climb out the window.

"_I'm out the window. I'm out the window." _I yell triumphantly.

"_Get down from there." _

"_No!"_

Puh – that was right on time, one more second and he would have caught me.

"_Emily, get back here. Emily!" _

Definitely not. So now I have to find a way to get back into the house. I pull my sweater a little longer to cover myself – I don't know why, nobody is going to see it anyway, but it's a weird feeling to be outside without having a skirt or a trouser on – I don't know when I did this the last time, probably never. I'm tiptoeing to the back door. Suddenly it opens and Richard scares the hell out of me. Damn it, how could I forget that he would come out here too, to find me?

"_Are you having an aneurysm or something? Get inside and put this on." _

"_Get away from me!" _

"_Do you seriously think after 39 years of marriage, I would resort to locking you in a basement?" _

"_I don't know what you'd resort to. I don't know who you are at all." _

There I said it – and it's the truth, I don't understand him anymore.

"_I knew the mental illness in your family would catch up with you eventually." _

And he's not even listening to me – that's why we can't talk about our problems. And now saying that my family is mentally ill – how dare he? (Yes I'm listening to him, I heard the insult.)

"_Aunt Cora was not mentally ill! She was athletic!" _

Suddenly I see light flashing - Oh Shit – the police is coming. I just can imagine how Petal Huffington is getting a kick out of this. I'm sure she called them. I've never liked her. I'm desperately trying to cover myself with my sweater. This is so embarrassing.

"_Oh, fine." _Richard mumbles.

"_Is there some sort of problem here, folks?" _the Officer asks us.

"_No. There's no problem." _Richard answers.

"_We got a call from some of your neighbours complaining about a disturbance." _

I knew it – I bet it was that odious Petal Huffington. This whole scene is so humiliating. I'm looking at my feet, wishing I could just disappear.

"_We apologize. We're going inside right now." _Richard says.

"_Do not tell me what to do." _I reply.

"_Can I have your security password, please?" _

"_Look, it's getting late, so either shoot us or go away."_ Richard says.

"_Fine. We'll just write up a report here and be on our way." _

Oh no – a report, I can't believe this. How humiliating! I'm turning to Richard as the Officer is about to leave.

"_Are you happy, Richard? Now there's a report, and a report means we'll be in the police blotter. Petal Huffington reads the police blotter religiously. It's like heroin to her. You've turned us into the scandal of the neighbourhood." _

"_Do you know what, Emily? If nothing else, this display tonight demonstrates clearly that you are no longer the woman I married."_

**I **am no longer the woman you married? Are you serious about this? You should better think about yourself. And before I fully realize what I'm doing, I say to him, what I've thought for the last few weeks.

"_**The woman you married was your partner. You listened to her. You consulted with her. You respected her. So, you are right, Richard. I am definitely not the woman you married."**_

With that I'm going into the house. I honestly said it. So if he really hadn't realized why I left him, he just has to know it now. I mean what more can I do? Spell it out to him?

I'm going into my bedroom – our bedroom. I feel that I still love him, because deep in my heart I want him to come inside and talk to me. About what I just said to him. And I have a little hope that this is going to happen. He can't just ignore it, can he? I'm hearing the front door. So he's inside, too. Yes, it's true – I still have a little hope that we can make up right now. Perhaps we needed this fight to talk about our problems.

Against my will I appreciate that he handled the situation with the officer – I didn't say anything to them. That was always his role, to protect me - to protect us. Tonight he did it again.

If only he would come. What is he doing downstairs – it can't take this long to come upstairs, can it? But nothing happens. After 15 minutes I realize that he won't come. Why? Does he still not understand my problem? But then that can't be it. I said it to him - everything.

So I am not important to him anymore. That must be the point. I can see no other.

I have to fight hard against my tears. I'm failing at it. Slowly I begin to undress myself. I know this will be the last time I will sleep in our bed for a long time. I have to stop thinking about it.

If he is moving on I sure as hell will, too. The first thing tomorrow I'll call my travel agent to tell him that I need the next flight to Paris – and with the next flight I mean the next flight. I'll leave tomorrow. Hopefully with Rory.

Lorelai promised us a lunch with her and Rory at the Inn tomorrow. So I'll go there and ask her right away. And then I'm done with all of this for the next months. It will be so good to get out of here – and as I said before, maybe he'll miss me when I'm not around the corner. Do I really believe this? I don't know – I want to, but I know it's unrealistic.

A lonely tear is rolling down my cheek.

_Did you like it? If you want me to update faster review – I am much more motivated then. _


	7. Telling Rory

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _cmbarrytx_ and_ April Sunshine _for your reviews. __I love to hear what you like about the chapter._

**Chapter 7: Telling Rory **

What an exciting day. Now I'm sitting in the plane to Paris – and Rory is sitting next to me. Yes I was right, she came with me. I can't say how grateful I am for this. I think I would've gone insane if I had to be in Europe on my own. It will be so good to have someone to talk to – to occupy my mind with.

* * *

When I got up this morning, Richard was nowhere around. I asked the maid about him, but she only knew that he went outside half an hour ago. After I'd finished my breakfast I immediately called my travel agent – it took me some time to convince him that I needed this flight no matter what, but in the end a little money and some threats solved my little problem. I always get what I want (at least with people inferior to me).

And finally Richard came home.

"_Where have you been?"_

"_I don't have to justify my whereabouts to you."_

What a great start. But I have something to tell him, and now is my only chance for the next two months.

"_No, you don't."_ I say – not wanting to begin a fight.

"_Richard, I don't want to live in a hotel when I'm returning from Europe. We have to figure out another solution. My idea is, that I'll be living here."_

"_Well you have the best ideas." _he says with lots of sarcasm in his voice.

"_Honestly Richard – you're away on business every now and then, so you don't need the house the whole time anyway. And I'm certainly not spending the rest of my life in a hotel. This is my house as much as it is yours."_

"_I know – so both of us should live here."_

"_Yes, but since we're always fighting when being in the same room, I wondered that maybe you could move to the pool-house. Then we wouldn't see each other so often, but you wouldn't have to leave our property. And if you'd need something from the house, you could be here in no time."_

"_Hm."_

Oh please not that again.

"_Of course I know you can argue that I could go there as well, but as I said yesterday if you are a gentleman you will leave the house to me. Plus I can have my tea circle here and noone will notice that we are separated. That's better for your business, too. Just think about it. We don't have to change anything for the next two months, but I would appreciate if we would come to an agreement about what is happening then as soon as possible. Just think about it and tell me your decision when you've made one."_

There is a pause – I can see him thinking. I bet he wants to come up with another idea.

"_Alright – we'll try it your way."_

Wow – this is a surprise – no counter-suggestions?

"_Are you sure?"_

"_Yes. I'll move into the pool-house the day you're coming home."_

"_Thank you Richard. I really appreciate this."_

"_You're welcome."_

Well that worked out just fine - and without any fighting. I can't believe this. But then he always was a gentleman, that's why I brought up this point in the first place. He was raised to be one. I'm relieved that we've solved this before I was leaving.

"_Is there anything else we have to talk about before you're leaving?"_

There would be so many things – but I know you're not talking about our relationship, otherwise you would've come upstairs yesterday evening.

"_No, I don't think so."_

"_Is Rory accompanying you?"_

"_I don't know yet. I'll go to the Inn to have lunch with the girls. I'll ask her there."_

"_Good. So your flight is this evening?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Do you have everything you need?"_

"_Yes. Thank you."_

So does he still care for me? Or is this just a routine question? I really don't understand him anymore.

* * *

I'm looking at Rory. She tries to get some sleep – she looks tired, exhausted. Well it was a long day, but somehow she looks very distracted. Slowly her head is drifting and she's leaning it against my shoulder. I like the feeling. And suddenly I realize that this is the first physical contact I have, after separating from Richard – except handshaking and that doesn't count. And thinking about it Richard and Rory are the only ones I've allowed to touch me. I haven't hugged Lorelai since she was a little girl. I don't know why, but there is a distance between us, that we can't overcome. So only Richard and Rory – the stiff cheek kisses with the DAR-ladies don't count either. Only Richard and Rory – and now only Rory…

"_Grandma?" _she asks me – half asleep.

"_Yes, Sweetie?"_

"_Would you mind if I'd put my head in your lap?"_

"_Not at all."_ I say – smiling.

I'm caressing her hair. I have a weird feeling about her – she seems – I don't know – changed.

* * *

I arrived at the Inn a little early. So I sat down in the lobby and watched Lorelai. I'm very impressed how she's handling everything, though I would never say this to her.

When she finally acknowledged that I was sitting there (after about 10 minutes or so) she was being overly dramatic. Saying how my simple presence scared her etc., etc. Typical Lorelai. And then she was playing dumb about our lunch. As if our leaving would mean the lunch would have been cancelled. Rory wasn't even there. I had to remind her that this whole thing was her idea and that I didn't force it upon her. In the end she gave in and called for Rory. As I said I always get what I want.

The time I was waiting for Rory to arrive gave me some more minutes to figure out which way to tell her that her grandfather and I have separated. But I only came to the same conclusion as before – there is no nice way, I just had to tell it.

When she arrived we sat down outside. The weather was lovely so I started to mention that. But I knew I was only trying to avoid what I had to say. Now or never I thought and jumped right into it.

"_Well, I don't see any reason to put this off any longer. Girls, I have something to say that may shock you, but unfortunately there's nothing I can do about that now. Lorelai, Rory, Richard and I have separated." _

There I said it – I was looking down at the table. It still was a little humiliating to admit it to them. But Lorelai quickly turned this feeling into anger.

"_And?" _

"_What do you mean "and"? That's not enough? You need some sort of mob-related offing to make it interesting?" _

"_No, Mom, that's plenty. It's just, wealready knew." _

Pardon me? When I've just decided that Rory didn't know about it, she's saying _we_?

"_Rory didn't."_ I say turning towards her.

"_Well, I mean, I didn't know know –" _

"_Why would you tell her?"_ I demand to know – now turning towards Lorelai.

"_Mom!" _

"_Who else did you tell?" _

"_So, you haven't read "Page Six"?"_

Sometimes I really hate her sense of humour. So I'm focussing on Rory now.

"_Rory, if you need to talk about this to try to understand why this is happening, then by all means, do not ask your **mother**." _

Lorelai apologized to me and said she didn't want to be insensitve. She barely had finished that sentence when she was asking on and on about our relationship and how she thought we would make up. I said we didn't and as soon as I mentioned the pool-house she declared that we weren't separated. I decided that enough was enough. I won't discuss my marital problems with my daughter or granddaughter so I made it very clear, that that was the end of her input in this.

"_I'm sorry, Grandma." _

At least Rory was sympathetic. One more reason to ask her about Europe. I figured out that it would be best not to put too much pressure on her – so I've decided to only mention my offer at the end of my little speech.

"_Well, what's done is done. I'm moving on. And to celebrate the next stage of my life, I'm going to Europe by myself for the very first time since I was in college. I'm leaving tonight." _

"_Tonight? That's fast." _Rory says.

"_Well, I wanted to leave quickly, so I called my travel agent and insisted that he put me on tonight's plane to Paris no matter what. He finally managed to bump someone from a church group, and I've got my seat, and I'm leaving at 10:00. And, Rory, my offer to you still stands." _

"_What offer?" _

"_My offer to escort you around Europe this summer." _

"_Oh." _

That didn't sound too exciting. I admit that I was a little surprised by her reaction but I've played numerous scenarios out in my head last night. I couldn't sleep anyway. So here comes my convincing speech – paired with a little understanding.

"_Every young lady should do Europe the proper way at least once in her life, and I would be thrilled to have your company on this very special occasion. Of course, I know it's very short notice, so if you already have plans for the summer, I completely understand." _

And then came what I could never have imagined. Not Rory was responding but Lorelai – and she was on my side.

"_You know, I think Europe sounds great. I think you would really enjoy that. I mean, remember -- we loved Paris. You don't have anything special planned for the summer, do you?" _

"_No, nothing special." _Rory answered with a weird look.

"_Well, then? What do you say? Would you like to be impulsive with me?" _

"_Sure, Grandma, I'd love to." _

"_That is just wonderful! I'll call Ralphie right away and tell him to bump another Baptist. We'll have a wonderful time, you and I. It'll be just like "Gigi." Lorelai, I'm gonna use your phone." _

I hugged Rory good-bye and went to the phone. Of course I got another ticket – as I said I always get what I want.

* * *

When I'm now thinking over that conversation again, it really turned out unpredictable. Who would have thought that Lorelai would encourage her precious little girl to spend the summer away from her – and with me?

And Rory was weird, too. I expected her to be a little uncomfortable with the timing but her behaviour was just odd. I still have to figure that one out. When I'm looking down at her now she looks like the darling angel she always was to us. But as soon as I look into her eyes I see something in it that wasn't there before.

* * *

"_Richard, I'm leaving now."_ I yell through the house.

"_Goodbye – have a nice journey."_ he says coming out of his study.

Then we're just standing there glaring at each other. It's awkward – the way it has become between us. I'm so glad that I can finally leave all of this behind. Apparently we have nothing to say to each other.

"_I will."_ I finally say.

"_My greetings to Rory."_

"_I'll tell her."_

"_Thank you."_

"_You're welcome."_

That's all we can say to each other – polite chit-chat. I'm turning around and go outside, giving the maid some last instructions. Somehow it's weird to leave like this – normally we always kissed goodbye when one of us was going on a journey (most of the time it was Richard leaving for one of his numerous business trips). Going without it seems odd – even when I know that we are separated and kissing most certainly isn't an option anymore. I don't even know if I really would have wanted to kiss him, probably not – _what am I thinking we are separated so move on Emily –_ but it's an odd feeling anyway.

I have to move on.

I wonder how long it will take for Richard to start smoking in the house. He knows how much I hate that, but now that I am gone…

My driver is bringing me to Stars Hollow – there I'm picking up Rory.

"_Did you manage to pack everything?" _I ask her.

"_Yes – I guess. Mom helped me, so I don't think I've forgotten anything important."_

"_If only you have your passport – anything else I can buy for you in Europe."_

"_Yes, I have my passport – right here in my purse."_

"_Good, so ready to leave?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Where's your mother?"_

"_I'm here, I'm here." _Lorelai says storming in.

The drive is very silent. It's mostly me talking about Europe and the places we're going to visit. I'm talking just to avoid another awkward silence. I can't take it anymore, first with Richard and now Lorelai and Rory. I sense that there is something between them. I wonder what it is. But now is not the time to get into this. I'll have plenty of time in Europe. So I continue to being cheerful.

At the airport I decide to give them a little space to say their goodbyes. I have Rory for the next weeks, and I feel that they have to say something to each other. So I give them the opportunity - but I'm watching them, and whatever it is that's going on, seems as if they're not able to overcome it. They don't even hug. Is their relationship changing, too? Like Lorelai's and mine did. But then I can't believe that – they always had a different relationship, they seemed so close. Lorelai and I were never this close. Though I'm still wondering…

* * *

"_Rory Sweetie – wake up." _I say, stroking her hair.

"_What?" _she mumbles.

"_You have to wake up – we're nearly there."_

Slowly she gets up and stretches herself.

"_How long was I asleep?"_

"_A few hours."_

"_And you?"_

"_Perhaps I dozed off a little too."_

But I doubt that, I'm only saying it to not upset her.

"_I hope that wasn't my fault – your legs must hurt when I had my head on them for hours – you really should've woken me up earlier Grandma."_

"_Nonsense. That was quite alright. I'm glad that you've got some sleep. You looked exhausted – you still do."_

"_Yeah – I think I was. But I just have to wake up and get a clear head."_

"_Perhaps you better don't wake up too much. It's evening here and we should go to bed as soon as we arrive at the hotel."_

We begin to pack our things. The plane will land in a few minutes. I'm wondering what the next few weeks will bring to us. I hope I can get my thoughts in order. Perhaps Hope can help me with it. Yes, I will visit my sister – we haven't seen each other for years, but we've always understood each other. She doesn't know that I'm coming, but she'd always loved surprises (unlike me). And I need someone I can talk to about my problems with Richard. There is no better person than my younger sister Hope. Suddenly I can't wait to see her again.

_Still like to read it? Then please review, and yes next chapter we will finally meeting Hope! _


	8. Hope

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _cmbarrytx _and _Cay_ for your reviews. I hope you like the way I portrayed Hope._

**Chapter 8: Hope**

I'm waking up in a hotel bed – well not just any hotel but The Ritz. Rory and I have a wonderful suite. It's very nice here – it always was. The sun is shining into my room and perhaps I'm lucky and don't get the jet-lag. I wonder if Rory is already awake. It was late yesterday so I don't think she will. I haven't told her about Hope yet. Well she knows I have a sister in Paris, but I didn't tell her that I want to see her – but she's a smart girl, she could imagine that.

I want to see her as soon as possible. That's crazy because I haven't seen her for years so a few more days shouldn't make any difference, but now that I know I can be at her house in 90 minutes (she lives a little outside of Paris) I can barely wait. I hope it's alright with Rory.

I'm going into our living-room – no sign of Rory. It's 8:30 – I decide to let her sleep until 9 am – then I'm going to wake her up. It's the best thing to fight the jet-lag. I'm picking up my novel and start to read. I can't concentrate, all I'm thinking about is Hope and how much I've missed her. She was always special to me. My little sister – we are different – but we've always understood each other. I know that I haven't seen her in a long time, but as soon as I'll walk through her door it will be like if we were never apart.

It's 9 am and still there's no sign that Rory is awake. So I'm standing up and walk into her room.

"_Rory? – Rory, Sweetie wake up." _I say softly, walking towards her bed.

"_Rory, you really should wake up now."_

I'm sitting down on her bed and put her hair out of her face. Slowly she's waking up.

"_I'm sorry Sweetie but it is better if you wake up now. We have so much things to do and we need to get used to the European time zone."_

"_Good morning Grandma. What time is it?"_ she ask – yawning.

"_Good morning Rory. It's 9 am."_

"_I'll stay up in a minute."_

"_That's good. But perhaps you could listen to me for a moment, I have something to say to you."_

"_Did I do anything wrong? You didn't tell me to set the alarm."_

"_No, you didn't do anything wrong." _I say laughing.

"_Do you remember the night when a snow-storm was hitting Hartford and you couldn't get back to Stars Hollow? The night you found the photo album?"_

"_Yes, I do – why?"_

"_Do you remember my sister Hope?"_

"_Yes – oh she lives here, right? Are we going to visit her? When Mom and I were in Paris last year she was away – Mom was truly sad that she wasn't able to see her Aunt Hopey."_

Yes I can imagine that. Hope and Lorelai always had a special relationship – sometimes I think Hope understands her better than I do. Maybe because they're similar in some aspects. But I never got jealous of Hope – weird, but true. Perhaps because she never was around Lorelai for a long period of time, or perhaps because she's my sister and - unlike many siblings - we were never jealous of each other.

"_Yes, she lives a little outside of Paris. And you're right I want to visit her. I haven't seen her for years. Rory I know you would like to see Paris and I promise you, we will go shopping and sightseeing, but somehow I really need to see Hope as soon as possible. Would you mind if we would go to visit her today?"_

I'm holding my breath. Please say yes.

"_Of course not Grandma. I would love to finally meet her. Mom always spoke so highly of her. And it's not that I've never seen Paris before. If you want to go there today that's fine with me."_

"_Thank you darling."_ I say kissing the top of her head.

"_Then you really should get up now. What do you want for breakfast? I'll order it, so we can eat in our living-room."_

* * *

We're sitting in a car on our way to Hope's house. It's a little smaller than Richards and mine, but everything in Europe seems smaller. Hope has married Maurice – an international banker – a few years after I've married Richard. They're still together – at least I think they are. I have never mentioned our separation in my letters to her either, so who knows?

"_Does she know that we're coming?" _Rory asks – interrupting my thoughts.

"_No, but she loves surprises."_

"_How shall I address her?"_

"_Well she's your great-aunt, so Aunt Hope would be appropriate."_

"_Okay." _she says, shifting a little in her seat.

"_Are you nervous Rory?"_

"_Well – yes a little bit. It's just I don't know her, and it's weird – I hope she likes me."_

"_Oh she sure will. There's no need to be nervous. She will love you. And you can ask me anything you want to know about her."_

"_Does she have children? I know I should know that, and I'm sure Mom told me, but I just forgot and -"_

"_Don't worry about it Rory – calm down. Yes she has two children - Fleur and Pierre, but they're not living at home anymore. Fleur has married and lives in Marseille having to girls of her own and Pierre is studying in Oxford – he should graduate this year I think."_

"_And her husband – will he be at home?" _

"_Oh I don't know whether or not Maurice will be at home– probably not. He's away on business very often – but I don't know, he could be at home. Rory honestly, you shouldn't worry about this."_

We're both sitting there lost in our thoughts. When I realize that we will be there soon I start to speak again.

"_Hope has the most beautiful rose garden you can imagine. You have to see it. She always had a hand for flowers."_

"_Is that the reason why she named her daughter Fleur?"  
_

"_Yes, I think so."_

We're there. I pay our driver and tell him to wait until someone is opening the door. We're standing in front of her house now. It really looks nice and it looks as if she's home – I can't say why I just have this feeling. We're walking towards the door. I'm ringing the doorbell. If she's home she will answer the door herself. Hope never thought much of maids, (and is always making fun of me) so she only has a woman that comes twice a week to help her clean the house. Everything else she's doing on her own. Including cooking which I could never understand but she claims that she's loving it.

And then I hear footsteps – her footsteps. She's opening the door and looks at me as if she would see a ghost.

"_Emily! – I can't believe it, are you really here?" _she says hugging me.

It feels so good to be in her arms again – to smell her perfume.

"_Yes I am – I know how much you're loving surprises so I thought I wouldn't tell you."_

"_You're right. It's the perfect surprise. I can't say how happy I am to finally see you again. And who's that?" _she says turning to Rory –

for a brief moment I have forgotten about her, but before I can answer, Hope is continuing.

"_Don't tell me this young lady is Rory?"_

"_Oh yes she is – Hope, please meet my granddaughter Rory. Rory this is your great-aunt Hope."_

"_It's nice to meet you." _Rory says stretching out her hand.

But Hope is ignoring it. She embraces Rory in a hug saying:

"_And I'm so glad to be finally meeting you. Half of the letters your grandmother is writing to me are about you."_

Rory looks at me – nervous.

"_Hope-" _I begin.

"_Well it's true – perhaps even more. But don't worry – she's only praising you. Oh where are my manners, please come inside."_

"_Is Maurice at home?" _I say walking into her house.

"_No I'm afraid you've missed him – he left for Berlin yesterday."_

Somehow I'm relieved. And I can tell that Rory is too. It's not that I don't like Maurice but I have to speak to my sister without him being present. And that's far more easier to manage if he isn't even here.

"_Can I get you something to drink?"_

"_Yes, please. Some grape juice for me – I've always loved french grape juice."_

"_And you're lucky that I have some. And you Rory?"_

"_If Grandma is praising it that much I think I'll try it myself."_

"_Okay – I'll be right back. Sit down and feel as if you were at home."_

With that she's going to the kitchen.

"_You were right Grandma – she's really nice. And the house is beautiful."_

"_Yes she is – I knew she'd like you and you her. And you're right - the house is beautiful."_

I can see how Rory's eyes are wandering to the books sitting on the shelves. Just when I'm thinking whether or not to give her a hint to leave me and Hope alone for some time, Hope is returning with three glasses of red grape juice – the most delicate one I know.

"_Here it is – I hope you like it Rory. If not just say it, then I'll get you something else."_

"_No, I like it – Grandma was right – it tastes great."_

"_So when did you arrive in Paris?"_

"_Tonight."_

"_Wow and your first thing is to go visiting me? I'm flattered."_

"_You should be. So how is everyone?"_

"_Maurice has a lot of work to do – as always. Fleur is enjoying her little family and Pierre has to study hard for his final exams."_

"_Yes, I thought so. Too bad I don't get to see your grandchildren."_

"_Why not – do you have a special timetable?"_

"_Well we have plans, but perhaps we can change them. What do you think Rory?"_

"_Whatever you want Grandma."_

"_Well we can talk about that later."_

"_So Rory, your grandmother told me you're attending Yale?"_

"_Yes, that's right. But I've just started. I have to study a lot, but I like it."_

"_That's good."_

The two of them are talking a little more about Yale and Lorelai. I have to talk to her on my own. But I don't want to be rude to Rory. Just when I'm about to say something to send her away I hear Rory saying:

"_Grandma told me you have the most beautiful rose garden. Do you mind if I would go outside to take a look at it?"_

I'm giving her a grateful look.

"_Not at all – we could all go outside and sitting there on the bench. The weather is lovely."_

"_Hope, I would rather stay inside."_

"_But Rory – "_

"_Oh, I can be on my own. I'm sure the two of you have a lot to catch up on."_

I love her. It's just as if she could read my mind. And finally Hope is realizing this, too.

"_Well if you need anything, just come inside and ask me, will you?"_

"_I will. See you later."_

With that she's out the door.

"_So what did you say to her?" _Hope asks looking suspicious at me.

"_What do you mean? - Nothing."_

"_So you want to tell me leaving was her idea?"_

"_Yes. She's a smart girl – she knows we need some time for us. And I was just thinking about a way to send her somewhere else. She was just a little faster."_

"_But what will she do there – all alone?"_

"_Oh she never leaves the house without a book. At the moment it's 'Les Misérables'."_

"_In French?"_

_"No. She's learned Spanish at school. She only knows a little French."_

"_She really is a nice girl, Emily. She's everything you told me about her and even more. And she looks just like Lorelai."_

"_I know."_

"_Oh I totally forgot to ask - just blame it on the surprise – where's Richard? I can't remember the last time you were in Europe without him. Or is he just elsewhere in Paris doing some work?"_

"_He's at home."_ I answer looking down.

"_Is everything alright, Emily?"_

"_Why do you ask?"_

"_Because you're acting weird. And because you wanted to send your precious granddaughter away. So something serious must be on your mind."_

"_And you think it has to do with Richard?"_

"_Could be. At least it's weird that you're here without him."_

Yes, that's right. You know me way too good. It's like you're sensing it. And why am I playing games – with you of all people? I came here to talk to you about it, so I just have to start. And I have to say it directly as it is – there is no other way. I should know that, I just did it yesterday, so why isn't it getting easier?

"_You're right. Richard and I have separated."_

"_What?"_

"_You heard right. The last weeks I was living in a hotel and when I'll get home he will move into the pool-house."_

"_I'm so sorry Emily. Why did you never tell me?"_

"_I don't know. Because it's hard to admit that we've failed – after all those years. Even to my sister. And because I've always hoped that we could work it out. But it seems that we can't."_

"_What happened?"_

"_At first it were little things. You know about his new company and Jason Stiles being his partner?"_

"_Yes you've mentioned that."_

"_Well I got more and more unimportant. I wasn't needed anymore. I planned this whole party for them, and they cancelled it because Jason decided to take the clients to Atlantic City instead –which was a horrible trip by the way – and Richard just agreed with it. You know if he thinks that's best, then I don't argue with him, but he never acknowledged the fact that I've put work into this party, too – he just cancelled it."_

Hope is sitting opposite to me – just listening so I'm going on.

"_But not everything was bad. When his mother died and wanted to be placed on our mantle he refused to do that. And I think he did that because of me. That day everything was fine. But then the big blow-out came – it was like Act V in a drama of Shakespeare. We had the Stiles over for dinner – thinking they would want to reconcile – when Floyd announced he would sue Richard. And it took me hours to get that out of him. All Richard would be saying to me was 'Everything is going to be okay' He wasn't talking to me at all. The same evening we found out that Lorelai was dating Jason. The next day I overhear a conversation between Richard and Lorelai in which she begs her father not to sue her boyfriend. I don't remember the last time she was asking us for something like that. And he let her down. You know how fragile our relationship to Lorelai is, so I went into his study and asked him, if it's really necessary to sue Jason – I told him my fears of loosing Lorelai again. Can you imagine his answer 'We can't control what Lorelai will do. Rory won't go away. I'm doing what I have to do.' He was oblivious to my fears. So I knew what I had to do, too. That evening I left him."_

"_Just like that?"_

"_Well I left him a note saying I would be there for Friday Night Dinner."_

"_You mean you just left him, without talking?"_

"_Didn't you listen to me, **he** wasn't talking to me at all. **He** was deciding, without consulting me anymore, without even telling me his decisions – I became unimportant to him, someone he was looking at at dinner. Oh and I didn't tell you, he had lunch once every year since we were married with Lynnie Lott."_

"_No!"_

"_Yes, I found out about that a few months ago."_

"_But that isn't the reason, why you've left him, isn't it?"_

As I said, you know me way too good. That's why I had to come here, to talk to you.

"_No, it wasn't – how do you know?"_

"_Because you nearly forgot to mention it. And you said it was months ago, if that would have been the reason you would have left him earlier - and because you called it lunch – so it was only lunch wasn't it?"_

"_I suppose so."_

"_Emily?"_

"_Yes. It was only lunch. At least he told me that. And he apologized for it."_

"_And you believe him?"_

"_Yes – yes I do."_

I don't know why she's smiling now. Only a brief smile, but I've noticed it anyway.

"_Oh and he's having a moustache now – the most ugly one you can imagine. And he refuses to shave it."_

"_Emily – are you telling me you've left him because of a moustache?"_

"_No, but-"_

"_No buts – we don't have to talk about the moustache or Lynnie Lott – "_

"_But don't you see, these are all signs saying that – "_

"_But they're not the reason why you've left him – am I right?"_

"_Yes you are."_ I admit.

"_So he isn't talking to you anymore?"_

"_Yes. I can't even say when it began, but that's right. He's not consulting me, he's not talking to me."_

"_And then you've just left him, only leaving the note saying you would be there for Friday Night Dinner?"_

"_That's right."_

"_Did you ever think about how he must have felt when he found out that you were gone?"_

"_So you are on his side? I can't believe this!"_

"_I'm on nobody's side Emily. I just wanted to-"_

"_That's bad enough. You're my sister, you should be on my side."_

"_Emily now you're acting childish and you know that."_

I hate when she's right. But I want her to comfort me, can't she understand?

"_I don't care if I sound childish. I just want you to understand me, to comfort me."_ I say louder standing up and pacing the room.

"_But **I do** understand you, all I was trying to do is, to look at it from his point of view – something **you haven't done** for the last weeks I suppose."_

"_So now you're accusing me of being unable to see the situation properly? I don't know why I came here, I thought you would understand me and wanting to help me, but I guess I was wrong."_

With that I'm leaving for the garden. She's not even following me, I can't say how disappointed I am in her. I pay attention not to walk into Rory. I've seen her sitting on a bench reading her book – luckily she hasn't seen me – so I'm avoiding this part of the garden.

I was so looking forward to this meeting. I've really missed her. And now that. We rarely argue, so why now? _His point of view_ – but she's right I haven't looked at it from his point of view and I don't want to – somehow I'm not ready for it. And I still think that our separation is his fault.

Why did I get so angry? I just wanted her to listen to me – but then she has a right to have her opinion and to say it to me – to be honest that's why I came here, to hear her opinion. I just didn't think she would say it so fast without any warning. But then that's Hope (and in this case she's just like me) – so I should have known that. What am I going to do now? I've made a fool of myself – getting so upset. I know what I have to do. I have to apologize a lot in the last few weeks – why? Because I don't have the self-control I should have. I'm way too emotional right now. But I have to do it. She's waiting for me – at least I hope that. So I'm walking slowly back to the house.

She's not in the living-room anymore. But I hear noises from the kitchen. Well it's nearly lunch-time so I'm going towards it. I stop in the door way. There she is, standing in front of the oven.

"_I'm sorry Hope."_

She's turning around – looking at me.

"_I really am – you were right I was acting childish. I came here to hear your opinion, I just wasn't prepared for it – for getting it so directly. You're right I haven't seen the situation from Richard's point of view – but somehow I'm not ready for it. I didn't mean to get upset – Please forgive me, Hope."_

She's walking towards me and gives me a hug. I start to cry – it's just too much.

"_It's okay Emily. Shhh. - I'm sorry, too."_

"_You don't have to be – you didn't do anything wrong."_ I say calming down a little.

"_I should have warned you – saying something like, 'here comes Hopes advice', or something like that – perhaps I should have just listened to you."_

"_No, I want to hear your opinion. Please say it to me. I was acting childish. I'm sorry."_

"_Well it's alright now. I'm glad you came back."_

"_Did I have any choice?"_

"_Not really – except you would have wanted to be really childish." _she adds giving me her smile.

"_Why don't you call Rory for lunch and we'll talk about it later?"_

"_Good idea." _I'm about to leave the kitchen, but before I'm outside I turn around

"_Hope – Thank you."_

"_Anytime."_

I want to leave the kitchen, but she's calling me back so I turn around again.

"_Emily - I love you."  
_

"_I love you, too Hope."_

It is so good to hear these words again. I'm feeling a lot better than 5 minutes before. And it's not difficult for me at all to say them to Hope – to Lorelai instead… but I shouldn't think about that, now. I'm going to the garden to get Rory. Hope and I will talk about my problem later – we both need time to think about it.

_So this was a long chapter, what do you think about it in general (and specifically about Hope)? Please review!_


	9. The Talk

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _Lore2, cmbarrytx, pinacoladachick _and _Haley_ for your reviews. It's interesting to read that you think the H/E relationship is like L/R, cause I never intended that. And I don't think it fits completely. But I love to read your thoughts._

**Chapter 9: The Talk**

"_Rory."_

"_Grandma – is everything alright?"_

I hope I don't look devastated, does she notice that I've cried only a few minutes ago?

"_Yes, I'm alright. Hope made some lunch for us, please come inside."_

"_Sure."_

She stands up and together we're leaving the roses to get some lunch. Before we enter the house I turn towards her.

"_Thank you for giving me some time with Hope alone. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness."_

"_You're welcome Grandma – do you need some more time?"_

"_That would be great – if you don't mind spending the day in the garden."_

"_Not at all – the roses are beautiful, it's the perfect place to read."_

"_Thank you, Rory."_

Inside Hope is busy getting everything on the table.

"_Can I help you Aunt Hope?"_

"_Yes, you could get the dishes – they're in the cupboard above the sink. Emily, could you get the bread please, it's on the little table in the kitchen, you can't miss it."_

I can see her winking to Rory.

"_Of course."_ I reply, pretending not to have noticed it.

That's Hope's way of teasing me. She always gets me to do these things, normally making fun of me, when I'm returning with what she's asked me to get, but not today.

We have a pleasant lunch. I manage to calm down and to get my thoughts in order. I'm ready to hear her opinion now. As soon as we've finished, Rory stands up to leave again.

"_Lunch was lovely Aunt Hope."_

"_Thank you Rory."_

"_I hope you'll excuse me, but my book is so interesting that I can't wait to go on with it, and your rose garden is the best place to do that."_

"_Of course you are excused, enjoy your book and as I said before if you need anything don't be afraid to ask."_

"_I won't."_

She gives me a little smile and I'm smiling gratefully back at her. Right now I decide that I'll buy her something nice tomorrow. When Hope and I are alone she's the first one to speak.

"_Are you ready to hear everything I have to say?"_

"_Yes, I am."_ I say, looking directly into her eyes.

"_So you said you can't specifically say when it started, but at some point he stopped talking to you."_

"_Right."_

"_And you?"_

"_What do you mean 'and you'?"_

Perhaps I'm sounding a little more aggressive than I intended to be. I need to be calm. I know she's not saying those things to hurt me.

"_Were you still talking to him?"_

"_Of course I was talking to him."_

"_And so was he, you know what I mean Emily. Did you tell him your feelings, that you felt abandoned?"_

"_He wouldn't have listened."_

"_So you didn't?"_

"_No." _I say quietly.

I'm not able to look at her for a while. I have to fight against my tears. Finally I continue.

"_I shouldn't have to tell him how I feel, he should know it without me mentioning it – he did before."_

"_Perhaps he should, but sometimes it's hard to know what the other person is feeling. I think he didn't realize how you were feeling."_

"_But why? Why did we change? For many years of our marriage we always knew what the other one was thinking."_

"_I don't know Emily. Things change. Perhaps everything was so much routine that you stopped talking and therefore didn't know the feelings of each other anymore. A marriage is hard work – you know that, you're married for 39 years now."_

"_Are you and Maurice happy?"_

"_Yes, we are. But of course we had hard times, too. Even when you're thinking the other one should notice something, sometimes he isn't. And then I have to tell him what I feel. Or he has to tell me. Emily I'm sure Richard didn't notice how neglected you were feeling. You really should talk to him. That might hurt you both, but it's the only way to safe your marriage, and that is what you want, right?"_

Oh yes, that's exactly what I want. But I don't know how. It's not that easy to talk to him. It's hard for me to tell him my true feelings.

"_You don't have to answer me Emily – I know that you want it. Because you still love him – and he loves you."_

"_How do you know?"_

"_Because I've seen your eyes when you were talking of him and Pennylin."_

"_No, I mean how do you know that he still loves me?"_

"_Because he always did. Whenever I've seen the two of you together I've always seen your love for each other – he would do everything for you and vice versa. I can't believe that this has changed. And it's not him who has left – you did."_

"_He left me months ago."_

"_From your point of view – which you didn't share with him. For him your leaving must seem as some sort of betrayal."_

My head is turning towards her – _betrayal_, isn't that a bit harsh?

"_When you want me to stop you have to tell me."_

"_No please, go on."_ I say.

Even when I don't like it, I want to know what she has to tell me.

"_Go back and talk to him, make him listen to you. I'm sure he will."_

"_But that's not that easy, Hope."_

"_I never said it would be."_

"_We're always fighting now, we can't spend a dinner without fighting over every little thing that comes to our minds. Lorelai tried to lock us in a one-room cabin at the test run for her Inn and it was terrible."_

Hope starts to laugh.

"_It's not funny."_

"_No, not from your point of view – but from mine. So Lorelai tried to reconcile the two of you?"_

"_Yes, in her own vicious way."_

"_I can just picture this."_

"_But it was a complete desaster, Hope."_

She stops smiling.

"_I'm sorry Emily. – So you want to give up? Not even try to talk to him?"_

"_I don't know, I've tried so often…"_

"_No you didn't – not really."_ she says firmly.

"_How can you say that?"_

"_Because I know you, and when Emily Gilmore wants to talk to her husband, she gets him to listen. I don't think that you've honestly tried it. You backed down, because you were scared of it."_

She's right. Again I can't look into her eyes.

"_Make him talk to you. I know you can do that."_

'Make him talk to you' – that's what Lorelai told me, too when we were shopping. If I'd only listened to her advice back then – perhaps everything would be different now.

"_I don't think a talk is the solution to everything. He knows how I'm feeling, cause I finally told him."_

"_You said you didn't."_

"_Well it was no quiet talk. After the catastrophe at the Dragonfly we had a terrible fight – there I said everything to him. I said that he wouldn't consult me anymore and everything I was feeling. I was angry when I said it therefore it was no quiet talk, but now he has to know what is going on with me. Why didn't he come to me after it? I was expecting him to come – we even could have made up then, but he didn't come. I'm not sure if he wants to make up. Perhaps the two month apart will be good for us. Perhaps he will miss me, when I'm not around the corner."_

"_I'm sure he misses you, as he did before."_

"_How can you say that he missed me – he knew where I was. He never came to me and told me to come back. You don't know how much I was wishing for him to come after me, to fight for our marriage. Why do I have to start this?"_

"_Because you left. He has pride Emily, you know that. And you have it, too. That makes everything so difficult. Neither is willing to give in. From his point of view **you** left him, therefore **you** have to come back. That's it. If you want to safe your marriage you have to do the first step, that's my opinion. You know you miss him and love him – but he doesn't. Perhaps he should know, but he's waiting for you to come back."_

I have to think about this. At the moment it's all a little bit too much for me. Perhaps she's right.

"_I have to think about that."_

"_Of course. So, you want to talk about something else now?"_

Oh yes, she knows me well. She knows that we have to stop now. That I need time to think about it.

"_That would be nice. – Thank you for your words though, I think I needed to hear them. I'll have to figure out what to do now, but I appreciate that you told me your opinion so freely."_

"_You know me – that's why you came here, right? And knowing you there are not many people to whom you would listen in such a situation."_

"_Yes, that's right."_

"_Does Rory now?"_

"_She knows that we've separated, but not much more. I can't discuss my marital problems with her or Lorelai."_

"_Of course not, neither could I. – So how's Lorelai? Tell me about that Inn of hers."_

I tell her about Lorelai and of how proud I am of her. It's nice to talk to Hope, I've missed our conversations, and phone calls are not the same. After some time we recognize that there's no need for Rory to spend her time in the garden anymore. I'm going outside to get her. The weather is lovely. Perhaps we should spend the rest of the day outside.

"_Rory?"_

"_Grandma?"_

"_Would you mind, if Hope and I would join you?"_

"_No, of course not. Are you alright Grandma?"_

"_Yes I am. It was very nice of you to give us so much time for ourselves."_

"_Please Grandma, that's no big deal."_

"_I appreciate it anyway. I'm going inside to tell Hope to come."_

The rest of the day the three of us are sitting in her rose garden. The hours are flying – soon it's time to leave.

"_I'm sorry Hope, but I really think we have to leave now. It was lovely here."_

"_I was thrilled to see you, and as much as I hate the thought that you have to leave, I think it's time – you look a little tired. I'm calling a cab right now."_

"_Thank you."_

When she's coming outside again, she asks:

"_When can I see you again?"_

"_Well tomorrow we're going shopping, right Rory?"_

"_I'd love to go shopping, but you decide Grandma."_

"_Shopping it is. But if you want you can join us, Hope."_

"_If Rory doesn't mind that I'm stealing her time with her grandmother."_

"_No, you really should come. You're not seeing each other very often, so please come."_

"_Okay – sounds like a plan, a fun plan."_

We're heading for the door. Hope hugs Rory goodbye.

"_It was so nice to meet you Rory. Could you give your grandmother and me a minute?"_

"_Sure. I'll wait outside for the cab."_

And that she does. I turn to Hope a questioning look on my face.

"_Emily, I hope I don't was too harsh. It's not that I don't understand you. I felt I had to say these things, but maybe I should have comforted you more."_

"_Nonsense. As I said I needed to hear that. Don't worry about it Hope. I'm so glad about our talk."_

"_Okay. I just wanted to make sure. And if you want me to only listen to you, just call – no matter what time it is. I'll always listen to you."_

"_Thank you Hope. That's good to know."_

"_You're welcome. So I'll see you tomorrow?"_

"_Yes, you do. Goodbye Hope."_

"_Goodbye Emily."_

We're giving each other a last hug. And suddenly I notice that it's not only Rory who's allowed to touch me. No, it's Rory and Hope. Of course – how could I forget about her?

I'm glad about today. She's right, there are not many people I would allow to talk to me like that. But then there aren't many people who know me as well as her, either. I don't like some of the things she said, but I needed to hear them. I have to think about them. Maybe there's a chance to safe our marriage after all. With that comforting thought in my mind I'm driving back to The Ritz.

_So you got more Hope. I needed to get Richards position into this story, and that was my way of trying it. I know this story is from Emily's POV and that's great, but you only get half of the truth that way. So Hope was the perfect opportunity to balance the picture a little. Hope you liked it. Please tell me your thoughts. _


	10. Phone Calls

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _Lore2, cmbarrytx _and _AliseAndrews_ for your reviews. Reading them motivates me to write more. _

**Chapter 10: Phone Calls**

Rory and I are walking back into our suite. We were both silent most of the time on our way back to Paris. I needed time to think, and I guess she knew it. Suddenly I notice that we haven't called anyone back home since we've arrived in Paris. At least I haven't.

I admit that I was thinking about calling Richard, but decided otherwise yesterday. But now after Hope's words – maybe I should call him. Maybe she's right and he's expecting me to make the first step as much as I am expecting him to do it. Does he care at all whether I call him or not? I'm really unsure about this.

"_Have you called your mother to tell her we arrived in Paris safely?"_

"_No." _she answers curtly.

"_Well I think you should."_

"_Why – have you called Grandpa?"_ Rory says, sounding a little aggressive.

I wonder what's up with them. Is she really comparing my separation from Richard with the relationship between her and her mother? I must have been staring at her, cause now she mumbles:

"_Sorry."_

"_No I didn't. But what about a deal – you'll call your mother and I'll call Richard."_

She looks at me suspiciously. Why am I doing this? Why do I care so much about their relationship? – I know why, because I don't want them to become like Lorelai and me. Despite everything she did to me, I don't want the same happening to my daughter. I don't want her to feel the pain I did – and still do.

"_All right. You start."_ she says.

I can't believe that she wants to set the rules – but fine. At least I'm getting over with it this way.

"_Okay." _I say.

Her eyes can't hide her amazement. I'm going into my room and pick up the phone. Thank God she's not following me. I stare at it for a minute, half-hoping he wouldn't be home. Finally I dial the number. He picks up after the second ringing.

"_Hello. Richard Gilmore speaking."_

"_Hello Richard."_

"_Emily?"_

"_Yes."_

Of course it's me.

"_Is everything alright?"_

"_Yes. That's why I'm calling. I wanted to tell you that we've arrived in Paris."_

"_Good."_

That's even more difficult than I thought it would be. What shall I say to him? Oh, I know.

"_We've visited Hope already."_

"_Really? That's great. You haven't seen her for such a long time. How is she?" _

"_She's fine. It was wonderful to see her again. She hasn't changed."_

"_We should have visited her earlier."_

"_Yes."_

And what now? I can't tell him about our talk.

"_Is Rory alright?"_

Part of me is relieved that he mentions her, but the other part is disappointed that all he's interested in is Rory.

"_Yes. Do you want to talk to her?"_

"_I'd love to."_

"_Rory! – Come into my room. Your Grandpa wants to talk to you." _I yell.

I hear her coming.

"_She'll be here right now."_

"_Thank you."_

"_You're welcome."_

"_Emily?"_

"_Yes?"  
_

"_Thank you for calling me."_

Perhaps I was unfair. Maybe he doesn't only care for Rory. Something in his voice makes me believe that he's grateful to hear my voice. But perhaps I'm imagining this. We're so screwed up, I don't know what to believe.

"_You're welcome."_

I know this response is lame, but it's all I can think of right now. Rory is coming in.

"_Your Grandpa wants to speak to you. – Goodbye Richard."_

"_Goodbye Emily."_

That's the last thing I hear before I'm handing the receiver to Rory. I'm leaving the room. I hear her talking to him (I didn't close the door), telling him about the flight, Paris and Hope. How I wish I could talk to him that way again. I don't know how to overcome the distance between us. I notice the irony in this. I wanted nothing more than to get away from him, and as soon as I've accomplished that, I'm thinking about how to overcome the distance. And then it hits me.

I haven't asked once if everything is alright with him. Am I that self-centered? But has he? Besides his first question, he was only speaking about Hope and Rory.

Rory comes into our living-room.

"_Do you want to speak to Mom, too?"_

"_If she wants to."_

"_Okay. I'm calling her now."_

She leaves for her room, and I give her the same privacy she gave to me. It's like an unspoken law - our form of respect for each other. I hear her talking. I don't understand the words and I don't want to – well perhaps that's not true. I would love to hear what they're talking about. But I will not eavesdrop, I respect her too much than to act like that.

After a couple of minutes (and honestly it weren't more) I hear her calling for me. I'm going into her room.

"_Mom wants to speak to you."_

I take the receiver.

"_Hello?" _I say loudly.

"_Mom, geez, I'm hearing you – don't yell."_

"_Sorry – you know oversea phone calls…"_

"_You're crystal clear. How's Aunt Hope? Rory told me you've visited her already?"_

"_She's fine. I shall send you her greetings."_

"_Thanks – give her mine, when you see her tomorrow."_

"_I will."_

"_Is everything alright, Mom?"_

"_Of course it is, Lorelai."_

Don't try to bring up the separation again. When will you learn that I won't talk to you about this part of my life.

"_I mean with Rory." _her voice changes as she says that.

"_Everything is alright with her Lorelai. Is there a reason why you're asking this?"_

"_No – just take care of her Mom, will you?"_

"_Of course I'll take care of her, don't worry." _I say softly.

"_Thanks Mom."_

"_You don't have to thank me for that, Lorelai."_

"_I'm sorry Mom, but I have to go – Michel is having some problems with the guests."_

"_Okay. Goodbye Lorelai."_

"_Bye. And have fun shopping tomorrow."_

With that she's hanging up. So Lorelai knew about Hope and the shopping – I guess that's all Rory told her. She didn't have time for more. If I'd only know what they're fighting about. I'm about to ask Rory but decide otherwise. It's better she comes to me on her own. But what if she never comes? Well we're spending the next eight weeks together so there's no need to rush anything.

* * *

"_Grandma, you shouldn't buy me all these things. I don't need four new dresses."_

"_But they're looking so cute on you, and it's fun buying them, so let me have my fun."_

"_You're spoiling her Emily, but you're right they look cute on her, and a grandmother has the right to spoil her only granddaughter." _Hope says.

"_See, even Hope is on my side. Oh look at this skirt Rory, it's gorgeous. Please try it on."_

With a defeated look she takes it and leaves to change. I love this day, it's so much fun to go shopping with Rory and Hope.

"_You know that she doesn't need all these things, do you?"_

"_Well she might not need them, but this is my chance…"_

"… _to make up for the 15 years you've lost." _Hope finishes.

"_Exactly." _I say quietly.

"_That's the reason why I'm supporting this, because I know you didn't have much of a chance to do this before, and I know how much you love shopping, but remember Paris is only your first European town. So perhaps you should slow down a little."_

"_I know. Well – Ok. Only the skirt and then enough for her."_

Hope smiles at me. Suddenly an idea is popping into my head. I don't want to stop shopping and I want to find out more about the fight that's going on between Rory and Lorelai. Perhaps this will work, I'm not sure but it's worth a try.

"_What are you smiling about?"_

"_Aren't I allowed to smile?"_

"_I know you're up to something."_

Yes, you know me. But you will find out soon enough. Rory is returning. She looks adorable.

"_What do you think Rory? Do you like it?"_

"_Yes, I love this skirt, but you don't have to buy me everything I like."_

"_Nonsense. This skirt looks absolutely lovely and I'm buying it and don't protest, cause Hope just convinced me to give you a break. So you better take it – it's your last chance today."_

"_Thank you Grandma."_

"_You're welcome. But this doesn't mean, we have to stop shopping. The most wonderful idea just came to my mind. What do you think about this: I want to buy something for your mother from every town we're visiting. Something she would love to buy for herself, if she would have enough money. So I need your advice. What do you think we should buy her from Paris?"_

"_I don't know Grandma. We're always sharing clothes so she can wear all those dresses you're buying for me, either."_

"_But that's not the same, I want her to have something that belongs only to her. So what do you think?"_

She's looking uncomfortable.

"_Maybe she would like boots. Lorelai always did love them." _Hope says.

"_Yeah – boots are a good idea Aunt Hope."_

"_So let's go to find her some boots. Which size does she need?"_

* * *

Rory and I are returning to our suite, with a lot of shopping bags in our hands.

"_I think Lorelai will love these boots, don't you think?"_

"_Yeah, they're nice. She will love them Grandma."_

She definitely is uncomfortable speaking about her, but she won't give anything away. Just when I'm thinking about a way to bring it up again, she changes the subject.

"_Did I thank you enough for all the clothes you were buying for me? I know I said you didn't have to, but I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. I love them Grandma. Thank you."_

"_You're welcome. I love buying them for you."_

"_What are we going to do tomorrow?"_

"_What do you want to do?"_

"_Sightseeing?"_

"_Sure. Tomorrow we're going off to see all the important things of Paris. So what did you visit when you were here the last time?"_

She tells me in short the places they visited, trying to leave Lorelai out of her description. I can see that she's not willing to talk about her, so I'll leave her

alone – at least for the next time. I honestly hope she'll come to me on her own sometime.

"_Rory we have to talk about our plan for the next weeks. Hope asked me again, if we want to come back to Paris to meet Fleur and her grandchildren. I told her I would call her this evening so that she can talk to Fleur. Do you want to come back to Paris to meet them?"_

"_Sure – why not?"_

"_Well the grandchildren don't speak English. And I don't want to go back, if you don't want to."_

"_That's okay. I know you want to meet them, and I understand that completely. Of course we're going back."_

"_Alright. So you can pick the town we're visiting after Paris. Barcelona? London? Vienna? Anywhere else?"_

We're writing a list of the places we want to visit. After finishing it I'm going to the phone to call Hope.

"_Hope?"_

"_Emily!"_

"_I just talked with Rory about the next weeks. We want to come back to meet Fleur and her children. Did you talk to them already?"_

"_Yes I did. Unfortunately the only date that fit in both our schedule is in six weeks."_

"_That's okay. Only our flight back from Rome to NYC is booked, so we're flexible to handle our time in between. I suggest we'll come to Paris before heading off to Rome."_

"_Sounds great. And you don't have to live in a hotel. I would love to have you here. This way we can spend so much more time with each other."_

"_Yes. That sounds wonderful."_

"_For how long will you stay in Paris this time?"_

"_Three more days. Then we're going to visit Barcelona, London, Stockholm, Vienna and the castle of Neuschwanstein. Rory missed it when she was in Europe last time, and she simply has to see it. It's THE castle."_

"_Oh, I know I love it. Remember when Mom and Dad took us to our first Europe trip and we were visiting all the Castles? We imagined to be princesses."_

"_Yes I do. We always wore those fancy dresses in our dreams."_

"_I wish I could come with you."_

"_Then come."_

"_That would be nice." _

We're talking a little more about the dates so that Hope can be with us in Germany. I'm so excited. Going to the castle with my sister will bring back childhood memories. I love that she's able to accompany us. This way I'm going to see her for three weeks during my Europe trip. That's more than I could've dreamed of. Just her presence calms me down. I can think more clearly about my problems knowing that she's there to talk to when I need someone to listen. I'm really looking forward to the weeks to come.

_Ten chapters already and the end is far away. I hope you liked it. Please review!_


	11. Rory

**Chapter 11: Rory**

Saying goodbye to Hope wasn't a big deal. We both knew we'd see each other again soon. That made it a lot easier.

Now I'm lying in my hotel bed in London. Barcelona was great. We visited all the places you have to see and I think Rory enjoyed it. Right now she's outside to explore the city on her own. I think she mentioned going to Covent's Garden.

I have to face that I'm not twenty anymore. I really need my nap or at least time to rest around noon. Flying every week to another place makes me a little tired. And I know Rory loves the time she gets on her own, so there's no need for me to go with her.

Today I can't sleep so I'm thinking about Richard and me. We made it a habit that we would call Richard and Lorelai at least once a week. This time I made sure to ask about him, but his answer wasn't very specific. Everything's going great with his business. That's so typical, I ask him how he's doing and his answer is only about his business. As if he's nothing more than that damn business.

I can hear Rory coming back. I look at my alarm – 2:50 pm. I'm always getting up at 3 pm, but even now – only ten minutes before my time – I can hear that she's careful to be quiet. I'm so glad that she came with me. We're not sharing all our thoughts with each other, but we didn't fight once. I never had this with Lorelai.

Thinking of Lorelai she honestly hasn't taught her some basic things. I have to constantly remind Rory not to touch the luggage. But what can I expect? – On her last trip she went _backpacking_ around Europe.

Rory and I are enjoying the same things, and when she saw Buckingham Palace she had the same thoughts I had, when I saw it first. That it's not that huge and pompous as you would imagine the residence of the Queen to be. I asked her whether she'd seen Windsor Castle before. She hadn't. So we went there for the next day. That Castle never fails to amaze me. It's so big and over 1000 years old. I can still hear Rory's words on our train back to London.

"_Thanks so much for taking me to this place Grandma. That castle is exactly how you would imagine the residence of the Queen to be. I loved it. And the little village beside it, is lovely, too. It's too bad the US doesn't have these places of history. If I'd only could take a look into the library of the Castle, but I guess that's not allowed."_

"_No it's not Sweetie. But you're right a look into the library would be great. The Queen has many old books and paintings in it."_ I replied.

"_I can't believe Mom and I missed this place, but then we only had three days in London, not that one week is much, but it's better than three days."_

She was so excited her mouth wouldn't stop talking about The State Apartments and St Georges Chapel until we arrived at Waterloo Station (which was one hour later). I love to be able to share these things with her. And now I'm even more convinced that she'll love Neuschwanstein.

It's 3 pm so I'm standing up now. This afternoon we're going to go shopping in Oxford Street. When I go into our living-room she's sitting on the couch looking up from her novel, smiling at me while asking:

"_Did you sleep well, Grandma?"_

"_Yes I did. So how was Covent Garden?"_

"_Great. London has so many wonderful places. I just can't say which one is my favourite."_

"_I think I couldn't pick one either."_

"_I don't even know if I would want to leave for Stockholm."  
_

"_You had the same feeling back in Barcelona. I think we should go to Stockholm. I'm sure you'll like it there, too."_

"_You're probably right Grandma."_

"_So ready to go shopping, Sweetie?"_

"_Yes I am."_

* * *

3:15 pm. Where is she? We arrived in Stockholm this morning. As usual I took my nap after lunch (I'm still tired) and Rory is off to explore the town on her own. But normally she was always back until 3 pm. Sometimes even earlier. I would come out of my room and she would be sitting on the couch asking me "_Did you sleep well Grandma?" _and I would reply (true or untrue) _"Yes I did."_ Then we would go outside to do whatever we planned to do, enjoying ourselves. But not today.

Perhaps she's just a little late, I shouldn't get upset too early. But then that's not her, she never was late.

3:30 pm. I'm starting to get really worried. How could I give my permission to this? She doesn't even know this town. What if she got lost? In London and Barcelona she at least knew the language but not here. How could I've been this irresponsible?

_Just take care of her Mom, will you?_

_Of course I'll take care of her, don't worry._

'Don't worry'. How could I let this happen? Why isn't she calling me? I try to call her, but nothing. She must have turned her mobile phone off. Or someone else … no I have to stop thinking about the worst.

3:45 pm. I'm going outside searching for her. I just can't bear it anymore, pacing the lonely room, looking out of the window for a sign. I have to do something. I know the police wouldn't do anything right now, after all she's not even an hour late, but I know something must have happened. I'm writing her a note, praying she will be back before me.

There's no sight of her. After wandering through the streets for half an hour I'm heading back to our hotel. I pray that she'll be there.

She's not. Now it's 4:30 pm and I'm starting to freak out. I wish I could call someone, but who? They all would be worried as well and they couldn't do anything anyway. Why isn't Richard here? He would know what to do. He would know how to calm me down or at least he would try. And I would feel a little better, just because of him trying.

Again horror stories are coming to my mind, while I'm pacing through the room. Every town has it's bad quarters, what if she got into one? She's so young. If something will happen to her, I will never forgive myself. How should I explain this to Lorelai? Oh God, please let her come home safe – immediately.

I'm calling the reception asking if they've seen my granddaughter, but of course they haven't. I just needed to talk to someone.

4:45 pm. I'm about to cry. All I can think about is praying that she will walk into our suite and that nothing serious has happened - and about when to call the police. If she's not here by 6 pm I'll do it. And I'll get them to search for her, my granddaughter won't be on her own in a strange town during the night.

Please Rory come! Where are you? She's still not answering her mobile phone. I must have called her a hundred times. Telling her to please call me back.

Suddenly the door is opening and she's standing there – looking happy. Not even a little regret in her smile. But thank God, she's smiling.

"_Where have you been? Are you alright?"_

"_Yes. - Sorry I'm late. You don't know what-"_

"_Sorry? Rory do you know how scared I was? Why weren't you answering your phone?"_

"_I didn't hear it."_

"_I can't believe this."_

She's checking her purse. I can't believe this. How can she be so unconcerned? Hasn't she thought of me at all? Is she really that irresponsible?

"_The battery is empty."_

"_And you didn't notice before?"_

"_No, I'm sorry."_

"_So you never thought of calling me?" _I say upset.

"_Grandma, please-"_

"_No Rory. I can't believe this. What got into you? Haven't you thought one bit about me? How I must have been feeling? You - missing in a strange town, where you don't even know the language –"_

"_But everyone speaks English, Grandma."_

"_Don't interrupt me, my girl. I made up the worst scenarios in my head, about what could have happened to you. If you wouldn't have been here within the next hour I would have called the police."_

"_What, but Grandma, that's ridiculous. I'm going to Yale –"_

"_Ridiculous? Don't get into this Rory. You know what's ridiculous? That you weren't even thinking about calling."_

"_I'm sorry –"_

"_Stop that, being sorry is not enough. You don't know what I've been through."_

She's not even trying to understand me. I know I'm upset (and I have every right to be, haven't I ?) and that my voice has reached a level it never has with her before.

"_Well what do you expect me to say?" _she yells at me.

"_Don't you raise your voice to me." _I respond loudly.

"_It won't happen again, ok?"_ she says annoyed, but a little more quiet.

"_No it surely won't, cause you're not going out on your own again."_

"_What? You can't be serious." _again she's getting louder.

"_Oh yes I am. When I take my nap you'll stay here, period." _I respond firmly.

"_You can't do that."_

"_Can't I? I'm your grandmother and you will do what I say."_

"_Because you say so?"_

She's just looking like Lorelai. I feel like I'm fighting with my daughter the way we did over 20 years ago. This can't be happening.What did go wrong?

"_Watch your tone young lady."_

She's glaring at me. I have to stop this, otherwise I'll loose control completely and I know I would regret that. But seeing her like this, not even caring about me - I can't stand this.

"_Go into your room."_

"_What?"_

"_If you have any respect left for me, you'll not make me repeat this."_

She turns around and leaves for her room. I'm leaving for mine. I'm getting a headache. I know I was harsh – too harsh maybe. And I don't even know what happened - why she was late. I know I was too upset to let her explain herself, but the last two hours were just too much for me.

And that wasn't Rory I was facing, that was Lorelai. Yelling at me, saying my behaviour would be ridiculous, not even trying to understand me. I never expected her to say these things, to talk to me like that.

I'm so grateful that she's alright. Thank God. I'm so relieved.

I wonder if she will come to me? Probably not. I've sent her to her room, so I don't think she'll leave it. Slowly I'm calming down.

When I go into the living-room I hear her crying quietly. I was too harsh. But at least she's still there. Lorelai would have been out of the window by now. So perhaps she hasn't turned into her mother after all.

I wonder whether I should knock? I decide against it. Even if she wouldn't answer I would go in there anyway. We have to solve this. I can't bear another fight or worse loosing her, too. I have to make her understand. I have to talk to her.

She's lying on her bed, her face in the pillows. Slowly I'm walking to her bed to sit down. My hand reaches out to touch her hair. She stops crying.

"_Rory?"_ I say softly.

No response.

"_You scared the hell out of me. I imagined terrible things."_

"_I would say I'm sorry, but you don't want to hear that."_ she answers a little defiant.

"_I know I was harsh, maybe too harsh, but I panicked. You're never late and then two hours."_

"_I'm not a kid anymore Grandma."_

"_No you're not. But it's in every newspaper. 'Girl raped and murdered' – and they're your age. I freaked out Rory."_

"_That were your thoughts?"_

So she really didn't get it until now. She didn't know about my thoughts.

"_Yes."  
_

"_I'm so sorry Grandma. What do you want me to say?"_

"_Where have you been?"_

"_I was walking through the streets, when I noticed that Queen Sylvia would be there soon. So I decided I had to see her, because when do you get the chance to see an actual queen? Well it all turned out to take a little longer and I completely forgot about you. I know this is stupid and not to have a full battery even more. I never meant to scare you. I apologize."_

"_So you actually saw the Queen of Sweden? How is she?"_

"_Very nice – beautiful."_

I'm looking at her. So it was the Queen's fault. I understand her a little more now, but to not even think of me. I sigh. I know very well that I haven't accepted her apology yet. Suddenly she gets all teary again.

"_I'm sorry I talked to you the way I did. It's not that I don't respect you. I do respect you Grandma, please believe me. - Forgive me." _she whispers the last words.

Then she starts to cry again. I'm embracing her in a hug.

"_Of course I forgive you. Shhh."_

I'm rocking her back and forth. She's crying and crying. There has to be more behind this than our fight. If I could only bring her to talk to me. She needs someone to talk to – I have Hope and I'm so glad for it. She always told Lorelai everything but now that they're fighting I would wish for her to open her heart to me. So I'm finally asking her.

"_What's going on with you Rory?"_

"_I can't tell you."_

"_Rory-"_

"_Please Grandma, don't make me talk. I can't. Please just hold me._

And that's what I'm doing. I can't and won't force her to talk. I can only offer to listen. After ten minutes she's calming down.

"_Thank you Grandma."_

"_You know I'm always there for you."_

"_So you're not mad at me anymore?"_

"_No."_

"_Thank you. - Does that mean I'm allowed to go out again tomorrow?"_

"_No."_

Her face drops. But I can't do this. I told her no, and honestly I have no desire to go through this again.

"_No?"_

"_Rory, my nerves can't stand that a second time."_

"_But I would have a full battery. I won't be late again. I promise."_

"_No. And stop begging. As long as I decide otherwise you'll stay here. You love to read, so you can do that. Remember you just told me you would respect me, so please let's not argue again."_

"_Yes ma'am."_

"_Good."_

I'm looking at her again. She has different faces, sometimes I know exactly what she's thinking and then I think I don't know her at all.

* * *

I'm lying in my bed – we only went out for dinner today. I'm thanking God again that nothing serious happened to her. I don't know what I would've done… I have to stop this.

I wonder if she's still mad at me. I know how much she loves her two free hours, but honestly I couldn't give my permission to this. These two hours have cost me years of my life and I don't want to relive them again. And she deserves a little punishment for being so thoughtless.

I'm not sleeping very well – waking up every two hours. I'm walking into her room, just to make sure that she's okay. She's lying in her bed, her cheeks still a little teary – if I would only find out why. But I can't do anything. She looks like an angel. I want to kiss her, but I'm afraid to wake her up.

"_I love you." _I whisper before I'm leaving the room.

_There were so many possibilities how this chapter could have played out. I hope you like the way I've chosen. Please review!_


	12. Ma'am

**Chapter 12: Ma'am**

"_Will you wake me up at 3 pm – then I don't have to set the alarm."_

"_Yes ma'am."_

That's the way she's addressing me the whole morning. We did a little sightseeing, but something has changed. I think she's mad at me. I hate this distance between us, but she has to understand that I had to be strict.

"_Thank you. Think about what you want to do this afternoon."_

She nods. I'm leaving for my room. I really need my nap, always waking up in the night made me tired. I'm not 40 anymore.

* * *

4 pm. What? Why didn't she wake me up? I'm going to our living-room to find her on the couch reading a book.

"_Why didn't you wake me up?"_

"_You looked so tired, I thought some sleep would do you good."_

"_But now we have one hour less of our afternoon program, you really should have woken me up."_

"_That's not important. We don't have to do anything big today."_

"_Is everything alright Rory?"_

"_Yes ma'am."_

I sigh. Then I'm turning for my room to get dressed. I don't know what's going on, or how to solve it. She's polite to me – over-polite – but I can't complain about that, can I ? Is she really angry at me, because she's not allowed to go outside? Can't she understand that I wouldn't have one quiet minute knowing she's out there alone, always wondering what could happen to her?

* * *

Two days have passed since our fight. Things haven't changed. She rarely calls me grandma anymore – mostly ma'am. I wish she would change that. We're returning from dinner. I'm sitting down to write a few letters to my friends back home. She's reading a book. After I've finished my letters I'm about to go to bed.

"_I think I'll go to bed now. Goodnight Rory."_

"_Grandma?" _

I look at her a little surprised. I can't hide my smile. Something in her voice makes me wonder, she sounds so insecure.

"_I'm going to ask you something. You don't have to answer me tonight. Please listen and think about it."_

"_I will."_

"_I want to ask you to please let me go outside on my own again. I know I've scared you and I'm sorry I did, but that won't happen again. I promise. We only have three days left in Sweden and you don't want to punish me forever, right? I mean, I will accept every decision you're going to make, I just wanted to ask you to please give me your permission again. Please. – Just tell me tomorrow."_

"_I will."_

"_Thank you. Goodnight Grandma. Sleep well."_

"_Goodnight Rory."_

I'm returning to my room and begin to slowly undress myself. I knew this would happen someday. And she's right I can't lock her in here forever. But I know that I wouldn't have one quiet minute until she'll be back.

She was very polite while asking me. She said she would accept everything I would decide. So if I would say no, there would be no discussion. At least I think that she was serious while saying this.

Deep in my heart I know that I have to say yes. She isn't a kid anymore and I have to learn to let go. But I have to make one point very clear when I'll give her my permission again. This wasn't about punishing (well at least not only about punishing), this was about me feeling safe. About me being awfully scared that something bad could happen to her. About me not trusting her enough to let her go again immediately. I know I have to give her the opportunity to win back my trust.

And she'll stop to call me ma'am. She'd have no reason for it anymore. Everything would be the way it was before we came here. I wish this whole incident would never have happened.

I've made my decision, I will give her my permission again. Shall I tell her now? Or wait until tomorrow, just to make sure I haven't changed my mind overnight? She told me to wait until tomorrow so she's not expecting me to come. It would be interesting to see, if she would ask me again or if she would wait patiently for my answer. But then wouldn't it be punishing her, not to tell her – to let her wait? I'm thinking this over and over. Finally I decide that when I'll still see light in her room I'll go to her to inform her of my decision.

There is still light in her room. I'm knocking at her door.

"_Come in."_

"_Do you have some time Rory? I want to talk to you."_

"_Yes ma'am."_

I'm so glad this will be over soon. I'm sitting down on her bed.

"_Rory you have to understand that I haven't done this to punish you. Well at least that's not the only reason. I know that from the moment you'll be out there on your own until you'll come back I won't have one quiet minute. It won't be time to rest for me. I will sit there, watching the clock waiting for you to come home. I needed some rest."_

She's just looking at me so I continue.

"_But you're right, you're not a kid anymore and I have to learn to deal with it. My trust in you is broken –perhaps not entirely, just a little - but I know I must give you the opportunity to repair the damage. And since you've asked me politely I came to the decision to give you my permission. Tomorrow and the days after you're allowed to go outside on your own again."_

"_Thank you Grandma."_ she says looking relieved.

"_You're welcome."_

"_I will repair it. My battery is full – look."_

She's showing me her mobile phone. I can't help to smile a little.

"_You can call me whenever you want."_

"_Perhaps I'll do that. Rory if something is happening that prevents you from coming back in time, just call me. It's not that bad to be late, just tell me that everything is alright with you."_

"_I'll do that. I promise."_

"_Well it's late, we should get some sleep."_

Especially because I won't sleep tomorrow after lunch. I just know it. I'm standing up, ready to leave the room.

"_Grandma?"_

I'm turning around to face her again.

"_Thanks again. And thanks for telling me tonight."_

"_I saw no good reason to wait. I want you to have a good nights sleep. So why letting you wait, when I've already decided it."_

"_Thanks anyway. Goodnight Grandma."_

"_Goodnight Sweetie."_

I'm going back to my bed. Suddenly I recognize, that I haven't called her Sweetie for the last days either. I'm so glad that we've overcome the distance.

* * *

"_Are you ready? Then let's go down to get some breakfast."_

"_Yes, ma'am."_

Huh? I thought we'd overcome this phase. Isn't she trusting me? Does she think that around noon I'll announce that everything was a joke and I'll say she has to stay here? Or am I paranoid? I mean she did address me that way before, too – every once in a while. I'll wait how it all plays out during the day.

* * *

I'm lying in bed now – of course not sleeping. The morning was weird. She did address me as _ma'am_ several times – but also as _Grandma_. I don't know what to think of it. I hope it's gone when she'll be back. I mean it's not only the word that's bugging me, it's the distance it creates. I still can feel some distance.

For a moment I'm thinking about calling her just to make sure she's alright, but I decide against it. I have to let go. But if she's not back at 3 pm I'll call her immediately.

2:45 pm. I hear her coming. I'm so relieved. Now I could sleep but I'm getting up. I want to enjoy our afternoon together.

* * *

Tomorrow we're leaving for Neuschwanstein. I can't wait to see Hope again. Rory and I haven't changed during the past 2 days. I was hoping everything would go back to normal but it isn't. I want to solve this, but I don't know how. I'm scared of talking to her. I always was scared of these conversations – with Lorelai (I don't know when we had our last decent in-depth conversation) with Richard (that's one of the reasons why we're at the point we are currently at) and now with Rory. Perhaps I should just try it. But I don't know how, I don't understand what's wrong with her. Why is she still mad? Why isn't she telling me about her problems?

* * *

I have everything packed. I'm going to her room to see if she needs some help.

"_Have you finished packing?"_

"_Yes ma'am."_

And there it is again.

"_Good. So you don't need my help for anything?"_

"_No I'm fine – but thanks for asking Grandma."_

"_You will love Neuschwanstein. It's like a fairy-tale castle."_

"_I'm sure I will. Will Aunt Hope be there before us?"_

"_Probably yes. If everything's going as we've planned it. - I would like some hot chocolate right now. Do you want some, too?"_

"_Yes, ma'am."_

I'm about to turn around to get the phone, but I don't. I can't take this anymore. We need to talk.

"_Rory please – tell me what's going on."_

"_What?"_

"_Tell me why you're mad at me."_

"_I'm not mad at you. Why should I?"_

"_Because you're acting that way."_

"_Pardon me?"_

_"Oh please Rory no games. I'm tired of this. Just tell me. I can handle it. Everything is better than what I'm receiving now."_

"_I'm sorry Grandma – I don't know what you're talking about."_

Honestly? Hasn't she noticed anything.

"_Then please describe our relationship."_

She's looking at me – totally confused. Right now I wish I hadn't started this. But I did, so I have to continue.

"_I'm waiting Rory."_

"_But I don't know what you want to hear from me. You're my grandmother what else is there to say?"_

So she really has no clue what I'm talking about.

"_Yes I am your grandmother. And I always thought we had a good relationship. Granted we never were like your mother and you, but we enjoyed our time together. Don't you think that something has changed since our very first fight on this trip?"_

"_Well – "_

"_Come on Rory."_

"_No – honestly Grandma I don't know what you're talking about."_

"_The distance – don't you feel it? Am I imagining this?"_

Am I imagining this?

"_What distance?"_

"_You addressing me as ma'am nearly all the time? That's what I'm calling distance."_

Tears are coming into her eyes. I hate myself for that. She must have some major problem to get all teary just because I said this.

"_I only wanted to be respectful. In our fight you indirectly accused me of being disrespectful – which I was. Yelling at you can't be called respectful. I'm sorry for this. I wanted to make sure that you know that I'm respecting you. That's why I addressed you as ma'am. Because that's the respectful way isn't it? But it seems that I can't do anything right."_

The tears are rolling down her cheeks right now. My heart goes out to her. So it was all a misunderstanding. I'm going to her and embrace her.

"_I'm sorry Rory. Seems we're not communicating very well."_

Must be a Gilmore disease.

"_You don't have to cry. It was a misunderstanding. I thought you were still mad at me – hence the reason of your behaviour. It never occurred to me that you're doing this out of respect. Please stop crying Rory."_

Slowly her sobs are fading. I'm giving her a handkerchief.

"_Thank you. - You thought I would be mad at you? Why should I?"_

"_Because I'd forbidden you to go outside on your own."_

"_But you gave me permission again."_

"_That was confusing me, too. I didn't know why you would still be mad at me. I just want us to be the way we were in Paris, Barcelona and London."_

"_I wasn't mad at you Grandma. Well perhaps a little at first, but I understood why you did it. Please stop worrying about it."_

"_I will."_

"_I'll stop addressing you as ma'am if you want me to."_

"_You can call me that every once in a while, but I prefer Grandma."_

"_Okay – Grandma. Finally I know why you were looking at me so strange all the time."_

"_So you did notice something had changed."_

"_Yes, but I thought you would be watching me. That perhaps you would still be mad at me."_

"_I told you I wasn't. - I'm glad we've solved this."_

"_So am I. And we'll be like we were before."_

She hugs me and gives me a kiss on the cheek – her way of convincing me that she's right.

"_I love you Grandma."_

"_I love you too, Rory."_

_Since you don't seem to like the Emily-Rory chapters (reviews anyone? – you can tell me what you dislike) the next chapter won't be Rory centric. Hope will come back though - everyone loved her, right?_


	13. Emily's Dream

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _Lore2, cmbarrytx _and _emilygilmore_ for your reviews. I really appreciate them. Please keep them coming – there is no bad review, every review tells me that you're still reading this and I wasn't sure that you still are (except my fellow Trollops of course ) ). Hope you enjoy this one._

**Chapter 13: Emily's Dream**

"_I wish I would be a princess."_

"_Me too."_

"_Then we could wear those fancy big dresses. Mine would be blue."_

"_Mine too."_

I laughed. Hope and I were sitting outside on the grass talking about our dreams. I wasn't angry that Hope always wanted to have the same things I wished for myself. I've always loved my little sister.

"_When I'm grown up I want to marry a handsome man, he has to be tall and rich – just like a prince."_

"_Oh yes, I want to marry a prince, too."_

"_Well too bad there are no princes in America." _I sighed.

"_Why are there no princes in America?"_

"_Because we have no monarchy. That's why we don't have those great castles either. I loved Neuschwanstein. I'm so glad Mom and Dad took us here."_

"_It was beautiful. Just like I imagined Cinderella's castle to be."_

We were picking flowers both lost in our dreams.

"_What are you thinking about Em?"_

"_About my future family. I want to have two little girls – just like us. That would be fun."_

"_Oh me too."_

I smiled at my sister. I wouldn't know what to do without her.

"_Emily! Hope! Where are you?"_

My mother was coming up the hill.

"_Oh no – you're sitting on the grass. Your dresses will be dirty. A lady never sits on the grass Emily, how often did I tell you that? You really should be a role model for Hope."_

"_I'm sorry ma'am."_

"_I'm sorry, too mother."_

"_We wanted to pick you some flowers." _I continued.

Hope and I stretched our little hands out to give her our flowers.

"_Thank you. They're beautiful."_ Her face softened.

"_You're welcome mother. Are our dresses really dirty?"_ I asked a little unsure.

My mother took a closer look at us.

"_Well – no I don't think so. You were lucky. We have to go back. Your father is waiting for us."_

"_Are you mad at us Mom?" _I asked shyly.

I admired my mother. She was so beautiful – a real lady. Someday I wanted to be like her. I didn't want my mother to be mad at me (or worse Hopey).

"_No I'm not. I just wish you would behave more like a lady. I know you're still a child, but it's never too early to learn."_

* * *

I looked up at the castle which had brought back this memory to me. We are on our way down to the hotel – Rory can't stop talking about the beauty of the castle and the mysterious Ludwig II. I have to admit that I'm lost in my own thoughts, so Hope is mainly answering her.

Rory and I are back on track. Sometimes the atmosphere is still a little weird, but mainly it's just like this ugly incident in Stockholm had never happened. I'm so relieved.

I'm thinking about my memory again. I wanted to have a handsome man – which I got – but now…

I wanted to have two little girls – which I didn't get.

It still pains me to only think about the time before I'd gotten pregnant with Lorelai. Two miscarriages – I don't know what was harder: to lose my unborn babies or my 17 year-old daughter (including my baby-granddaughter).

I've waited so long for Lorelai. I was desperate to have a baby. I guess that's the reason why I've been overprotective of her. (Perhaps that's even the reason why I was so strict with Rory in Stockholm – losing the people I love most – my greatest fear.) I wanted to have another baby, but the birth of Lorelai wasn't easy (nothing was ever easy with her). The doctors told me to not get pregnant again. It would be too dangerous for me. At first both Richard and I agreed to this, but later I lost my fear and wanted to convince him otherwise.

* * *

"_Please Richard, let's just try again – only one more time."_

"_No Emily. It's too dangerous. You heard what they told us."_

"_I always wanted to have two little girls – so that they can have the same relationship Hope and I have. Please. And don't you want to have a son to carry on the Gilmore name? Your mother certainly would love that."_

"_Emily stop it. I don't want to discuss this. And please don't bring up my mother. This is not about her, it's about you. I think we've agreed on this a long time ago. It's too dangerous. Please leave it alone."_

I wanted to be angry with him but I couldn't. I saw the fear in his eyes. He was coming towards me, taking my hands in his.

"_Please Emmy. If something would happen to you, I don't know how I could survive. I need you. I love you more than anything. Don't you understand?"_

"_Yes I do." _I replied softly.

I know I would surrender soon. He rarely uses this term of endearment – never in public.

"_We have Lorelai. Let's be grateful for that."_

"_I am grateful for her, it's just…"_

I looked up at him and decided to stop.

"_Whatever you want Richard."_

"_Thank you Emily."_

He bend down to me to give me a gentle kiss.

* * *

"_Emily? – Is everything alright with you?"_

"_Grandma? Grandma, is something wrong?"_

Slowly I recognize that they're talking to me. Even some of the Japanese people who are going up the hill to visit the castle are staring at me.

"_Yes everything is alright. I've just thought about something. Let's go."_

Hope is watching me suspiciously.

* * *

Back in our suite we're enjoying the panorama of the Alps. Hope and I decide to go on a little evening walk. Rory has decided to stay home. She told me she just found out that her favourite TV-series is on air in Germany, too and that she wanted to learn some German by watching it. But perhaps that was only her excuse to give us some more time.

The countryside is beautiful. I enjoy being here with my sister. Tomorrow we'll be visiting Linderhof. Those castles are truly amazing. After that we'll spend some quiet days at a lake. Sight-seeing is great, but exhausting. A little rest will be good for all of us.

"_What were you thinking up there, Emily?"_

"_Pardon me?"_

"_When you didn't even hear our voices – you had a strange look. What was it about?"_

"_Oh that – I just remembered the day we were sitting out on the grass talking about how we imagined our future lives to be, when Mom came and scolded us for being so careless with our dresses. Do you remember?"_

"_Hm – no I don't think so."_

"_Well you were very little. We talked about princes and how we wanted to have two girls, just like Mom had us. – Silly dreams of little girls."_

"_I don't think they were so silly – well perhaps the part with the prince, but the other…"_

She stops when she sees my pained look.

"_I'm sorry Em, I didn't mean to bring back bad memories. I shouldn't have asked."_

"_It's okay."_ I'm nearly whispering the words.

"_You know you can be lucky."_

"_Can I?" _I ask her bitter.

"_You have Lorelai … and Rory - she's wonderful. And you two never seem to fight."_

"_We did."_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_In Stockholm. It was terrible, she was missing and I freaked out. When she finally got home we had a horrible fight, it was like I was talking to Lorelai. I'd never expected her to talk to me like that."_

"_But now you seem to be ok."_

"_Yes, we talked."_

"_See, then she's not like Lorelai. Fighting is normal Emily. You know that. Don't make it worse than it is. The main thing is that you've reconciled and that you did. She's lovely."_

"_I know. It's just – the memories I had up there weren't all pleasant and I… let's talk about something else ok?"_

"_Have you talked to Richard?"_

My other favourite topic.

"_Yes, I'm calling him once a week."_

"_That's good. And?"_

"_Nothing. I ask about him, he answers in telling me about his business. He hasn't changed."_

Hope gives me her look while we're about to sit down on a bench.

"_What? It's not that easy. – Have you ever seen such a beautiful sunset?"_

* * *

"_Have you ever seen such a beautiful sunset, Emily?"_

Richard is coming to me, his hand on my shoulder. I'm not looking at the sunset. I don't want to see beautiful things. I've just lost my baby.

"_What did I do wrong?"_

"_Nothing. Every 10th woman is having a miscarriage."_

"_Do you honestly think those statistics will help me?"_

"_I'm sorry. It's just - such things happen."_

"_Twice? I must have done something wrong. I hate myself for it." _I say bitter.

"_Emily Gilmore you will stop that immediately. It's not your fault and you know that. You've followed every advice they've given you." _he says firmly.

He's turning me around, touching my chin to make me look at him.

"_Please, try to think of something else. I've brought you here, out of Connecticut, to see something else. The landscape is beautiful – the mountains, the sunset…. Please Emily, life has to go on."_

"_How can it? That was my dream. Those two babies I've lost, they were my dream since I was a child. You don't understand Richard, but I don't want to notice the beauty of this place. There is no beauty in my life."_

"_Yes there is. The doctors said that we can try again after some time. They haven't forbidden you to get pregnant again. There's hope Emily. You just have to see it. Please try – for me."_

I'm looking at him. I can see his concern and his love. But he doesn't understand. He's not the one, who'd felt the baby inside his body. I want to try for him, but I can't. Not right now. I'm grateful that he brought me here. I couldn't bare all the whispering and glares back home. But he doesn't understand.

"_Please leave me alone, Richard." _I whisper.

I can see the hurtful look in his eyes. Another thing for which I hate myself. He's kissing my forehead before slowly turning around.

"_Richard?"_

He's looking at me again.

"_Give me some time."_

He nods. _"I love you Emily." _Then he's gone.

I'm staring at nothing. I have no more tears. I have no hope. – Hope. I need Hope. Not that she's able to understand me, she hasn't had any miscarriage herself, but I can tell her everything I feel without feeling guilty. I know Richard would do everything to help me, but they were his babies, too. He's also suffering and I don't want him to listen to my sad thoughts. They would only hurt him more.

When I'm going back into our suite he's standing by the window, looking into the sky.

"_Please call Hope. I need her here."_

As soon as I've spoken these words he's picking up the phone to call her.

* * *

Why are these thoughts coming back to my mind? To show me how much Richard and I went through? To tell me how trivial our recent problems are? But they're not trivial. He of all people has to understand how important my relationship to Lorelai is. My precious girl, for whom I've waited for so long. And he's risking that.

But why then? Is it because of the similar landscape? Or to remind me of how much he cares for me? But that was a long time ago. What do I know if that's still the case.

Hope is still sitting beside me. The sun is gone. She's not saying anything, we're just sitting on the bench next to each other. She always knew when to be quiet and when to speak. She was the one who gave me back the ability to see the beautiful things of life. I don't know what I would've done without her back then – and now.

I'm turning towards her.

"_Hope?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Thank you."_

"_For what?"_

"_For being my sister. For being here. For knowing how to handle me."_

She takes my hand and smiles at me. We don't need words to understand each other.

_Okay I was really thinking of whether or not writing about her past, but then I just did it – please tell me how you like it. _


	14. Leaving Hope

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _Lore2, cmbarrytx _and _emilygilmore_ for your reviews. Glad you liked the flashbacks. When some more are coming to my mind I'll include them into the story._

**Chapter 14: Leaving Hope**

I'm lying in one of Hope's guestrooms. We arrived here yesterday. Vienna was lovely. This town is so clean I don't know how they manage to do it. Maybe every night people are coming out cleaning the streets, but then they're not dirty during the day either. Perhaps the people of Austria are just very disciplined – however Vienna is beautiful. Rory and I visited Schönbrunn, The Hofburg and all the other places you have to see. Rory was excited to see a H&M store which was in an old building – therefore you'd have a lot of space on the three floors. I enjoyed watching her there (though I prefer Dior, Armani and Versace boutiques).

The Hofburg had an exposition of the dresses of Empress Elisabeth of Austria. Except her engagement dress, which had an awful green on it (or it was bad lighting, but Rory and I agreed that this dress wasn't beautiful), they were all like the dresses I always wanted to wear when being a child.

When we were walking through the streets we saw a shop where you could dress up like an Victorian lady and get photographed. So Rory and I went in and it was the most fun I've had in a long time. We decided that Lorelai should get this photo as our present from Vienna (we already have too much clothes - and she'll have a little mocking material). Before undressing ourselves I had a wonderful idea.

"_Rory – would you like to have a Fiaker-ride with the dresses on?"_

"_I don't think we're allowed to go outside with the dresses on, they're expensive."_

"_Let me take care of that. But do you want to do it?"_

"_Sure – sounds fun."_

Rory was right – they weren't thrilled by my idea to wear those dresses outside of the safety of the shop, but a little money convinced them quickly. I always get what I want with salespeople – no matter what country.

The ride was fantastic. The Fiaker was black and we had two white horses. Everyone was looking at us. I so enjoyed it, I needed that. I can't remember the last time I felt so light. And sharing this with Rory was the best of all.

Oh and I shared another thing with Rory – one I would have never thought of to do. It was around lunchtime and we've been shopping the whole morning.

"_Grandma?"_

"_Yes Sweetie?"_

"_Do you know what I would really like to do right now?"_

"_No – how should I?"_

"_I would really like to eat a burger for lunch."_

"_Oh – but I thought we wanted to go to the 'Wienerwald'."_

"_I know, but please can't we eat junk food today? The next McDonald's is right around the corner – I don't even know the last time I had a burger. I'm really missing them."_

"_Did you never go there when you're out on your own?"_

"_No. – I don't know why. I guess I wasn't hungry then. But I'm now. Please."_

"_But the 'Wienerwald' is the traditional restaurant around here."_

"_Let's go there tomorrow."_

"_But I thought tomorrow we wanted to – "_

"_Please Grandma – can't we skip this?"_

"_Alright – what about you go to do McDonald's now, and I'll wait for you here – enjoying the sun."_

"_You don't want to come in?"_

"_No."_

"_But then it's only half the fun – please Grandma."_

After a few more 'please Grandma' and the look which I can't resist anyway, I gave in. But only on the condition that she won't try to photograph this. She got me a McChicken (and fries of course) – granted it was smaller than her BigMac, but I honestly don't know how to eat them. It's not possible. I don't even want to remember how ridiculous I must have looked.

"_You just have to open your mouth really wide Grandma."_

This sure was fun to her – not for me though

"_Rory, why didn't you get me those little chicken things the boy next to us has? At least I could eat them without making a fool of myself."_

"_I thought a burger would be more fun."_

"_Go get me those chicken things – "_

"_They're called Chicken McNuggets Grandma."_

"_Whatever – go get them. I'm not eating this burger that's for sure."_

So she left getting me those. She ate my burger. When I'm now thinking of it – Emily Gilmore – sitting in a McDonald's eating her lunch with her hands – must be the grandchild thing. Lorelai would've never gotten me to do that.

Yesterday we arrived here and I'm glad not to stay in a hotel for one week. Maurice will come one day before we're leaving, but Fleur and her children arrived today. They're so cute. When they were coming in Fleur had some flowers for Hope. Her two little children were a bit shy of course, but then Marie approached me, giving me some flowers as well.

"_Merci beaucoup, Marie. Ils sont très joli."_

Quickly she was hiding behind her mother again, but her little sister Claire gave her flowers to Rory.

"_Merci Claire."_

Then she was flying into the arms of her grandmother (Hope had given me her flowers to greet her grandchildren.) When she's saying I'm spoiling Rory, she better shouldn't judge herself. She adores those children and I do understand her.

On our flight to Paris I'd updated Rory's French so that she's able to at least talk a little with Fleur's children. But Hope and Fleur try to speak as much English as possible to make it easier for her.

* * *

I enjoy my time here. Seeing Marie and Claire makes me happy and sad. Happy because I'm reminded of Hope and me so often and sad, because they're reminding me of my unfulfilled dream. But I try not to think of sad thoughts. I don't want to ruin this for everyone especially not Hope, and I can see that sometimes her eyes are resting on me, checking what I'm feeling. 

Today we're shopping, and as I predicted Hope is just like me when it comes to buying cute dresses for her grandchildren.

"_Mom, they don't need those dresses."_

"_Fleur, I'm their grandmother and I decide how to spend my money."_

"_I'm glad you finally realize how much fun this can be. Let your mother have her fun." _I say.

I couldn't resist to tease her a little. Hope is looking at me.

"_I admit it – you were right. It is fun. Satisfied?"_

"_Yes." _I say smiling.

* * *

Maurice is coming home today and tomorrow it's time for us to leave Paris and head to Italy – our last European country. I'm still not sure what to do when I'll be back. 

Hope is running through the whole house – Maurice will be there for the whole week. Not that this is so special, but Fleur, Marie and Claire will also stay for another week, and that is rare. So she wants everything to be perfect.

"_Emily – could you please water the plants in the living-room and in the library?"_

"_Yes I could."_

She gives me an irritated look.

"_And I do – of course. Where's the watering can?"_

"_In the kitchen."_

I'm about to go there when she stops me.

"_Emily? Am I making to big a deal out of this?"_

She really looks unsure and I regret my teasing this time.

"_No – I'm sorry Hope I was just teasing you. I understand you. I would act the same way."_

"_Now that's a relief." _she replies sarcastically.

"_Hey."_

"_It's in the kitchen."_

Then she's gone to do whatever is coming to her mind. Did I just say I'm sorry for teasing her? We're really equal when it comes to this. I'm going to water her plants.

And then he comes, I'm seeing him through the window. Hope is outside (to last-minute check on her precious rose garden). As soon as she hears his car she's running towards him and they greet each other with a passionate kiss. I feel a little stab inside me. I can't even remember the last time I've greeted Richard like this. So is this my fault too? I still don't know when we started to grow apart.

They're coming inside looking very happy. I smile - and it's not a forced smile – I am happy for them.

"_Bonjour Emily. It's good to see you again. I'm glad that I didn't miss you this time."_

"_Bonjour Maurice. Well it was your last opportunity – and I'm glad too."_

He kisses me three times on my cheeks (that's a French custom – I needed some time to get used to it).

"_And where are our grandchildren?"_

"_Outside – Rory is reading some fairy-tales to them."_

But before we can head outside Fleur is coming to greet her father – which gives me another stab. Lorelai would never greet Richard or me so lovingly. But I know that's not just her fault. Sometimes I wish I'd get a second chance – but would we be able to change ourselves? I don't know.

Then we're going outside. After he has greeted his grandchildren, Maurice turns to Rory.

"_And you're Rory? I must say you're just as beautiful as your grandmother."_

"_Thank you sir."_

"_Maurice - " _I begin to say but I'm interrupted by Hope.

"_And what about me?"_

"_Oh you're even a little more beautiful chérie."_

They kiss again.

* * *

I'm lying in bed thinking about what to do when I'm getting back. But I'm not having any great ideas. I want to have what Hope and Maurice have – what I once had. I just don't know how to talk to Richard. Every time we're on the phone I can feel that we're growing apart a little more (in case that's possible). 

Our flight is tomorrow morning. We're going to Florence first - Rory missed the Uffizi last time and asked me whether we could go there before we would visit Rome, of course I agreed to this.

I'm sad to leave Hope. I'll miss our talks (and once again phone calls are not the same). There's a knock.

"_Come in."_

Hope is coming in (already in her night-gown).

"_Hope – is something wrong?"_

"_No. I just wanted to say goodbye to you now. We won't have much time tomorrow and we won't be on our own."_

"_Oh – yes that's right."_

She's sitting down on my bed.

"_But what about Maurice? Shouldn't you be with him right now?"_

"_He understands."_

That's right. He hasn't asked about Richard once (for which I'm grateful). I'm sure Hope told him everything – well at least the version of everything you tell your husband about your sister's problems.

"_It was really good to have you here Emily. I've missed you, I didn't notice how much until now."_

"_Same here."_

"_I'm sorry about your problems though. I have something for you."_

She gives me a letter.

"_I've written something for you, but I want you to read it at home. Not now, not in Italy but at home. Okay?"_

"_Okay." _I say putting it on my nightstand.

"_Good. – You can make it work Emily. I know you can. Just talk to him. Tell him everything you told me. And try to look at it from his point of view. Try to find your mistakes."_

My eyes are filled with tears now. I can't fight them.

"_I'm not saying this to make you sad."_

"_I know." _I can barely say those words though I know they're true.

Hope embraces me in a hug.

"_I know you can do it. And you can call me whenever you want. No matter what time."_

"_Thank you."_

"_Don't mention it."_

She's looking into my eyes now.

"_I love you Emily. And so does Richard."_

Really? Has she talked to him? - I so want to believe her.

"_And if you don't believe me - ask him."_

Is she insane? I'll certainly not go to him to ask this. But I won't discuss this right now.

"_I love you too Hope. Thanks for everything."_

"_That's what sisters are for, right?"_

I nod and hug her again.

"_You should get back to Maurice. I'm sure he's waiting for you."_

"_Not if you still need me."_

"_I'm fine. Goodnight Hopey."_

"_Goodnight Em."_

She gives me a last kiss on the cheek and heads for the door.

"_Hope?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Have fun."_

"_You bet."_

With that she returns to her bedroom. I sigh. Is she right? Can I do it? My eyes are wandering through the room. Suddenly I see her letter. I wonder what she's written in it. I'm tempted to open it, but no that wouldn't be right. I guess I have to wait another week to find out.

_And so do you. At least I hope so, cause studying is getting more busy right now. But no worries I'll finish this story and Europe time is coming to an end next chapter. _


	15. Goodbye Europe

**Authors Note: **_Thanks for the reviews!_

cmbarrytx:_ The McDonalds thing came to my mind last minute – let's say I got both my grandmothers to accompany me to it – gave me some inspiration._

Al_: I have to apologize for the French mistake – that's what happens when your last French lesson was 6 years ago. And I thought I couldn't do much wrong with one simple sentence – sorry! But it got you to review so that's the good thing about it. _;-)

**Chapter 15: Goodbye Europe**

When Hope and I said our last goodbyes we promised us – as always – to visit each other more often. I really hope she'll come to the US soon, but then I know that we have separate lives. It's not that this is a polite phrase – we honestly want to see each other more often, but it just never seems to fit. It's nobody's fault.

My mood is on a low point right now. Florence was hot and I wanted to get a private tour for the Uffizi, but we were stuck with some horrible Belgian couple. The flight to Rome wasn't any better. But perhaps the real reason is, that I'll be home in less than a week and I still haven't figured out a plan.

Luciano – our concierge – is leading us to our suite – the same one Richard and I had two years ago. It's the best and I want to have the best. And I think of him no matter where I am anyway. Luciano is talking the whole time.

"_Hallo, and here we are -- room 518. A beautiful room -- very special for you, Mrs. Gilmore." _

"_It's nice."_ Rory says.

Yes – she's always pointing out the positive signs. Another reason why it was good that she was accompanying me.

"_It's hot."_ I say – and that's the truth.

"_I will adjust the air for you. No problem on my end."_

Yes I'm sure you will. I'm not paying that much for not to get my wishes fulfilled. I'm going to the balcony. Somehow it's not looking like I remembered it to be. Luciano is still talking, I wonder if he'll ever stop.

"_It's a spectacular view. Very nice. A little balcony there_."

"_It's different."_

"_Something is different?" _

"_The view -- it's different."_

"_Wow. It's pretty spectacular."_

As I said Rory is always trying to lighten the mood.

"_It's not the same." _

"_It's the same room you had two years ago, Signora -- 518." _

"_The ruins -- they used to be closer. Something move?" _

"_I don't think so." _

"_That pillar is in a different place."_

Yes – maybe that sounds ridiculous but that's what I feel – besides that I love to see Luciano squirm.

"_I think the ruins are probably where they've been for the past 2,000 years, Grandma." _

"_We can get you another room, signora. No problem." _

"_No, no, it's fine."_

I'm returning to the living-room. What's this smell?

"_Smokers." _I say.

"_I despise smokers." _Luciano replies.

Well good for you. And again Rory is going through our luggage. I guess she'll never learn.

"_Rory, I told you before, you do not move luggage." _

"_Yes, yes, please. We will do that."_

Then do it for heavens sake. But no – he's just standing here.

"_Sorry."_ Rory mumbles and leaves the luggage alone.

"_Your high tea is still at the same time?" _

"_Si, signora." _

"_We'll need to book some private tours -- the Vatican, the Villa Medici. And private -- just the two of us. The concierge in Florence stuck us with a Belgian couple at the Uffizi who didn't know a fresco from a ferret hole. And the ruins, of course. Make sure the guide's not too dry."_

Again my eyes are looking out of the window.

"_So different."_

Ah finally someone is taking care of our luggage. I'm following him into my room. You can never be sure that they treat the luggage right.

"_The hanging bags should be hung, not laid on the bed." _

As I thought. I'm supervising the unpacking and checking the room. Of course not enough pillows. When will they ever learn that I need extra pillows. I return to Rory and Luciano – not before giving some last instructions on how to handle my clothes of course.

"_We need two more pillows." _I say to Luciano.

"_I will see to it. Anything else I can do?" _

"_That should do it. Thank you, Luciano." _

"_Yeah, thank you very much." _Rory says.

"_Grazie mille. Buona notte. Good evening. Thank you." _

With that he's leaving us alone. Finally I don't have to hear this talking anymore. It was giving me a headache. I'm so exhausted. I'm going to sit down on the couch. Let's hope it's as comfortable as I remembered it to be.

"_Let's sit down and pick our restaurants. That's three nights -- that's three lunches and three dinners. We'll take our usual passeggiata around the piazza navana, but let's pick the restaurants."_

Yes the couch at least is the same. I'm looking through some brochures.

"_Do you want to pick them before your nap or after?" _

Ah, she's afraid that I'll forget my nap. How could I – exhausted as I am. But I can't resist to tease her a little.

"_I'm skipping my nap today." _

"_Oh, really?"_ Rory says.

She can't hide her disappointment, but she tries to – sitting next to me on the couch.

"_Absolutely. I'm not the least bit tired." _

I wonder what she'll say now.

"_Oh, good." _

Honestly she's not good at pretending something. She never had to I guess.

"_Couldn't hide it any better than that, huh?" _

"_Hide what?" _

Oh please – I'm not stupid Rory.

"_I don't take my nap, you don't get to go out on your own." _

And how important that is to you both of us know by now.

"_Oh... Grandma, I wasn't thinking that." _

Well of course you were, but somehow it's sweet that you're denying this.

"_Well, I was kidding. I'm exhausted. I'm not sure I'll even make it to the bedroom. I may just drop down here on the carpet." _

Which is true, the flight was terrible and it's way too hot.

"_Thank you, Grandma. It's all cultural stuff, I promise. Just kind of faster and funkier." _

"_Well, go enjoy your funk." _

"_Thank you."_

She's giving me a kiss on the cheek before standing up to leave.

"_Say, when was the last time we called your mother?" _

By asking this I mean of course when was the last time _she's_ called her mother. Somehow I lost track about this.

"_Not sure." _

"_Have we called her this week?" _

"_I think you did." _

Yes I know _I _did. But you were out then. I don't think you've called her later.

"_We'll call when you come back." _

"_Okay. Bye." _

"_Bye-bye."_

* * *

Lying in bed is so relaxing. And I got my extra pillows immediately. Only three days. In three days I'm home and I have no idea what to do then. I hope Richard keeps his promise to move into the pool-house. Somehow I didn't dare to ask about this on the phone. To be honest what I really hope is that he'll apologize to me or at least ask why I left him (in case he really hasn't figured it out yet). But somehow I know that that won't happen. So what shall I do?

I decide to just wait and see what will happen. For the first time I can think of I won't have a plan and I won't think about one anymore (at least I'll try). Instead I'll enjoy my last days here. Hell I wanted to do this the whole time, and what did I do? Thinking about my marriage. If he has lunches with Lynnie Lott, I can flirt with other men, too. And that's what I'll do from now on. Flirt with every man who wants to – no matter what his social status is. And there are a lot out here who want to flirt. Until now I've ignored them, but that will change. This should be fun. And of course I can't do that at home so here's to my last chance.

* * *

Rory is coming back. She hasn't told me why she's fighting with Lorelai and I've stopped asking, but I've always made sure that she's called her – I know how terrible it is to not hear from your child. Always waiting for the phone to ring – but that's another story. One I'm not thinking of right now. But she'll call her now. I'm going into the living-room.

"_How was your funk time?"_

"_Great. Did you sleep well Grandma?"_

"_Yes I did. I'll call your mother now."_

"_Okay."_

As I thought – not very enthusiastic. I'm picking up the phone.

"_Hello?" _

"_Lorelai, it's your mother!" _I yell.

"_Hi, Mom." _

"_I'm calling from Rome!" _

"_The line is crystal clear. You don't have to yell."_

I guess I'll never learn that.

"_Sorry -- I still think transcontinental calls are a bigger deal than they are." _

"_You're coming in fine. So, Rome?" _

"_Our last stop, and a good thing, too, because I don't know how long I can keep these randy European men off me." _

I love to shock Lorelai (as much as she loves to shock me). - And from now on I don't want to keep them off me.

"_Excuse me?"_

"_They're terrible flirts here. Gorgeous, but so forward. Do you want to talk to Rory?" _

"_Oh, um, sure. Is she there?"_ she replies not very enthusiastic either.

"_Yes, she is. Hang on. Rory!" _

Rory is coming. I'm going a little away, but I still can hear her talking.

"_Hello? - Hi. - Yep. - Hot in the day, cooler at night."_

So they're talking about the weather now. The rest of the call is going like this. I wonder whether they'll make up when we're coming back.

* * *

Rory and I have just finished shopping. I got a beautiful pink purse with gold clasp. Rory is telling me, that I could've gotten it much cheaper at home – without paying duty – she's not getting the concept. I don't care about the money. I want to say that I've bought this in Rome. That's the fun. We're sitting down to get some coffee. The waiter is sure as hell flirting with me and I flirt back. Rory is a little unsure about this and I can understand her, but I need that. I enjoy to get attention.

Tomorrow is our last day. Somehow I want to go back and somehow I wish we would have two more months. I'm so glad that Rory came with me and I want to tell her so. When we were shopping today I noticed that she admired a special ring. I think I'll buy that for her as a last present. To remember our trip.

"_I'm really exhausted Grandma – shopping is sport."_

"_At least the way we're doing it right? So why don't you go back to the hotel to rest a little when you've finished your espresso."_

"_Aren't you going back?"_

"_I wanted to wander through the streets for some time."_

"_Oh – well if you want to do that that's fine. I can rest later."_

"_No, no go back. Let me have my own time out. Why not reverse our roles?"_

"_Okay. But you're up to something."_

"_Yes – I want to enjoy the last hours I spend in Europe. – That's all."_

"_Uhuh. See you later Grandma."_

"_Can you take my shopping bags please?"_

"_Sure."_

She kisses my cheek and goes back to the hotel. I'm off to buy her the ring.

* * *

This is our last night together. Rory just said goodnight to me. I'm going into my room to get the ring. 10 minutes later I knock at her door.

"_Come in."_

She's already in bed. I'm sitting down on it.

"_Rory – I want to tell you something – and to give something to you."_

"_Yes Grandma?"_

"_I want to thank you for accompanying me. You don't know how grateful I am for having you with me."_

"_No Grandma I should thank you – for taking me with you. I really enjoyed it."_

"_So did I. And I want you to remember our trip. That's the reason I got you this. Here."_

I'm giving her the little package. She opens it.

"_Oh Grandma – that's the ring – the ring I saw when we were shopping."_

"_I know. I've noticed that."_

"_But it's too expensive, you shouldn't have done that."_

"_Rory that's my decision. As I said I wanted you to have something to remember this."_

"_But you've bought me so much. All the clothes…"_

"_This is special. Just take it, Rory."_

"_Thank you Grandma. It is special. But I would have never forgotten our journey. I don't need the ring to remember all the beautiful things we've seen. And how could I ever forget the image of you trying to eat a McChicken."_

"_You know you promised not to tell anyone."_

"_No I promised not to photograph this – which I didn't. But you didn't make me promise not to tell anyone."_

"_Because I knew you would do it anyway."_

"_That was really great of you – going there with me. And I so enjoyed it, you can't imagine how good that tasted for me – granted the taste is a little different than back home, but I missed the junk food terribly." _

Seeing her eyes when she's speaking about it I know it was worth it. And thinking about it, it wasn't that terrible after all.

"_Thanks for taking me with you, Grandma. I'll never forget this trip."_

"_There's no need to thank me. It was my pleasure. I wouldn't know what I would've done all the time on my own. It was fun to share it with you. - Let's see if the ring fits you."_

It does. Rory is giving me a hug and a kiss. I'm embracing her back. How I'm going to miss this.

"_Goodnight Sweetie."_ I say for the last time in a long time.

"_Goodnight Grandma." _I hear her answering for the last time either.

I'm giving her a kiss before turning off the light and leaving the room.

_I hope you liked it. For those of you who're waiting for them to come back – next chapter. Stay tuned!_


	16. Coming Back

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _Lore2 _and_ cmbarrytx_ for your reviews. It's good to know that you're still enjoying the story. Now the chapter you've waited for so long. _

**Chapter 16: Coming Back**

We're on the plane back to New York. Only a few hours – only a few hours and I will have to face reality. I'm going to miss Rory. I know my house will be very lonely. I enjoyed the fact that I could talk to her whenever I wanted to.

"_Rory?"_

"_Yes Grandma?"_

"_You know you can come to visit me whenever you want."_

"_I know."_

"_I would really love to have you over – your room will always be ready, so when you just need a break from Stars Hollow or Yale – feel free to come."_

I hate that I'm sounding so desperate. But what shall I do – it's not that Lorelai will come over to visit me (except for Friday Night Dinner of course). She's looking at me intensely.

"_I will Grandma."_

I smile at her – she's trying to stifle her yawn.

"_Try and get some sleep Sweetie."_

"_I wish I could, but I can't get a comfortable enough position."_

"_Lay your head into my lap. Like you did when we were flying to Europe. You could sleep then."_

"_But you couldn't."_

"_I don't think I'll sleep much anyway. So go ahead."_

"_Thanks Grandma."_

I was right. This way she was able to get some sleep (and to fondle her hair gave me some much needed safety. I felt needed). I don't think I got much sleep though. But I have so many things that I can't get out of my head. Will Richard be home? How will our first meeting be? What about the next weeks? _Emily Gilmore you wanted to wait and see, so don't think about it_ – but I can't.

* * *

We're in Stars Hollow. The driver just parked the car in front of Lorelai's house. I've noticed that Rory was getting a little nervous as soon as we were coming into this town. Not that I'm not nervous myself, but more because of my meeting with Richard – not Lorelai. We're getting out of the car. 

"_Grandma – do you mind if I would go ahead?"_

"_No – go."_

She's smiling gratefully at me. Then she's off to go into the house. I'm turning to the driver.

"_I want you to unpack all the luggage with the label "Rory Gilmore" on it and bring it into the house. I'll be right back."_

"_Yes ma'am."_

I'm slowly walking towards the door. I want to give her some privacy with Lorelai. I'm really curious how the atmosphere will be when I'm coming in. Lorelai's garden is a mess by the way. I'm walking through the door.

"_Hello!" _I'm calling out cheerfully.

"_Hi."_ Lorelai is yelling from the kitchen.

I'm going into it. Sookie is there – so no privacy for them – I could've just gone with Rory.

"_Hello, Lorelai. Hello, Sookie." _

"_Hi, Emily."_ Sookie says.

"_Hi, Mom." _Lorelai says – trying to hug me.

What's this about? Since when do we hug each other? I mean she must've noticed that we didn't hug each other for years. She's totally caught me off guard.

"_Don't! I smell like airplane." _I say rising my hands.

That's a lame excuse but it's all I can think of right now. It's not that I don't want to hug her, but this is just not the way our first hug for years is supposed to be. And it's working, she's retreating.

"_I guess I should go get my bags."_ Rory says.

I was right – she'll never learn.

"_Rory, you do not touch bags."_ I scold her.

"_Oh, I thought that was just a Europe thing." _

Why should it? I don't get the logic behind that sentence, but then I don't want to get into this right now.

"_The driver's bringing them in." _that's all I reply.

Then I'm turning to Lorelai.

"_Oh we had such a trip. Rory will fill you in. Spare her the more salacious aspects." _

"_Salacious aspects?"_

I knew that word would intrigue you.

"_Those European men -- young, old, in between -- they saw us coming." _

"_They saw you coming where?" _Sookie says.

I don't think she's getting it, so I ignore her.

"_We were like magnets. Such high libidos." _

"_You weren't walking around wearing your "hot and wealthy" sandwich board, were you, Mom?" _

Well you and your humour.

"_She was very popular." _Rory says.

Who would have thought she would support this story?

"_Well, I should go. I bring you back a charming, cultured, well-mannered young lady. Don't undo it." _I say to Lorelai.

Not that you will listen to me, but I just had to say it.

"_I will definitely try not to not undo it."_

Yeah – I thought so.

"_Well, goodbye, all. Goodbye, Rory." _

"_Bye, Grandma."_ Rory says, leaning forward to hug me.

"_Nope. Airplane." _

I really want to hug her, but I have to say it after I'd said it to Lorelai before. Otherwise it would be too obvious. But luckily Rory isn't listening.

"_Oh, I can take it. Thanks, Grandma." _

"_Ciao." _

With that I'm turning around to go – I admit it was a little awkward. But the real awkwardness is lying in front of me – meeting Richard.

* * *

Coming back is weird – the house seems weird, a little dusty of course. I'm asking my driver to carry the luggage upstairs (since I'm not sure Richard will do it). After he's gone I'm alone. No sign of Richard. I guess he has to work – his car is away. I can't tell whether he's slept in our bedroom for the last days – could be. 

I start unpacking. Just when I'm about to check out the pool-house to see whether he has set it up already I hear the front door. It's Richard – I recognize his steps. I always do. I'm going down the stairs.

"_Emily." _he says.

Does he sound surprised? He knew I would come home today.

"_Hello Richard."_

"_You're back."_

Well that's obvious.

"_Yes I am."_

"_How was the flight?"_

"_Good."_

"_And the trip?"_

"_Wonderful – we visited a lot of great places. But you know most of them."_

"_And Rory's fine?"_

"_Yes she is."_

"_Have you seen the pool-house already?"_

"_No – I was about to go there now."_

"_I've furnished it a little."_

"_That's good. So you've been sleeping there already?"_

"_No."_

"_But you do tonight?"_

"_That's what we agreed on, right?"_

"_Yes it is. – Thank you Richard."_

"_You're welcome. – So – I guess I should go there."_

"_Do you need anything from here?"_

"_No – I don't think so."_

He's leaving for the pool-house. Before he's out the door I call him back.

"_Have you thought about employing another servant?"_

"_No –why?"_

"_Well I don't think the maid is able to handle two households, _(seeing the state of this house she isn't even able to handle one)_ so maybe you should consider to employ a valet."_

"_Yes – I'll see to it."_

"_Good."_

Then he's gone. So that was the meeting I was so nervous about? I'm so relieved that he hasn't forgotten about our agreement – and I'm sad that everything is the way it was before I went to Europe. We've lost the ability to talk to each other. I'm going upstairs again to finish unpacking.

* * *

For the first time in two months I'm lying in my own bed. It feels good – so normal – but when I look at the place beside me I know nothing is normal. One important part is missing – Richard of course. In Europe there were times, in which I could sleep quite good, I wonder if that will change now. 

I'm stretching my hand out to pick up Hope's letter. I've waited until now to read it, I wanted to have time, time no one would interrupt. I open it.

_Dear Emily,_

_I hope you're at home now, cause otherwise you would've broken your promise. But I doubt that you did that. So how was your meeting with Richard? Has he changed? Have you changed? I really hope you didn't fight. I'm writing this letter to you, so that you have something you can always read again. Spoken words are forgotten so easily. Whenever you feel like hearing my opinion you can read this letter. I hope you two will be able to solve your problems. You're simply made for each other. Try to get his point of view. Have you thought about how he must be feeling – being in the pool-house now? (I guess he is, cause that's what you've agreed on, and I don't think he would break that agreement.) Please remember what I told you – he feels abandoned, too. He's waiting for you just like you are waiting for him. Go to him. Try to find your mistakes. Go to him and be the first one to apologize. I'm sure he'll listen to you this way. But don't spare him your point of view, either. He has to know how terrible you've felt for the last months. I know this will be hard for both of you, but if one couple can make it, it's the two of you. I wish I could be with you to support you, but I couldn't go to him anyway. That's something you have to do. Don't wait too long. Don't drown in self-pity. You can change the situation. Just do it. Tell him that you're sorry and that you love him._

_Love Hope_

_P.S.: I'm always there for you. _

So that's her letter. I'm rereading it.

_Dear Emily, I hope you're at home now, cause otherwise you would've broken your promise. But I doubt that you did that. _

I admit I was tempted to read it earlier, but you're right – I waited.

_So how was your meeting with Richard? Has he changed? Have you changed? I really hope you didn't fight._

How was our meeting? He hasn't changed. Have I changed? No, to be honest I haven't changed either. But we didn't fight – at least that's a plus.

_I'm writing this letter to you, so that you have something you can always read again. Spoken words are forgotten so easily. Whenever you feel like hearing my opinion you can read this letter. I hope you two will be able to solve your problems. You're simply made for each other._

Yes, you're smart. You knew that without you being present I would fall back into the routine I hate. That's what I already did. I didn't ask him to have a talk. But why me? And why are you so sure that we can work this out? You have much more confidence in us than I have right now.

_Try to get his point of view._

I've not forgotten that – you've preached it to me.

_Have you thought about how he must be feeling – being in the pool-house now? (I guess he is, cause that's what you agreed on, and I don't think he would break that agreement.)_

Again you're right – he hasn't broken it. And no I haven't thought about his feelings – he's not thinking about mine either.

_Please remember what I told you – he feels abandoned, too. He's waiting for you just like you are waiting for him. Go to him. Try to find your mistakes. Go to him and be the first one to apologize. I'm sure he'll listen to you this way._

But what exactly are my mistakes? You never told me that. For what shall I apologize?

_But don't spare him your point of view, either. He has to know how terrible you've felt for the last months. I know this will be hard for both of you, but if one couple can make it, it's the two of you._

Oh yes it would be hard and honestly I don't know how to do it.

_I wish I could be with you to support you, but I couldn't go to him anyway. That's something you have to do. Don't wait too long. Don't drown in self-pity._

Self-pity? That's a little hard, don't you think Hope?

_You can change the situation. Just do it. Tell him that you're sorry and that you love him._ _Love Hope P.S.: I'm always there for you. _

Everything's sounding so easy – reading your letter. But it isn't. And I don't know if you're the right person to tell me that – you never were separated. It's not that I could go to him to ask or tell him 'I love you'. – You're always there for me? Well let's hope so, cause I'm calling you right now. No matter what time, that's what you told me. Writing me this letter - so that I'm unable to respond immediately.

I'm picking up the phone. It's ringing and ringing. Then a sleepy voice is answering.

"_Oui?"_

"_Hope it's me – Emily."_

"_Emily? – Is something wrong?"_

"_Well that depends on how you define wrong – I've just read your letter."_

"_That's why you're calling me?" _she replies a little annoyed.

"'_I'm always there for you – You can call me whenever you want – no matter what time'- your words."_

"_I know. So what about the letter?"_

"_What do you think are my mistakes?"_

"_Emily please – "_

"_No I have to know – you say I should go to him to apologize – for what exactly?"_

"_That's for you to find out."_

"_Very clever."_

"_Honestly Emily – we all make mistakes, right?"_

"_I guess."_

"_Fine – so we agree on the part that you've made some, too. I didn't say that they're worse than his."_

"_Of course they're not."_ I'm muttering.

"_But if you want to safe your marriage – this is the way to do it – in my opinion. Think about it."_

Suddenly I hear another voice – Maurice. Shit I forgot about him – I thought she would be alone.

"_Is Maurice there?"_ I ask her sheepishly.

"_Of course he is – you knew he would be here for another week."_

"_I'm sorry – I totally forgot. I didn't mean to wake him up."_

"_But you meant to wake me up?"_

"_Well – yes. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that. It's just – I'm sorry. Go back to sleep."_

"_Now I'm awake."_

"_Sorry."_

"_It's okay – I told you, you could call whenever you want. But honestly you have to find out yourself. I just wanted you to remember our talk. And I may not have said directly 'this is your mistake' but we talked about it."_

"_So you have something in mind?"_

"_Yes – but it's for you to find out. Otherwise the apology wouldn't be honest anyway."_

Again I hear Maurice's sleepy voice.

"_You should go back to bed. Again I'm sorry."_

"_It's ok – goodnight Emily."_

"_Goodnight Hope."_

Ok this was plain ridiculous. How old am I that I can't wait for the morning? And why got I so angry – granted she never was separated, but I wanted to hear her opinion and I value it. And her letter was mainly about what I've heard anyway – just that she pointed out _my mistake_ more. So what is my mistake? I have to think about it. And when I find it – will I be able to go to him to apologize? I don't know.

_So how do you like the first chapter back in America? Please review!_


	17. Agreements

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _Lore2, emilygilmore _and_ cmbarrytx_ for your reviews. I'm so glad you've enjoyed the last chapter (especially the letter) and that you still think that I'm getting the true Emily. Cause that's what I want more than anything._

**Chapter 17: Agreements**

It's Wednesday. I'm home for a few days now. Richard has employed a valet – just as I suggested – his name is Robert. I've employed a new maid, too. Madonna Louise. Until now we're getting along quite well. I hate to admit that, but sometimes I'm just talking to her because I need to talk. And who else is there to listen?

Richard and I haven't changed. There was no big fight, only some polite talk. And we didn't even speak to each other every day. I was thinking about Hope's words – about going to him to apologize for … whatever, but I couldn't. I don't know why, I think it's because I'm not even sure that he wants me to come. He was barely asking about Europe and he never asked something about me – how I'm feeling or how I think things should be from now on. So I'm having my own thoughts.

I just don't want to have Friday Night Dinner with him anymore. Thinking back to the before Europe dinners – they were awkward. We would just sit there, staring at each other – trying not to fight in front of the girls. And now that they know about the separation I don't see why we should fake harmony.

So I thought that maybe he could have drinks with the girls before dinner – he's always liked drinks. After that they could come over to me. Granted I have more time with them, but we can't split the dinner right? And Friday Night Dinner was my idea. He would've given Lorelai the check and we wouldn't have seen them ever again (except for the holidays of course – she always came then. I've lived for those holidays for so many years of my life.) So since to me this relationship is much more important – I'm not the one who was jeopardizing it for my business – it seems only right that I get more time with them. I'll go over to Richard as soon as he gets home.

* * *

He just came home. I'm going outside heading towards the pool-house. I'm knocking at the door. His valet is opening it.

"_Ma'am?"_

"_I would like to speak to Mr Gilmore."_

"_I'll tell him."_

With that he's turning around. I'm stepping inside waiting at the door. He has changed the pool-house – it's not that messy anymore, but certainly not something I could live in. I'm so glad that he agreed to me living in the house. Richard is coming out of his 'bedroom' – I think.

"_Emily!"_

"_Hello Richard."_

"_Did something happen?"_

"_No, I just wanted to talk to you. If you don't have time now I'll come back later."_

"_No, that's okay. Please sit down. – Do you want something to drink?"_

"_No, thank you. – Richard we need to figure out a plan for Friday Night Dinners. I don't think that it would be sensible to have them with the four of us. Since Lorelai and Rory are aware of our situation I see no reason to fake anything. You agree?"_

"_If that's what you want."_

I asked about your opinion. Can't you listen to me?

"_So you think it wouldn't be awkward? You want to have Friday Night Dinners the way we had them before?" _I say – raising my voice a little.

"_No – I guess you're right. So what's your plan? I'm sure you have one already."_

"_Yes I do. And don't be sarcastic. It's not that your coming up with any great ideas or that you're thinking about this at all. But if you have another solution feel free to share it with me."_

"_I haven't even heard yours. It would be very kind of you to fill me in here, cause I can't read minds."_

No you certainly can't. Though there were times in which you knew exactly what I was thinking.

* * *

"_Emily I have something for you." _Richard said coming home from work.

"_What?"_

"_Well look."_

He was handing me an envelope. I opened it. Inside were tickets for the premiere of the new Broadway Musical. The one I wanted to attend – I'd mentioned it weeks ago, hoping he would surprise me with tickets - but I gave up on that wish, when he told me he'd have to leave for a business trip next week.

"_Well – you're going there with me?"_ I asked confused.

"_It's two tickets, right?"_

"_But I thought you would have to go to Canada next week."_

"_Well when I saw your disappointed face when I told you about that trip I was thinking about what could have caused it. After some time I remembered that you wanted to see this musical. So I made some calls, pulled some strings and now someone else is going to Canada."_

I can't believe that he did that. I didn't even ask him to do this.

"_But the tickets were all sold out. And these are top seats."_

"_Well again I made some calls."_

I don't know what to say.

"_Thank you so much Richard. That really is a surprise. You're the most wonderful husband a woman can wish for." _I say hugging him.

"_I love you Emily."_

"_I love you Richard."_

Then I kissed him. We spent a wonderful weekend in New York.

* * *

Back then I came first and then his business, not that he could do this very often but he did. Well those times were over a long time ago.

"_Emily! Are you even hearing me? What do I have to do that you will fill me in on that plan of yours?"_

I was lost in my thoughts. Thinking about the way we were.

"_Sorry I just – Well -"_

"_What?" _he's asking impatiently.

I have to pull myself together. It's bad enough that I've allowed myself to think of that memory in his presence.

"_I thought that the girls could come over for drinks to you. You've always liked drinks – and you could easily make them here. After you've finished that, they come over to me to have dinner."_

"_So I get them for drinks – which last 30 min at most – and you get them for the whole dinner? Very clever."_

"_Well we can't split dinner right? And what could you cook here anyway. But if you have a better solution…"_

"_You've already made up your mind about this Emily. I don't think that I could convince you otherwise. Alright this is the way it will be from now on."_

"_Good. Thank you."_

He's not replying anything. I'm looking around. He really did furnish it a little.

"_The place looks nice. You've made something of it."_

"_Thank you. – Is there another agreement you want to make? Otherwise I have to work."_

"_I see. I didn't mean to interrupt you. I'm sorry."_

I'm standing up to leave.

"_I'll call the girls to tell them about our new agreement."_

"_You do that."_

"_Goodbye Richard."_

"_Goodbye Emily."_

I'm going back to the house. He wasn't pleased with it, but he agreed – and that's the main point. And I was right in doing it. He doesn't want to talk to me. That was obvious.

I'm picking up the phone. Lorelai's ridiculous answering machine picks up. I hate those messages. It's a mystery to me why she can't leave a proper message. I refuse to speak with the machine. Perhaps she's still working. So I try the Dragonfly.

"_Dragonfly Inn Lorelai Gilmore speaking."_

"_Lorelai it's your mother."_

"_Hi Mom."_

"_Do you have a moment? I have something to tell to you."_

"_Sure – what's up?"_

"_Your father and I agreed on that you're coming to the pool-house for drinks on Friday and when you're finished there, you head over to me to have dinner."_

"_Is that really necessary Mom?"_

"_Yes it is – and I didn't call to discuss this. I'm just filling you in on the new agreement. So on Friday you two head straight to the pool-house, you understand?"_

"_I'm not dumb."_

"_Lorelai you don't have to take that attitude with me."_

"_Sorry."_

"_So are you and Rory fine?"_

"_Of course we are. Is there something else Mom, cause otherwise I have to hang up now."_

"_You told me you have time."_

"_Yeah, but that was before Sookie was waving frantically in my direction."_

"_No that was all – I don't want to hold you back from work. See you on Friday Lorelai."_

"_Yes. Bye Mom."_

"_Bye." _

_

* * *

_

It's Friday. The girls arrived 15 min ago. I've seen them going to the pool-house.

"_Madonna Louise?"_

"_Yes Mrs Gilmore?"_

"_How long until dinner is ready?"_

"_Dinner is ready any minute."_

"_Then please go to the pool-house to get my daughter and granddaughter."_

"_Yes Mrs Gilmore."_

She's leaving. I'm waiting for her to return. After a few minutes the girls are coming.

"_Hi Grandma." _Rory is saying while hugging me.

"_Hi Sweetie – I've missed you."_

"_Sorry I didn't come by but I had a lot to do. Yale and everything."_

"_I understand. Hello Lorelai."_

"_Hi Mom."_

"_Well dinner is ready, so let's sit and eat."_

Madonna Louise is bringing out the soup.

"_Hmm. Soup in 100-degree weather. Cool."_ Lorelai says.

Why does she always have to complain?

"_I have the air-conditioning on, Lorelai." _

"_I like it, Grandma." _

"_Oh, my God, the sucking up."_ Lorelai says.

"_Stop it."_ I say to her. Then I'm turning to Rory

"_Thank you. It's fennel potato puree with a touch of chili to give it spice. I thought we could go more exotic now that it's just us girls." _

"_If you really want an exotic girls' night out, Mom, let's hit Baja." _

I'm ignoring this. I don't know what she's talking about anyway.

"_So, Rory, tell me, what's new?" _

"_Different room, same reaction." _Lorelai says.

"_Oh, nothing much."_ Rory replies.

I don't believe that. With Yale starting and anything there has to be something going on. So I'm continuing. And after Lorelai's comment she must have told Richard something. I hate it when I miss out on things.

"_Really? Well, what was new 20 minutes ago?" _

"_Excuse me?"_ Rory says.

"_What did you talk about with your grandfather?" _

"_Oh, well – "_

"_I mean, just because he gets you first in the evening doesn't mean you get to waste all the good stories on him." _

"_I didn't wa – "_

"_So, you just tell me everything you told him exactly as you told him, leave nothing out." _

"_Okay. Well, I'm moving into Branford College on Monday." _

I knew there was something new to tell me.

"_You know, Robert Frost said that Branford has the most beautiful college courtyard in America." _

"_Hmm. You don't say." _Lorelai chimes in.

"_You knew that?" _

"_No."_ Rory quickly answers.

Too quick. She never was good at lying. I could always see right through her when she was. I don't even know why she's still trying it.

"_He told you that?" _

"_No." _Lorelai says.

She should know even better, that they can't fool me. I'm beginning to get angry. Not only that they've discussed everything important with Richard first (in 15 min – don't know how they managed to do that anyway) but they're denying it. And they don't seem to feel like sharing their news with me, either.

"_You've already discussed everything there is to discuss. You're all talked out." _

"_We're not all talked out." _Lorelai answers.

Well then talk for heavens sake.

"_He gets you first, talks you out, and I get two exhausted, empty shells."_

And now Richard is coming in. What does he think that I'm not noticing him, just because he's tip-toeing? And what does he do here anyway. This is my part of the evening. Isn't it enough that he got to know the news first, now he must come to ruin my part of the evening with the girls?

"_What do you think you're doing?"_ I say to him – angry.

"_I needed to get something out of my study_."

Right now? Sure. As if I would believe this. And even if that's the real reason he should have done it earlier or waited until tomorrow, but interrupting my dinner is unacceptable. I'm walking over to him. Seems that I need to remind him of our agreement.

"_You are supposed to stay in the pool house. That is what we agreed on." _

"_I am in the pool house." _

"_Oh, really? Right now?" _

"_No, not right now. I told you I had to get something." _

Yes and I'm not believing that. If the girls would have had drinks longer you wouldn't have needed it right now.

"_Well, you should have called, made an appointment." _

"_To go into my own study?" _

"_You don't live here anymore, Richard. What if I was sitting in the living room stark-naked?"_

Silly suggestion I know – but I can't help it.

"_You've never been in the living room stark-naked. You've never been stark-naked. We went skinny-dipping one night, and you wore an overcoat." _

"_The water was freezing!"_

He's going into his study and I'm following him.

"_So tell me what is so important that you have to interrupt my evening with the girls?"_

"_I told you I need something."_

"_Well what?"_

"_Papers for business."_

"_And you haven't known this before – or couldn't get them tomorrow?"_

"_No and I don't know why I should – this is my study and I'll go here whenever I like."_

"_I think you should call before you're coming over."_

"_Well I don't think so. And don't get me started on this. When I agreed to move into the pool-house you've pointed out that whenever I would need something I could come and get it. Well that's what I'm doing. It's not my fault that you've changed your mind. If you'll excuse me I have to work now."_

He got quite loud while saying all of this. He's leaving me standing there. That's why I wanted us to split up Friday evenings. I don't want the girls to witness all of this. And now they did. I'm still not convinced that his coming over right now was that important, but as much as I hate to admit it, I did say that he could come by and get anything he needed. I said it because I wanted him to agree to the pool-house arrangement. But I said it. Though I would prefer to change that now. Well the girls are waiting so I'm returning to the dining-room.

"_I apologize. You shouldn't have witnessed this. I'm sorry you had to."_

They're both nodding. The rest of the evening is a little awkward. I'm nearly relieved when they're leaving.

* * *

It's Monday. I really have to talk to Richard. We have so much things to discuss. Like the _Heart Association luncheon_ and the question who's going to attend it. I told Madonna Louise to tell his valet about it. Plus when I was coming home from shopping this morning I saw an oil stain in the driveway. I hate when things like that happen and he knows that.

I'm sitting at my desk going through some paperwork to figure out what else we have to discuss. The Farthington's dogs are barking like mad – the mail must be here. I hate those dogs. They're terrible.

"_The mail must be here."_ I say to Madonna Louise.

She comes back to hand me the mail. As I said until now we're getting along quite well.

"_Thank you. I'd like some coffee when you get a chance."_

She leaves. I'm looking through the mail. As I thought – an invitation to the _Heart Association luncheon_. I knew we would get it sooner or later. I'm going to the kitchen. She's already making my coffee.

"_Did we ever hear back from Mr Gilmore about the Heart Association luncheon?" _

"_I told his valet about it." _

"_And what a help that was. Well, call his valet back and tell him I need a meeting with Mr Gilmore this afternoon." _

"_Yes, Mrs Gilmore." _

„_Thank you."_

And again the barking continues. They'll give me headache. I really hate those dogs.

* * *

Finally Robert told Madonna Louise that Richard would come over this afternoon. I'm writing down a list so that I'm not forgetting anything we need to discuss.

It's three o'clock and Richard is coming in.

"_Hello Emily."_

"_Hello Richard. I'm glad you could make it. We really have to discuss some things."_

"_Yes we do."_

"_Then let's go to the dining-room. Would you like something to drink?"_

"_Yes water please."_

"_Madonna Louise!"_

"_Yes Mrs Gilmore?"_

"_Please bring us some water."_

"_Yes Mrs Gilmore."_

After she's returned with the water (and left again) I'm starting to talk. I begin with something that's not on my list, but I just have to say it.

_"Richard, I know I said one of the advantages of you living in the pool-house would be, that you could come by and get everything you need. But I think that it would be more appropriate if you could give me advanced notice."_

He's not saying anything.

_"Or at least refrain from interrupting me, when I'm having guests and you have notice of that. However I know I said otherwise before, so all I can do is ask you to do this."_

Another pause. Then he's responding.

_"I'll see what I can do – but I won't promise anything. You would only hold it against me, if I would have to break it. But I will try not to interrupt anything again."_

"_Thank you Richard."_

I'm looking down on my list – time to start scheduling the next weeks.

"_We got an invitation from the Heart Association luncheon. I don't think that both of us have to attend those events anymore. We can make up some excuses why we're attending them alone. If we're coming together I don't think we'll be able to fool anyone and I don't want anyone to know about the separation. I don't think you want that either."_

"_That's right, I don't."_

"_Fine. So what about the luncheon?"_

"_If you want to go there that's fine with me."_

"_Alright, I'll go."_

That was point one. Number two – the landscaper.

"_Richard the landscaper called, saying he was waiting for his payment. I thought you would take care of that?"_

"_I sent the check off to the landscaper a week ago." _

"_He claims he hasn't received it." _

"_Well, he's lying." _

"_Shall I tell him that?" _

"_I will stop payment on the check and issue another one." _

"_Fine."_

Number two. That's going rather smoothly. I'm continuing.

"_Now there's the issue of the Gregory's cocktail party on the fourth. Even though they did miss our Christmas party last year, you are currently involved in a business deal with Hamilton, so one of us should probably attend." _

"_Jancy will definitely want you to be there." _

"_Fine. I'll go."_

I'm about to write that down when he interrupts me.

"_No, that's all right. I should go." _

"_Fine, then you'll go." _

Whatever.

"_Though I had to go to the Newmans' Zoo Auction last week." _

"_Fine. Then I'll go." _

I'm getting impatient. I hate when men can't decide what they want.

"_No, it's my business. I'll go." _

"_Fine."_

Just decide what you want.

"_Unless you would like to go." _

Okay I have to stop this, otherwise this will go on forever.

"_Moving on to the subject of your car –" _

"_Excuse me?" _

"_You parked the Cadillac in the driveway when you worked on it this weekend, and it leaked oil all over the place." _

"_It's a tiny stain, Emily."_

Oh please it's not. I'm not blind.

"_It's a large stain, and I see it every day when I walk in and out of the door." _

"_Really? You can see the driveway with your nose way up in the air like that?"_

Are we really reaching a level that low? How can he talk to me like that? I'm certainly not answering to this. I'm just staring at him.

"_I apologize. That was uncalled for." _

Oh yes it was. You better do apologize.

"_I think you should restrict your cars to their garages at all times." _I say, I hate that I sound a little hurt.

"_I will park my cars anywhere I like." _

"_You never used to leave your cars in the driveway before." _

"_I park there when I work on them." _

"_Well, work on them somewhere else."_ I say raising my voice.

"_Like where?" _

"_What about the filling station? It's already filthy there." _

I'm really getting angry now.

"_Are you seriously suggesting that I drive a priceless antique car 12 blocks away, park it next to a broken-down Chevy, and do my restoring there?" _

"_Yes." _I say firmly.

"_So this is the way it's going to be from now on." _

"_I suppose it is." _

And don't make this my fault. You're just as much to blame for this as I am – perhaps even more.

"_The filling station will be fine." _

"_Thank you." _

I'm barely saying those words – but I do. It's the polite way after all.

"_I suppose we should discuss the insurance papers." _

"_I suppose we should." _I say calmly again.

And that's what we did. I honestly don't know how we could change ourselves.

_Okay this was long I know, but I just can't bring myself to delete the actual dialogue – I really like it. If you don't want me to include it that much please tell me so (but also tell me what to delete ;-))._


	18. Lonely and Jealous

**Authors Note: **_Thanks _cmbarrytx_ for your review. I love hearing your thoughts._

**Chapter 18: Lonely and Jealous **

I'm back for about a month now. Richard and I haven't changed. Sometimes I'm rereading Hope's letter, but I can't bring myself to go to him. And I haven't figured out my mistake – to be honest I haven't given it much thought, too. Perhaps I'm afraid to find out that all of this really _is_ my mistake.

I've talked to Hope a few times on the phone, but we rarely talked about my problems – I didn't want to.

I'm living for the Fridays again. Friday I won't have to eat dinner all alone. I hate eating alone. Not that I never did when I was married – Richard was away very often, but I knew he would be back soon. Now it's different. I've even changed the background music from instrumental to actual singers – just to hear someone else.

I'm about to go downstairs for another lonely dinner, when I'm thinking about another time where I was afraid to go to this table, but for a different reason.

Richard and I had a terrible fight back then. He wanted me to join a group of women, because Mrs Stiles was the lead member there. But I knew that many friends of his mother were in it, too. I thought she would get them to spy on me even there. So that she would have influence over my life even when being in London. Richard had called me paranoid and hysteric. We were yelling and I came up with some horrible names for him – a lot worse than _spineless jellyfish_.

He left for work when we were still fighting – then he came back very late and went straight to his study. I remember all of this as if it had happened yesterday.

* * *

I'm in my bedroom. I've heard Richard coming home – 6:30. Almost dinner time. He's not coming upstairs or calling out my name. I knew it – he's still angry with me (and I can't blame him for it). I can understand why he wants me to join this group. It would be very good for his career. But I'm really concerned about the part Richard's mother and her friends are playing in it. And what bugs me the most, is that he's not understanding my feelings. He's not even trying - just calling me paranoid.

7:00 – I'm slowly walking down the stairs – now I have to face him. I don't want to continue fighting, I wonder whether he'll say anything. I said terrible things to him this morning – to be honest, I lost my temper.

I'm going to the dining-room. On my plate is a little package. Richard is already sitting in his chair. I can't read his face at all. I look at the package suspiciously. Slowly I'm unwrapping it. And there it is, the beautiful necklace I've seen a few weeks ago, when we were in NYC together. He must have bought it, without me noticing. Why is he giving it to me – now – when we're fighting. Did I miss an anniversary? – No, I don't think so.

"_For me?" _That's all I can say right now.

"_Yes."_

"_I don't know what to say."_

"_Try 'Thank you'."_

I'm swallowing.

"_Thank you."_

"_You're welcome."_

"_But why? I don't deserve this."_

At least not right now.

"_That's unimportant. I love you, that's what counts."_

Again I don't know what to say. I said terrible things to him only a few hours ago and now he's telling me that he loves me. - And I love him, so why can't I attend some stupid meetings when he's asking me to do so? I feel so ashamed. I'm looking at the necklace.

"_It's beautiful. Will you help me to put it on?"_

"_Sure."_

I'm going towards him. The maid wants to serve the salad but I'm sending her away. Not now. He stands up and takes the necklace. When he's finished he turns me around.

"_It is beautiful. You are beautiful."_

How can he be so nice to me? Right now I'm thinking his mother was right. I'm not good enough for him. I was wrong in our fight. If nothing else his behaviour now is showing that to me. I look into his eyes. They're not angry at all – I can see only love in them – love for me. I feel like I'm about to cry.

"_I'm sorry."_

"_It's okay."_

"_No it's not. I said terrible things. You don't know how ashamed I am right now. - Forgive me, Richard."_

"_I already have."_

He's bending down to kiss me.

_"If you really don't want to join this group then I'm not saying anything about it anymore. I never thought it would be this big a deal. I think I just didn't expect you to say no."_

"_I will join it – I'll call Mrs Stiles tomorrow."_

"_You know I'm not forcing you, and I wouldn't be angry –"_

"_I've made my decision – I love you Richard and I'll call her tomorrow."_

"_Thank you Emmy."_

He's kissing me again.

"_I can't say that I'm very hungry right now." _he says with a certain smile.

"_But dinner is ready. We have to eat."_

"_You're probably right."_

I can see the disappointment in his eyes. Why has everything to be on schedule? I mean it wouldn't hurt anyone if we'd eat a little later, right?

"_I'll be right back."_

I'm heading to the kitchen.

"_Rosa? Mr Gilmore has an important phone call to make. It will probably take half an hour. Try to keep dinner warm."_

I'm returning to the dining-room.

"_I just got us half an hour." _I say to him – winking.

He takes my hand in his, and we're heading upstairs.

* * *

How I wish to find another package on my plate right now, telling me that he's still loving me, but nothing. I wonder whether he remembers all these things either. I guess not. I think men are different when it comes to romantic memories.

I've picked a Tony Bennett CD for tonight. That's the only sound I'm hearing – that and myself chewing. I'm not very hungry so I'm finished soon.

"_Madonna Louise!" _

She's coming immediately – I have her for over a month now.

"_Can I get you some dessert, Mrs Gilmore?" _

"_No, thank you." _

"_Very good, Mrs Gilmore." _

"_And don't run the dishwasher. It's not full." _

"_I won't, Mrs Gilmore."_

She's about to leave when I continue talking. I really need to speak to someone.

"_I smelled something funny earlier in the northeast corner of the kitchen." _

"_I sprayed for ants this afternoon." _

"_Oh, Madonna Louise, I told you, you never spray that poison all over the place. You simply have to kill the scout ants so they don't go back and tell the rest of them where the food is." _

"_I know Mrs Gilmore."_

Well when you know this, why did you do it? But at least I've something to talk about.

"_You kill the scouts, or you use the chalk that we bought in Chinatown last month." _

"_Okay, Mrs Gilmore." _

She's about to leave again – probably escaping my scolding.

"_Madonna Louise?" _

"_Yes, Mrs Gilmore?" _

"_It was a lovely omelette." _

"_Thank you, Mrs Gilmore."_

That brought a smile to her face. I guess I'm not saying this very often but it's the truth - the omelette was good. I would've eaten more, but I'm not very hungry.

Now it's 7:30 – what to do with the evening? I have nothing to do. I'm thinking about calling Rory, but then I don't want to disturb her. I'm a little annoyed that she's only calling me once in a while, I would've thought after we'd spend that much time in Europe together she would call me more often but then I shouldn't be unfair. It's not that she's sitting home alone every evening not knowing what to do with herself. I guess she has a lot going on right now with Yale and everything. And I'm seeing her every Friday – she's never missing our dinners. So I'll see her soon.

I'm standing up to blow out the candles on the table. Then I'm wandering over to the living-room. I see my new book lying on the table – I could read it. I'm placing the pillow to make it more comfortable and pick up my book to start reading.

I can't concentrate. I'm unsatisfied with myself. For a tiny moment I consider going over to the pool-house to talk to Richard – but about what?

I'm putting the book down. Perhaps I should just go to bed and watch some of the DVD's Lorelai has bought for me. I really love those musicals. I've never said to her how much I appreciate them. All I could do was criticize her, when she brought them over. I don't even know why I did this. Or why I never told her how often I've watched them already. I'm thinking about telling her soon, but I just know that I won't do it - again.

Why is it that I want to say so many things to the people I love most, but when it comes down to it I always back off. Why can't I tell them what I'm feeling? - I don't know.

Just when I'm about to go upstairs I hear a noise. A car – Richard's car. What is he doing, driving around that late? I'm walking over to the window – it really is his car. I'm hiding so that he's not able to see me. He's not supposed to know that I'm interested in his whereabouts.

I can't believe that he's driving away this late – and where is he driving? A business meeting? I highly doubt that. Pennylin Lott? I hate that this thought is coming to my mind. I really don't know what to think of this. But one thing is clear – even if I had gotten myself to the point to go over to him this evening, we wouldn't have solved anything – cause he's away.

I so need to talk to someone right now – but who? No one knows about the separation except – Lorelai. Yes, I'll call her.

I pick up the phone and dial her number – of course that damn machine. Well I'm not talking to the machine I'm not _that_ desperate. And who knows who would hear it anyway. I try her cell phone – I hope she's taking the call. I'm still standing next to the window – somehow I can't leave this place – I have to know when he's coming back. _Oh please Lorelai take this call_. I really need to talk to her and I know that sometimes she's just hanging up when she sees my ID – she'd never admit that to me, but I know it's true.

She's picking up – great.

"_Hello?" _

"_Lorelai? Oh, thank God I found you." _

"_Hi, Mom." _

"_The most bizarre thing has happened. At 7:30 at night, I had just finished my dinner. I was about to go upstairs and read, and I suddenly heard a car." _

"_Uh-huh." _

"_I ran to the window just in time to see your father driving away"_

"_Uh-huh."_

Isn't she getting it? And please stop saying _Uh-huh_.

"_He was driving away at 7:30 at night." _

"_Uh-huh."_

"_Lorelai!" _I say exasperated.

"_Was he driving backwards or with his feet?" _

"_Where was your father going at 7:30 at night?" _

"_Well, maybe he had a business meeting." _

"_At 7:30 at night? What, has he suddenly become a bootlegger?" _

"_Mom, I'm sorry. I'm about to go into a thing. Can we talk about this later?" _

Sure – no time for me – how could I ever expect something else?

"_Oh, absolutely. Far be it for me to intrude on whatever vague event you're going to." _

"_Great! Thanks, Mom. Bye." _

I don't believe it – she hung up on me! She's not taking me seriously. I'm tempted to call her again, but she wouldn't take it now – I just know.

Great – I wanted to talk and when I need her, she's not there for me. I'm wandering around restlessly through the room. I certainly can't enjoy a musical right now (and again I've told her I wanted to read – not to watch her DVD's). I'm sighing. Even Madonna Louise is checking in on me, asking whether she could do anything for me – well she can't, so I send her away.

Finally at 8:30 he's coming home. I wonder where he was for the last hour. I'm watching him going over to the pool-house, just when I've decided again to go upstairs he's leaving it again and drives away – AGAIN. Why? And where?

I really feel stupid – standing by the window waiting for him to come home. If he's going away – I'm going away, too. It's not that I can't have fun without him. So I'm getting into my car. But where to go? Suddenly I remember the lovely place where I always ate when being in college. I haven't been there for ages. It should be fun to see it again.

It's not there anymore – I don't get it, everything has changed so much (including me). Again I don't know where to go. I'm driving around. I decide to try and call Lorelai again. She has to feel that I need to talk to her. Just this once. I'm calling her.

"_Hello?"_ she says quietly.

Perhaps she really has a meeting. Or she's acting extremely well.

"_Your father came home at 8:30. He went inside the pool-house for five minutes, and he got back in his car, and he drove away again." _

"_Mom, this is really not a good – "_

"_Traipsing all over the place at all hours of the night." _

And don't interrupt me when I'm telling you about my evening – you will listen to me this time.

_"Uh-huh. Mom, where are you? You sound very far away." _

"_Park Road." _

"_Park Road. Why?" _

"_I'm not going to be the one that sits at home alone in the dark like an Italian widow. If he can go out, then I can go out, so I went out." _

"_Well, good for you." _

"_I figured I'd have dinner. I already had dinner. But if Richard's having two dinners, then I can have two dinners, so I went to a place I used to eat at when I was in college. And do you know what I found? It's a 'Lube-And-Tune' with an X-rated T-shirt store next door." _

And don't say that's childish – I know it is (especially if you're not hungry) but that's the way it is.

"_Mom, this is silly. Why don't you just go home?" _

"_I'm not gonna be the first one back." _

"_Well, how long are you gonna drive around?" _

She's not getting it, isn't she?

"_Until I'm sure your father came home. Let him worry about where I was all night." _

"_Mom look, I can't talk right now." _

"_Well, I'm not done." _

"_I'll call you later." _

"_I could be dead later." _

Perhaps a little unfair – but doesn't she hear that I need her right now?

"_Call one of your friends."_

Very clever.

"_No one knows about the separation except you and Rory." _

"_Well, I'm sorry, Mom. I'm in the middle of something very important." _

And this isn't? I wonder what can be that important.

"_Well, this is important, too. Meet me for a coffee." _

Coffee – the miracle word when it comes to Lorelai.

"_Mom, I can't, and Rory just moved in, and she's at school getting settled, so if you really can't talk to one of your friends, I'm sorry, but we're gonna have to finish this later." _

"_Fine." _

I'm hanging up this time. She's not meeting me. I was nearly begging her and she turned me down. I'm driving around a little more – wait what did she say about Rory? She's getting settled at Yale? Well I think she's got herself some help right now. Why not pay her a surprise visit? And when she's out, at least I'm not driving around aimlessly anymore.

I arrive at her dorm – it's crowded, seems as if a party is going on here. I see Rory – she's talking to someone on her cell phone. I'm heading over to her.

"_Rory." _

She's turning around – surprised to see me here. I'm waving at her. She's coming towards me.

"_Grandma." _

"_Well what is going on here?" _

"_I have to hang up now. - Bye"_ she's saying into her phone.

Then she turns to me.

"_Wow, this is a surprise."_

"_Well_ _I simply had to get out of the house and your mother told me you were home, so I thought I'd come by and say hello_."

I'm looking around.

"_Why are there pictures of Asher Fleming everywhere?" _

"_This is a wake for Professor Fleming. He died." _

A wake? And I thought a party – and why hasn't Richard told me – he must have known about this. Another sign for how unimportant I am to him now. I can't resist to mention that to Rory (though I know I shouldn't).

"_Well you'd think your grandfather could have mentioned that to me, but no. I bet he'll make me go to that insufferable man's funeral, though." _

"_He was cremated." _

"_Oh, thank God." _

Suddenly Paris is running towards me and she's – _hugging me_. I don't know what to think of that. But then she always was a little - weird.

"_Emily! It means so much to me that you came."_

Huh? Was she expecting me? I wonder what's upsetting her so much – the death of a teacher? But then – she's – well - weird, I don't know how else to describe it.

"_Well, yes. Asher was very devoted to his students."_

And now she's starting to cry. I guess I have to comfort her a little (it's not that Rory or someone else is doing it and - well I don't mind – gives me something to do).

"_Oh, now, there's no need to cry. Yale is full of excellent teachers."_

We're sitting down on the sofa next to us and I try to calm her down. As soon as I've accomplished that, I reverse our roles. After me listening to her, she can really listen a little to me, too (well no one else is). So I'm talking to her about Richard, about this evening and him being away so late – I don't even know why. She's the first non-family person knowing about this, but perhaps she's not even listening because she's lost in her own crazy thoughts. I don't mind, I just have to speak to someone – anyone.

After I've told her everything I'm feeling a lot better. Perhaps this was even better than to tell Rory everything. I don't want to put her in the middle. Where is she anyway? I'm searching for her, but I can't find her. Finally someone is telling me, that she left some time ago. Well she really could've said goodbye to me. I don't know what got into her.

I'm driving back home. Ha - I've made it – he's home before me. Did he wonder about my absence? Did he even notice it? I guess I'll never find out.

Finally I'm going upstairs to go to sleep. When I'm putting my jewellery away I see a certain necklace – the one Richard gave to me when we were fighting. I quietly begin to cry.

Why can't he do this again? Why can't he tell me - in whatever way he would choose - that he still loves me? So that I can be sure of it, cause right now I'm not. I don't even know where he's spending his evenings.

But perhaps the painful truth is that he's not loving me anymore. That would explain why I'm not getting any signs from him.

Tonight I'm crying myself into sleep for the first time since our separation.

_What do you think about it? I'm curious to know so please review!_


	19. Secrets

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ llanoestacado_ (someone changed her name) and_ emilygilmore _for your reviews. It's good to hear that you're enjoying the flashbacks – I promise you'll get more of them (though not in this chapter)._

**Chapter 19: Secrets**

It's Saturday and I'm returning from my DAR meeting. When I'm coming into the living-room Richard is standing there. I didn't know he was coming over – did I miss an appointment?

"_Richard." _I say surprised.

"_Hello Emily."_

"_Did I miss something?"_

"_No – we need to talk. Do you have some time?"_

"_Yes."_

I wonder what he's up to. He's looking very sincere.

"_I'm sorry Emily – I'm sorry for the way I've treated you last year. I took you for granted, I know that was wrong. And I didn't mean to jeopardize your relationship to Lorelai, but Floyd was threatening to take everything away from us. I couldn't let that happen. I have to take care of you - of us. But I should've talked to you about this. I'm sorry, I didn't. I've missed you terribly. - Forgive me Emmy."_

Finally, finally he told me everything I need to hear. Tears are coming into my eyes. I'm going towards him.

"_I've missed you, too."_ I whisper.

Then I hug him and he kisses me.

* * *

Where am I ? It's dark – I'm in my bed. It's the middle of the night. It was a dream – only a dream. I'm getting sad. How I wish to hear those sentences from him – at least a little of it. I'm looking over to his side – he's not there, of course he's not. It was all a dream.

I feel so lonely. I've never lived alone. I've gone from my parents, to college to Richard. I wasn't even one day on my own. I feel so lonely.

And then it hits me – this is the way it will be from now on – I'll be lonely. It was only a dream – I'll never hear those words. If he would've wanted to say them to me, he had plenty of opportunities to do so. He didn't use them. **I am lonely**. That's not the way how I feel – it's how it is. I'm on my own.

I'm standing up – I can't sleep anymore anyway. I'm looking outside. Everything is dark – naturally. Wait was that a shadow? Is someone there? Did I hear something? I hate myself for this, but to be honest I'm scared. I'm scared of being alone in this house (except for the maid, but she is no protection at all). And I'm scared of the fact that Richard won't come back. _Pull yourself together Emily Gilmore. _I'm returning to my bed. I still can't sleep. I'm turning on the TV. I rarely do this, but I need entertainment. To forget my loneliness.

Just when I'm about to drift to sleep again, there's a commercial for a panic-room going on. _A panic-room_. One that would even stop a 9-millimeter shell. That's what I need. I'm writing down the number. I'll call there first thing in the morning. If Richard isn't here to protect me, at least I'll have a place to hide if someone is breaking in. With that thought in mind I finally manage to get a little more sleep (and deep inside me there's still a little hope that everything will work out between us – miraculously – I mean I'm dreaming about it, isn't that something)?

* * *

It's Friday night and I'm lying in bed thinking about the last days. The minister was coming over a few days ago. Luckily the panic-room hadn't arrived when he was there – don't know how I would have explained that. But I had something else to explain. Richard took away the whiskey – to be exact he took away the whole drink cart. The large one which is usually standing in our living-room. He must've stolen it when I was away. That left me with the little one from upstairs – which has no whiskey at all. So I couldn't give it to the minister which was embarrassing at least. He always gets this drink and I always have it there – I hate it when the guests aren't getting what they're used to. Of course I've apologized to him and he didn't make that big a deal out of it, but I've seen the disappointed face. Let's just hope he's not telling it around the neighbourhood. The good thing however is, that I could totally hide the fact that Richard and I have separated – he has no clue at all. I'm quite proud of that.

A little later the panic-room did arrive, but oh my I'll never buy anything from a TV channel again – the people were so dumb. Telling me _I_ hadn't told them about the stairs (which is not true) and so it's standing in the middle of the foyer now – how inappropriate. It should've been upstairs. And the men were away so fast, I couldn't even complain properly. That's a first.

Today of course the girls came and because Richard is away – again – I've had them for the whole Friday Night Dinner. I knew Lorelai would make her comments about the panic-room and she did. Pretending she would be a burglar and trying to get me into it – very silly. Luckily Rory arrived and interrupted this. Both of them did mention Jody Foster though and I have no clue why. I hate when they reference to something which I know nothing about.

When we were about to sit down I wanted to give Lorelai her gin martini and of course there was no gin either. I was calling for Sara (the new maid, it didn't work out with Madonna Louise after all, and we had such a good start, well however) and told her to check the house for gin - we must have some somewhere. Not that Richard was there so that we could've solved this drink cart thing once and for all. Far be it if from him to be there when I want to argue with him.

Then I told the girls about how I never was alone.

"_But, Grandma, you're not alone alone. Grandpa is only a few feet away." _

"_He might as well be a million miles away. I don't even know if your grandfather would look up from his stamp collection if he heard me scream." _

"_That's not true."_ Rory said.

She was constantly defending him. Typically. Well I shouldn't be unfair she loves her grandpa and our problems shouldn't change that.

"_Unless his nose got stuck to the stamp in the book and he physically couldn't look up."_ Lorelai said.

Yes for you that's a big joke I know that. But not to me.

"_He's gone so much, he's no protection, anyway. He just left on some business trip, and it was an afterthought that he even bothered to tell me about it at all."_

"_But he told you, so that's not an afterthought. That's a thought - a very thoughtful thought." _Rory said - of course.

"_I'm sure it was in some way for his own convenience." _I replied.

Then Sara returned from her gin search.

"_There's no gin anywhere, Mrs Gilmore." _

"_Oh, perfect."_

After Lorelai made one of her inappropriate jokes which the maid didn't get at all I told Sara to check the study.

"_Yes, ma'am." _

"_I should just call Richard myself - drag him away from whatever business meal he is having and make him tell me." _

And I really should have done this – don't know why I didn't.

"_It's okay. Mom doesn't need a martini. Right?" _

"_Yeah. Right. I'll take what you got. What's good enough for the minister is good enough for me." _

Again Sara was returning – very quickly I highly doubt that she's searched thoroughly. From now on I remember every detail of the evening it was so upsetting. I'm relieving it again.

"_Your hands are empty." _I say to Sara.

"_The door to the study is locked." _

"_He locked the study?" _I say upset.

I can't believe this. First he's stealing my drinks and then he's locking the study? What does he expect me to do – to steal his business papers? I'm so upset right now.

"_Mom, really, I don't need gin. I'll take whatever you have." _

"_I don't have anything. That's the problem. Come on."_

I'm standing up to get the keys to the pool-house. That's it, if he's stealing the drinks from me on purpose I don't know why I shouldn't get them back. He's locking the study? For privacy or whatever? Well I guess he forgot that I still have the keys to the place he's currently living in, so there's no privacy for him. I'm going there right now.

"_Come on where?"_ Rory asks.

"_I'm not going to let Richard's business trip keep you from having the drink you want." _

Bad enough that the minister didn't get what he wanted – that's not happening again.

"_Grandma, wait."_

Like hell I'm not. And they're following me – of course. No one can stop me right now. I'm entering the pool-house.

"_Should we really be doing this?" _

Oh please Rory don't be so afraid. I'm looking around – it's smelling awful.

"_Oh, that he can live in this squalor." _

"_It's another Calcutta. Is that open sewage?"_ Lorelai says.

"_It certainly smells like a sewer in here." _I reply.

"_It's his cigars. That's the smell." _Rory explains.

"_It's more than cigars. It's debauchery." _I say turning to his desk.

Lorelai and Rory are saying things I don't pay attention to. I'm looking through his papers. Suddenly I notice his breath mints – it's five of them.

"_He must have five packs of breath mints here. Why would a man need five packs of breath mints?"_

"_It could be the gorgonzola and onion diet he's on. It has its drawbacks."_ Lorelai says.

She can't take anything seriously. I'm opening his drawers.

"_Grandma, I feel kind of weird snooping like this." _

Oh please not that again.

"_This is my property as much as his, and when we die, it'll be yours. We're all entitled here. He's got some new books."_

I'm looking at his books. Lorelai has wandered over to the kitchen – at least she's not so timidly as Rory. And she's found something, too.

"_Hey, my Petunia Pig plate and spoon. What's it doing here?"_

"_Oh, odds and ends wound up out here over the years." _

"_This is not an odd nor an end. It's my Petunia Pig and I'm taking it." _

"_It's not yours to take." _Rory says.

"_Dad's not using my Petunia Pig spoon." _

"_I say take it." _I say.

Then I'm looking through his things again – not paying attention to the girls anymore. I'm wandering over to his closet. Lorelai has spotted me.

"_Looking for skeletons?" _

"_I'm just looking." _

And I can't believe what I've found.

"_Oh, my God." _

"_What, did you really find a skeleton?" _

"_Oh, my God. Will you look at this?"_

Shocked I'm pulling out a vest with the most ugly colourful sequins you can imagine.

"_Bright."_ Rory says.

"_And tasteful."_ Lorelai replies – sarcastically at least.

"_It's a vest." _I say upset.

"_Grandpa has lots of vests." _

"_It's got glitter. It's a glitter vest." _I say even more upset.

"_So?"_ Lorelai asks.

"_So? Where in the world would your father wear a vest like this? Certainly nowhere he ever would've taken me." _

"_Grandma, it's just a vest." _

No Rory it's not.

"_Yeah Mom. There's tons of places he would wear that." _

"_Name one." _

"_Okay, I'm at a loss." _She admits.

Me too.

"_This is insane." _I continue.

"_Mom, this is the place where unwanted things came to repose. Maybe it's a vest of his from the old days."_ she says trying to calm me down – not working though.

"_Our days never included Richard dressing up like that gay fellow whose tiger tried to eat him. I have definitely, positively never seen this vest. This is a party vest." _I say pointing to it.

"_Okay, just put it back, Mom, and let's go." _

"_You put it back." _

I don't want to have anything to do with this. Apparently I don't know him at all. I can't believe this. Lorelai takes the vest.

"_You know, we've moved a lot of stuff around here tonight. We've got to cover our tracks." _Rory says concerned.

I so don't care about that – I'm ignoring her.

"_Where did you find it?"_ Lorelai asks.

"_Squished in the middle, as if he was hiding it from me. - How dare he have a vest like that."_

"_Okay, the mints looked something like this, right?" _

And if she's not stopping that soon I'm going to flip-out completely.

"_That devious man." _I mutter.

"_Come on, Mom, let's go." _

Lorelai is pushing me out of the pool-house. Apparently she'd put it back. I can't get it – what is he thinking, dressing up like that – and hiding it from me. I wonder what other secrets I would've found there, if I'd had more time.

I couldn't enjoy dinner because I was always thinking about it. All my thoughts were circling around that cloth of his and that was everything I could talk about. Lorelai tried to stop me saying things like _Please Mom – not again. _or_ Can't you stop thinking about it? That's paranoid_ and Rory tried to change the subject constantly but nothing worked. I can't get over it and what it means. My little hope that everything will work out eventually is getting smaller and smaller. I don't know him at all. We're not talking anymore and that's the result of it.

* * *

Today I tried to change the code of the panic-room but I couldn't. These stupid people who delivered it were away before explaining and whoever has written the manual must have had another sort of panic-room cause nothing – and I mean nothing – turns out as it is supposed to. After trying for over an hour I'm giving up. I will just have to take the code it came with.

Well someone has to know the code. But who? Certainly not Richard. He's not caring for me at all – he wouldn't even notice if I would be stuck in there. The maid isn't an option either (since I can't change the code) - within a year half of Hartford would know it. Other neighbours or friends – not an option too, I would've to explain the separation and I'm not ready for that. So this leaves Lorelai and Rory. I don't want to bother Rory with it – and she's at Yale, that's too far away anyway. So Lorelai it is. She's my daughter after all – she should be able to handle this. I'm picking up the phone to call her.

"_Hi there." _

"_Lorelai, are you alone?" _

"_Why?" _

"_Because I'm going to give you the secret code to open the panic-room from the outside and I don't want to do it if you're not alone." _

"_Just hanging out here with my close friend Tex Watson." _

That she can't take one thing seriously. I don't know where she got that from.

"_This is not a joking matter. Can I trust you with this information?" _

As if I have any other choice, but maybe she recognizes the importance of this now.

"_Maybe not. Maybe you should give it to someone else, someone closer." _

Or maybe not. What is she thinking?

"_Well, I can't trust a neighbour." _

"_How about Dad?" _

Great suggestion – were you even there on Friday?

"_Oh, your father wouldn't come to my rescue if I was on fire. Besides, that vest of his is so loud he wouldn't be able to hear me screaming." _

"_Okay, Mom. Give me the code, and I will keep the code safe." _

Finally.

"_Okay. Here goes. Are you ready?" _

"_Pen is poised." _

"_1, 1… 1... 1, 1." _I say seriously – hoping she will get the importance.

Since this is the code I'm stuck with I have to take it serious, but I know you - so go ahead – make your jokes I know they will come now (and to be honest I can't blame you this time – this is silly. I should be able to change it, but… I'm never watching those commercials again – gives you nothing but trouble).

"_Is that the code it came with?" _

Hey no joke at all – you're surprising me.

"_Well, I don't know how to change it. The men were supposed to show me, and now it's the code I'm stuck with. Did you write it down?" _

"_Barring an aneurysm, I think I'll remember it." _

Ok, that was late for you Lorelai - and tasteless (though most of your jokes are). But a joke nonetheless – I knew it.

"_Well, factor in an aneurysm and write it down. This is important." _

"_Okay. I'm writing it down. 1, 1, 1, 1, 1." _

"_Don't say it out loud." _I say upset.

Is she insane? Who knows who's overhearing her in that crazy town of hers.

"_Our football team is so great, that we won, won, won, won, won." _

"_Everything's a joke." _

"_No, Mom, seriously. The mailman overheard. I gotta get off the phone and chase him down and whack him." _

Yes that's my Lorelai – but now it's getting tiring so it's best to ignore her.

"_Hide that number." _I say seriously.

"_I will. Goodbye." _

„_Goodbye." _

Phone-calls with Lorelai really can be exhausting.

* * *

A little later that day I'm sitting at my desk writing some letters when I suddenly hear someone coming in.

"_Who is it?" _

I look up from my papers and see Richard coming in. I wonder what he's up to – telling me again that he's leaving for some business trip _tomorrow_? (For a moment I'm reminded of my dream, but no he wouldn't apologize – I just know it.)

"_I hope this isn't a bad time." _

"_No, I was just catching up on some correspondence." _

"_I just wanted to let you know that our property tax bill is wrong this year. I'm contesting it. In case they call here, I wanted to let you know." _

"_Fine. Thank you." _

"_You're welcome."_

Of course it was something like that. We're only talking about these kinds of things. Never the really important ones. Never about what we're feeling or doing. Richard has turned around to leave and I'm returning to my letter.

"_Oh, and I've joined a barbershop quartet."_ he suddenly says.

"_Oh." _

Well that would explain…

"_Yeah, we do it up right. Dress in period costumes. These silly vests and things. We've performed a couple of times at charity events." _

"_All right."_ I say and I can't hide a little smile – so that's where he needs this vest for.

"_It's part of a barbershop chorus. That's a group of about 30." _

"_Very good."_ I say still smiling.

"_I guess I'll be going." _

He turns to leave again, but suddenly I hear him stop. I'm turning around to see what made him stop. He's staring at the panic-room. Right he doesn't know about that either.

"_I bought a panic-room." _I explain.

"_Very good."_ He answers – looking at me quickly before leaving.

I'm sitting there thinking about our short conversation. How a few words can change so much. Now I know what his vest is about and I have to admit that all my thoughts were silly. Perhaps he just forgot to tell me earlier. And to be honest he wasn't the only one with a secret – I never mentioned the panic-room to him either. So do we now know everything what's going on in the other ones life, or does he have more secrets? I don't know, but I want to believe that there are no more secrets.

At least he came to me to tell me something about him – not his business, but him. My hope that we will be able to solve our problems in some miraculous way I don't know about right now is getting a little bigger again.

_My laptop crashed, so I can't update so often anymore the next time. But I really try to do it once a week when I'm home (no promises). However I would love to hear your opinion so click on the review button. _


	20. Emily's Fear

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ llanoestacado _for your review. It's good to hear that you've enjoyed the panic-room, cause I wasn't so sure about it._

**Chapter 20: Emily's Fear**

It's Wednesday. I'm about to leave to have my hair done, when the phone is ringing.

„_Hello."_

„_Hello Emily – it's Bitty."_

„_Bitty – how are you?"_

„_I'm fine, but I'm worried about you?"_

Is that just a saying or are rumours getting around?

"_Why? - I'm fine." _I say cheerfully.

„_Well I've just seen the guest-list for the dinner at the Children's Hospital and you're not on it."_

Oh that, right – I thought people would get suspicious if we would attend separated too often – I guess they're assuming things anyway.

"_Well you know that the girls are coming over for Friday Night Dinner."_

"_But you've always attended that Children's Dinner. Are you sure everything is alright?"_

"_Of course it is – that's the only time I'm seeing them and Richard is away on business again and I don't like to attend those functions without him."_

_"You did so in the past weeks." _she says with a certain tone in her voice.

_"I had to because his travelling increased, otherwise I would have missed everything." _I explained.

I'm thinking of the time before he retired for the first time. Back then I stayed at home and missed a lot of what was going on in society.

"_Then you can do it again – we all miss you terribly Emily. Some are even gossiping that you're having problems." _she adds laughing.

"_Of course we don't have – he's just busy." _I say defending.

"_That's what I told them – Richard and Emily – never. You two are made for each other. But please rethink it Emily – we would miss you, honestly. Can't you just cancel on the girls this one time?"_

Seems that I have to give in. I don't want people to gossip and when I'm attending I at least know what's going on.

"_Alright. If it's not too late, I'll be there."_

"_That's great, and you know quite well that it's never too late for Emily Gilmore. I'm so glad that you're coming. Without you everything is so boring."_

"_Not next Friday though."_

"_That's good to hear. My greetings to Richard."_

"_Thanks – give mine to Henlin, too."_

"_I will – see you on Friday Emily."_

"_Goodbye Bitty."_

Oh my – she nearly got me. But I'm perfect at hiding those kind of things. And I really think that she believed me (or do I only want to believe it – I know I'm not the only one who can play this game).

So I guess I have to cancel on the girls later, now I have to leave for the hair-dresser.

* * *

It's Friday morning. To get through to Lorelai or Rory is impossible. Somehow they're not answering their cell-phones and I refuse to leave a message. When I'm not seeing them this week, I at least want to speak to them.

After I've tried several more times I decide to give up. So I'm telling Bob (honestly every time I've called the Dragonfly someone else was answering the phone) to tell Lorelai that Friday Night Dinner is cancelled. He promised to tell her, at least that's what I've understood – he has a terrible Spanish accent. I'm sure that Paris has understood me though – she'll tell Rory.

* * *

I'm driving back from the Dinner. We've raised a decent amount of money – that's good. The hospital needs it. But I didn't feel comfortable. People were staring at me, and even though I did explain that Richard is away on business (which is no lie) they were giving me strange looks. Even Bitty. I left as soon as possible. I don't know how much longer we can fake a harmonious marriage.

When I'm arriving back home I see Lorelai's jeep standing in the driveway. Didn't she get the message, or did something happen? I hurry to get inside. And I can't believe my eyes. Right on the living-room carpet are Lorelai and Rory with four pizza plates around them – two of them are already empty and they're eating the other two with their hands, from the paper plate - and they haven't even their shoes on.

"_What on earth are you doing here?"_

"_Hi Mom."_

"_Hi Grandma."_

"_Answer my question."_

"_Mom, what would Miss Manners say to you coming in here, not even greeting us?"_

Lorelai please – but if you insist.

"_Hello Lorelai, hello Rory - what the hell do you think you're doing?"_

"_Eating dinner." _Lorelai answers.

"_That's hardly dinner. And I swear if I find only one tiny stain of tomato sauce or whatever on my carpet you'll regret that you ever had this silly idea." _I say looking to Lorelai.

"_How do you know this was my idea? There are two of us here."_

"_Because I know you. – Am I right? - Rory?"_

She's not saying anything.

"_Rory?"_ I demand.

"_Well - "_

"_Yes it was me, Mom."_

"_I knew it. What on earth were you thinking? Do you know how expensive the carpet is?" _I say looking at it for stains.

"_We were careful Grandma."_

"_I truly hope so – and get your shoes on – we're civilized people, at least I thought so."_

Rory is doing like I told her.

"_You're no fun." _Lorelai is mumbling to her.

"_Jane!" _I'm calling for the maid.

"_Yes ma'am?"_

"_Clean this mess at once."_

"_Yes ma'am."_

With that she's picking up the paper plates.

"_But I'm still hungry Mom."_

"_You can finish to eat this at the table with a knife and fork as I taught you 35 years ago. And get your shoes on. What are you two doing here anyway?"_

They look at each other in disbelief.

"_Eh Mom, it's Friday – you remember five years ago you invented something called Friday Night Dinner – we had to come here ever since, so the more appropriate question is, why weren't you here?"_

"_I had to attend the dinner for the Children's Hospital. It was impossible to catch you two, so I've told Paris and Bob to tell you."_

"_Bob?"_

"_Someone at the Dragonfly with a horrible Spanish accent – don't you know the people who are working for you?"_

"_Of course I do Mom – it's just he's not the one – never mind – he's fired." _

For a moment I wonder whether this is a joke or if she really is like me.

"_So no one told you?"_

"_No." _they say.

"_Why haven't you left a message on the answering machine Mom?"_

"_I don't talk to machines Lorelai – and how should I know that the people you employ aren't reliable?"_

"_Right – I shouldn't have asked. My bad."_

"_So stand up and let's finish dinner in a decent way. And get your shoes on Lorelai." _I say leaving for the dining-room.

"_Is everything alright Grandma?"_

"_Of course it is Rory. Why shouldn't it?"_

"_Well you seem tense."_

"_Does that surprise you – given the state you were in when I arrived here?"_

"_Sorry. We just – "_

"_Whatever. So let's finish eating your ‚dinner'." _

The rest of the evening was tense. I know I shouldn't be that upset, but with everything going on before at the Children's Dinner I can't help it.

* * *

It's Tuesday. I haven't heard from Lorelai or Rory since Friday. I'm not sure whether Lorelai is coming, perhaps she doesn't want to after last Friday. But I need to have her here. I'm living for those dinners – I always have but since Richard moved out, I need them even more. I know Rory will come – after all we have a deal, but Lorelai… I decide to call her just to make sure that she'll be there.

She's not answering her cell-phone (I wonder why she has one – she never answers it – or is it because of me?) and she's not at home, either. So I'm trying the Dragonfly. It's Michel. Usually I like him, and he's always nice when talking to me, but today he's not paying attention at all. Fighting with the horse veterinarian – the horses must be sick or something. It's annoying – just when I'm about to give him a piece of my mind the phone is dead. If he thinks he's getting rid of me by hanging up on me, then he doesn't know me at all. I'm calling again.

Bob answers this time – so she hasn't fired him. I'm asking what he's doing there and he answers that he's the gardener and something else I can't understand, cause he has such a heavy Spanish accent - it is awful. That plus Michel still yelling at the vet in French makes it impossible to understand him. Honestly I doubt that Lorelai is able to run the Inn, when she hasn't even the phone covered with one sane person. Suddenly there's another man's voice.

"_Who are you?"_

"_Who are you?"_

"_I'm Emily Gilmore – Lorelai's mother."_

"_Oh I'm Kirk – the son of my mother."_

Oh my why am I still calling there?

"_And what are you doing at my daughter's Inn?"_

_"I'm delivering something."_

Whatever. I don't even want to know why the delivery-guy answers the phone.

"_Well I would like to speak to my daughter."_

"_Oh – well she's not here."_

"_Could you be so kind to tell me where she is or when she'll be back?"_

I better don't leave a message again – they're not telling her anyway.

"_Oh yes I can – she's probably at her boyfriend Luke Dane's house – you know the Diner, she's addicted to coffee your daughter."_

What? Her boyfriend? Did I hear him correctly? I have to double check.

"_So do you think that if I would call her boyfriend at the diner I would have a chance to speak to her?"_

"_I think so. I bet she's there – she always is."_

So I did understand him correctly. Once again she hasn't told me about an important event in her life. Why does this still surprise me – and why does it still hurt so much? I hear Michel yelling again – I had totally forgotten that Kirk still is on the phone.

"_Thank you – I'll try that."_

"_You're welcome Mrs Gilmore."_

Then I'm hanging up. A mixture of feelings is raising inside me: anger, disappointment, pain and sadness. Why can't she tell me anything?

So she has a new boyfriend – I don't know since when, but at least I know who. Luke Danes – _the Diner guy_. I knew it from the beginning that they had a thing for each other – but she was in denial. I wonder whether he's special or just one of her relationships that won't last anyway. Lorelai never had a decent relationship, but some voice in my head is telling me that this time it is something special.

I wonder what excuse she'll use this time. I remember what she told me when I found out about her engagement to the Chilton teacher. She came over to apologize, because we had a terrible fight. I'll never forget her words.

_I don't know how to tell you things Mom. _

Yes that's right, you've proven this again. Is it really so difficult? To tell me _'_Mom I have a new boyfriend – do you want to meet him'?

_Um, I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but we don't communicate very well. When something good happens to me, I'm just afraid you're gonna make me feel bad about it. And when something bad happens to me, I'm always afraid you'll say 'I told you so.'_

So is this the reason? Are you afraid of my reaction? But I'm allowed to have one, am I ?

_I'm not sure if that's always fair, and I'm sure I share part of the blame for this circle we get into, but you think your words don't have any effect on me, but they do. _

No it's not fair Lorelai – and sometimes I highly doubt that my words do have any effect on you, cause you're doing what you want anyway.

_And, I just didn't want to feel bad about this, so I waited. And I really didn't mean to hurt you._

Then why are you doing this again? Why are you constantly doing this to me?

Luke Danes – what am I thinking about this? Nothing much when he's just one of her affairs, but what if she gets serious with him? Will she even need me then? Not that she needs me now, but he would be another reason that would keep her in Stars Hollow – maybe she won't even come to Friday Night Dinner anymore. My worst fear. To lose her again – I don't know how I would survive this – especially with the separation from Richard – he was the reason why I didn't give up 20 years ago.

* * *

"_Emily?"_

I'm lying in bed – Lorelai left us – with Rory. I can't believe it. They mean everything to me and now they're gone. And I don't even know where they are. It's killing me. The first night it was raining so heavily, that I imagined the worst things. Little Rory getting pneumonia and Lorelai being too proud to come back to ask for our help. But doesn't she know that I would always help her? No matter what she'd do, I would always be there for her. But she's too stubborn.

"_Emmy?"_

Slowly I'm turning my head. Richard is standing next to my bed – a tray with food in his hands.

"_Please eat something."_

I turn around again. I'm not hungry.

„_Emily you haven't eaten properly in two weeks – you have to eat something. I got you some of your favourite soup. Please try."_

I'm not saying anything – he doesn't understand. It's two weeks and I still don't know where they are. The police was no help either – at least from what I heard Richard telling me.

"_Emily if you're not eating now I'll call Joshua."_

I can't eat – don't you understand? The last times when he was threatening to call Joshua I gave in and ate a little bit - I don't want anyone to see me like this - only Richard is allowed to be in our room - but not this time, I just can't eat anymore.

"_Well I'll leave the tray here. Please eat."_

He kisses me on the cheek and leaves the room. His steps are slow and heavy – he sounds like a broken man. We're both broken.

* * *

"_Emily – this is Joshua – do you recognize me?"_

I nod.

"_If you're not eating immediately you'll kill yourself – is that what you want?"_

I don't know – do I want to die? Just when I'm about to decide that being dead wouldn't be bad at all I catch Richard's look. Tears are in his eyes. He's scared – he's scared of losing me too. Why haven't I seen this before? I have to live – for him.

„_I'll give her an infusion Richard – otherwise she'll not survive this much longer."_

"_I want to eat."_

Both men are turning their heads in surprise. Richard is hurrying towards me.

"_Emily."_

"_I want to have some soup."_

"_I'll get you some."_

With that he turns around and leaves the room. Joshua is coming towards me.

"_You have to eat regularly Emily – your current state is very critical – Richard should have called me earlier."_

"_I didn't want him too."_

"_He needs you Emily – you have to be strong for him."_

I know. Richard returns with some soup. Slowly I'm eating a few spoon-full. Then I stop.

"_Please Emily – eat a little more."_

"_I can't."_

"_Emily – "_

"_No Richard – she has eaten so less during the last days, she can't eat more right now. Her stomach isn't used to it anymore. Emily you have to eat a little every hour. Do you promise to do so?"_

I'm looking at Richard. His eyes are pleading. I nod.

"_Good – I'll come back to check on you tomorrow."_

Richard is bringing him to the door. When he returns he's bending down to kiss me.

"_Thank you Emmy."_

I smile at him – at least I try to.

This night is the first night that I hear Richard crying since they left. Is it about Lorelai? Rory? Me? I don't know – perhaps about all of us.

Slowly I'm reaching out to pet him. He turns his face towards me.

"_I love you Richard."_

"_I love you Emmy."_

We look at each other – what would I do without him?

"_I'm hungry – could you get me some soup?"_

"_Of course."_

He stands up and a little later returns with some soup. He's feeding me, since I'm still very weak.

* * *

From that day on I fought. I fought to get out of bed – to be there for him. Lorelai may not need me (or think so) but Richard does. After a month I managed to be up for a few hours. Then finally Lorelai called – it was only a short call, and she still wouldn't tell me where she was, but it meant the world to me. She was fine – and Rory too – she didn't get pneumonia after all. I remember that I could barely speak during that first phone call, because I was crying silently the whole time. I wonder if she knows about this.

Without Richard I just know that I couldn't survive losing her again. I'm afraid to lose her to Stars Hollow completely when she's getting serious with Luke. I have to know about this. I have to meet him. Next Friday Night Dinner I'll corner her.

_So another flashback – please tell me what you think of this chapter._


	21. Rumours

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ A-Karana, emilygilmore, llanoestacado and Liz _for your kind reviews. I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter – especially the flashback. And it's always good to find out that more people are reading this story, than I actually thought. Makes the effort all worth it._

**Chapter 21: Rumours **

It's Friday. Rory arrived a few minutes ago. Lorelai is – of course – late. I'm not quite sure, whether I'll still give her a chance to tell me, or if I'll just spill it out to her that I know everything. I don't think she'll tell me on her own though. Rory is talking about Yale and her classes. Of course she knows about Lorelai and Luke, too. But I can't blame her for not telling me. I can understand that she's loyal to Lorelai. Finally the doorbell is ringing – it's about time – and I'll stand up to greet her.

"_Oh, I'm late." _she says while coming in.

"_I know." _I say.

I know how to read a watch. Then she's telling me her lame excuse – something about honking and bumper stickers. I'm walking back to Rory and Lorelai is following me. Then she's telling the whole story to Rory again. I decide that she won't tell me about Luke this time either, so I can just as well tell her that I know everything.

"_So, I hear you have a new boyfriend." _

Lorelai gasps and turns to Rory.

"_How did you – "_

"_Not from me."_ Rory says.

"_Don't jump on Rory."_ I say.

"_How, Mom?" _

That's all you can think about – how I found out. Not even a little regret that I once again had to find out something important from a stranger. But I answer her.

"_Kirk told me." _

"_Kirk?"_ Rory says surprised.

"_Kirk who?" _

Please Lorelai – don't play dumb.

"_How many Kirks do you know?" _

"_My Kirk? Stars Hollow Kirk? Kirk who hasn't started shaving yet Kirk? How did you find out from him?" _

"_I called the Inn looking for you, and Michel answered, but he was in the middle of some argument with your horse veterinarian. Then there was a cracking sound, and the phone went dead. Then there was another man's voice saying 'Hello'." _

"_Kirk?" _

"_Bob."_ I correct her.

"_The gardener?" _

Really she doesn't know what's going on there.

"_More twists than O. Henry."_ Rory chimes in.

"_He told me something in a heavy Spanish accent all while Michel was yelling at the vet in French." _

"_I leave and the U.N. erupts." _

You can tell.

"_Then Kirk came on. He was there delivering something. And when I told him I was looking for you, he told me you were probably at your boyfriend Luke Danes' house. Now, why were you hiding it from me?" _

"_I wasn't hiding it." _

Oh, yes you were.

"_You jumped on Rory when you thought she told me. You were hiding it." _

"_She did not jump on me, Grandma." _

Yes, defend your mother – but it's useless.

"_Yeah, and I wasn't hiding it. The only reason I reacted to Kirk the way I did is that he's not in this world -- he's in my other world. It's as if I, out of the blue, told you I was having tea with Mrs. Van-uppity." _

"_Who?"_ I say confused.

"_Hortense Van-Uppity -- tight bun, lace collar, tiny poodle, fictional friend?"_

Ignore it Emily.

"_You keep so much from me with these separate worlds of yours. It's not right." _

"_I will try harder to merge the worlds. I promise." _

A likely story!

"_Well, start now. I want to meet this Luke Danes." _

"_You've met him." _

"_Not in this capacity. I need to re-meet him." _

"_Well, I'm sure that day will come." _

Me too – and sooner than you think.

"_Next week." _

"_What?"_ she says – a little shocked.

"_You have a gentleman friend of significance." _

"_Rhett is my gentleman friend, yes." _

And again - ignore it.

_So, it's only proper that you introduce him to your mother... unless he's insignificant. I don't want to meet a passing ship. That's a waste of my time. Is Luke a passing ship? Is he insignificant? _

I've asked the question. I'm curious for her answer.

"_No, he's not."_ she answers quietly.

I knew it. One more reason to meet him.

"_I'll get my book, and we will pick a date next week."_ I say standing up.

"_Mom." _

"_Next week."_ I say firmly.

"_But I – "_

"_Next week."_

With that I'm away to get my book. When I return I give her no chance to get out of this – I'm basically free every evening (I would cancel everything else for this dinner – I just have to meet him – them).

During dinner she again tried several times to get out of it, but in the end she gave up. I always get what I want.

* * *

Today Luke and Lorelai came over for dinner. At first Lorelai jumped on everything I said or didn't say. It was really annoying. After I'd excused myself to check on dinner, she'd changed completely though. She wasn't even once defending him. Well I did provoke him a little – I wanted to test, whether he would defend himself or his _diner_ – well he didn't. He tried everything to please me. Reminded me of Jason a little. That was really annoying, too. And I wouldn't have expected that from him. I thought he would defend himself or try to stop me in some way – because I admit that with time I got a little rude – too rude? – well who cares. He didn't say anything about it except 'Thank you'. That's no way to earn my respect. I was right – Lorelai deserves better than him. Not only that he's not from our social circle – he can't even stand up for his opinions.

As for will they be together forever? I don't know – let's hope Lorelai comes to her senses, but I doubt that. However I don't know what I can do about that right now.

* * *

I've barely seen Richard in the last days – it's always a polite _'Hello' _and _'Goodbye'_ nothing more. I wonder whether he knows about Luke. I didn't tell him. I don't even know why – but what could he do about it anyway. The phone is ringing.

"_Hello?"_

"_Hello Emily – it's Bitty."_

Oh my – more rumours? I wonder what she's up to.

"_Hello Bitty – good to hear from you – how are you?" _I say cheerfully.

"_I'm fine thanks – and you? I haven't seen you since the dinner."_

And again I hear the undertone – the one asking me whether the rumours are true.

"_Well you know Richard is very busy – and I had a lot to do around the house."_

"_But I've seen Richard – he was at the club yesterday."_

Was he? Now I really wonder what she's up to.

"_Yes, I know – he needed some time to relax, after all the travelling – and golfing always was relaxing for him."_

And why am I defending myself?

"_Well too bad you didn't accompany him."_

"_Yes, well as I said I had a lot to do around the house."_

"_Hiring another maid?" _she asks ironically.

"_That too."_

I have to live up to my reputation.

"_I was just wondering – who was the young man who accompanied Richard?"_

Young man? What young man? Did he have a business meeting after all? But I can't say that – after I've told her before he was there to relax. Damn why am I talking so much? I don't know what to say. Thankfully she continues – I hate that I've nothing to response.

"_I've never seen him around the club before – wearing a baseball cap and flannel."_

Luke – he was there with Luke? I can't believe it. I'm too shocked to say anything.

"_Rumours say he's the new boyfriend of Lorelai."_

Oh yes, she's enjoying this. I have to pull myself together.

"_Of course – I'm sorry Bitty, I thought he was there with Luke the day before yesterday – you confused me a little. As I said, there are too many things I have to think of right now – so a little mix up can happen."_

"_Of course it can. So he is her new boyfriend?"_

"_Yes he is."_

I have no choice than to admit it. – Why would he take Luke to the club? Is he insane? And not telling me – but well only another sign that I don't exist in his world anymore.

"_Well that's nice. Have you heard about Linda…."_

I have to try hard to follow the conversation from now on. But I have to – I was too inattentive already. At the first opportunity I end the call.

I can't believe it – he showed Luke off at the club – without telling me – without thinking about the consequences – now we'll be the center of gossip even more. I would like to go over to the pool-house right now – but he's not there. So I have to wait.

The minute I see him coming home I storm out of the house. I reach him, when he's unlocking the door.

"_Why would you go golfing with that man? Why on earth?"_ I say upset.

"_Who, Luke?" _

Richard please – who else?

"_You are encouraging this ridiculous relationship." _

"_Emily, please."_

No not _'Emily please'._

"_He is not good enough for Lorelai -- or to be Rory's stepfather, God forbid." _

I haven't really thought about this until it got out of my mouth, but I'm right – Rory deserves her real father and not some _diner guy, _who can't even stand up for his own opinion

"_Can we be a little more of a snob, Emily?" _

I don't think he's getting it.

"_The fact that you paraded him around the club -- our club!"_ I'm really upset.

"_It happened to be a fruitful outing. I am going to assist him in franchising his diner." _

I can't believe what I'm hearing – it's getting worse _– franchising_?

"_Richard! That hirsute lout is not capable of running a complex business." _

"_Well, that's obvious, Emily. That's why he will have no significant role. He'll be the front man. We'll shave him, stick his picture on the menus. The whole thing will hopefully bestow some credibility on him. At least then, if this insane relationship between him and Lorelai continues, we can legitimately take him to places like the club. - At least on holidays." _

I can't believe what I'm hearing – besides the fact that he was doing all of this without telling me, it's simply insane. I mean he just admitted that this relationship is insane, but that didn't stop him to show him off at our club.

"_This is absurd. You're absurd. The whole thing's absurd." _

I'm turning around to leave – it makes no sense to talk to him, when he's really thinking this is the right thing to do.

"_And you're not thinking ahead."_ Richard says.

What? What does he mean? Does he think the two of them will stay together – _marry perhaps?_ I'm looking at him, but I can't read his face.

"_Excuse me." _

With that he's going into the pool-house. And I'm going back to the main house. How I hate this. We should be united on this – and he's making plans behind my back.

I wonder if that will ever change.

_Sorry that I didn't include the actual dinner, but I really don't like how Emily was portrayed there, and I couldn't think of the thoughts she might have had during dinner, plus it would've been very long. But kicking it out altogether didn't seem right either – so tell me, did I make the right decision?_


	22. Another boyfriend

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Lore2, llanoestacado and RiskaSG _for your reviews. It's good to hear, that you thought the last chapter wasn't as bad as I imagined._

**Chapter 22: Another boyfriend**

It's Friday again – this time Richard is actually home, so the girls have drinks with him – I saw them arriving 30 min. ago. I wonder where they are, normally they're 20 min. with him – well perhaps they have to tell each other more, after all his business trips (are they talking about Luke?) but over 30 min? Olga came 5 min. ago to tell me, that dinner is ready. I'm going out on the patio. Perhaps I'll just go and get them.

I'm smelling something – barbecue! I don't believe it, they're barbecuing. I'm waiting for them to come to eat, and they're already eating. I'm getting angry while going towards them – what the hell is Richard thinking? We had an agreement after all – drinks with him – dinner with me – granted it was my idea, but he agreed to it. He should've at least asked me, before he changed this. I'm nearly there.

"_I knew I smelled something. You're barbecuing." _

"_So what?"_ Richard says.

I can't believe what I'm hearing – I would have never expected that from him.

"'_So what?' The agreement was the girls have drinks with you and dinner with me." _

"_We are having drinks -- drinks and appetizers." _

"_Those are not appetizers -- those are skewers." _

"_Little skewers."_ Lorelai says.

"_Little, tiny skewers."_ Rory backs her up.

Yes, be on his side.

"_This is not tiny."_ I say, grabbing a skewer out of Lorelai's hand.

"_Mom, that's mine. I'm – "_

"_This is a main course and a cheap way of cheating me out of my dinner."_ I say to Richard.

"_You are the most paranoid woman I've ever met." _

Oh please.

"_I highly doubt that." _

"_You were the one who designated the drinks portion of the evening to me." _

You don't need to remind me of our agreement – I know it and I'm not the one who broke it. Besides you agreed to it.

"_You love drinks." _

"_Drinks last one hour at most. Then you get the dinner portion, which can last several hours, especially the way you structure things. You get more time. I should at least be able to serve appetizers with my drinks." _

I can't believe it – he can't stick to one simple agreement. Not only that he's secret meetings with Luke, now he's throwing our agreement in my face. But however angry I might be, I won't fight anymore with him in front of the girls – they shouldn't witness this.

"_Fine. I'll leave. Have your drinks and your appetizers. You two better be hungry when you get inside or else."_ I say pointing to Lorelai.

Then I'm leaving.

"_Or else!"_ Lorelai hisses.

Don't think I haven't heard that. I can't make out the rest they're saying, but I can imagine. Inside the house I'm sitting down at the table – waiting for them. When Olga comes out to tell me again that dinner is ready I tell her harshly to keep it warm. Then – finally - I hear them coming. So I call for Olga to serve dinner.

"_I hope you're still hungry."_ I say after greeting them.

"_Of course we are Grandma."_

Well – we'll see. I watch them carefully and they're not hungry at all. Both of them are picking unenthusiastically in their food – I knew it. Not even the two of them can eat that much. I hate Richard for doing this.

"_Something wrong?"_ I ask them.

"_No. Why? Why?"_ Lorelai asks – silly question.

"_You're not eating." _

"_No, I am eating." _

"_You've taken two bites." _

"_Two really big bites." _

"_Rory's taken none." _

"_I did. You just missed it."_

I highly doubt that.

"_You're full." _

"_No."_ Lorelai says.

As if I would believe this – but I'm angrier at Richard.

"_He can't stick to a simple agreement. He makes deals all the time in business, but drinks there, dinner here -- somehow, that's too difficult for him to manage." _

"_He was just – "_ Rory begins, but I haven't finished.

"_He was trying to upstage me. He was trying to make his part of the evening the fun part. He's a child, a spoiled 4-year-old. I should take his dump truck away and send him to bed without supper -- or, as he calls it, 'appetizers.'"_ I add sarcastically.

"_Mom, seriously, we are starving. Look."_

She takes another bite – as if that would convince me.

"_Mmm. Wow. - Eat some carrots. Eat some carrots."_ she says to Rory.

"_Carrots -- delicious."_ she says unenthusiastically.

Alright – I can play that game, too if you want me to.

"_Well if you're both that hungry, you must want more. Olga, good timing. The girls are famished. Load them up."_ I say to Olga, who just came in.

Suddenly Lorelai's cell phone rings – I hate that and she knows it.

"_Lorelai!"_ I scold her.

"_What? It's not me."_ she defends herself.

"_It's me, Grandma. I'm sorry." _

Not much better – but at least she apologized. She takes a look at the ID.

"_I have to take this. I promise I'll be quick."_

She stands up to leave the room.

"_Hello? Hi. No, now is fine."_ I hear her saying.

Yes, during dinner is great timing – well she's Lorelai's daughter after all. I wonder who that is.

"_Who is she talking to?"_ I ask Lorelai.

"_How should I know?" _

"_Well you're the one who taught her to leave her cell phone on at the dinner table." _

"_That's for safety, mom, in case someone forces her to eat five chickens, and she has to call 911."_

Don't change the subject.

"_She's talking to a boy, isn't she?" _

"_I don't know." _

Oh yes you do.

"_She certainly sounds like she's talking to a boy. Does she have a new boyfriend?" _

"_Mom." _

"_Did she finally meet someone at Yale?" _I ask excited.

That would be wonderful.

"_I don't know." _

"_Oh, of course you know." _I say getting angry.

"_Because I'm the one who taught her to leave her cell phone on at the table?" _

Thankfully Rory is coming back – Lorelai wouldn't tell me anything.

"_Sorry, Grandma. Hey, that won't happen again." _

"_That's all right. - So, who were you talking to?" _

"_Dean, do you remember Dean?" _

"_The boy who made you the car?" _

"_Yep." _

"_I didn't know you were still seeing him." _

She didn't mention him once when we were in Europe – I don't think they were together there – no I would have noticed that. But she was weird – something was on her mind…

"_Um, well, we got back together recently." _

"_Really? Well, that's a surprise, isn't it, Lorelai?" _I say turning towards her.

Of course you knew about this.

"_I know. I'm floored."_

You're acting so badly tonight.

"_He's been working crazy shifts lately, and I've had so much schoolwork that we keep missing each other, so I told him to call me tonight." _

"_Well, thank you for telling me. I'm just glad I got to hear it from you and didn't have to pick it up on the street somewhere." _

Or from Kirk.

"_Cause you hang out on the street so often, Mom -- you and Melrose Larry Green."_

I'm ignoring Lorelai.

"_So, are you happy with this Dean?" _

"_Yes, I am." _

"_Well, good. Now, eat up. We have the fish course coming."_

In fact that's not good at all – first Lorelai and Luke and now Rory and Dean – they can't be serious.

"_The fish course?" _Lorelai asks a little shocked.

"_Yes, Olga makes a mean pickled herring." _

"_Oh, well. What a delightful skill." _

"_Yes, isn't it? Now eat – I've enough for everyone."_

During the rest of dinner – where they really tried to eat a little more – I can't but think about Dean and Rory. That's plain wrong – what is she thinking? He's not good enough for her – they broke up before and they'll break up again – I just know it.

Why can't she date someone from Yale? – I know there are enough good-looking, wealthy and smart young men there, why can't she fall in love with one of them? Perhaps she's too shy? I know she's not party-girl (unlike Lorelai by the way) and in some way I'm grateful for that, but she needs to meet the right men. Maybe I can help her. But I have to be careful. I have to find a way so that she will play along - I know she's not Lorelai who would boycott everything I plan on principle, but you never know – if I would invite her to some sort of gathering she could make up excuses – she's smart she will suspect that I have ulterior motives - so I need a good reason for her to come to whatever I'll host.

And then I realize what will make her come – Richard, more exactly Richard and me – together. I know she would love to see us back together (like me) and if I could get Richard to play along… I will get him to play along – he adores that girl – he can't want that she's dating Dean, he never liked him in the first place. So whatever weird spirit got into him when he was golfing with Luke, I just know that it will be different with Dean.

As soon as the girls have left I'm walking over to the pool-house. I knock at the door. Richard is coming to open it.

"_We need to talk."_ I say while walking straight into the pool-house.

He has just finished dinner, too. After he's shut the door he stares at me – kind of stunned. I wonder what he's thinking. It's making me nervous.

"_What?"_ I ask him.

"_You're not seriously making me a scene tonight, aren't you?"_

"_What?"_ I ask him confused.

"_Please Emily – just because I've made a barbecue once – "_

Oh that – right - I forgot.

"_No, it's not about your 'appetizers' – though you could at least have me informed about it beforehand. But this is about something more serious."_

"_Yes?"_

"_Do you know that Rory has a boyfriend?"_

"_No."_

I thought so.

"_Well she has, and guess who it is?"_

"_How should I know?"_

"_Well you know him."_

"_Emily please, just tell me what you have to say."_

"_Dean."_

"_What?"_ he says upset.

I thought so – perfect.

"_Seems that they just got back together – well I don't know your opinion about it, but I think that is plain wrong – they broke up before and they will again – I don't know what she's thinking. But perhaps we could help her to meet some decent young men. I thought about hosting a Yale Alumni party next Friday. We could invite all our friends who have boys at Rory's age – that would give her a wide selection."_

And people will perhaps stop gossiping about us, when we're hosting this together.

"_I know perfectly well though, that I can't do this on my own – you're the Alumnus so you have to be present. I'm here to ask you, if you think we could host this party together."_

He's still staring at me.

"_Dean?" _he finally says.

Has he heard me at all?

"_Yes, Dean – Richard did you even listen to me? Do you want her to be with him?"_

"_No – certainly not – and I did listen to you. You're right – a Yale Alumni party should be the best thing to do. - Will you handle everything?"_

"_Of course I will. I'll come to you with the guest-list tomorrow if that is alright with you."_

"_Certainly."_

"_Good. But I need your help with one invitation."_

"_Yes?"_

"_Rory – she's smart she will suspect that something is going on – but I know that she'll come when we'll invite her together, cause what she wants more than anything is…"_

Somehow I can't finish that sentence. I look at him and I just know, that he knows exactly what I'm talking about – but he isn't saying anything either.

"_So I thought that when we would call her together tomorrow I just know that she will come. And well we're adults, we should be able to get this over with in a civilized way."_

"_Yes we should. Just tell me what you want me to do Emily. I certainly don't want her to date Dean again, so everything I can do to help you with the party – "_

"_Thank you, but I guess except for confirming the guest list and calling Rory I have it all covered. So will you come over tomorrow?"_

"_Yes I will."_

„_Good – Thank you."_

„_There's no need to thank me – I'm totally with you on this."_

We're looking at each other – both unsure of what to do now. It's the first thing we agreed on for months.

"_Well I guess I should go – it's getting late. Goodnight Richard."_

I turn around to leave.

"_Emily?"_

I look at him again.

"_Yes?"_

"_I should've told you about the barbecue. It's just… "_

I wonder what he wants to say. I look at him encouragingly.

"_It won't happen again."_

I nod. Too bad he didn't finish that sentence – perhaps we could have even started to talk.

„_Thank you."_

With that I'm going back to the main house. I don't know what to think of our ‚relationship' – one moment he's having secret meetings with Luke – totally going against everything I wish for Lorelai and just when I'm thinking that we can't agree on anything again something like this happens and we're united to get Rory to meet the right men.

_So what do you think of it – especially the last conversation between Emily and Richard – I would love to hear your thoughts. _


	23. Preparations

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Liz, llanoestacado and RiskaSG _for your reviews. It's good to hear, that you're still reading and loving the story.._

**Chapter 23: Preparations**

I'm going through the guest-list again – the Heads, the Andersons, the Barnes, the Campbells… yes I think I got everyone. But just to make sure I'll go over to Richard to show it to him – besides that's what I told him I would do. And it's Saturday so he's at home. I'm going through the garden and knock at his door – he's opening me.

"_Good morning Emily, how are you?" _he asks me cheerfully.

Looking in his eyes I'm tempted to believe that he enjoys seeing me.

"_Good morning Richard – I'm fine."_

We exchange a look.

"_Please come inside – would you like a cup of coffee?"_

"_No, I just wanted you to confirm the guest-list." _I say giving it to him.

He looks disappointed.

"_But maybe a cup of coffee wouldn't be bad, - while you're checking it."_

He's calling for his valet to get me some. While I'm drinking and looking around – I can't but notice that it's not so messy anymore, am I imagining things or did he tidy up this morning? – He's going through the list.

"_What about the Donovans?"_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_The Donovans – I double-checked I didn't find them."_

"_Oh – well they're in Europe, have you forgotten? I'm sure I told you about it."_

"_Yes, I remember now."_

"_So is everything alright with it?"_

"_Yes – but I didn't expect otherwise from you."_

Me neither – but it's nice to hear it from him.

"_Good – then I'll mail out the invitations immediately."_

"_You do that. – I'm coming over around lunch? I thought that would be the best time to catch Rory."_

He's actually putting thoughts into this – that's something. I wonder whether to invite him for lunch. Perhaps this is our opportunity to come closer together.

"_Yes that sounds sensible – what about we have lunch together before we call her – to talk about everything." _I add quickly.

"_That would be lovely Emily."_

_Lovely?_ Did he just say _lovely?_ I don't know what to think of this – I have to get out of here.

"_Alright – I'll tell Olga to make us lunch. Well I have a lot to do, so if you would excuse me…"_

"_Sure – I'll see you then."

* * *

_

During lunch I had my feelings under control. Maybe I was only imagining things, but we got along just fine. Talking about the party and the call. After we'd finished lunch we're going into his study to the speakerphone. He sitting behind his desk – I standing next to him – as it was numerous times before. It's a good feeling. He dials Rory's number.

"_Hello?" _

"_Rory, it's your grandmother." _

"_Oh, hey, Grandma." _

"_Your grandfather is here, also." _

"_Hello, Rory, how are you?" _

"_Fine, Grandpa, and you?" _she sounds surprised – I knew it.

"_We're wonderful. Thank you for asking." _

"_Rory, we're sorry to bother you at school, but next Friday, your grandfather and I agreed to host a little Yale alumni event at our house." _

"_It completely slipped our minds the other night." _

"_So we'll have to cancel our usual Friday-night dinner." _

"_Oh. That's okay." _

"_However, we were wondering if maybe you'd like to come."_ I added.

"_Me?" _

Of course you – silly girl – to whom are we talking?

"_The alumni always like to meet the new generation of Elis, and, plus, we'd love to be able to show you off to all of our friends, wouldn't we, Emily?" _

"_Yes, we would." _

"_You might even make a few connections that could come in handy somewhere down the road." _

"_Please, come. We'd hate to miss our weekly Rory fix, and I promise you there won't be any chicken..." _

"…_or steak on a stick." _

We're looking at each other – both laughing – oh yes we're in good form today.

"_Well, sure. I'd love to come." _

"_Wonderful. Your grandmother and I are thrilled." _

"_Is it fancy? What should I wear?" _

"_Oh, just pick out a pretty little dress."_

I don't want her to get suspicious now.

"_And bring that face."_ Richard adds.

He adores her. Well to be honest _we _adore her.

"_The face comes with the package." _

"_Oh, and Rory, I know you usually come at 7:00, but could you make it at 6:00 instead?" _

"_6:00 is fine." _

Good - that way I can last-minute check on her outfit.

"_We'll see you Friday."_ Richard says.

"_See you Friday."_ she says, ending the call.

"_Well that went just fine didn't it Emily?"_

"_Yes it did. – Thank you Richard."_

"_I said it before – no need to thank me, I don't want her to be together with Dean, either. So if there's anything I can do to help you…"_

"…_I'll let you know. Thank you Richard. But I think I have it all under control. The invitations will be out this afternoon and then I'll call the caterer to talk about the menu, the decoration – oh I thought about blue as the main colour, what do you think about it?"_

"_Blue sounds great – after all it's Yale alumni."_

"_That's what I thought. So I'm gonna make those calls now."_

"_You don't mind me staying here for a little while? – I have to take a look at some papers and then I don't have to get them over to the pool-house."_

"_No, I don't mind."_

"_Thank you Emily."_

"_You're welcome."_

With that I left the study to make the preparations.

* * *

I'm about to go to bed, still thinking about whether or not to buy a dress for Rory – I've thought about it the whole day. I told her to pick out a _pretty little dress_ – but what do I know what she'll wear – what she'll consider a _pretty little dress_? I want her to be the queen of the evening, I want her to look like a princess. But to buy her a dress? I decide to go to Lorelai's room to see whether or not something suitable is in her closet. All her dresses still have to be there – I didn't change anything. But maybe they're old-fashioned now?

Just when I thought that nothing suitable is to be found in her closet my eye catches a tiny little black dress. Yes – that would be perfect – and looking at it, it would certainly fit Rory. If I remember correctly that was even a dress Lorelai would wear on her own to some of her school-parties. Yes it's settled, when she's coming here in a dress I don't approve of, she'll wear that one.

Going back to my room I'm thinking about jewellery. I have more than enough of it – Richard was very generous. My birthday, Christmas, our wedding anniversary or sometimes even no special reason and he would get me jewellery.

I want her to look like a princess – so she has to wear the tiara – that's for sure, but what else? A necklace - but which one? It has to match the tiara – after some time I decide that the diamond necklace Richard gave me on my 40th birthday will be the one. So I have the tiara, the necklace – what else? Rings? I take a look at them, but they don't seem to fit – and I'm sure most of them won't fit her slim fingers anyway – so no ring. But earrings – yes she definitely needs earrings. Again I'm going through the box.

Looking at all of this brings back memories. I know the history to each piece of jewellery I own. When I finally decide on the earrings I want her to wear I can't but remember. It was our first trip to Denmark.

* * *

It was a lovely day. We did some sight-seeing in Copenhagen and I even convinced Richard to go shopping a little.

"_Don't you think that blue dress looks just lovely Richard?"_

"_It certainly would look lovely on you."_

"_Oh Richard." _I said blushing a little.

"_Do we have time – so that I can try it on?"_

"_We have all the time in the world my dear."_

I went inside to try it on. It fit perfectly.

"_What do you think Richard?"_

"_As I said, it looks lovely on you."_

"_Thank you."_

My eyes were wandering around the shop. I spotted another great dress – in green. I went there to get it. When I came back to Richard I held it in front of me.

"_Do you think that would be better?"_

"_I don't know – they're both beautiful."_

"_Well – I'll try it on."_

While changing I promised myself that this would be the last dress I'd try on. He didn't say anything, but I know that he's not the patience for this. He doesn't like being in a shop and waiting for me to come out of the changing cabin. The green one was beautiful, too.

"_So what do you think?" _I asked stepping out.

"_It's beautiful."_

"_But which one do you like better?"_

"_Hmm – I think the blue one. I've always liked you in blue."_

"_So would you buy me the blue one?" _I said – already knowing the answer.

"_Of course – I'll buy them both if you want to have them."_

"_No – you don't have to do that – the blue one – that's enough."_

"_Give it to me, that way I can pay while you're changing."_

I gave it to him. Outside the store I turned towards him.

"_Thank you Richard."_

I gave him a little kiss.

"_You're welcome – you look beautiful in it – how could I not have bought it?"_

Back at the hotel I went to take a shower. When I came into the living-room of our suite again he was gone. That was weird – and no note. Well I decided to read my novel and wait for him. After half an hour he returned.

"_Where have you been darling?"_

"_I just wanted to get some international papers."_

"_And where are they?" _I asked him smiling.

"_Who?"_

"_The international papers."_

"_Oh – well the latest weren't out yet. I've read them already. They'll come out tomorrow. I've looked everywhere – that's why it took so long. I hope you weren't worried."_

"_I wasn't."_

"_So what about you try on your new dress for dinner?"_

"_Sure. – Now?"_

"_If you don't want to do something else that's important now, I'd say yes."_

"_Okay."_

Somehow he was weird – _they didn't have the latest newspapers – _he always knows when they're out. But well I shouldn't think about it too much. When I was sure that my appearance was perfect I went into the living-room again.

"_So where are we going tonight my husband?" _I flirted.

"_Nowhere."_

"_Nowhere? But you wanted me to dress up."_

"_I thought you'd dress up for your husband – not the other people."_

"_Of course I do."_ I said – again blushing a little.

"_Good – I thought we could have a lovely evening here."_

With that he turned on the music – a Viennese Waltz – my favourite dance.

"_May I have this dance?" _he asked me – bowing down a little.

"_You may."_ I answered – curtseying a little.

It was wonderful. We danced until the room-service brought us dinner. Before dessert I excused myself for a moment. When I came back a small package was lying on my plate. He can't be serious – he bought me a dress today already – an expensive dress not to say.

"_For me?"_

"_Yes – open it."_

The most wonderful earrings were in it.

"_Oh Richard – "_

"_Do you like them?"_

"_They're beautiful."_

"_Put them on."_

I did – my hands a little shaking. I can't believe this – it's not even a special day.

"_They look beautiful on you."_

I stood up, walked over to him and sat down on his lap.

"_Thank you Richard."_ I said kissing him – this time more passionate than on the street.

"_I knew they would fit the dress."_

"_You bought them today?"_

"_Yes. I saw them before, but when I bought you that dress today I knew they would match it perfectly."_

"_I've never believed the newspaper story anyway."_

"_Yes, you're smart – and I have to work on my excuses."_

I stood up.

"_Where are you going Emily?"_

"_I have to get in front of a mirror – to judge if they really match the dress perfectly." _I said to him while going to the bathroom again.

They did. When I came back he was still sitting there.

"_And?"_

"_You're right – they fit perfectly. And besides that they're the most beautiful earrings I've ever seen. I love them."_

He took my hands to make me sit on his lap again.

"_I hope so, cause they belonged to the Queen."_

"_Of course – and today you went to the palace and bought them from her."_

"_No – the brother of the king stole them from her and sold them to the place where I got them. I have good contacts."_

"_And you want me to believe that?" _I asked amused.

"_Yes, I do."_

"_Then I do." _I said while kissing him again.

„_You know that I don't deserve all of this – the dress, the earrings – and it's not even a special day."_

"_You do – and every day with you is special."_ he answered.

And before I could say anything else he was kissing me again – this time very passionately. Soon we went over to the bedroom.

* * *

Stop thinking of that Emily Gilmore. Stop thinking of his kisses and how it was back then. That's over. But a tiny voice in my head said, that maybe it wasn't over – maybe I would feel those kisses again sometime. Stop it Emily!

With that I shut down the jewellery box. And everything because I picked out some earrings for Rory. I have to stop thinking about the past. I should look forward to Friday and make sure that everything turns out as it's supposed to be.

But no matter how often I told myself this while sorting out the jewellery for Rory (so that I have it all in one place on Friday) I couldn't but think of how I found the green dress also in my suitcase, when we returned from our trip to Denmark. How he managed to get it into it without me noticing is still a miracle to me – he never told me.

_But I hope you tell me what you thought of this chapter – the flashback and everything. I'd love to hear your comments – thanks!_


	24. The Party

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Liz, llanoestacado and Riska _for your very kind reviews. They mean so much to me. Hope you enjoy this one, too._

**Chapter 24: The Party**

It's Friday – Rory must be here any minute – thank God she's never late. My hairdresser is upstairs waiting for her - and the jewellery, too. Richard came over an hour ago, to help me taking care of the last preparations – I was truly amazed. It's not that it's his job or that I'd need help - but it's nice. When he was coming he even complimented my brown dress. It's nearly as if this whole separation weren't happening. But maybe he's just trying to play his role, so that we're used to it, when the guests will arrive.

I'm not totally satisfied with the decoration – maybe it's too much blue. Just when I'm instructing the men to place the furniture in a decent way (really you have to take a look at everything, if the chairs are too narrow together, people have trouble moving from one place to another – which makes them feel uncomfortable) it may be only a detail, but the details are important. That's why my parties are famous – because I pay attention to detail – now they're too far apart - sometimes I'm feeling I'm the only competent one in here. I hear the doorbell and Rory comes in.

"_Hey, Grandma." _

"_Rory - oh, look at you. Will you look at her? - I said look at her! Isn't she beautiful?"_ I ask the caterer, getting angry with him – really I'm the only one in here, noticing beautiful things.

"_Yes, very beautiful." _

Yes that was sounding convincing. I'm focussing on Rory again. She looks adorable. Really. No need to get her changed into Lorelai's dress. But her hair… Well good that I've taken care of that.

"_I love this dress - very elegant." _

"_Thanks, Grandma. The place looks wonderful." _

"_Oh, there's too much blue." _

"_It's Yale alumni. There can't be too much blue." _

Hm – that's the same Richard said, when I was pointing it out to him. Speaking of Richard, he's just coming over – of course he is – Rory is here.

"_Emily, I noticed the bartenders weren't planning on using proper martini glasses. Oh - well, Rory, how lovely you look tonight." _

As I said, if you don't have a look at everything – wrong martini glasses – good he spotted that. So what first – Rory or the glasses? – Rory!

"_Doesn't she? This dress is divine, but you know what? My hairdresser's upstairs in my bedroom right now. Why don't you go on up and have her do a little something with your hair?" _

"_My hair?" _

She's not too pleased with this offer, but she'll do it – I just know it.

"_Just for kicks. Come on, I'll take you up. Richard, could you?"_

If you're here anyway you can just as well handle the martini glasses.

"_I have it all under control." _

"_Thank you. Come on." _

I'm taking her upstairs.

„_Grandma, do you really think that's a good idea? I mean what is wrong with my hair?"_

"_It's just so normal – I want you to look special tonight. And she's a professional hairdresser so don't be afraid. - Come on Rory, it would make me very happy."_

"_Well, okay. As long as it makes you happy."_

"_Thank you Sweetie. - Here we are, Sarah. What do you think of her hair? I thought maybe you could pin it up?"_

"_That would look lovely Mrs Gilmore."_

"_Rory?"_

"_Well if that's what you want."_

Sarah is starting to make her hair and it looks adorable. Much better than before.

"_Well that looks lovely Sarah – now what about a little make-up?"_

"_Of course ma'am. "_

That was one of my best ideas – she gets prettier every minute. Rory isn't saying much, but she will agree that this is a good idea, once we're finished. If not she must be blind.

"_Oh, yes, that's very nice. I love the lashes." _

"_Grandma, this is really nice, but –"_

"_Just a little more cheeks."_ I say to Sarah – ignoring Rory.

"_Shouldn't we be getting down to the party?" _

She's asking that since we heard the first guests arrive – how often do I have to tell her, that if you want to create a special moment entering the party, you have to wait until most of the guests are there – otherwise no one will be noticing you.

"_Yes, one more minute, now. Let's see here. This might do it."_

I'm walking over to get the jewellery – first the necklace.

"_Grandma, I couldn't."_

Nonsense.

"_Diamond necklaces were invented to be worn. They're doing nobody any good just sitting in a box."_ I say fastening it around her neck.

"_Perfect. Do you like it?"_

I watch her in the mirror – she looks lovely – everything is turning out the way I planned it.

"_Well - yes, it's beautiful, but –"_

"_It needs earrings. I agree."_ I say, getting them.

"_No it's, it's fine on its own, really." _

"_Your grandfather bought me these earrings on our first trip to Denmark. He swears he bought them off the ne'er-do-well brother of the king, who stole them from the queen. Have you ever heard such a thing?"_

"_No." _she says.

"_Huh - I have a wonderful idea. Have you ever worn a tiara?"_ I ask her pretending I just had this idea.

And this will be the crowning moment – I've always wanted to do this with Lorelai, but she would never allow that. I'm so happy that Rory is different.

"_Well... when I was 4." _

I carefully place it on her hair and watch her in the mirror – she looks exactly like I wanted her to look – my little princess. I'm so proud of her.

"_You look like a princess." _

"_Grandma, are you sure you want me wearing all this stuff? They must be very expensive, and if something should happen –"_

"_Nothing's going to happen. And, yes, you look exactly the way I want my granddaughter to look to all our guests. Shall we?" _

"_Okay." _

"_It's going to be a wonderful evening." _I say excitedly while walking to the stairs.

"_Come on Rory – there's no need to be shy – you'll be the queen of the evening."_

She's coming and I walk her down the stairs proudly – again something I always wanted to do with Lorelai. Looking downstairs I see that everyone is ready.

"_Everyone, here's Rory."_

Everyone is looking up to us – adoring her. Richard comes to greet us on the lower stairs. I can just see that he's as proud as I am. I wonder whether he has to think of Lorelai, too.

"_You look absolutely royal."_ he says to her.

"_Well, it's probably the crown."_ she answers.

It's a tiara, but well – Richard is leaning towards me.

"_Emily, you did a fine job."_

I'm flattered.

"_Thank you, Richard."_

Then we're following Rory, who's waiting for us downstairs, and we begin to make the rounds. First the Heads, then the Andersons – I'm quite proud of her – she knows how to do small talk – again Lorelai would've never done this – no matter what I would've threatened to do. But I have to focus on Rory now. I always make sure to tell the boys to talk with her later. And I also make sure to stand behind her, sometimes my hand on her back – to give her safety and to be able to lead her where I want her to go.

When we're talking with the Barnes, Rory is interrupting the small-talk.

"_Um, Kip, will you excuse us for a minute? I need to talk to my Grandparents. It was nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes." _

Well I would lie when I'd say I wouldn't have thought that this would happen. But she's still very polite – except that she wants to push me away. But I manage to tell Kip to talk to her later before following her and Richard.

"_Are you enjoying the party?"_ I ask her innocently.

"_The party is very nice, Grandma. I was just wondering, do your alumni friends have any daughters?" _

"_Daughters? What do you mean?" _

"_Well, I was just noticing that there are a lot of boys here, but not that many girls." _

Richard and I look around the room innocently. Just when I wonder what to say now, Richard is jumping in.

"_Really? I hadn't noticed. Did you notice, Emily?" _

"_Why, no, I hadn't. Huh. Well, I will have to pay more attention to the guest list next time, won't I, Richard?" _

"_Yes, you will." _

Oh yes, we're in great form tonight – a real team.

"_I promise you, we will throw another party just for our friends with girls, but in the meantime-"_

"_Ah, the Campbell boy is here."_ Richard announces and leaves to greet them.

Good – the perfect opportunity to end this conversation – not that she ever had a chance to win it.

"_Oh, good. Let's go. Campbell, like the soup."_ I excitedly inform her – taking her hands in mine to guide her to them.

* * *

Finally we've introduced her to everyone – I must admit that I'm even a little exhausted – always the same small talk – the same smile, but well I wanted to give her a wide selection and that I have.

She's standing together with some of the boys – oh yes I have an eye on her – but unfortunately she's looking quite bored. Just when I'm thinking about going over to them, I see her leaving for Richard's study. I wonder what she's doing there. Part of me wants to go over to her to give her a piece of my mind – she could at least try to socialize with them. But then, she's Lorelai's daughter and I know she would rebel when I'm pushing too hard – so I decide to give her a few minutes on her own – after all everything was a surprise for her. Perhaps she just has to adjust herself to the situation.

Lorelai – of course she's in the study to call her mother – to tell her about this, I can just imagine what Lorelai will do. In my mind I'm preparing for another fight. But maybe she isn't calling Lorelai but Dean? But she wouldn't dare to call him to rescue her, would she? No I think she's calling Lorelai. Finally she's coming out, heading for the lanai. I'm looking around and see Jordan standing there – all on his own.

"_Hello Jordan – I hope you're enjoying the party?"_

"_Yes ma'am."_

"_Well – why don't you go over to my granddaughter? I'm sure she would love to talk to you." _

I smile encouragingly at him.

"_Well sure – yes ma'am."_

With that he's going after her – slowly - and I excuse myself to go to the kitchen. I have to take care of something else.

"_Attention please everyone!" _I exclaim and everyone is looking at me.

"_The Party is going great so far and I don't want that to change – means I don't want to be interrupted. So whenever the phone is ringing, Juanita you will answer – in Spanish. Pretend that you don't know any English, understand?"_

"_Yes, ma'am."_ Juanita says nodding.

"_And I mean any phone call – no matter who it is – even my daughter. I only want to speak to her after the party."_

As soon as I've said this the phone is ringing – yes I knew it – she called Lorelai. I nod at Juanita. She takes the phone and she's doing great. I nod approvingly at her. When she's finished she looks at me again.

"_Very good Juanita – until the party ends this will be your job."_

With that I'm leaving the kitchen. I'm looking for Rory but I can't find her. Richard is looking at me from the other end of the room, motioning outside with his head. He knows exactly whom I was looking for. So she's outside, right I saw her going there before – yes she's outside with some boys. Well it's equal to me where she is, at least she's interacting with them. But I would like to have an eye on her. I'm looking at Richard again and he nods – then he goes outside. Really we know each other so well. Tonight it is like the last months hadn't happened.

After some time Richard is coming back in walking towards me.

"_She's with Logan."_

Logan – well that's nice.

"_Did they know each other before?"_

"_I'm not quite sure, but it seemed that way."_

We're both smiling at each other. Knowing she's in good hands we're focusing on our guests again.

* * *

I haven't seen her for a while – looking out on the patio, there is no one either. I wonder where she is – and some of the boys are missing, too. Finally I can't take it anymore, so I'm going out onto the patio – the place where I've seen her the last time. Well she's not there, but I'm hearing voices from the pool-house – so there they are. I wonder if I should go over there – it's not appropriate for her to be there alone with the boys – but then I wanted her to make contacts and what could happen anyway – it's not that she's there with one boy… Suddenly everyone is coming out of the pool-house and I'm hurrying inside. They seem to have fun – but they're not stopping here – they're walking right through the house to the front-door. The boys stop at the front door, but I can't see Rory anymore…

I'm going to one of the windows – Dean – I can't believe it, what's he doing here? Did she really call him? But then she's already called Lorelai, so did she call them both? Honestly he doesn't belong here. It's a pity that right now Bunny is coming towards me to talk about some gossip – I'm missing half of what's happening outside. And of course Bunny shouldn't see Dean, so I pretend not to look outside. Finally I see Rory coming in again – at least she didn't leave (good for her – she didn't dare doing that). And Logan's still with her. Looking outside Dean has left. I hope he finally understood that she's too good for him. But looking at Rory's face right now, I almost feel guilty for hosting this party for her – she looks like they've broken up. If only they have…then my plan would've succeeded sooner than I thought – at least the first part of it – and with Logan around, the second could be in the making. Of course she's sad right now, but after some time, she'll see that this was the right decision. They're heading over to the pool-house again.

* * *

The guests are beginning to leave. Rory and the boys are just coming over from the pool-house. They're drunk – but I'm not saying anything. They look as if they had fun – and that's good.

"_Rory, I'll tell our driver to bring you home – you shouldn't drive right now. You can get your car tomorrow."_

"_Or you can come with us – I've got the limousine, come on Ace, that would be fun – of course only if that's alright with you Emily?" _Logan says – looking at me.

Am I alright with it? And _Ace_? What's that about? I don't want something to happen – but he did say us, didn't he?

"_I would bring her home first – and then the boys." _Logan continues – I wonder if he had read my thoughts – Rory is just looking at me.

"_Of course that's alright with me – Rory?"_

"_Yeah – sounds like fun."_

They start to say their goodbyes to me.

"_It was a wonderful party Emily – I bet my mother will be talking the whole week about it." _Logan says.

"_I'm glad you enjoyed it – and make sure to get her home safely."_

"_Of course ma'am."_

"_Goodnight Grandma." _Rory says – kissing me on the cheek.

"_Goodnight Sweetie."_

She doesn't seem mad anymore – I knew this was a good idea. I'm looking through the window to watch them drive away. I'm so glad she's leaving in the limousine and not in Dean's car.

"_That was quite a success, wasn't it Emily?"_

"_Yes it was Richard. They seem like a nice couple, don't they?"_

"_Emily – don't get your hopes up too early."_

Men – I'm not replying anything to this. Now I have to clean up – going over the floor I notice it's sticky – great. I wonder what they've dropped on it. But first I'm having a look at the kitchen.

"_Were there more phone calls Juanita?"_

"_Yes, ma'am."_

I thought so.

"_Well from now on you can talk English again."_

She nods and I'm about to leave, when the phone is ringing – yes that's my Lorelai – always trying again. And I'm right – soon I'm hearing the words.

"_It's for you, Mrs. Gilmore_."

I'm taking the phone.

"_Hello?" _

"_Hi, Mom, it's me."_

Yes I thought so.

"_Well, hello, Lorelai. How are you?" _

"_I'm fine. Can I talk to you and dad for a minute?" _

"_Your father's paying the caterers." _

"_Well this will just take a minute. Could you maybe go in the study on the speakerphone - seriously, just one minute?" _

I knew this would come – so prepare yourself Emily.

"_All right, hold on."_

I'm putting the phone on hold and go over to Richard

"_Richard, Lorelai's wants to speak to us on the speakerphone." _I say giving him the look.

"_I have to pay the caterers, Emily."_

"_That's what I told her, but she wants to talk to us."_

"_I'll be there soon."_

I'm going a few steps away – somehow I don't want to talk to her alone – I'm exhausted and well she wants to speak to both of us, so I can just as good wait for Richard. I'm looking at the floor – it really is sticky.

Richard is coming over and we're going into his study – together – he sitting on his chair and I standing next to him. The same positions we had when calling Rory – the same position we had numerous times before – it gives me safety. But moving on to Lorelai.

"_All right, we're both here." _I say.

"_Hello, Lorelai. What can we do for you?" _

"_I just wanted to touch base with you about this little party you threw for Rory tonight." _

"_The party was not for Rory. It was for our Yale alumni." _I correct her

"_Oh, it was not. It was a trick, and you know it, and I know it, so let's - just know it together." _

"_What do you want, Lorelai?"_ Richard asks her.

"_You lied to your granddaughter tonight. You lied to a kid who trusted you. You tricked her." _

"_It was a party." _I say.

"_It was a mating ritual."_

Oh please.

"_What are you talking about?"_ Richard asks.

"_All boys, Mom? Seriously, what is that about?" _

Well have a guess.

"_It's good for her to interact with her peers."_ I explain.

"_Lorelai, Rory is in a new phase of her life now, and she needs to be exposed to different things, different people -- that's all we were trying to do."_ Richard backs me up. It's good to be a team again.

"_She has a boyfriend." _

"_Oh, so what?" _I say.

Besides that's over anyhow – if not now then it will be over soon.

"_So she has a boyfriend, which means she doesn't need another one." _

"_She's 20 years old, Lorelai. She is not going to be with that boy forever." _Richard says and I nod approvingly – I wonder what he knows about tonights events.

"_uh-huh."_ Lorelai murmurs.

"_That's right, and when she's ready to move on, she'll have met some nice young man who will represent the new phase in her life."_ I'm backing him up this time.

"_I am sure that Dean is a very nice young man, but he is certainly not good enough for Rory." _

"_That's right."_ I confirm – and well we don't have to discuss him anymore, if I'm not very mistaken.

"_Now she is young, but young people need guidance, and since you seem so little help in this department, we have to step in."_ Richard goes on. It is as if we're having the same thoughts.

"_Well, step on out again, because this is none of your business."_

That's not for you to decide.

"_Lorelai, I am tired, and the caterers have caked the floor with something sticky, and I don't have time for this. We want more for her, period. Now, obviously, it's too late for you, but it is not too late for Rory and we are going to make sure that she has the life she deserves." _

"_You know, it doesn't matter what you think of me, okay? Rory will choose her own path in life, and there's nothing either one of you can do about it."_

We'll see. And I'm not discussing this right now.

"_I'm hanging up." _

"_Well, me too."_

Richard hangs up and we're looking at each other both sighing. Then there's silence.

"_Well I'll go looking after the floor." _I say to him, half turning around.

"_You don't need me anymore, do you Emily?"_

"_No – I have it all under control."_

"_Good – then I'm going over to the pool-house. I think I saw the kids in there – I wonder how it's looking."_

"_Yes, - do you want me to come with you?"_

"_I think I have it covered – goodnight Emily."_

"_Goodnight Richard."_

We're looking at each other – finally he's leaving. Why do I have the feeling, that we've only changed for tonight? That tomorrow everything will be as it was the weeks before. Why did he leave so early? The pool-house was only an excuse – I just know it. Talking about our parties afterwards, mocking some people – that was half the fun of it. Somehow I was looking forward to it, thinking he would stay given the fact that he came so early, but now… Well I have to focus on the floor.

_Be kind and tell me your thoughts._


	25. The Roll

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Lore2, Riska _and _Liz _for your reviews. So finally we're coming to the chapter you're all waiting for._

**Chapter 25: The Roll**

I think I can call the party yesterday a success. And the floor is in top-form again, so besides some broken glasses (that nearly always happens) everything worked out fine. It's late afternoon and I haven't seen Richard since he left after the party. And it's certainly not for me to go over to him (yes, I still know about the content of Hope's letter) but really he left, so if he wants to talk about the party he could come. The door-bell is ringing and since the maid has her free day, I'm opening the door myself.

"_Hello Rory. How nice to see you – come in." _I say cheerfully to her.

"_Hi Grandma."_ she answers, coming in while giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"_I just wanted to get my car and bring back your jewellery – thanks for giving it to me."_

"_Thanks for wearing it – you looked beautiful – everyone loved you – and see, nothing happened with it." _I say taking it from her.

"_You're right."_

"_So did you enjoy the party?"_

"_Yes - it was nice."_ she answers hesitantly.

"_I've noticed that you were at the pool-house for quite a long time – did you know some of the young men?"_

"_Yes, I've met some of them at Yale."_

"_And – anyone whom you like in particular?"_

Don't make me ask for everything.

"_No, I don't think so – they're nice, but that's it."_

Hmm – I don't think that's true.

"_Oh – so what about Logan – have you met him before?"_

"_Yes."_

Well that's not getting me anywhere, and perhaps it's too early and I need to give them time.

"_Did you come here by bus?"_

"_Yes – and I'm driving back to Yale from here – I have to learn."_

"_Alright, but you have time for some biscuits, do you?"_

"_Sure."_

We're talking a little about Europe; it's really nice. I wish she would come over more often – I didn't know how much I've missed her presence until now.

"_Is Grandpa here?"_

"_Yes – I think he's at the pool-house."_

"_I think I'll just say a quick hello to him, before leaving."_

"_Sure, you should do that, he will be thrilled to see you again."_

"_So … you and Grandpa are still – "_

I give her a warning look and she looks down.

"_Sorry." _I hear her mumbling. I sigh.

"_I think you better go see him now. - Will you come inside again?"_ I ask anxiously.

"_I really have to get back to Yale."_

"_I see."_

I hate the sudden tension – and everything because of my look – she has a right to ask – at least it shouldn't upset me that much. Just when she's about to head for the lanai I call her back.

"_Rory? Thanks for coming and thank you for staying a little." _I smile at her.

"_Anytime Grandma."_ she smiles back.

Then she's coming towards me again – hugging me.

"_I'll see you on Friday."_

"_See you on Friday Sweetie."_

I watch her going over to Richard.

* * *

It's Sunday and I still haven't seen Richard. I'm getting annoyed – why is it always me who has to go over to him or ask him to come? And this time will be no exception – the Dorman School Bazaar will be on Wednesday and I think it would be good for us both to attend. All our friends will be there and Friday went well so why not give it a try. What we can do at home we can do outside just as well. Sighing I'm on my way to the pool-house. I knock at the door. Richard is opening me. 

"_Emily? Did something happen?"_

„_No – I just wanted to discuss some things with you – may I come in?"_

"_Of course – come in."_

We're getting inside – sitting opposite from each other.

"_Well do you remember that the Dorman School Bazaar will be next week? All our friends will be there and we haven't missed it except if we were away. So I thought we could both attend."_

"_If you think that's the right thing to do, then we'll do it."_

Why is he so distant? What did happen since the party? I mean I'm not imaging things, am I?

"_Yes, that's what I thought – since our party went so well, I thought we could just as well attend the Bazaar together."_

"_I'll be there."_

"_Good."_

"_Anything else?"_

I really don't know what I did.

"_No."_

"_Good – see I have some papers to go through – a very important meeting tomorrow."_

"_Well I don't want to keep you from your work. Goodbye Richard."_

"_Goodbye Emily."_

While going back to the house I wonder if the reason for his distance really was this meeting – could be. That's the only explanation I have since Friday went so well (except the ending – but he couldn't have acted everything could he?) I hate having these thoughts. I'll just have to wait for Wednesday.

* * *

It's Wednesday evening and I'm lying in my bed – I can't get over about what happened. At first there was the question, do we get there together or in our own cars? Richard wanted to take two just in case he wanted to leave earlier – fine with me. We did that before - not very often - but we did. 

We were seated next to each other – of course – there are rumours, but since we haven't made the separation official that's the way it is. And it was fine with me. But then he barely talked to me. Always talking with the man next to him about his business, I couldn't hear it anymore it was annoying. And then the worst – he made me reach for the butter. He was totally ignoring me – it was standing right in front of him – he buttered his own roll (the old Richard would've offered it to me first) and then he turned to his other side to offer it to the man he was constantly talking to. And I had an unbuttered roll right in front of me. I still can't believe it. And when Bob was ready with his roll the butter was again standing in front of Richard, but nothing. I had to reach for it, so I did (with ostentation right in front of him) I know that's rude, but if he's not offering I don't care about asking – and yet he didn't notice anything. It was as if I was non-existent. Honestly it wouldn't have made any difference if I hadn't been there at all.

Well that's not true. I bet the others know for sure now, that something is wrong between us. I was so grateful for the separate cars – I didn't talk to him since. Not that there were many opportunities, but that's it. I'm not going over and Hope can tell me whatever she wants I'm not being the one making the first step. He's ignoring me – he has moved on. So it's time for me to move on also. I just have to accept that it's over.

* * *

Thursday evening. I've thought about it the whole day, and I think I've made my decision – I'm going to date. If he can have secret lunches with Pennylin I can go out, too. I know it's a little weird since the last time I dated was with Richard before we got engaged over 40 years ago, but he has moved on, so I'm moving on, too. It's not that I can't have fun, or want to be alone for the rest of my life. He had plenty of time to come to me, he choose not to come, so here goes nothing. 

I know that a few men at the club would love to go out with me. The way they're looking at me, when Richard isn't around, or the way they're dancing with me even when he's around. He had to tell them more than one time to get their hands off of me. _Watch where you put those hands, Lloyd – _that was the first Friday after Lorelai paid us back the Chilton money, and I still have Richard's voice in my ear. And Lloyd wasn't the only one.

So lack of men isn't my problem – my problem is that I don't know how to let them know that I'm available again. I don't want a big scandal and well I just don't know what to say to them. I have to think about that.

* * *

It's Friday – the girls should be here any minute – yes I'm hearing the car. The doorbell is ringing – huh? Don't they go over to Richard first? Is he away and didn't bother to tell me – wouldn't surprise me. Lorelai is coming in. 

"_Where's Rory?"_

"_Hello mother. – Rory's at the pool-house."_

"_Hello Lorelai." _I say rolling my eyes._ "And why aren't you at the pool-house?"_

"_Well Rory had this idea, that we should split up – this way we have more of you- not only half an evening."_

Makes no sense to me.

"_Uhuh, - so she's not coming over?"_

"_Not tonight – I'm afraid not. Mom I swear this wasn't my idea – it was Rory's so if you have any complaints tell them to her next Friday. Then she'll be all yours."_

Of course this wasn't your idea – you would do anything to avoid an evening all alone with me. But well perhaps that 's not so bad – perhaps.

"_What do you want to drink?"_

"_White wine or whatever you have."_

I guess we have to go with whatever I have – since Richard took away from me the big cart, making drinks is a mess - and of course nothing is were it is supposed to be.

"_Stupid little - I can't find - ridiculous. He should have taken... "_ I'm muttering under my breath.

"_What, Mom?" _

"_Oh, nothing. I'm just trying to make a proper drink, that's all." _

"_Sorry about the change of plans." _

"_Oh, please. I'm as flexible as the next person." _

"_See, Rory thought that since Dad's moved out to the pool house, we're not getting enough time with either of you, so –"_

I'm not paying attention to her – where on earth is the ice?

"_I guess I could use the ice in the freezer, though it's probably old. You know what they say – a little notice ensures fresh ice." _

"_I'm sorry, who says that?" _

"_We'll just have to have scotch neat." _

"_Super." _

"_I'd offer you wine, but all the wine I have has to breathe."_

"_And that requires some notice." _

And Richard took always care of that – well I have to move on. I'm going over to her with our drinks sitting down next to her._ - _She's staring at me.

"_What are you looking at?" _I demand.

"_Nothing. It's just - isn't - isn't this weird to you?" _

"_What?" _

"_Sitting next to each other?"_

Please Lorelai what are you - four?

"_Would you like me to move?" _

"_No, it's fine. It's just... close."_

You were in me for nine month – that was close.

"_Will you explain to me again why we are doing this?"_

Cause honestly I still haven't understood it completely.

"_I have no idea because you usually sit over there." _

"_I'm talking about Rory being in the pool house, Lorelai." _

And you know that, so don't play games with your mother.

"_Rory just thought we should split up tonight, get in some quality... couch time." _

"_It seems very silly. We had a perfectly good system worked out. I don't know why we changed it." _

And I hate that I hadn't advanced notice of this – let alone that I wasn't asked, if whether or not I would be okay with it.

"_Mmm. - So, Mom, do you think you and Dad are getting back together?"_

That came out of the blue.

"_Absolutely not." _

"_Okay, got any peanuts?" _

And why do you ask, when you're not interested anyway.

"_Your father has proven to me once and for all he's moved on with his life." _

"_You don't think the moving on with his life would have actually included moving?" _

"_No." _

"_Okay." _

Since you're asking and are so interested in this I might just as well tell you.

"_We attended the Dorman School Bazaar last week. It was a big, formal gathering. All our friends were there. And at dinner, he made me reach for the butter." _

Actually it's good to finally be able to tell this to someone.

"_What?" _

"_It was sitting right there in front of him, and yet he didn't offer me the dish. He buttered his own roll, offered the dish to the man next to him, and that was it." _

And yes, I still can't get over it.

"_And that's why you think he's moved on?"_

She's not getting it.

"_It was a total disregard for my needs. I might as well not have had a roll in front of me at all." _I add upset.

"_Well, Mom, I'm sorry." _

"_It's very upsetting. But at some point, you have to face the facts, and the facts are he's moved on, and therefore, I should move on also." _

"_Absolutely. Move on dot org."_

Huh?I hate those weird references. But well since she knows everything anyway, I can just as well ask for her advice – I mean she has a lot of dating experience and I'm desperate so why not give it a try – I know she'll make jokes, but whatever – I'm desperate.

_"I think it's time for me to date." _

_"Oh, my God!"_ she exclaims, nearly choking her drink.

_"I want to go on a date." What's so shocking about that? You shouldn't be the one upholding moral standards._

_"With... a man?" _

_"No, a weasel. Of course with a man!"_I say angrily.

_"I'm not hearing this."_ she says – trying to cover her ears – childish.

_"Why shouldn't I date? I'm still a viable commodity." _

_"I need a paper towel and a valium, please." _

_I figure out the best thing to deal with it is again ignoring her childish behaviour._

_"There are plenty of men at the club who, in the past, have made their interests in me known. I just need to figure out how to reciprocate their feelings. - You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you're available?" _

There I did it – I asked her.

_"Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick." _

Please.

_"Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It's been years since I did this, and I don't remember the proper procedure. Now, take me through this step by step. You see a man - you walk up to him - and you say..." _

_"Hello." _

_"Is that too forward?" _

_"No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters." _

It was a mistake to ask her advice – she can't take one thing serious – and this is not a joking matter.

_"Well thanks a lot for your help."_ I say standing up._ "Gina?"_

_"Mom, I…"_

_"What Lorelai, you've made it clear that all of this is a joke to you. Fine. – Gina?"_ I yell.

_"Yes ma'am."_

_"How long until dinner is ready?"_

_"15 min. ma'am."_

_"Well hurry."_

_"Yes ma'am."_

_"Mom, please. It's just weird – I mean I would've never expected this and – I'm sorry."_

Well you should be. I'm looking at her. She looks serious.

_„So when I'm asking you again, you'll honestly try to help me?"_

_„I don't know, I mean what do you expect me to say – don't you understand that this is weird?"_

Yes I do – I should've never asked you this. It's not what we do.

Dinner is awkward. We try to find safe topics like her Inn or the DAR, but mostly it's very silent. It's a pity that I can't enjoy the first dinner with my daughter alone for years – neither can she – not that she's normally enjoying my dinners.

When she's about to say goodbye she turns to me.

_"And you're sure you wanna start dating?"_

_"Yes. As I've already told you, your father has moved on and therefore –"_

_"- you'll move on also. Got it. – Well just go to the man you want and start a normal conversation. Flirt a little, you know eyes and everything – there's not much to explain – I'm sure you'll know what to do."_ she says, smiling a little unsure.

_"Thank you Lorelai."_

Perhaps it wasn't a mistake after all to ask her. She nods and goes outside. Her last sentence calmed me down a little. Maybe she's right and it isn't that difficult – that I'll just know what to do. Well we'll see.

_Okay – I know what you really wanted to read will happen in the next chapter – and it's not easy to write – so please give me reviews – they motivate me._


	26. The Date

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska, pinacoladachick _and_ Liz _for your awesome reviews. Here comes the chapter I know many of you've been waiting for._

**Chapter 26: The Date**

I did it – I actually walked up to Simon McLane at the club and said 'Hello'. And Lorelai was right I just knew what to do – I still know how to flirt with a man. Luckily none of my friends of the DAR were around, he was standing there alone, ready to leave and I walked up to him. Not that I wasn't nervous, but it worked out fine – he's a nice man – a gentleman. We talked a little and now I have a date.

It's good to know that I'm still able to do this. As I said other men are interested in me, too. I don't need Richard to have a nice evening. I wonder whether I should tell him – but then he didn't tell me about Pennylin Lott either, so why should I tell him? _Because deep inside I know I shouldn't do this?_ But that's crap – he's moved on. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. And it's only a date – nothing more. _But I never did it before._ I hate those two voices inside me. It's too late anyway – I'm having a date and that's it.

* * *

Simon is coming in an hour and I'm about to panic – how could I let this happen? How could I've ever thought this was a good idea – me dating. That's ridiculous. The room's a mess – clothes everywhere. I don't know what to wear, I don't know what to say, I don't know what to think – as I said panic-mode. I need someone to calm me down – Lorelai – she got me into this. She told me to say 'hello' and I did. It's her duty to support me now. I'm grabbing the phone – I swear I'll make her come over – I'm not going insane alone.

"_Hello." _

Thank God she's answering her phone.

"_You get over here right now!" _

"_Who is this?" _

I don't believe this.

"_This is you in 20 years! 'Who is this?' I swear!" _

"_Mom, calm down." _

"_He'll be here in one hour, and I have no idea what to wear. I - You've got to come right now." _I say putting down another dress. This is insane.

"_Who'll be there in one hour - Dad?" _

Huh? Has she lost her mind, too?

"_Simon McLane!" _

"_Who is Simon McLane?" _

"_He's my date." _

"_What!" _

Did you listen to me last Friday at all?

"_I have no idea what to put on, I'm in a blind panic, and it's all your fault!" _I say throwing some black pumps away.

"_How is it my fault?" _

"_Because I used your line, and it worked." _

"_What line?" _

"'_Hello'." _

_"'Hello' is not my line. 'Hello' is not a line. 'Hello' is hello." _

Don't get nit-picky.

"_Well, all I know is I 'helloed' in today, and now he's taking me to dinner." _

"_Uh, Mom…" _

"_If you don't get over here right now, I'm going to book a DAR function at the Dragonfly every single weekend from now until I die!" _

"_I'll be right there." _

One bright moment – this threat always works. The time I'm waiting for her seems endless – I'm not calming down at all – I'm looking at piles of clothes, shoes and jewellery and I just don't know what to do. I don't even know what colour to wear – it's a mess – I'm a mess.

Finally I hear her coming and calling for me – I'm throwing a dress in her direction.

"_Look at the red pantsuit."_ I say going over to her, carrying some more clothes with me.

"_The..." _

"_The red pantsuit. The red pantsuit. Right there, right there, right there."_

Are you blind or what?

"_I got it, I got it. - Here."_ she says picking it up.

"_Well?" _

"_Nice." _

"_Nice?"_

'Nice' says nothing. I thought I taught you that as a child.

"_Uh nice… and red… and panty..- suity." _

"_It's horrible. You think it's horrible." _

"_No." _

"_It's horrible and Simon will be here in 20 minutes, and I have nothing to wear." _I say tossing everything I've had in my hands on the beds.

While I'm looking around picking up a burgundy costume I hear her saying something about 'Butterfield 8' – must be some of her jokes. I'm going to the dressing room again - picking up a black one.

"_I haven't done this in years. I have no idea what's appropriate to wear on the first date. I have no idea what's appropriate to say on the first date. I don't know what to talk about, what to order - which one?" _

I'm standing in front of her holding the two costumes up to her – the burgundy one in my left and the black costume in my right hand. Lorelai chuckles – that's just making me more upset.

"_They look exactly the same."_ she says.

Blind again.

"_They are not exactly the same." _

"_Um, okay. Then... that one."_ she says picking out the black one.

"_Why?" _

I'll drop dead, when you have a good reason for this decision.

"_Why what?" _

"_Why did you pick that one? What was the logic behind your picking this particular one? Could it possibly be because it was closest?_" I say nearly yelling – I have to stop this insanity.

"_Well, you know what they say about location." _

"_You're just picking anything so that I'll get dressed and you can leave."_ I say giving her the two costumes – I'm walking over to the jewellery box – searching them for something appropriate.

"_No, Mom, I don't want to leave. I'm never leaving. In fact, I'm going with you."_

As if I would believe this.

"_I'll never be ready on time. I haven't finished my hair. I haven't finished my makeup. Oh, my goodness. I can't breathe. I'm actually having trouble breathing." _

And I'm not just saying that.

"_Mom, sit, sit."_ she says – leading me to the bed.

"_I can't sit. I'll wrinkle my clothes." _

"_You're not dressed yet."_ she reminds me softly.

"_What? Oh, my God. I'm losing my mind." _

We're both sitting on the bed.

"_I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm dating. I'm single." _

"_You're not single." _

"_That's just a formality. You know, I remember the night I got married. Oh, I was panicked. I thought, 'this is it. I'll never have a chance to be with anyone else. This is it for life.' If only I'd had a crystal ball, I might have been able to eat my salad. I remember it looked delicious."_ I say – lost in my thoughts about my wedding day.

"_Mom, is this really what you want to do?" _

"_Yes, it is."_ I answer seriously.

"_Okay. - Wear the black."_ she says smiling while giving me the black one.

"_Thank you."_ I say taking it and going away to change.

After a few steps I'm turning around – after all she never gave me a reason for the black one.

"_What about the – "_

"_Burgundy works fine, too."_

I'm going back to exchange the costumes. I'm changing into the burgundy one – yes it looks nice – I haven't time to decide otherwise anyway. I'm going back to Lorelai again, a questioning look on my face.

"_It's beautiful Mom."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yes."_

"_What about my hair?"_

"_Sit down – I'll do it."_

"_But –"_

"_Honestly Mom – I'm not messing this one up, and while I'm doing it, you can think about your jewellery and then you'll just be ready on time – or a little later, but when he's smart he'll not be on time either."_

"_Lorelai!"_

"_Pick out your jewellery Mom."_

10 min. later I'm ready, just in time for the doorbell.

"_Thank you Lorelai. I don't know what I would've done without you."_

"_Imitating Elizabeth Taylor?"_

Huh?

"_I think you should go downstairs now Mom – you look beautiful."_

"_Thank you. – Would you mind staying here until we're gone?"_

"_No – just go - and be home by eleven."_

I smile at her – then I'm walking downstairs. He's waiting for me in the living-room.

"_Simon – I'm sorry that I'm a little late."_

"_Emily – you look beautiful."_

"_Thank you Simon."_

"_I've reserved our table for eight o'clock – are you ready to leave?"_

"_Yes I am."_

He's helping me into my coat and into the car – a real gentleman. The conversation is light and nice. It's good that I'm doing this – I don't know why I panicked. It feels good to be the center of attention for a man. The restaurant is beautiful. He made a good choice. We're sitting outside – both enjoying the evening – the food and the conversation – I can't remember the last time Richard and I were able to speak in such a way. I've already had two glasses of wine. Right now we're talking about classical music.

"_Did you see the Cleveland Orchestra when they were here last month?" _I ask him.

"_I went every single night." _

"_Oh, I should have done that. I went the last night and then to the gala afterward." _

"_Their conductor that night –" _

"_Rudolfski." _

"_Did you know that he's deaf in his left ear?" _

"_I did know that. In fact, I have a very evil friend who likes to sit next to him at all the gala dinners and whisper incredibly scandalous things into his bad ear all night long." _

I'm really comfortable with him.

"_Well, who knew Emily Gilmore ran with such a bad crowd?" _

"_Oh, yes, I'm very dangerous. Ask my maids." _

"_Have I told you how happy I am you said hello to me at the club?" _

"_Twice. And so am I." _

Then the waiter comes to check on us, asking whether or not we want more wine. Simon is looking at me. Well…

"_Why not?" _

„_Two more glasses, please."_

Then we're returning to our ‚classical gossip'.

It isn't until our way home that I start to panic a little again – not as with Lorelai – I'm able to hide it this time – but what if he wants to come inside? Why haven't I thought about this? I thought we would go out and that's it, but what if he wants more? The comfortable feeling is vanishing. I pray that he'll continue to be the gentleman he is and just leave after he's dropped me off. But I have to pay attention to the conversation again – we're nearly home. Well that's not true – **I** am home – he's not.

I'm waiting until he's opening the car-door for me. We're slowly walking towards the front door.

"_It's been a long time since I've had an evening quite as enjoyable as this one."_ he says – and it's true the evening was nice.

"_I'm choosing to believe you, Simon, partly because it's flattering and partly because I've had three glasses of wine and a lemon jello." _I say giggling a little.

I'm walking to the front door. Please – it has to end here.

"_So, do you think we could possibly do this again sometime?" _

"_That would be lovely, Simon."_

But I'm not totally convinced of that.

"_I'll call you this week."_ He says squeezing my hand.

I'm so relieved that he's not kissing me – I know I could never have done that.

"_Good night."_ He says – then he turns around to leave and I step into the house.

I look around – I'm alone – alone in an empty house. I hear his car engine – he's leaving. All I have is my guilt. How could I've done this? I mean I'm still married – how can I complain about Richard and Pennylin? I'm not better – to be honest I'm worse – I _wanted _to _date_ – he had lunch with a friend.

And right now it hits me – I don't want to date, I don't want to be dropped off at my own house, with noone waiting for me inside.

What would I give to change the situation – me coming home from a late DAR meeting – Richard waiting for me in his study – we would talk a little before going to bed – together. Yes I want to be with Richard – but I've lost him. And if he ever finds out about tonight, then I just know that it will be over – forever. I silently begin to cry. I've ruined everything.

Tonight wasn't what I want at all – sure the evening was nice, but I want my husband. I want to lie next to Richard – to be able to talk to him whenever I want. Slowly I'm beginning to walk up the stairs to my bedroom – still crying. For a second I consider going over to Richard to tell him everything – but he wouldn't forgive me. It would only separate us more.

How much I've changed. I remember when I tricked Lorelai to go to the Spa with me and that horrible man danced with me. It was the first time, that I've danced with a man without Richard's permission. I felt like I cheated on him. When I got home I still felt guilty and I was about to tell him everything, but somehow I knew that it would be ridiculous, but I felt guilty all the same.

And now I'm going out on a date – while I'm still married. What have I done?

_Okay this chapter was way more difficult to write than I thought it would be – especially the scene after the date – so please tell me your thoughts. _


	27. Maurice

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska, Lore2, Liz _and_ javagirl1 _for your reviews. It's good to hear your thoughts. However I have to apologize for my mistake – it's lemoncello. I checked two transcripts and found both options – my dictionary wasn't of any help either, so I decided for the wrong option. Sorry! But hey again a mistake got me a review – perhaps I should make them on purpose – just kidding – I hate when such things happen. Thanks for pointing it out._

**Chapter 27: Maurice**

I'm waking up hearing something ringing – after a few seconds I notice that it's the phone – why isn't Richard answering – oh yes he's not here. Will there ever come the point where I'm not wondering about this? And then it hits me again – everything I did yesterday. I'm reaching for the phone.

"_Hello?"_

"_Emily?"_

"_Hope? What's wrong?" _

I can hear from her voice that something serious must have happened, that she's not just mixing up the time difference.

"_It.. it's Maurice – "_ she says, her voice shaking.

"_What happened?"_

"_He had a heart attack."_

"_Oh no."_

"_We were out eating dinner and when we got home he just collapsed."_

I'm sitting there paralysed. Images from myself sitting in a hospital going through my mind.

"_And how is he – I mean he isn't…?"_

"_No – he's in surgery right now."_

Thank God – there's still hope.

"_I had to talk to someone Em – Fleur is on her way but it will take a few hours, and well everyone here is in bed and…"_

"_That's alright Hope – I'm always there for you – you can call whenever you want."_

"_Thank you."_

"_You know, you have to have hope – everything will be fine again – you have to believe that. Freaking out isn't leading to anything."_

"_I know. I'm already feeling a little better – just hearing your voice."_

"_That's good. – How long will it probably take?"_

"_A few hours – you know when he collapsed and I saw him lying there – my heart literally stopped for a second."_

"_I know." _I say – having the picture of Richard lying on the ground at our Christmas Dinner in mind.

"_What time is it over there?"_

"_5 am. But that doesn't matter."_

„_If I only knew he would be okay."_

"_You have to believe that he will be."_

I'm comforting her a little more, then she decides that it's time to hang up.

"_Hope you can call here whenever you want, and if you decide in one minute that you shouldn't have hung up, that's okay – just call again."_

"_Thank you Em. But I guess I'm better now."_

"_And call me when he's out of surgery."_

"_I will. Bye Emily."_

"_Bye Hope."_

I can't sleep anymore. I always have to think of them and of the night where I thought I could lose Richard. I was terrified. It was Richard who calmed me down – he took my hand when I was crying and comforted me. I thought I couldn't survive without him. And now – he's not even beside me – he's in the pool-house.

Perhaps he would forgive me when I'd tell him about yesterday. But I know I can't do that – it wouldn't lead to anything. And what should I say anyway? _Richard I had a date yesterday but I figured out that I don't want that so please forgive me?_ No I can't do that.

Another horrible thought is coming to my mind: What when something like that would happen to Richard? What if he'd have a heart attack right now? I wouldn't even notice. _That's a ridiculous thought Emily – stop thinking about it._ But what if something serious would happen again? When would I know? Would I ever forgive myself that we wouldn't have reconciled – that I didn't try harder?

I know I would never forgive myself. But I tried, didn't I? I mean I've gone to him so often… but did I really try?

I think I'll tell him about Maurice – maybe it's good when he's having these thoughts, too.

8 am – the phone is ringing again.

„_Hope?"_

„_Yes – he's out of surgery – his condition is critical – but that's normal. The doctor said we have a good reason to hope that everything will turn out alright."_

"_That's wonderful Hopey."_ I say truly relieved.

„_I'm allowed to go to him in a few minutes."_

"_Good. – Hope?"_

„_Yes?"_

„_Do you want me to come?"_

I've thought about this for the last hours as well – she was there for me when I needed her most and if she'd want me to I'd be on the plane this afternoon.

"_No Emily – you don't have to come. Fleur did just arrive and I think we'll be fine."_

"_Good – but when you change your mind – let me know. I'd be there as soon as I could get a flight. And that would be very quick – you know me."_

"_I know, thank you Emily – I really appreciate that, but I'm fine. Talking to you did help a lot. - Emily?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Are you and Richard still…?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I see. - You know these things make you think about the really important things in life. Don't you think you should go to him?"_

"_I've thought about that myself – to be honest I couldn't think of anything else from the moment you called, but I just don't know how…?"_

"_You should try."_

"_I know."_

I so don't want to talk about it anymore – but I don't dare to tell her that right now. And I don't dare to tell her about yesterday.

"_The nurse just gave me the sign that I'm allowed to go in."_

Good timing.

"_Call me when you have news."_

"_I will. Bye."_

She has hung up before I can say bye – but I understand, she has to see him as quickly as she can.

* * *

After breakfast I decide to go over to the pool-house. It's getting colder outside – Christmas isn't that far away anymore – Christmas, I don't know what we'll do this year.I knock at his door (still with a guilty feeling, but I can't tell him about yesterday – I just can't). 

"_Emily? What happened?"_

Not '_did something happen'_ but '_what happened'_ – right now I think he knows me so well.

"_Hope called this night. It's Maurice –"_

"_What about him?"_

"_He had a heart attack – he's out of surgery by now – they've hope that everything will work out fine."_

His face has gone from shocked to relieved.

"_I'm sorry to hear that."_

"_Me, too."_

"_How's Hope holding up?"_

"_Quite well – you know her. I've offered to come over, but she said she'd be fine."_

"_Yes – that's her. Is there anything I can do?"_

"_No – I just thought you should know."_

"_Yes – thank you Emily."_

I nod – still hearing Hope's words _You should try. _But what – what am I supposed to say right now? I wonder if he has the same thoughts I had – I can't read his face. We're just looking at each other – unsure of what to say.

"_When there's nothing I can do for you or them right now, then I'd like to go to work – I've some important things to do."_

"_Of course you have – I didn't mean to keep you from your work." _I say turning around.

"_Emily I didn't mean it like that – I'm glad you told me it's just…"_

"_I understand Richard. Goodbye." _I say curtly.

With that I'm going back to the main house.

* * *

I've just had dinner. I'm sitting in the living-room trying to focus on my novel, when I hear a knock – looking up I see Richard standing on the patio. I'm going over to open the door. 

"_Richard! What are you doing here?"_

"_I just wanted to ask if you've any news concerning Maurice's condition."_

"_Yes and no. Come in."_

He's looking confused but he's coming inside.

"_Well I did talk to Hope an hour ago, but it's mainly the same. His condition is critical, but that's normal given the surgery he had – they still have good reason to hope – and he already said a few things to her – so he recognizes her."_

"_That's good."_

"_Yes it is."_

Again we're looking at each other. This time he came – that's rare – so I'm waiting for him to say something.

"_When you talk to her again, send them my greetings."_

"_I will."_

"_Thank you. – And you'll tell me when there are any news on his condition, will you?"_

"_I will."_

He nods.

"_Well I should go – goodnight Emily."_

"_Goodnight Richard."_

Another chance and none of us said anything. I sigh – I guess that's the way it is – but is that really an excuse?"

* * *

Maurice is getting better every day. Thank God. The thought of Christmas is still in my head. What about my famous Christmas Dinner? And what about Christmas Day? I know I don't want to hold my Christmas Party without Richard being present. I wonder if someone has seen Simon and me? Well perhaps at the restaurant, but I haven't heard any gossip – so maybe, hopefully Richard doesn't know. 

Simon called here once, but thankfully I was away. The maid told me that he had to go on a business trip for a few weeks. I'm relieved – at least one problem I don't have to deal with right now. It's not that I don't like him, but I just can't do this anymore.

So Christmas – I think I'll go to Richard asking for his opinion.

* * *

I'm knocking at the pool-house. 

"_Emily – any news about Maurice?"_

"_He's getting better every day." _I say going inside.

"_That's good."_

„_Yes it is."_

„_Do you want something to drink?"_

"_Yes coffee please."_

He's telling Robert to make me one. (How he's able to keep him for so long is beyond me.)

"_Anything else I can do for you?"_

"_Yes – you know I've thought about Christmas a lot the last days. And I wanted to hear your opinion about it – our Christmas Party – Christmas Day – what do you think about these?"_

"_Well – your Christmas Party is famous."_

"_I know." _I say smiling. Then I'm drinking a little of the coffee Robert just brought me – it's really not that good. _"So you think I shouldn't cancel it?"_

"_Why would you cancel it?"_

Isn't that obvious?

"_I only want to host this party when I know that you'll be there." _He's looking at me in a weird way. _"People would definitely start talking if you weren't – you've never missed it."_

"_Of course." _he says – still staring.

"_So would you?"_

"_What?"_

What's wrong with you Richard?

"_Attend the party?"_

"_Of course. The Yale party went well, too."_

„_Good. Then it's settled – I'll start planning it immediately. – And… Christmas Day?"_ I ask hesitantly.

"_What do you want Emily?"_

"_I thought that maybe – and since the Yale party went so well – we could tell the girls that they don't have to celebrate two times – that we would celebrate together? I think Rory would like that."_

Bringing up Rory – I've already won.

"_Yes I believe you're right."_

I'm really relieved – somehow I couldn't picture us girls under the Christmas tree without him. Of course it won't be like the last years – but he'll be there – maybe Maurice's condition got him thinking too.

"_Alright – then you'll come over for tea and dinner just like the girls – I guess they'll be thrilled to hear that."_

"_I'm sure they will."_

"_Good – well thanks for the coffee, but I better start planning now."_ I say standing up.

"_If you need me for anything – though I doubt it…"_

"_I'll let you know – thanks."_

I'm returning to the main house, in my head already sending out invitations and decorating the house. And I have to tell the girls, since Richard will be away next Friday – I guess they'll be surprised.

Maybe with Maurice and Christmas we can solve our problems (that is if he doesn't get any knowledge of me dating – I'm still concerned about that). But perhaps I shouldn't set my hopes so up – I know it won't be a normal Christmas, but he'll be there, and well I can't help it but I've hope. Those carols really can put you in a positive mood – I hope he's listening to them, too.

_Do you like it? Please let me know and click on the little thingy._


	28. Presents

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska _for your review. I really like to read your thoughts and criticism is appreciated as well as praise. _

**Chapter 28: Presents**

The girls are here for Friday Night Dinner. We're already having dessert.

„_And of course next week my famous Christmas Party will be, so you better have nothing else to do – not that you'd be free on a Friday anyway." _I say.

"_So you're hosting it again, I nearly thought you wouldn't this year." _Lorelai says.

"_Well why wouldn't I?" _I say looking at her.

"_Well you know with everything what's going on between you and Dad I thought – "_

"_You thought what?"_ I say getting angry.

I hate when she's talking about the separation, that's none of her business. I see Rory shaking her head slightly, motioning for Lorelai to stop.

"_Forget it Mom. - So apple tarts, yum yum."_

"_Who's coming Grandma?"_

"_Well some of the usual, my friend Natalie and her husband Douglas, the Prescotts, you two and of course Richard and I." _I add, knowing that's the reason why she's asked the question.

She's so much more considerate than her mother.

"_So Grandpa will be here." _she says smiling.

"_Of course he will – noone would like to miss my Christmas party."_

"_And the apple tarts – there are apple tarts right Mom?"_

"_There are always apple tarts Lorelai, so yes of course there will be apple tarts this year, too."_

"_Great, cause those apple tarts are amazing."_

They're really nothing special – they're tasty but not that delicious – well at least one thing she likes about this dinner.

"_Moving on to Christmas Day – I'll expect you to be here around 4 pm – as usual."_

"_And what about Dad – are we supposed to have tea with you and dinner with him for a change?" _Lorelai asks.

"_No you'll have tea and dinner here – and Richard will be here also. We've decided that since it's Christmas it wouldn't be appropriate to celebrate two times. We thought you'd be pleased with this arrangement."_ I say.

I can see the amazed looks on their faces – I knew it.

"_It wouldn't be appropriate." _Lorelai is mimicking sarcastically.

"_We love that Grandma. That's really a good arrangement."_

„_I thought so." _I say smiling at Rory and then giving Lorelai the look.

But whatever she's saying I have the feeling that Lorelai is pleased about this either.

* * *

My Christmas Party was as terrific as always. Richard and I got along just fine – like at the Yale Party – and well the evening was quite a success. The decoration, the apple tarts – somehow there aren't any left, I'd take a guess who got in the kitchen to get them… but well I'm quite relieved. 

I even think that with this evening we could minimize the rumours about us being separated. I'm really looking forward to Christmas Day now.

The only thing that I'm not so sure about is presents. It's Gilmore tradition that the girls will give us their present at my party and they'll get our presents on Christmas Day lying under the tree. And Richard and I exchanged presents on Christmas Day, too. Normally I'd receive some jewellery – but I don't think that will be the case this year. And I really don't know what to buy for him, or if I should buy him anything at all.

I've even thought about talking to him about the 'gift-situation' but well that's not appropriate – I just have to buy him something small and nice and when I'll receive something I'll give him mine also - and when I'm not getting anything then he won't either.

Thinking about presents I just remember the weird way in which Rory gave us theirs this time. Normally we're not opening them until everybody left, but this time the girls stayed until everyone else was gone.

"_How's Uncle Maurice, Grandma?"_

"_He's getting better everyday – he's at home now and Hope has to put all her effort in trying to keep him in bed." _I answer – a little surprised that she's thinking of that now.

"_Yeah – I can imagine." _she says laughing a little.

Somehow she's weird – and normally Lorelai would've left as soon as she got the opportunity – right now she's just standing there – looking at Rory.

"_Don't you want to open our present, Grandma?"_

"_Of course I do – when we have time for it – as always." _I say a little irritated.

"_Well couldn't you have like time now, please Grandma, Grandpa?"_ she says her eyes pleading.

We're looking at her and at each other. Lorelai isn't saying anything about this. She knows Rory will win this, we just can't say no to her.

"_Alright, so let's see what you've got us this time."_ I say.

I'm unwrapping the present – there are framed pictures in it. A gorgeous picture of Lorelai and Rory twice (for each of us I assume) and the other one is a collage including several pictures. The wedding picture of Richard and me, a picture of Lorelai and Rory when she was about 5, a picture of Richard and me holding Rory as a baby, a picture of me holding Lorelai as a baby, one of the four of us we took after I've spend the day with Rory in Stars Hollow – she requested this picture back then, another more recent one of Richard and me; well I get what she wants to tell us with them. And of course the collage is there twice, too – one for Richard and one for me.

"_Well thank you – you look gorgeous in the picture, it will get an honoured place." _I say, only commenting the picture of the two of them.

"_It certainly will. Thank you." _Richard says.

„_You're welcome." _both of them reply.

"_And the collage? Do you like it?" _Rory asks hesitantly.

„_Yeah do you, cause that was a lot more work, than the other picture." _Lorelai says.

What to say now? I don't appreciate them to meddle with our relationship or even making hints, but to give it to us as a present – very smart move, I wonder who had this idea? Very reluctantly I come to the conclusion that it probably was Rory's. I decide to go the polite way.

"_It's beautiful, isn't it Richard?"_

"_Yes it is."_

And where do you got our wedding picture from?

„_I'm glad you like it." _Rory says.

She really looks relieved – she knew she was walking on thin ice with this collage – now I know why she had to be there, when we're opening it.

"_Well we do, though you shouldn't have put so much work into it." _I say standing up and putting them on a table.

"_As long as if it was worth it." _I hear Lorelai mutter, but decide to ignore it.

"_I know you can't wait for your presents, but as you know you have to wait a little longer. And I really have to take care of the cleaning now, so if you'd excuse me."_

They left soon after this. I saw Richard staring at the collage. They really knew what they were doing and I too hope that it was worth it. Those pictures are telling me how everything is supposed to be – I really hope we're getting there again.

When Richard said his goodbye to me it was again an awkward situation. He had already his pictures in his hands.

"_So, I guess I'll be going now. The party was a success – as usual Emily."_

"_Thank you Richard. And thank you for coming."_

"_I wouldn't have missed this. Well – the girls really put thought into their present."_

My hopes are raising.

"_Yes they did."_

Say something, anything. But he didn't. We're just looking at each other until I decide I can't stand it anymore.

"_The pictures are beautiful." _I say.

"_Yes they are."_

Again we're staring at each other and the pictures. After some time he said goodnight and left.

Even now I sigh just thinking about it. We were so close. If he'd just said anything… if I'd just said anything…

I take a look at my nightstand. I've put the collage up here – not that I'd ever admit that to the girls. Our wedding picture (I still don't know how they got it) – how happy I was on that day. And me and Lorelai – I thought I couldn't be happier. Baby Rory – I can't look at this one for long, they left us soon after the picture was taken. Then the one I hadn't seen until now – Lorelai and 5 year old Rory. They're having picnic at a lake – I wonder who took that photo. Before the tears can take over I quickly look at the picture of the four of us – finally we saw them again – regularly. Not that Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas wasn't regularly I'm thinking a little sarcastic. And finally again Richard and me – we're in the living-room – I can't remember when they took that picture. It looks like we're having an argument – maybe the maid let them in and we didn't notice. I wouldn't have forgotten this photo. Well at least we were able to argue back then…

I'm turning out the light – it makes no sense to live in the past.

* * *

The next day I'm placing the picture of the two of them on the mantle. They really look adorable. Just when I'm about to go shopping for Christmas presents the phone is ringing. 

"_Hello?"_

"_Hello Emily."_

"_Hello Bitty."_

I wonder what she has to say. I'm dreading that she heard someone talking about Simon and me.

"_How are you?"_

"_I'm fine – I just wanted to go shopping – Christmas you know."_

"_Yes, I've to do that myself. It's stressful isn't it?"_

"_I like it. – And how are you?"_

"_I'm fine, but did you hear about Straub?"_

I knew it – there had to be some news when she's calling. I'm so relieved that it's not about me – but now I'm intrigued – I wonder what he did.

"_No what about him?"_

"_He's diagnosed with cancer – poor Francine is devastated."_

"_Oh no – that's terrible."_

"_Yes isn't it – he was such a good man. Did a lot of charity work."_

He was a big ass to my family. But I feel for Francine.

"_Well so there is no hope – I mean no treatment would help?"_

"_It's pretty serious – they say that he can be lucky to see the next year."_

"_Oh my god. That serious?"_

Well he wasn't nice to us, but that – somehow I feel for him, too. After all he is Rory's grandfather.

"_I'm afraid yes – so you didn't know?"_

"_No – as you know we're not that close anymore."_

"_Yes, well I just wanted to fill you in, but I don't want to keep you from your shopping."_

"_Yes, thank you Bitty – my greetings to Henlin."_

"_And mine to Richard."_

So this call was not at all about Richard and me. Straub dying? Maurice having a heart attack – I'm getting the idea that fate is going to tell me something. And I so would like to make peace with Richard – if we could only get over our stubbornness… if only someone would make the first step… but then the reasons for my leaving are coming into my mind again. He should make the first move – he really should…

Slowly I'm walking to the car to get to the mall.

* * *

I'm sitting in the living-room. I look up, because I heard a knock – it's Richard. I'm standing up to open the door for him. I wonder why he's here. Has he heard about Straub, too? 

"_Hello Emily."_

"_Hello Richard." _I say while stepping back so that he can come inside.

"_Do you have a little time for me?"_

"_Yes. – Do you want something to drink, a coffee maybe? It's so cold outside."_

"_Coffee would be great."_

"_Marissa?"_

"_Yes Mrs Gilmore?" _my newest maid answers.

"_Please get us some coffee."_

"_Yes ma'am."_

I'm turning to Richard again.

"_Actually it's good that you came over, cause I've news for you."_

"_About Maurice?"_

"_Well no – Maurice is getting better and better – about Straub."_

"_What about him?" _Richard asks and I can see his face darken. So he doesn't know.

"_He's been diagnosed with cancer – it's very serious."_

"_Oh."_

"_Francine is devastated – he always was very healthy and now…"_

"_But there's treatment."_

"_It could be too late – they say he can be lucky to see the new year."_

"_Hmm."_

"_What?"_

"_Well it's not that I liked him lately, but this – "_

"_Yes, I know. I've felt the same way. How fast things can change."_

"_Yes."_

We're looking at each other – and if we're not thinking the same now, then I don't know him at all. But he's not saying anything – maybe he has to process first. Before it can get awkward I'm giving him a questioning look.

"_But you wanted to tell me something?"_

"_Well - I've thought about the presents – for the girls." _he quickly adds – too bad, just when I had my hope raising again.

"_Yes?"_

I'm a little surprised, normally I'm getting the presents for them.

"_I've found a great book for Rory, she will just love it, however for Lorelai I'm at a loss. So do you think I could bring you that book and you'll get all the other presents and arrange it that everything will be lying under the tree?"_

"_Of course – that sounds sensible. Just bring it to me in time."_

"_Good. Do you have any ideas for other presents?"_

"_I've seen some adorable dresses, however I'm not sure if they'll like them, so I think they'll get a voucher for the mall as well as those dresses. That way they can also get themselves something they really want. And I've spotted some antique furniture – maybe Lorelai wants it for her Inn."_

"_That sounds good."_

I can see that he is relieved – did he really think he had to get them presents on his own? Somehow this amuses me. Marissa is coming with the coffee. We make polite small talk but that's it. No more mention of Straub and no mention of whether or not he'll get me a present and I don't dare to ask. Well I'll see.

_And again I'm encouraging everyone to review. It means so much to me, so please give me the few minutes as a present for me._


	29. Christmas

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska, A-Karana _and_ emilygilmore _for your (3) reviews. They made me smile and it's good to know that there are still people out there, who are waiting for another chapter so here it is.. _

**Chapter 29: Christmas**

It's Christmas Day – finally. I've decided to buy some cigars and a new bow tie for Richard – just in case. I can't wait for the afternoon to come. The whole morning I'm running through the house – making sure everything looks perfect. But it's perfect since yesterday. The presents for the girls are lying under the tree – which looks gorgeous by the way. I'm even on good terms with Lydia – my new maid – she was very happy to receive a Christmas gift. Of course she'll get a gift I mean it's Christmas – I'm no Castro (even if Lorelai thinks I am - somehow I still haven't forgotten her accusation).

The time isn't going very fast today – I decide to call Hope.

"_Hello?"_

"_Joyeux Noel Hope."_

"_Happy Christmas Emily."_ Hope says.

I can hear the noise of children in the background.

"_How's Maurice?"_

"_He's recovering so fast – we're really lucky. And Fleur and the children are here, you should've seen their faces, watching little kids on Christmas is the cutest thing."_

"_Yes it is."_

"_And Pierre came home, too. It's so good to have everyone together. So – how are you spending Christmas?"_ she asks a little hesitant and now I don't hear anything in the background anymore. She must've left the room.

"_The girls are coming over as usual – and Richard will be here too – we've decided to celebrate together."_

"_That's wonderful Emily – you shouldn't be alone on Christmas."_ she says relieved.

"_I know – I'm really looking forward to it, but I don't want to disturb you, Hope. Have a nice evening and my greetings to everyone."_

"_Thank you, and have a nice day. I love you Emily and I really hope that everything will work out fine."_

"_Yes, I love you too Hope, goodbye."_

"_Goodbye."_

And now I'm waiting again… at least Maurice is getting well soon – perhaps I've put too much thought into all of this. Nothing serious did happen to him. But who am I, that I'm trying to betray myself…

* * *

Richard is the first one to come, it's 3:30 pm and I see him coming over. He has no gifts in his hands – so I guess I can as well pack his presents away. I'm opening the door for him.

"_Happy Christmas Richard!"_

"_Happy Christmas Emily!"

* * *

"__Happy Christmas Emily!" _Richard is saying to me.

We just got upstairs again, after giving Lorelai and Rory their presents. Rory's first Christmas – she was so cute. And I had so much fun buying little presents for her. Actually that was one of the rare times in which Lorelai and I got along quite well – buying toys for Rory.

But now I'm looking up at my husband, who's giving me his present.

"_For the sweetest grandmother."_

"_Oh you."_

I'm unwrapping it – it's a golden necklace with a heart-shaped medaillon. I open it to see a picture of me holding Rory. She's so cute.

"_Thank you Richard – it's beautiful. I love it."_

"_You're welcome – I'm glad you like it."_

I put my arms around his neck and kiss him.

* * *

It was always this way – we would wish each other _Happy Christmas, _exchange presents and then kiss each other – but well not this year.

"_You look beautiful Emily."_

"_Thank you." _I say – a little flattered.

„_And the place looks gorgeous as well."_

„_I'm glad you like it."_

"_Well I do – so when are the girls arriving?"_

What kind of a question is this – you know when they'll be here – at 4 pm as every year.

"_At four – but knowing Lorelai they'll be here later – she's never on time."_

"_Oh yes – that's right. – Hey I should've bought her a watch, too bad I hadn't this idea earlier." _he says chuckling.

"_Yes, too bad." _I say smiling at him.

I'm glad that the tension is leaving. We are sitting opposite to each other and I'm filling him in on the latest gossip - of course not the one concerning me – I really hope there is no gossip concerning me, and I'm so grateful that he hasn't found out about it until now. I mean I would know if he'd know, right? He can't be that cool. So I guess I'm safe now.

Surprisingly the door-bell is ringing at 4.05 pm – that's not that late. And since it's Christmas I decide to ignore it. The girls are coming in and we're standing up. Rory is coming towards me.

"_Happy Christmas Grandma." _she says while hugging me and kissing my cheek.

"_Happy Christmas Sweetie." _I say to her – hugging her back.

She goes to her grandfather to repeat this ritual.

"_Happy Christmas Mom." _Lorelai says.

"_Happy Christmas Lorelai."_

And again I wonder about this wall that prevents us from hugging – really it's not that I wouldn't want this (in fact I have to admit that I even want to hug her more than Rory – maybe because it has become normal with Rory and isn't so special anymore) but it's not what we do.

Richard and Lorelai exchange the same greeting.

"_So then let's all get some tea. - Lydia?"_

We're sitting around the table drinking tea and eating some snacks. Carols are playing in the background and we even manage to keep the atmosphere nice. I'm complimenting Rory on her dress – which is lovely – and Richard chimes in on this. I'm asking if everything is alright at the Dragonfly – it's her first Christmas after all – and it is. Not that she's telling me much, but well I'm used to it.

After tea we're all retreating to the living-room. I can see Rory sneaking a peek for the presents. I have to smile – somehow she's still the little girl. I look at Richard and he's slightly nodding at me. Then I'm turning to Rory to nod at her – the sign that she can start to unwrap her presents. She's going there immediately.

* * *

Richard and I are lying in bed when I hear a baby crying. I'm looking up and Lorelai is standing in the door with Rory in her arms, trying to calm her down – did something happen?

"_Lorelai? Is everything alright?"_ I say sitting up straight.

"_Happy Christmas Mom, come on Rory say 'Happy Christmas' Grandma."_

"_So that's why you're waking us? It's 6:30 am." _I say looking at the clock.

"_But it's Rory's first Christmas and she's really excited to see all the presents."_

"_Lorelai – she's too young to know what day it is."_

"_Lorelai, what are you doing here?" _Richard says, just awakening.

"_Happy Christmas Dad."_

"_Huh – Happy Christmas Lorelai. - What time is it Emily?"_ he says while stifling a yawn.

"_6:30 am. – Really Lorelai you should put her back to bed. You can get your presents at 8 am – as every year."_

"_But Rory wants to get hers now – and since we're all awake."_ she pouts.

"_Because you woke us up – "_

"_Please Mom, Dad?"_

I sigh – I can't sleep anymore anyway. I'm looking at Richard.

"_I guess we're standing up then."_ he says.

"_Thank you Daddy. Say 'Thank you Grandpa' Rory."_

"_But you're getting dressed first young lady. And I tell you, if one present is open before we're getting down there, Santa will take them away."_

"_I know Mom, you've said that to me as long as I can remember."_ she says turning around.

But before she's leaving she's looking at me again.

"_Thank you Mom."_

I nod at her.

"_Happy Christmas Lorelai." _

I have to smile, I can't believe that she's a mother – she's so much more a child. When we're getting downstairs both of them are sitting under the tree - more or less waiting patiently for the things to come. Lorelai is opening Rory's presents first while I'm holding her, and she's just looking at everything – so cute. Then Lorelai opens her presents.

* * *

"_Why is she always the first? I mean by now we could change that to me becoming the first." _Lorelai says pouting a little and interrupting my thoughts.

"_She's younger than you so she's the first." _I state.

"_Yeah but she's not a toddler anymore so-"_

"_Lorelai!" _I sigh.

"_Alright – then go ahead Rory – we all want to see what Grandma got you. – Oh nice dress."_

I knew it – she doesn't like it. But Rory is giving Lorelai a look and she's stopping her comments.

"_Thank you Grandma."_

"_Do you like it?" _I dare to ask.

„_Yes."_

Well I don't know whether or not that's true – but I prefer it to the comments Lorelai is giving. The next present is the book Richard got her.

"_Oh wow – that's great. I've always wanted to have that. Thank you so much."_

I've observed Richard during this rave – no doubt that she likes that and his eyes are sparkling.

"_It's from your grandfather."_

"_Thank you Grandpa – did you know that I've always wanted to read this?"_

"_I assumed so."_

She goes to him to give him a kiss.

"_Come on Rory – other people would like to open their presents as well so hurry."_

I don't want to get in an argument with Lorelai so I'm not saying anything. Rory goes back to her gifts – some more sweets and perfume and of course the voucher.

"_Thank you Grandma and Grandpa – I love my gifts – all of them." _she adds while looking at me.

She's an angel. She coming to me to kiss me again.

"_You're welcome Sweetie."_

"_So – may I Mom?"_

"_Yes you may."_

Lorelai of course starts with the dress, too.

"_Geez Mom that's – nice." _she says – receiving a look from Rory.

I sigh – maybe I shouldn't have bought those dresses after all – but they would look adorable wearing them – I just know it. Then she's getting to the voucher.

"_Wow Mom – that's really generous, thank you. Thank you Dad."_

„_I thought that's better than me buying you other dresses you wouldn't like – this way you can pick what you really want. Faking enthusiasm isn't your strength you know?"_

Why did I say this? Lorelai is looking at me – I don't want to fight, but I begin to prepare myself. She's still looking at me.

"_The voucher was a great idea Mom – thank you."_

I don't believe that she hasn't started a fight, Christmas really has something magical. But well – then I'll just drop it as well.

"_I'm glad you like it."_

Lorelai is opening the other envelope.

"_Uh – what's that Mom?" _she says holding up the picture of the antique furniture.

"_That's some fine piece of antique furniture I found. I thought it would look great in your Inn – however since I know that we don't have the same taste I thought I'd show you the picture first – you have to decide very fast though – otherwise it will be sold. – So what do you say?"_

"_It's great."_

"_Honestly? If you don't like it, you can choose something else – I want you to like it, you know?"_

And not getting you something you'll exchange into a monkey lamp anyway.

"_I do – I do like it Mom. It will look great at the Dragonfly." _she says very sincere.

I can't believe it – I got it – I finally picked something she really likes.

"_Well that's great – I admit I'm a bit surprised – well good – I'll have it delivered to your Inn as soon as possible."_

"_Thanks Mom."_

"_So I guess that's it – Richard would you mind getting us some drinks?"_

"_In a moment Emily – first I want you all to have a look at these." _

He's reaching into his jacket to pull out three envelopes. He's handing one to each of us. I'm looking at him questioningly but he's not giving away anything. I'm just glad that I haven't thrown out his presents already. Curiously I'm opening mine. It's a ticket for a new Broadway musical plus a voucher for a night in one of the top hotels. I'm looking at the girls to see that they got the same. I can't believe it. I'm just looking at him and I know that he knows what I'm thinking without me saying anything. That's the best present he could've made me. I have enough jewellery - and to spend a night with my girls and going to a Broadway Musical – that's awesome.

Rory is already at his site – thanking him with a kiss (the same thing I'd do, if we weren't so screwed up).

"_Wow – thanks Dad – and you really think it's safe to send the three of us away for one night?"_

But he's ignoring her. His eyes are on me.

"_Thank you Richard. That's awesome – thank you."_ That's all I can say.

"_You're welcome." _he says.

Then he gets up to make us some drinks. Suddenly his presents are coming to my mind. Thank God he's occupied with the drinks – I'm getting them from their nearby hiding place and set them in front of his seat. When he's giving me my drink he's spotting them.

"_What's that?"_

"_Well you don't think that you're the only one not getting something today, aren't you?"_

"_Seeing this I'd guess no."_

"_That's a safe guess."_

"_You know what Dad – you open your presents and I'm getting our drinks."_

Richard starts to open them.

"_My favourite cigars – and a beautiful new bow tie – thank you Emily."_

"_You're welcome."_

I see the girls smiling at each other – if only they were right in assuming that we're on our way to reconciliation – but I'm not fooled again – I know that after Christmas we'll be back to our separated lives – and somehow I hate that. But well I don't have to think about this now.

Dinner is going well, too. Given the circumstances about this years Christmas I surely can't complain. After dessert the girls are preparing to leave.

"_I'm sorry Mom, but I really have to look after the Dragonfly – to make sure that everything's okay there."_

"_I understand." _I say – and I do.

And it's not that she's skipped some part of our Christmas – she was here for everything as she was supposed to be. They're both thanking us again for their presents before leaving.

So it's only Richard and me.

"_Your present really was the best you could've made me – thank you."_

"_I'm glad you like it."_

"_I love it – and you totally surprised me – I wasn't expecting anything like that."_

"_That was part of the idea."_

"_Well you were successful."_

"_But your presents were great either."_

"_Oh they were nothing special. Just some cigars and a bow tie."_

"_But my favourite cigars and a very beautiful bow tie."_

When I'm looking at him now I can only wonder about what got us into this mess.

"_Do you want me to leave now?"_

"_No you don't have to leave – I mean if you want to you can of course, but you don't have to…"_

We're going into the living-room again – Richard is making us another drink while we're talking about the evening. But with time we don't have anything to talk about anymore and I can't but remember other Christmasses.

Normally after the girls left we weren't sitting opposite but next to each other. I would lean my head against his chest and we would just enjoy the presence of the other, while looking at the tree and hearing carols. But that's out of the question now. I wonder if he has to think about this, too.

He's leaving not soon after I had these thoughts.

"_It was a nice evening Emily – I'm glad we celebrated together."_

"_Me too."_

"_Goodnight Emily."_

"_Goodnight Richard – and thanks again."_

He nods. Then he's leaving. I'm looking at his footsteps in the snow long after he went into the pool-house. Will we ever change?

_I know we never get to see an actual Christmas on the show, so here are my thoughts on how it could be – please tell me your opinion about it. _


	30. New Year

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska, Lore2, Liz _and_ llanoestacado _for your (5) reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed the way I described Christmas – I hope the same applies for this chapter. _

**Chapter 30: New Year**

I'm sitting at my desk an invitation for a New Year's Eve celebration in my hands. Should I attend? Or shouldn't I? Should _we_ attend? I don't know. I'll certainly not go over to Richard to ask for his opinion – I did this with Christmas – which is far more important than New Year's Eve anyway – so this time it's up to him to come.

I _could_ attend alone, but most of the people at the party will be couples – friends of us. And Richard and I spent every New Year's Eve together, when he had to leave the country around that time of year - which rarely happened - I would accompany him. Even leave Lorelai alone. No they would definitely know that we're separated, with every husband and wife kissing each other, wishing the loved one a _Happy New Year_ at midnight. It even would make it awkward for both of us to attend the party. What to do at midnight? Just staring at each other? Only saying _Happy New Year_ – happy new year - what happiness will be there for us anyway? No I honestly don't know what to do.

The alternative: Sitting at home, waiting for the New Year to come, sipping champagne alone, looking out of the window, only to see him being awake and looking out of his window – with a glass of champagne in his hands? Two lonely people staring at each other. Noone willing to make the first move? No that's not an option either. Or the worst, me sitting here all alone and him being away celebrating, having the time of his life without me.

Third option: Inviting myself to whatever the girls are doing – no certainly not. I don't even know if they're celebrating together. I guess Lorelai will be with Luke - and Rory? Either with them or at Yale - no I can't intrude on that.

What's so special about this day anyway – it's only a day. _Well you never spend it apart from Richard._ I sigh – that's right. I've never spent it apart from him. I can feel self-pity raising in me. I hate that, but sometimes I can't help it.

* * *

Richard and I are alone – it was my wish to celebrate alone this time. Our first New Year's Eve with Lorelai. I didn't want to spent it apart from her. So I asked Richard, if we could skip the party – the party where many of his colleagues are present. He was surprised to hear me saying this. Normally I am the one who wants him to attend these things, though with his colleagues being there, it's a little different than other social gatherings, he knows that it would be good for him to be there. But when I explained why I wanted this to be special, he just looked into my eyes and agreed. I know if he hadn't I wouldn't be home today.

But I am. Lorelai is sleeping in her crip. She's the sweetest thing. (Perhaps her head is a little bit too big), but she's so cute. Just a few months old. I still can't believe how happy I am. Finally after all those years I have my baby. I hear Richard coming in.

„_I thought you wanted to celebrate with me?" _he whispers.

"_Yes, I just had to look after her – isn't she the cutest thing, when she's sleeping?"_

"_Yes she is."_

He's standing behind me, putting his arm around me and starting to kiss my neck.

"_Richard." _I say turning around to him.

"_What – she's asleep, she can't see us."_

Yes, that's right. I'm looking up to him. I love him so much. I caress his cheek while standing on my toes to give him a kiss.

"_Thank you Richard. Thank you for this evening."_

"_You don't have to thank me, Emily. You deserve it. I'm away so often and it's a nice idea, just the three of us."_

"_Yes it is. And if you want me to, I'll host a party inviting all of your colleagues, to make up for your missed opportunities today."_

"_You don't have to do that."_

"_But I'd love to do it."_

And right now, we're hearing a loud sigh – Lorelai – we're both startled by it. Then we're looking at each other, trying to suppress the laughter. Richard is taking my hand, leading me out of the room.

"_We'll go to her later – at midnight, okay?"_

"_Yes, Richard."_

The evening is wonderful. We're dancing and joking – just the two of us. And five minutes to midnight, we're walking up the stairs to Lorelai again, a bottle of champagne and two glasses in our hands. Midnight.

"_Happy New Year Emily."_

„_Happy New Year Richard."_

Slowly he bends down to kiss me, and I respond his kiss. Then we're turning to Lorelai. I carefully pick her up.

"_Happy New Year, Lorelai." _I say to her, giving her a light kiss.

"_Yes, Happy New Year, my little girl." _Richard whispers, while kissing her also.

She is sleeping – she only moves a little in my arms, but my soothing voice calms her down. After putting a blanket around her, we're stepping out on her balcony to watch the fireworks – and even then she remains asleep. Richard opens the bottle and we're toasting at each other. He's putting his free arm around me and Lorelai. I lean my head against his shoulder. Why can't it be like that forever?

* * *

Yes, why couldn't it be like that forever? Was I foreshadowing things? Did I know that it wouldn't be so peaceful forever? No I didn't know what was coming. This first New Year's Eve with Lorelai was one of the best.

But to be honest it wasn't always that peaceful. Even without being separated.

* * *

I just had debated with Lorelai on her curfew. She's 14 now, and wants to celebrate the New Year with her friends. I can understand that, but 14 – she's still so young. I'm rethinking our exchange.

"_You're home by 1:30 am."_

"_But Mom, the party is starting after midnight – I'll miss everything that's going on then."_ she says pouting.

"_The party certainly isn't starting at midnight – why else would you be invited for 7 pm?"_

"_But the real party Mom, do you want me to leave shortly after midnight?"_

"_No, then I would've set your curfew for 1 am."_

"_But Mom, please I originally wanted to ask you if I could stay until three, please."_ she begs.

"_3 am? You're not serious. You're 14. And stop begging."_

„_But my friends –" _

„_I don't care what you're friends are doing – and I doubt that they're all allowed to come home at 3 am."_

"_But-"_

"_And if I hear one more 'but', you can just as well accompany your father and me."_ I say sternly.

She's not saying anything (knowing that this isn't an empty threat), just looking at me with her big blue eyes. Am I too strict – isn't 1:30 am long enough? She's 14.

„_Go and get your coat Lorelai – it's nearly half past six, you have to leave soon."_

"_Yes ma'am."_ she says.

She turns around to get it. A few minutes later she's standing in front of me again.

"_Enjoy the party Lorelai, and don't drink any alcohol or smoke or -"_

"_I won't Mom. I hope you don't smoke either or drink any alcohol…"_

"_Lorelai."_ I sigh.

"_Sorry – see you next year."_

"_See you next year." _I smile.

But she's not smiling. She's not saying anything - I know what this is about. And again I'm asking myself – isn't 1:30 am long enough? Sure she would've to leave the party at 1 am, but she's 14. Her eyes are sad. She's nearly at the door when I stop her.

"_Lorelai?"_

"_Yes Mom?"_

"_1:30 am." _

And I can see the sadness again, only sadness or a little anger, too? No, mainly it's sadness.

"_Yes ma'am."_

"_You'll leave your party at 1.30 am."_

"_What?"_

The sparkling slowly is coming into her eyes again. Yes you understood me – why I'm doing this, I don't know – only to see her eyes sparkle? She has beautiful eyes.

"_You'll leave your party at 1:30 am – you should be home by two then. The latest is 2 am."_

"_Thank you Mom."_

I'd hoped that she would come to me and kiss me or hug me, but no – a simple _Thank you. _Some time ago we've stopped hugging each other. But that doesn't mean, that she's not serious – no she's genuine. I can see it in her eyes.

"_You're welcome Lorelai. Now hurry – you don't want to miss anything."_

And you'll better not be late.

Now I'm walking to my dressing room to get ready myself. Our party starts at 8 pm. I decide to wear the green dress – the neckline is a little low, but certainly not too risky. And well it's New Year's Eve. I'm going back to our bed-room. And I don't believe what I'm seeing there.

"_Richard you can't be serious."_

"_What?"_

"_Go and change – you can't wear that."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because it looks ridiculous – a yellow bow tie with coloured points on it."_ I say laughing a little.

"_It's New Year's Eve."_

"_Right – New Year's Eve and not carnival. No go and change into a black one."_ I demand.

"_I won't do that."_

I sigh – first Lorelai now him. What's wrong with them?

„_Richard please – you've had your fun. You shocked me, so please exchange into something appropriate. My DAR ladies will be there – do you want them to see you like that?"_

"_Like what?"_

"_Like a clown."_

"_A clown, because of a coloured bow tie – don't be ridiculous Emily."_ he says a little upset.

"_Richard!"_

"_So I can't wear that bow tie, but you can wear this dress?"_

"_What's wrong with the dress?"_

"_It's not appropriate."_

"_Why isn't it appropriate?"_

"_The neckline – it's way too low, you can see everything."_

"_You can't see anything. Please don't be ridiculous Richard. I'm not a nun. There are far lower necklines out there."_

„_Fine you don't exchange, then I won't either."_

"_You're only saying that, because you're angry that I criticized your outfit – otherwise you wouldn't have said anything about my dress and I won't exchange, so please Richard stop this farce, wear the black bow tie and then let's go."_

I'm going to get his black bow tie. Coming back he still hasn't removed the ridiculous one. Just when I'm about to raise my hand to do it myself he speaks again.

"_Don't dare to do that Emily." _he says, and he really sounds a little threatening.

"_Fine, then just do it yourself."_

"_I won't - and when you don't stop this at once, then I won't go anywhere."_

"_You can't be serious."_

"_I most certainly am. One more word about my bow tie, and I'll stay at home."_

"_But I have to go there - all the DAR ladies - how do you think it'll look when I won't be there?"_

"_You can go, I'll stay."_

"_That's ridiculous. I can't go on my own – and I don't want to. Please Richard, can't you just put it on – for me?" _I say softer, holding the black one up.

"_That's it, I'm not going." _he states.

With that he turns around and leaves the room. I can't believe it.

"_Richard! You can't do that. Richard!"_ I exclaim after him.

I'm following him, but he's retreating to his study. The door slams. I can't believe it. He's behaving like a child. I can't go there on my own. Not only that it would turn on the gossip, we never were apart on New Year's Eve.

I can't give in – everyone would be gossiping about him. We're already late, but I'm going down the stairs, to try a last time. I'm knocking at his door. No response. I'm knocking again. No response. That's childish. Slowly I'm opening the door. He's sitting behind his desk – the ridiculous thing still around his neck.

"_Richard – "_

"_No Emily."_ he curtly responds.

I'm looking at him, my eyes pleading. He's only looking shortly at me.

"_Please."_

"_You've heard me."_

Oh yes I have. Are we really staying? Because of this ridiculous fight? Does he expect an apology? For what? I don't think it's up to me to apologize. But I want him to go so…

"_And if I would apologize?"_

Now he's looking at me.

"_Not even then."_

"_Fine." _I yell slamming his door and running upstairs.

Then we're not going, I hope you're happy with yourself Richard Gilmore. Angry tears are coming into my eyes. I hate myself for them.

I'm looking into the mirror. Was he serious about the neckline? I'm leaning forward a little – no you can't see anything. He just wanted to upset me. To defend himself. I'm lying down on my bed – silently crying.

10 pm. I really thought he would at least come. I won't go down to him. Doesn't he remember that we've never spent New Year's Eve apart? And now being in different rooms. Ridiculous.

11:30 pm. Still no sign of him. I don't get it. He can be so stubborn. Should this really be our first New Year's Eve that we spend apart? No. Dammit. If he's not coming then I'll go. I have to. I'm looking at the mirror again. Maybe he honestly dislikes this dress? Could be. I'm going to the dressing room to change into the blue one. It worked once, so why not now?

11:55 pm. It's settled – I'll go downstairs - now. As I open the door he's standing there – ready to knock. He came. He finally came. Without this ridiculous thing around his neck. I can see him looking at me – at the dress. I'm going backwards to let him in. The fireworks are starting.

"_Happy New Year, Emily."_ he says while looking at me.

"_Happy New Year, Richard." _I say while looking at him.

I can see in his eyes, that he's sorry. Hesitantly he's bending down – unsure of whether or not I want this – now that we're in a fight. But I'm not retreating. I want my New Year's kiss. I pull him closer and I can feel his hand on my back.

We're not saying much – looking into the eyes of the other, we know everything without words. We were both stubborn, and we're both sorry (but honestly he couldn't go with this ridiculous yellow thing).

That might have been the worst New Year's Eve, but it surely is a great 1st January. We didn't stop with the first kiss – we fully made up.

I'm lying in his arms – how much a few hours can change. Not long ago I was lying on this bed alone and crying - now I have Richard beside me.

"_When is Lorelai coming home?"_

"_2 am – at least I hope for her that she won't be late. Why?"_

"_Just checking if we have time for another round."_

"_Richard!"_

But he's already kissing me again.

2:05 am – No Lorelai. I don't believe it – I was very generous with her curfew, but she just can't be on time. I'm carefully standing up. Richard is asleep. I still don't know why he was so stubborn tonight. I'm walking down the stairs, making myself a drink – waiting for Lorelai.

2:15 am. I quietly hear the door opening. She's home – thank God nothing happened. She's about to go upstairs when I call her.

"_Lorelai."_

She's startled.

"_Mom – what are you doing here?"_

"_I live here."_

"_Aren't you with Dad at the party? Was it that bad?"_

„_As you can see we're home."_

My eyes are resting on the clock.

"_I'm sorry Mom. I know I'm a little late-"_

"_A little? Five minutes would be a little – you're 15 minutes late. That's a quarter of an hour."_

"_I know - it was just – "_

"_What – was there some sort of accident on your way home that prevented you from arriving in time?"_ I ask sarcastically.

She's looking at me. I don't want to fight, but why can't she obey me? Why can't she be home on time?

"_No ma'am. - It was just me."_ she admits.

Now I'm looking at her.

"_It was just me leaving too late. I'm sorry. I guess that means I'm grounded for the next…"_

She's looking at me. I'm standing up, going towards her. She's actually looking a little scared. She's smelling.

"_Did you smoke?"_

"_No."_

"_You smell like it."_

"_Others did – I didn't I swear Mom."_

Something in her eyes makes me believe her.

"_Did you drink alcohol?" _I continue my interrogation.

I know the answer without her admitting it. Tonight her eyes are like an open book. That's a rare thing.

„_Lorelai?"_ I demand.

„_A little champagne at midnight. Just add another week." _she says looking on the ground.

"_Did you enjoy the party?"_

She's looking up again – surprised at my odd behaviour.

"_Yes, it was wonderful."_

"_Good. – Happy New Year, Lorelai."_ I say and she's even more confused.

"_Happy New Year Mom."_

Again no kissing – no hugging.

"_Well I think we should go to bed." _I say putting my arm around her shoulder and leading her up the stairs – that's close for us.

Before she's going into her room she's looking at me again.

"_I'm not grounded?"_

"_No – because you were honest with me, and because it's New Year and well 15 minutes… but next time you will be."_

"_Thank you Mom. Goodnight."_

"_Goodnight Lorelai." _

_

* * *

_

Yes that was an odd New Year's Eve – until today I don't know why Richard was so stubborn. But thinking about the past is not solving my present problems. We never were apart – are we starting this year? I don't know. I'll just wait for him to come.

_So a lot of flashbacks in this one – please tell me your thoughts about them. I'm curious, so do me the favour. ;-)_


	31. The Dog

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska, Lore2 _and_ Liz _for your reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed the way I described the two New Year flashbacks, but it's time to go on with the story – so here it is._

**Chapter 31: The Dog**

„_Happy New Year Emily." _I'm whispering to myself.

I went to bed at 10:30 pm. He didn't come over. Until then he was at home. I didn't want us to stare at another through the window so I decided that it would be best to sleep into the New Year. Of course I couldn't. The fireworks would've woken me up anyway. I'm tempted to go downstairs – to see if he's still home – but no, then this wouldn't have made any sense at all. I'm in bed because I want to avoid this awkward moment. And I'm staying here. The first New Year's Eve that we spent apart…

Is it really over? Should I start the New Year looking forward? To leave my marriage behind? I sigh. Perhaps that would be the best thing to do – I mean if we couldn't make it until now – if neither Christmas nor the illnesses of Maurice or Straub could unite us, then I don't know what it would take. Is Hope right after all? Should I just go to him to apologize? But for what? He has much more to apologize for, but is that the point? I look at the collage again – I'm getting melancholic, I can feel it – great way to start the New Year. Suddenly the phone is ringing, I wonder who that might be – _Richard?_

"_Hello?"_

"_Happy New Year, Grandma!"_ Rory says and I can hear loud music in the background.

"_Happy New Year, Rory. Where are you?"_

"_At a party – I'm sorry to call that late, but I thought today you would certainly be awake at that hour and I just wanted to wish you and grandpa a happy new year."_

"_That's sweet of you, thanks Rory."_

"_Hmm – is he there?"_

"_Who?" _I ask innocently – now I know why she's calling.

"_Grandpa, I want to wish him a happy new year."_

"_No I'm afraid he's not here dear. You have to call him on his cell phone."_

"_Oh – well then I'll better do that."_

"_Yes, I suppose you should."_

"_Okay, it's really loud Grandma and I don't want to disturb you, so see you next Friday."_

"_See you Friday Rory – and thanks for the call."_

"_Anytime Grandma."_

Rory, Rory – you just had to know, hadn't you? But we're not together. I was right not to set my hope up at Christmas, though his present…

After what seems like hours I'm finally able to get some sleep.

* * *

I'm coming back from the hair-dresser. Just when I'm about to leave my car, Richard is pulling up behind me. We haven't seen each other this year, but I knew that this moment would come. So I wait a few seconds before getting out of the car. I'm turning towards him. He's coming towards me.

"_Happy New Year, Richard."_

"_Happy New Year, Emily."_

Great what else is there to say – normally we kissed – don't think of that Emily!

"_How are you?"_

"_I'm fine thanks for asking Emily – and you?"_

"_I'm fine, too thank you. – I just got back from the hair-dresser."_

Are we both lying? I don't think that neither of us is _fine._

"_Oh – well your hair looks nice."_

"_Thank you."_

"_Well – I have a dinner to attend tonight, business – I better should hurry to get dressed."_

"_Yes, I don't want to keep you from it. Have a nice evening Richard."_

"_Thank you."_

He's going to the pool-house. That's the way we talk – polite small talk, which ends because he has work to do. I don't even know if that's always true, or if he just can't stand the awkward atmosphere – sighing I'm going to the house.

* * *

I'm walking through the house, speaking to Jean – an old friend of mine, which I haven't seen for quite a while. When I come to the window I'm shocked to see that a dog is sitting on the patio. I'm jumping back a little.

"_Oh - Oh my God! Oh my God!"_ I exclaim.

What's this thing doing here? And how to get rid of it, I'm certainly not going out there and the maid is at the store – _Richard._ Where's the phone – oh right I'm on the phone with Jean, who's just asking what's going on.

"_No, uh, Jean, hang on a second, will you?"_

I'm calling Richard's cell phone – oh please be here.

"_Hello?"_

Thank God.

"_There's a dog on the patio!"_ I say upset.

"_What? - Emily?"_

Who else? Glad you remember my voice.

"_Of course it's Emily!"_

"_I'm sorry. You sound agitated."_

"_Did you get a dog?"_

"_Certainly not!"_

"_Well, there's a dog on the patio."_

"_Well, where are you?"_

Australia – of course here, when I can see it.

"_Inside! Richard, do something!"_

"_I can't see it from here."_

Then come over.

"_Well, he's here nonetheless, and he's looking at me! Richard, the dog is looking at me!"_ I say and I'm very close to freaking out.

"_Hold on."_

"_I'm holding, but what are we going to – Richard?"_

Great – now he's not even speaking to me anymore. I hope for him he's coming over, you can talk while you walk you know? I'm looking at the dog.

"_Shoo! - Shoo!" _

But he's not moving. Then Richard comes out onto the patio.

"_Now do you believe me?"_

"_Well, I wasn't doubting you, Emily, I just couldn't see it."_

"_What is that?"_ I say pointing through the window at the fire poker in his hand.

"_Oh, you made it sound like it was a rabid beast, so I came prepared."_

"_Don't get too close."_

We don't know what's wrong with him – and something is wrong with him, otherwise he wouldn't be here.

"_I don't see any froth on his mouth."_

"_Well, that's something."_

"_I see a collar but no tags. That isn't very smart."_

"_You're getting too close."_

Why do I care so much about this?

"_Well, what should I do? It's freezing out here. We can't let it roam around."_

"_Well it can't come into the house."_

Certainly not. While he's muttering something about tags I have an idea.

"_Take it to the pool house."_

"_What? Why?"_

"_Well, that's why we have it."_

"_We have a pool house for stray dogs? Love the innuendo, Emily. Fine. I will take him into the pool house."_

You know I didn't mean it like that.

"_Thank you, Richard. I came out and he was just sitting there."_

"_It's a he?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_Well, I can't get a visual from this angle."_

Oh please.

"_It's not important."_

"_Dog! I want you to come with me. Come along, dog!"_ Richard commands and it's working.

"_He's following you."_

I can't believe it.

"_Seems to be working!"_

"_Good job, Richard!"_

Richard and the dog are disappearing into the pool-house. Well at least that's solved, I mean he couldn't sit here all day could he, I think while hanging up. After a minute the phone is ringing again – Jean. I had totally forgotten about that call.

* * *

I've thought about the whole dog situation for the last two hours. I mean what would I've done if Richard hadn't been there – am I really that dependent on him? I think I'll better look after them – the least I can do. And he doesn't seem to be at work – his car is here. He shouldn't miss work because of it – because I can't take care of a dog. Yes I'm going over. I'm getting my cloak – it's still freezing outside and head over to the pool-house. I'm knocking at the door.

"_Emily. Hello."_ Richard says after opening the door.

"_Hello. I saw your car in the driveway and was just wondering if everything was okay._" I say while going inside – it really looks comfortable now.

"_Everything's fine. Thank you. I've put off my morning appointments to sort of stabilize the canine situation. She's been fairly calm."_

"_Oh, it's a she?"_

"_That has been ascertained."_

"_And there's no I.D. tag?"_ I say while looking at the dog which is lying in front of the fireplace.

Somehow I'm enjoying this – at least we have something to talk about.

"_A gross oversight of its owners. I found its exact breed, though, which may come in handy."_

"_Oh, wonderful!"_ I say, clapping my hands together.

"_Let me, uh, bring up the website .'Dog Breed 411 dot com'." _He says while sitting down behind his laptop and typing a little.

I'm amazed that he's able to handle this – I know nothing about these kind of things. But it looks really impressing.

"_Isn't that clever? It's amazing the information available on the computer these days."_ I say.

"_Oh, it's wonderful. There are websites you'd be interested in, too."_

"_Oh, I wouldn't know how."_ I say giving an insecure laugh.

"_Well, it's easy. Whatever you're interested in, you just type it in - the DAR, or Louis Vuitton or Franz Schubert - and you're off and running."_

"_That easy?"_

I can't believe that.

"_That easy."_

"_There she is!"_ I say pointing at a picture of 'our dog' at his laptop.

"_Mmm. A long-haired Jack Russell terrier."_

"_I'll start calling the neighbours and tell them we have a long-haired Jack Russell terrier."_

At least I can do something now.

"_A female."_

Suddenly the pictures on his laptop have changed.

"_What's all that luggage?"_

"_Ah, that is the Louis Vuitton website. I thought you might like to peruse it."_ he says while standing up so that I can sit down.

That really looks interesting – I didn't know that this was possible.

"_Isn't that something?"_

"_You use that mouse there to move around."_ he says pointing at some weird thing next to his laptop. And what for a name is that?

"_A mouse? How fun!"_ I say laughing – this time it's a real laugh.

It is fun. You can look at nearly everything. Richard is standing behind me – I don't want to leave.

"_And the DAR has a – what do you call it?"_

"_A website?"_

"_Yes – a website – they have one, too?"_

"_Of course – nearly everything is on the internet these days – perhaps even you."_

"_Me?"_ I say incredulously.

"_Well when they've put up a members list you're certainly on it."_

I nod – amazing.

"_And how do I get there?"_

"_You have to type the URL in."_

"_Oh – well perhaps you should do that – only if you have time of course."_ I quickly add - not having the slightest knowledge what an URL might be.

"_Well I have time and you can do it yourself – just do what I'm telling you."_

He's showing me everything and it really isn't that difficult – at least not with him by my side. But what was ever difficult with him by my side? Don't get emotional Emily – we had difficult times – hell we have the most difficult time right now. However when he unintentionally touches my shoulder a shiver is going through my body. Oh my – I better leave now.

"_Well I think I should start making those calls – thanks for showing me this – it really was a great thing to discover."_

"_Perhaps you should buy yourself a laptop – then you can discover this whenever you want."_ he suggests.

"_Oh well I don't know – without any help – and I've lived for over 60 years without it – I don't think I need it."_

I definitely have to leave – I can't even talk in complete sentences anymore.

"_So if you need any help with the dog, just let me know."_ I say while turning around to leave.

"_I will. Goodbye Emily."_

"_Goodbye Richard."_

While going back to the house I'm thinking about our meeting. This was the closest physical contact we had for a long time – and it did have an affect on me, I can't deny that. On him however – I don't know. But then I couldn't see his face and I was way too occupied in hiding my own feelings. Well, I definitely still feel something for him. And the dog – maybe it was fate. At least it gives us a reason to talk.

Coming inside I'm going to the phone and start to make those calls. I guess it's best to start with Margaret Whitson – she knows everyone around here. After the polite small talk I'm coming straight to the point.

"_Margaret the reason of my call is, that today I found a dog on our patio – it was just sitting there and I wonder if maybe you've heard that someone is missing a dog?"_

"_No, I'm sorry Emily – I haven't heard anything. But I'll pay attention and let you know as soon as possible. How does it look like?"_

"_Oh it's a white long-haired Jack Russell terrier."_

"_Alright – well I can ask around a little."_

"_That would be great, thank you Margaret."_

"_I'm sorry Emily, but I have to go now, I promised Laura to come over."_

"_That's okay and well, it would help to just put the word out there that we have a dog. In case anyone hears of anyone looking for one."_

"_What was the colour – white?"_

"_That's right. A white long-haired Jack Russell terrier."_

"_Okay – I'll see what I can do."_

"_Thank you, Margaret. I'll be here all day."_

"_Bye."_

"_Bye."_

Richard just came in – I wonder what he wants – I left him a few minutes ago, but well I told him to come if he'd need anything.

"_Margaret Whitson?"_

"_I figured a call to the neighbourhood busybody was the first order of business. How's it doing?"_

"_Well, it seems to be asleep now, but I am lacking a proper bowl for its food."_

"_I think I can help you with that, follow me."_

We're walking into the kitchen.

"_What are you feeding it?"_

"_I've got some leftover stew. I'm going to pick chunks of meat out of it."_

Leftover – from what? Don't tell me you're eating _stew._

"_Stew? Richard, tell me that that man of yours isn't feeding you stew?"_ I say turning to face him.

"_Well, he probably offered. He said it was a recipe passed down by some dead relative."_

"_Stew? That may be what killed his relative."_

"_I didn't think of that."_ he says laughing a little.

"_Promise me you'll make him prepare proper food for you. Please. That's what he's paid for."_ I say while searching for an appropriate food bowl.

"_I promise, Emily."_

Ah – and now I've found one.

"_Here we go."_

"_Ah, looks perfect."_

I give it to him.

"_And it's chipped, so just toss it when you're done."_

"_Thank you, Emily."_

"_You're welcome."_

We're looking at each other.

"_And the stew is history."_

"_Good."_

He slowly turns around – I can't but smile after him. He really listened to me. And someone who wouldn't know that we're separated, wouldn't have noticed anything. We're honestly able to talk to each other without any fighting. I don't think that I want this dog-owner to be found anytime soon. Apparently we just need a safe topic to talk about, and everything works out fine.

This night I have to think of my New Year's thoughts and I wonder if maybe I was wrong. What is New Year anyway – it's just a day. Other cultures don't even share the same day to celebrate the new year. I mean it doesn't mean you have to start something new – maybe you should just look out for the old… to repair what's broken. But how?

I don't know exactly, but I can feel that we're on a good way. And for what seems to be the hundredth time I'm reaching for Hope's letter to maybe discover something new in there – but no. (I know it by hard by now anyway, so that's no surprise). When I'm putting it back into my night-stand I again look at the collage the girls made me. Yes, perhaps New Year isn't about leaving things behind, but just for starting over. I really hope that dog will be here for some more time.

_I hope you liked it – reviews are as always appreciated, but this time especially since I'm not very motivated at the moment. I don't even know why. So please change that. _


	32. Straub

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska, Lore2 _and_ Liz _for your reviews. They did motivate me, and don't worry, I'll finish this story. And thanks Riska for pointing out my mistake – by heart – I knew that, must have slipped my mind…_

**Chapter 32: Straub**

The phone is ringing.

"_Hello?"_

"_Emily?" _a weak manly voice says.

"_Christopher?"_

"_Yeah it's me. I just called to tell you that my father – he died."_

So he really is dead now – well we were expecting it, but somehow these kind of things are always unexpected.

"_I'm sorry Christopher. Are you at home?"_

"_Yes, me and Gigi are with Mom."_

"_How is Francine?"_

"_He was always so healthy - it caught her off guard, she's devastated."_

That's typical Francine – she never was good in a crisis – and off guard, they knew he was diagnosed. But well I shouldn't be so harsh – she lost her husband. I don't know how I would react if…

"_Please send her my condolences."_

"_I will."_

"_Well I don't think there's anything I can do right now, but if there is –"_

"_No, I just wanted you to know. Bye Emily."_

"_Bye."_

Oh my – he sounded devastated, too. He never had a good relationship with his father – worse than Lorelai and me. What would Lorelai feel if I…? _Stop that Emily_. And what would I feel if Richard…? _Didn't you listen – stop it. That's not leading to anything._

Better focus on what's to do now. First I've to call the florist to send them some flowers from Richard and me – _Richard, I have to tell him._ And the girls? Well of course they'll know. He must've called them right away.

* * *

I'm coming out of the kitchen, where I was to check on dinner – roast beef – and am about to go to Richard, before the girls arrive to tell him. Somehow I think I should tell him. Perhaps I'm still hoping that it will lead to some certain conversation, we just need to have some day. When I'm knocking at his door I can see the dog running around inside – I wonder what's up with it?

"_Hello Emily – come in." _he says and quickly closes the door.

"_Richard. What on earth is up with that – "_

But before I can finish that sentence and before Richard can prevent it, the dog runs towards me, starting to jump up and down next to my legs.

"_Richard! Stop it – get her away!" _I exclaim.

During that process my pantyhose gets ripped. Great!

"_I'm sorry Emily. I just – Will you stop it, dog." _he says while carrying her back to the fireplace.

"_And now you'll sit here, understand? – I'm really sorry Emily – he's never done it before I don't know why - " _he says while coming towards me again.

"_Well it's not your fault."_

I'm not here to argue, and well it isn't his fault.

"_Were you in the kitchen?"_

"_Pardon me?"_

"_You smell like – roast beef?"_

"_I do?"_

"_A little – perhaps that's why he liked you so much."_

"_Could be."_

I'm looking down – I have to get out of that pantyhose – it's getting worse. But going back… it's nearly six, I don't want him to find out from the girls.

"_You know Emily you can use my bathroom – to take it off. I mean it's warm enough in here, you don't need to get another one immediately do you?"_

He must have seen my look. Well he's right it's warm enough in here and he's seen my legs without one numerous times. But why doesn't he want me to leave? He doesn't know the news yet, does he?

"_No, I'll be right back."_

When I'm coming out the dog is a little active again.

"_Honestly Emily – I don't know what got into him – perhaps he's used to be outside a little more?"_

And why are you calling it _him_ all the time – I thought you said it was a girl. Well unimportant – main thing is _she_ calms down.

"_Let me try Richard." _I say while sitting next to the dog by the fireside.

After I've spoken a little with her, she calmed down.

"_Well he likes you."_

And again _he. _But well I've no time for this now.

"_Seems so. - Richard I have to tell you something." _I can't put it off any longer, the clock isn't standing. _"Christopher called – Straub died."_

"_Oh."_

"_Yes. He called this afternoon. He was devastated."_

"_Well he and Straub –"_

"_Yes, I know. Francine isn't taking it very good either."_

"_That's nothing new."_

We share a look – the same thoughts.

"_Well I should get back to the house."_

"_Please stay a little Emily – you just got him quiet. I think he likes you being here."_

I'm looking at him – the dog likes me being here? What about you Richard? Why can't you tell me what you really feel. Especially after just hearing of the death of a man similar to your age. But well I shouldn't judge, I'm not speaking my mind either.

"_Well if the dog likes me to stay, I'll stay." _I simply say.

"_Thank you."_

We're talking a little and I can't but feel that there's something going on between us – the way he looks at me, that he doesn't want me to leave. Perhaps that's his way of showing me, that Straub's death does have an effect on him. That I'm not unimportant to him. But then I shouldn't set my hopes up – that would only disappoint me.

After some time the girls are arriving. Robert is opening the door for them. After they've greeted Richard they spot me sitting by the fireplace (and the dog).

"_Well, hello Mom."_

"_Hello, girls."_

"_Hi, Grandma."_

"_Just go about your drinks. I'm just here to sit with the dog."_

After all splitting up Friday Night Dinner was my idea, and I don't want to interfere with it.

"_Dog?"_ Lorelai asks.

"_Oh, he's cute!"_ Rory chimes in.

"_When did you get a dog?"_ Lorelai wants to know.

"_She's not our dog."_ I explain.

"_No less confused."_ Lorelai says.

"_And, it's a he."_ Richard says.

"_The dog?"_ I ask.

"_The dog is a boy."_ he states.

Ah finally we're getting to it.

"_I thought you said it was a girl."_

"_I got another peek. It was rolling around on its back and it was painfully obvious."_

"_They're so hairy down there."_

"_This one especially."_ he agrees with me.

"_It's going from weird to weirder."_ Lorelai says while Rory smiles.

"_The usual beverage for everybody?"_ Richard asks them.

"_So he's not your dog?"_ Rory wants to know.

"_It just showed up in our yard yesterday morning. We have no idea how it got here, where it came from. It has no tags."_ I continue to explain.

"_It is a very big mystery, this dog."_ Richard finishes.

Well I should retreat from the conversation – this is his time with them.

"_Oh, now I'm monopolizing things and I'm not even here. Please, go about your drinks."_ I say.

"_No, no, I'm having Robert make one up for you as well."_ Richard says.

Well that's nice, but certainly not necessary.

"_Are you sure? Because I'm not officially here."_ I say while looking at him.

"_Absolutely."_ he affirms me.

Then Robert is handing Richard the drinks and he's handing one to me.

"_Thank you, Richard."_

"_So how long are you going to keep him?"_ Rory wants to know.

"_As long as it takes to find the owners."_ Richard answers.

"_Richard had to miss a half day of work yesterday."_

And again I spoke – why can't I be quiet?

"_But Emily has agreed to write a note excusing my absence, so it should be okay."_ he jokes and we again share a look.

I'm not imagining this – there is something going on. But this is hardly the place with the girls present, and well we wouldn't speak about it openly anyway.

"_Okay, now pretend I'm not here. You girls and I can chat later." _

The three of them are leaving to sit around the table while I remain to sit with the dog.

"_Okay. Well, um, Rory, oh my God, did I tell you about the horrendous thing that Mom did? She can be such a witch with a 'B'."_

"_Lorelai."_ I sigh.

"_Oh, geez, Mom, I forgot you were there. My pretending is that good."_

Oh my – why didn't I see that one coming. It was so obvious.

"_We can't really pretend you're not here, Grandma."_

"_That's true, Emily. You have a presence that cannot be ignored."_

What does that mean? Anyway, I can't remain quiet, so it's better I leave – he deserves to have the girls undivided attention.

"_Oh well, fine. I can leave."_

"_No, no! The dog likes you there. Join in the conversation if you wish."_

Again – the dog likes me there? And I'm allowed to join the conversation which is nice and I just have to hear what they're thinking about the news. Straub was awful to them the last time they met – at least I guess it was the last time.

"_Well, I am curious to know when you girls got the bad news today."_

"_What bad news?"_ Lorelai asks.

Please Lorelai.

"_Christopher's news."_

"_What about him?"_ Rory asks.

So they really have no clue what I'm talking about?

"_You haven't heard?"_

"_Nothing."_ Rory answers.

"_Lorelai?"_

"_Same here."_

He didn't call Lorelai?

"_Well, that's odd."_ Richard says.

"_I would have thought he would have called them right away."_

"_One of them, at least."_ Richard agrees again with me.

"_Guys, what news? You're making me nervous here."_ Lorelai demands to know.

"_Straub died."_

Okay from their looks I can assume that they hadn't the slightest clue.

"_Christopher's father died?"_ Lorelai asks incredulously.

"_This morning."_ I go on.

"_Oh my God, how?"_ Lorelai wants to know.

Rory instead – I wonder if she really was so clueless – she's not saying anything. But then perhaps she just doesn't know what to think now. Straub was awful towards her.

"_Well, he'd been sick."_ I start to explain to them.

"_Very badly. He'd been diagnosed just a month ago, but it did already spread."_ Richard continues.

"_He was the picture of health, so it caught poor Francine completely off guard. That poor woman."_ I finish.

"_I can't believe Chris didn't tell us."_

Me neither.

"_He may not have been in any shape to think straight."_ Richard defends him.

"_Did you check all your voicemails?"_ Lorelai wants to know from Rory.

"_Yeah. Yeah, I did."_ Rory finally says.

She really is weird. And what's this voicemail thing anyway. You can't rely on machines – that's just wrong.

"_It's terrible having more than one answering service. That's the way you miss things."_

"_Well, I mean, we should send something, right? For the funeral? Does he want us to go?" _

Lorelai instead is speaking out loud everything that comes to her head – the opposite of Rory.

"_He was very quiet on the phone, he was only good for the headlines."_ I tell them.

"_Well, you can't blame him."_ Richard again defends him.

"_He had a very tortured relationship with that man, but none of that matters at the end."_ I dare to say, but Lorelai ignores it.

"_We should send him a card, or, or flowers."_

"_We should send flowers."_ Rory speaks up again.

"_Everything sounds so lame."_

"_Well, whatever it is, send it to Francine. Christopher and the baby are staying with her until all of this is behind them. I'll give you the address before you go."_

"_We'll send something together, Emily?"_ Richard asks me.

How long do you know me, that you can't assume that I've already taken care of that.

"_I've already signed your name to some flowers."_ I answer.

Suddenly the dog stands up – that caught me completely off guard, I'd forgotten he was here.

"_Oh! He moved! Is it supposed to do that?"_ that's all I can say while standing up myself.

"_Oh, Emily. Let me show you how he likes his blanket arranged. He's a bit picky."_ Richard says while coming towards me.

"_I'd appreciate your help."_ I say regaining my composure.

"_I think he's a little spoiled, but once you know what calms him down – like your voice – it's not that difficult". _

Again we share a look.

"_Well than maybe I should try to talk to him again?"_

"_Good idea."_

While I'm speaking a little to the dog, Richard arranges the blanket. I can't stop thinking about how all it needs for us to behave civilized with each other is a little dog. He rolls up the corner of the blanket and starts to explain his doings - meanwhile I'm sitting again.

"_See you have to do it like this - the bump acts as a kind of pillow."_

"_Very clever!" _

Then he's looking suspiciously at my drink – what's up with that?

"_There's a dog hair in your drink. I'll have Robert make you another one."_

"_Oh oh, that's okay."_

That's okay? Why am I saying such things – I'd never drink it anymore. I'm behaving like a teenager who's just fallen in love and is saying all kinds of nonsense. Luckily he's not listening to me and is already taking my glass, what I don't fight.

"_No, no, I insist. Robert, we need dog hair removal."_ he says while going towards him and getting another drink for me.

"_Thank you Richard." _I say when he's giving me my new glass.

I look at the clock – only a few minutes until dinner time. It's just not right, that I'm having drinks with them and that he's excluded from dinner.

"_Richard do you want to come over with us to have dinner?"_

I'm getting a surprised look.

"_I mean I was here all the time, so it would only be fair." _I continue.

"_You don't have to do that Emily."_

"_I know that I don't have to, but I'm sure the girls wouldn't mind, would you?" _I say looking at them.

"_No we'd love for you to come Grandpa."_

"_See and we're always having enough. Of course if you don't have time –"_

"_I have – so when you're sure, I'd love to come. Oh but what about the dog?"_

"_Well can't Robert look after him?"_

"_Right."  
_

"_Good." _I smile. _"I'll better go over right now to arrange everything. See you soon."_

With that I'm leaving three stunned people behind. I tell the maid (what's her name, Eliza, Elena… something with 'E' I think, well it doesn't matter) to get another plate before going upstairs to get another pantyhose. When I'm coming downstairs again, they're just coming in.

Dinner is nice – like nothing had happened. We're talking about our upcoming trip to New York – the atmosphere is really light. I can't but think that even Lorelai enjoys it a little. When they're leaving I'm having the feeling that Rory is hugging me a little extra long. Both are smiling when they're heading outside.

"_Thank you Emily – that was a real nice move."_

"_Well you started it. And I think it's time that we move on. I mean we were married for nearly 40 years – it's ridiculous that we can't even spend a dinner together anymore."_

"_I agree."_

"_And I know that Rory loves it – she was awfully quiet when I told her Christopher's news – did you notice that?"_

"_Yes I did. Well he was awful towards her. It was definitely good for her to spend the evening as a family – she got livelier during dinner."_

"_Yes, that's true."_

The maid is coming in and since Rory asked for her name I still know that it's Amy – well whatever, at least I was right in thinking that it started with a vowel.

"_I'm sorry to interrupt you Mrs Gilmore, I just wanted to ask, if you still need me tonight."_

"_No – thank you Amy."_

She nods and quietly leaves the room.

"_Well it's past Robert's time – I should go. Goodnight Emily."_

"_Goodnight Richard."_

Well it's true – we can talk without fighting – we just need a safe topic, like Rory or the dog. Perhaps we should get one for us, when this one has found its owner, which I hope isn't happening for some time. Since I've nothing to do downstairs tonight I'm going to bed a little early.

_See we're heading towards reconciliation – please tell me what you like or don't like about this chapter. _


	33. Stubborn

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska _and_ AliseAndrews _for your reviews. I love receiving them. Hope you enjoy the next chapter._

**Chapter 33: Stubborn**

While having breakfast I'm thinking about how nice it was yesterday to look at him during dinner. Now I'm only staring at an empty place. I decide to go over to the pool-house. Richard did already miss work because of the dog – it's not necessary that that has to happen again. And well things are going fine lately. I'm opening the door of the pool-house and a few seconds after I've done it I realize that I didn't even knock. Another sign that I'm feeling more and more comfortable to go here. Seems like he's about to leave for work – good that I came.

"_Hello."_ he greets me.

"_Hello, Richard. How are you?"_

"_Very good. And you?"_

"_Excellent. I was going to check on the dog. I was thinking of putting up some fliers around the neighbourhood. Fliers are tacky, but they work. And I thought you could look up on your computer where the best place to print them is."_

A real good reason to explain my presence – I'm even a little proud of myself.

"_The dog is gone."_

What?

"_Gone? He's gone?"_

"_She's gone."_

She?

"_I thought you said it was a boy."_

"_Well, apparently I misread what I saw."_

Uhuh.

"_She was very hairy down there."_ I admit.

"_Your calls paid off. Some one you called called someone else, and somehow found the owner and she came and picked the dog up, late last night."_

I can't believe that she's gone.

"_I didn't even hear anyone come by."_

"_Well, I would have called to let you know but I didn't see a light on and I didn't want to disturb you."_

"_It wouldn't have disturbed me." _I state.

I couldn't even say goodbye.

"_Well, I'll know that for next time. Not that we'll ever find a dog in the yard again."_

No probably not. I don't think that I like that we're dogless again. Pull yourself together Emily – it was only a dog.

"_Yes. Well. I hope you told them to get an I.D. tag for it. It's irresponsible not to have one."_

"_I told them how much they put us out. I missed a half day's work, and you were inconvenienced even more."_

"_Yes. Yes, I was."_

Was I ? So what to say now?

"_Her name was Princess, by the way."_ he says – trying to find something to say as much as I am.

"_Was it?- Princess?"_

That can't be true. We're only able to talk to each other when a dog is around? But apparently that's the way it is. We're just staring at another now. For a second it looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn't. It's getting embarrassing – I have to stop it.

"_Well, I should get back to the house. I've got a million things to do."_ I say rather harshly – but I can't help it.

"_Uhuh I have to go to work."_ he says while I'm already on my way out.

We have nothing to say to each other – well that's not true, we have a lot to say to each other, it's just we don't know how to start. I mean I wasn't imagining the last days, it was going better and I swear that he felt that way, too. The way he looked at me before I practically fled from the awkward atmosphere that once again came up… Why was that dog found so quickly? I sigh.

I should focus on the upcoming trip to New York – it will be good to keep my mind away from Richard for a while. But it's not working. While thinking of New York I can't but remember the first time I went there with Richard and all the events that led to it.

It was the first year of our marriage – we just moved into the house – and it was our first big fight – and the first time I had to apologize, which was very very difficult for me.

* * *

I can't wait for Richard to come home. Today I finished picking out the new furniture for our living-room. I even decided on buying an armchair similar to the one his mother has – not because I like it that much, but because I know that he will love it. I can't wait to see his face when he's seeing it. I'm hearing the door, he's coming.

"_What on earth is this Emily?" _he says kind of rude, holding me a bill under my nose.

"_It's a bill."_

"_Yes, I know that." _he answers annoyed.

"_Then why are you asking?" _I answer similar annoyed, what the hell is going on?

"_Because it's way too expensive – how could you spend this much money without asking me first?"_ he says upset.

"_But I did ask you – "_

"_You didn't."_

He's close to yelling at me.

"_Yes I did – I asked you to redecorate the living-room and you agreed. What did you think it would cost?"_

"_You didn't ask me that."_

"_I did and when you haven't heard it, it's even worse. It shows you're not listening to me." _I say – now I'm becoming upset as well.

"_How could you spend this much money?" _he yells.

"_Mmh – let me remember: 'Here Emily is your credit card – I don't want you to have to ask for anything'."_

"_And I said that you have to ask me for the more expensive things – wouldn't you call this expensive?"_

And again he's holding the bill in front of me.

"_Of course I would and I did ask you, so stop shouting at me, will you?"_

He turns around. I don't understand this – that is not my Richard.

"_What's wrong anyway?"_ I ask calmer.

"_We don't have the money for this."_ he quietly says.

"_Pardon me?"_

"_We don't have the money for this." _he yells after turning around to face me again.

"_Why?" _I'm asking – a little scared.

He's not answering.

"_Why Richard – why?"_

"_Because I made a stupid investment."_ he slowly admits.

For a moment we're not saying anything. Not enough money? What does that mean – and why isn't he talking to me about this?

"_So… what do you expect me to do now – cancel everything?"_ I ask hesitantly.

"_I'll take care of that – you've done enough damage. Are there more bills?"_

"_**I**'ve done enough damage, are you hearing yourself? Is it **my** fault you made that investment, is it **my** fault you refused to tell me, is it **my** fault you didn't listen to me?"_

He's looking at me – my voice has reached a level close to shouting.

"_I'm sorry Emily – I should have told you earlier, I just… I'm sorry."_

You should be. I'm not looking at him.

"_Please Emily – I apologize."_

Again I'm not looking at him – who does he think he is, coming in here shouting at me. I can hear him sighing.

"_Are there more bills?"_

I'm going to my desk to hand him some.

"_I'll take care of that."_

Yes, because I'm incapable to do it. Who do you think I am?

"_Emily – please don't be mad at me. I…it's all my fault… I'm very sorry."_

He's leaning in trying to kiss me – oh no, we're not making up yet mister. He sighs.

"_Emily I've said I'm sorry. If you can't accept that, I'll leave you alone. God knows I've other things to do now."_

He's looking at me, his eyes are pleading for me to answer – to say something, anything – but I don't. I'm just standing there, looking at him coldly. How could he not tell me those things?

"_Just don't spend any more money – only in emergencies."_ he whispers.

Slowly he's turning around to leave.

He really left. Maybe I shouldn't have been so cold. He sounded devastated, and he did apologize, I shouldn't have ignored that. But well he'll come back.

He isn't coming back. Not that evening – not the next day. Why was I so stubborn? Why didn't I say that I would forgive him? I mean he probably was embarrassed to admit his mistake and … damn. And I know that I had forgiven him the minute he turned around to leave, why couldn't I say it? I should at least have called after him, when I saw that he really left.

The afternoon of the second day I can't stand it anymore so I call his office – of course he's there. Just hearing his voice makes the tears coming into my eyes. Why doesn't he come home? Doesn't he know that I need him? That I love him. That I'm sorry.

"_Come home, please."_

That's all I can say, before quickly hanging up. I don't want to discuss anything with him – I want him to be here. And I don't want him to hear me crying.

This evening I'm wearing his favourite dress and I told the maid to cook his favourite meal. I won't mention his outburst again. I'll be supporting – like I should've been. Not that he's right in yelling at me and in hiding those thing from me, but well he apologized. I'm waiting for him to come.

He doesn't. Why? Wasn't it enough to call him? I'm between anger and despair. I'm waiting for another day – no Richard. That can't be happening – I must be dreaming and when I'll wake up he'll be here, like he should be.

Did I push him away that much? I want him to be home, I miss him – I love him. I decide to go to his office myself. His secretary (a much too beautiful young woman by the way) tells me to wait. Honestly, what is he thinking? Letting me wait here like I am nobody. I'm his wife. Does he have to humiliate me that much? Finally I'm _allowed_ to go in.

"_Why didn't you come?"_ I say – colder than I intended.

"_Why should I?"_ he answers – similar coldly.

"_Because I've asked you to."_ I say softer while sitting opposite to him.

"_You demanded – you didn't even wait for my response."_

Because I was crying you idiot – and I added please, do you call that demanding?

"_So you're not coming?"_

"_Not when you haven't anything to say to me."_

You really want to humiliate me, do you? But no, I did enough. I'm standing up ready to leave. But I know that he won't give in this time. I can see it in his eyes. When I'll go now, I'll have to come back later, I just know it. We're both so stubborn. I try to rescue my last bit of pride.

"_Doesn't it count at all that I came here?" _I ask him facing the door.

"_Not when you're leaving like that."_

He really isn't making this easy on me. I slowly turn around.

"_Then I'm asking you to come home now." _I say to him – and this time _my_ eyes are pleading.

He's just looking at me.

"_I miss you Richard. I love you."_

His face softens, but he's remaining in his seat – still not saying a word. I know what he's waiting for – I've never done it before – I never had to. Saying I love you or kissing him always got me out of it – until now. But one day this had to happen. Why was I so unforgiving – so cold?

"_Forgive me." _It's barely a whisper.

For a tiny moment he's looking like he wants to say that he hasn't understood me. My eyes are pleading with him not to make me repeat this – not to rob the last bit of pride I have. And he gives in. Thank God. He's standing up to walk towards me.

„_Does that mean that you've forgiven me?" _he asks taking my hands in his.

"_Days ago." _I whisper, a little louder this time.

He's placing his hand under my chin to lift it up to him, before kissing me. It's so good to feel his lips on mine. Slowly we're breaking the kiss to look into each other's eyes.

"_What happened Richard?"_

"_I'll tell you later, I have some things to take care of right now."_

"_Did you handle the bills – because you know I'm not incapable of cancelling them."_

"_I know – I just didn't want you to feel obligated to do this – it wasn't your fault anyway. It's all taken care of."_

The phone is ringing – I'm motioning for him to answer it. He's going over to his desk.

"_So you'll come home tonight?" _I ask before he's picking it up.

"_Yes."_

And he is. This evening he tells me everything. He had invested in the Dubliners Paper Corporation though his mother had warned him (why is he discussing these things with her and not me?) and in the end that bitch was right. Instead of earning a fortune, he lost the money he invested.

"_I know it was risky – but I never imagined it would end that bad – I shouldn't have done it, Emily. I have to take care of you and this house, I'm sorry. That won't happen again, trust me."_

"_I do." _

And I'm sincere – looking into his eyes I see that he learned his lesson. We talked for a long time. I told him, that I want to know about these things – that he can talk to me about his business.

For a long time this worked out – he asked for my advice, he consulted me - for everything. When did he stop? I can't tell the exact point, but somewhere we lost each other. I sigh, my thoughts are returning to the talk we had nearly forty years ago.

After promising me this, he told me, that he had to ask his mother to help him out. She of all people, but well.

"_I guess she'll be coming over more frequently the next time Emily – to make sure that everything is alright. And I will have to work very hard – I don't want to be indebted to her for long. I know I'm asking a lot of you, but when she comes, could you please try to get along with her? I know that she's a little rough on you sometimes, but truth is without her I would have trouble to keep the house and well – "_

"_Don't worry Richard. I won't get into a fight with her. I promise." _

"_Thank you Emmy."_

He kissed me. Though _a little rough _and _sometimes_ were the understatements of the century, I kept my promise. I swallowed everything, I never once raised my voice to her. It was difficult, but I kept my promise. I know how important this was to him.

He worked very hard the next weeks – during which I rarely saw him - so that he was able to pay her back within two months. I don't know who was happier that this was over – me or him. As soon as he had paid her back, he presented me a gift.

"_Emily, I know the last weeks were difficult for you. And I'm very grateful for everything you did. So here's a little gift for you."_ he said handing me a letter.

I still have it in my nightstand.

_My dearest Emily,_

_I know I was away much too often during the last weeks and that you couldn't do the things you'd planned, because of me. Again I'm sorry. But the day will come, where I'll buy you everything you want to have. For now this little gift shall show you how important you are to me. I know you love New York and the Broadway. We never had time to go there, so let's go there next weekend. I don't know what I would have done without you during the last weeks. I love you more than I can say, more than any gift can show you. Thank you for everything._

_Your loving husband Richard_

I looked up to him – tears in my eyes.

"_Oh Richard." _I said while hugging him.

"_Do you like it?"_

"_I love it – but you know, you don't have to buy me expensive things."_ I said concerned about the one sentence he wrote.

Sure I love expensive things – but I love him more.

"_I know, but I want to."_

"_They won't change my love for you, I hope you know that. And our living-room – it can wait a little."_

"_But you've already picked everything out."_

"_That's not important. Spending a weekend in New York with you – that's wonderful. But do we have the money – because it's not necessary. Just being together with you, no matter where, that's the best present you could've made me."_

"_Don't worry about it. We have the money, and I want to go to New York with you – we both deserve it."_

"_Thank you Richard."_

"_You don't have to thank me."_

"_Not even with a kiss?" _I said grinning slightly.

"_Well – "_

I pulled him towards me and kissed him.

"_Maybe I was wrong and you should thank me a little more." _he said winking at me.

"_Maybe." _I said while going upstairs.

* * *

Yes we were stubborn from the beginning on. Back then I had to swallow my pride. But the situation was different. He did apologize first.

I know that if he would come over and apologize to me, I would forgive him. But he's not coming. We're just not talking to each other. I sigh. Why has it be so complicated?

Somehow I wish the last months hadn't happened. That he would still sleep beside me, still have dinner with me… I miss him. Not only the Richard I fell in love with, but even the more and more absent Richard. It's difficult to admit – even to myself, but it's the truth. I want him back. If I could only tell him.

_Another flashback. I hope you enjoyed it as much as the previous ones. Please tell me your thoughts._


	34. New York

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska, Lore2 _and _April Sunshine _for your reviews and _Liz _and _Mary _for your two reviews. It's good to know that you enjoyed the flashback and that my story is appreciated by you. Thank you. _

**Chapter 34: New York**

It's Friday afternoon. The girls should be here any minute. We're going to New York – until Sunday. I'm truly excited. It's the first time that the three of us are spending a whole weekend together.

I sigh. They just can't be on time. I wonder what excuse Lorelai will have this time. Really I don't understand it – why can't she be _on time_?

The last week I've barely seen Richard. Since Princess left us, the topic of our conversations left us as well. He did come over though to wish me a great time in New York. I'm more and more convinced that I'm right. We're just too stubborn to speak.

Our first weekend in New York was wonderful. But I really shouldn't focus on that now. Soon I'll be there again with Lorelai and Rory, so I should think about that. I wonder how that trip will turn out. Rory and I had nearly no problems in Europe, but Lorelai and me… I guess it's a good thing that Rory is around.

Finally they're coming. I have to bite my tongue not to say anything – I don't want to start this trip fighting - but I guess my eyes are accusing enough, because as soon as Lorelai's seeing me, she starts to apologize.

"_I'm sorry Mom, but there was an emergency at the Dragonfly and I couldn't get away earlier."_

"_And what would happen if an emergency like this is happening tomorrow? Is the world falling down, because you're not there to handle it?"_

Why, why am I reacting that way? But I hate this excuse. As if no one else could handle it. She's looking at me – a little hurt. Rory too. Just when Lorelai is about to answer me, Rory gives her a pleading look. I was right, good that she's here.

"_I've said I'm sorry Mom, that's all I can do now. If you can't accept that - "_

"_I've never said that I won't accept." _I quickly interrupt her. Trying to get away from this subject as soon as possible I continue. _"Let's get your luggage into the car."_

When I'm walking past them, I can see Lorelai rolling her eyes and Rory shrugging. I decide to ignore it.

"_James please take care of the luggage." _I say to our driver.

When I turn around I get a glimpse of Rory, who's quickly putting her suitcase back in front of her. I sigh – she has a guilty look on her face.

"_Rory how often do I have to tell you, when travelling with me, you don't have to -"_

"_- touch your luggage. Yes Grandma. I'm sorry. I'll remember from now on."_

I hope so. I nod at her, before getting into the car. Lorelai is again rolling her eyes – what a great start.

The drive is a little tense. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? Rory is doing her best to lighten the atmosphere – my little angel. We're talking about Yale and her studies. Lorelai is a little quiet. I'm thinking about asking how things are at the Dragonfly, but even that isn't a safe topic right now. I honestly can't say if it would improve the mood, or if she'd explode completely. I decide not to risk anything and focus on Rory until we're there.

Our hotel is wonderful – the best one. We have a suite. The girls insisted on having one room, so that they can talk while in bed – I have the other one.

"_It's amazing, Grandpa surely does know the best places."_

"_Yes he does, what do you think of it Lorelai?" _I ask her, trying to include her into the conversation.

"_It's nice."_

She's still hurt, I can see it. But what does she expect me to do? My little comment certainly wasn't that bad. Really she can be so dramatic sometimes. But deep inside I know that I shouldn't have reacted that way. I didn't even ask what was going on – maybe it was serious.

"_So what do you want to do with the evening? Any ideas? Lorelai?"_

She's looking at me – confused and a little suspicious. But I'm serious. I want to involve her.

"_Yes Mom, any ideas?"_ Rory says.

"_Hmm – " _she says while looking provoking at me – but this time I keep my mouth shut.

"_Hmm – well since tomorrow night is Musical night, I'd say we could go shopping before and on Sunday a little sightseeing or whatever, so why aren't we going outside to enjoy the night-life of New York, going into a nice bar…" _she says still looking provoking at me.

A bar, of course. But if that's what it takes to get us on good terms again, I won't fight it.

"_If that's what you want. Do you know any nice bars?" _I ask her while Rory is looking at the two of us.

"_Give me a few minutes and I'll find one – where we can eat."_

I knew it – she's testing me. Friday Night Dinner at a bar. But I want to make peace with her, so I decide to surprise her. I'll survive it for one evening.

"_Eating dinner at a bar would make you happy?" _I ask her.

"_Yes it would." _she says.

"_Mom, we could also eat at a restaurant, don't you think?" _Rory says with a concerned look.

"_I thought Mom asked me what I'd like to do – all I did was telling her. If you don't agree with me and want to do something different, that's not my fault." _Lorelai says to both of us.

"_Well I don't know about you Rory, but if it would make your mother happy, that's all right with me."_

The look on Lorelai's face is priceless – worth the whole evening. Rory is nodding slightly.

"_Then it's settled. I think we should all get dressed and Lorelai will find us a bar she approves of, all right?" _I say looking at them.

They nod and I leave for my room.

* * *

30 minutes later we're walking into the bar she picked out. It's terrible – too many people, loud music and an awful smell of cheap alcohol. Lorelai has to convince two men to change their places, so that we can get three seats at the bar.

"_Gin martini please." _Lorelai shouts to the barkeeper. _"What do you want Mom?"_

"_The same."_

"_Okay make that three." _she's calling after him – he already went to the next guests.

"_Lorelai!" _I exclaim while looking in Rory's direction.

"_Mom please let her have some fun as well. One drink won't kill her. Besides I'm her mom."_

Yes, of course you are.

"_Mom, I don't need to have – " _Rory says – looking in my direction.

"_Nonsense." _Lorelai says and as soon as he left the barkeeper is standing in front of us again, giving us three martinis.

"_Do you want something to eat as well?" _the barkeeper asks us.

Oh please not – the martini glasses are the dirtiest I've ever seen. How could she pick out this bar, I'm sure we could have found a better one.

"_We haven't decided yet." _Lorelai is saying – much to my relief.

I'm sipping my martini. I try to hardly touch the glass with my lips – it's a little difficult – I have to pay attention not to spill anything. Talking is nearly impossible, because of the loud music. And this is supposed to be fun? I mean it isn't – really. I'll survive it for one evening, but fun? No. I'm thinking of the bath I'm going to take, as soon as we'll be back at the hotel. I can't wait to get this smell off of me.

"_Do you want to go somewhere else?" _Lorelai asks me.

"_Why do you think I'd want to go somewhere else?" _I ask back – I have to shout a little.

"_Because you hate the smell of cheap alcohol for example. And because you're looking really funny – the way you try to drink without to touch the glass."_

Of course she noticed it.

"_I don't think this is about me Lorelai. I agreed that you could decide where to go, you did and here we are." _I say looking around – terrible.

"_Mom, I wouldn't mind getting out of here, either." _Rory says.

I wonder whether she really doesn't like it, or if she just wants to save me.

"_Let's go." _Lorelai says and before I can say anything she's leaving some money and gets up to go.

Outside I'm taking a deep breath. Wonderful.

"_So where do we go now Mom? I'm getting hungry." _Rory says.

"_Me too. So where do you want to go Mom?"_

"_As I said Lorelai – it's your turn to decide."_

We're walking down the street a little. Lorelai stops in front of a nice little diner. It certainly isn't a fancy restaurant, but ten times better than this lousy bar.

"_I think we should try this, all right Mom?"_

"_Looks good to me." _I answer.

Inside we're even able to get a table. This is really nice. We're eating and talking without fighting, but I still have the feeling, that even though this is a peace offering of Lorelai, my comment isn't yet forgotten.

* * *

I'm back in my room, ready to undress myself to take a bath before going to sleep. We have a lot do tomorrow. Just when I'm about to unbutton my blouse there's a knock on my door.

"_Come in." _I say and I'm expecting Rory – but in comes Lorelai.

"_I don't mean to disturb you Mom - I just have one question."_

"_Go ahead."_

"_Well I know that you're getting up at eight when on vacation, and Rory told me that hasn't changed in Europe and well we thought that maybe you could agree on 9 am as the time where we'll get up. You know Rory and I have a lot to talk and I just don't think that we'll get some sleep anytime soon. So do you think you could wake us at 9 am?"_

What do you really want Lorelai? Somehow I think it's weird that she's coming now to ask me this – why not earlier? And why not setting an alarm-clock?

"_Yes I think that's possible."_ I slowly answer still trying to read her face.

"_Good. Thank you."_

"_You're welcome."_

She's looking at me.

"_Well maybe we're up earlier, but I really doubt it – so if you don't hear anything until nine, feel free to wake us."_

"_Okay."_

Still she's looking at me. Then she bids me goodnight (was there a disappointed look in her eyes?) and turns around.

"_Lorelai?" _I call after her.

"_Yes Mom?"_

"_Is – is everything all right at the Dragonfly?"_

And please don't explode, this is a serious question. She's looking at me questioningly.

"_I hope so." _she slowly answers. _"You know today was just a crazy Friday. Everyone was arriving. Michel had to deal with some difficult guests, Sookie had to look after the kitchen and Davey, since Jackson couldn't take care of him today and on top of everything we had a pipe burst. One room was flooded and we needed to move the guests and – well just a crazy Friday. I couldn't get away in time. But I called Luke, so I guess everything will be fine now."_

Wow. That really was a lot. And Luke is in charge.

"_I should have asked you, before saying this." _I admit.

She nods. I know she knows what I mean with _this._

"_What if tomorrow everything isn't all right? What if the pipe burst is a bigger thing than you thought?"_

"_Luke is there. He'll take care of it."_

Yes sure. Luke is there. I can see that she wants to leave, so now or never I'm saying to myself. And I want us to be able to enjoy the next two days.

"_I'm sorry Lorelai."_

"_I know."_

We smile. I'm glad that I don't have to explain anything – how could I, I can't understand myself why I reacted that way.

"_Really Mom, you did surprise me tonight. I could have bet that you wouldn't set a foot in the bar I picked first. But you did."_

"_I told you, you could pick it out."_

"_Yes you did."_

"_I'm very grateful though that I didn't have to spend the whole evening in there." _I say gratefully smiling at her.

"_I can tell."_

"_So we're good?" _I ask her a little hesitant.

"_Yes, we're good. Goodnight Mom – and don't forget. 9 am – not 8 am."_

„_I won't forget. Goodnight Lorelai."_

I'm really relieved that this is behind us. That was one of our good moments – not that we would hug or even kiss each other, but it was an honest, nice talk. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow now.

* * *

It's nine. I've spend the last 30 minutes reading my novel in the living-room. There are still no voices coming from their room. How can they sleep this long? I decide to give them another few minutes, while planning our day. After breakfast we'll go shopping. That should be fun. I'll buy them whatever they want to have. And tonight – the musical – I can't wait.

9:10 am. I quietly knock at their door – nothing. I slowly open it and there they are. Both of them are looking like angels, and how similar they look. I haven't seen Lorelai sleeping since – when – right the night Rory went to the dance with Dean. The terrible fight we had after it. I shouldn't think of that now. It's behind us. (But is it really – sure that fight yes, but the reason for the fight? There's so much we're not talking about.)

I'm sitting down on Lorelai's side of the bed. If I could only tell her what I feel for her – that I love her. But I can't. Why? I don't know, it's just – I can't. I'm reaching out to smooth her hair out of her face.

"_Lorelai?" _I quietly say.

She's not reacting. I caress her cheek a little and she begins to move. I quickly retreat.

"_Lorelai." _I say louder this time. _„It's 9:15 am – I would appreciate it, if you'd get up now."_

"_Mom?" _she says sleepily while rubbing her eyes.

"_Yes it's me, dear. I'm touched that you're remembering." _I say while walking over to Rory's side.

"_Rory?" _I say softly. _„Rory, time to wake up darling."_

"_Morning Grandma. What time is it?"_ she asks while stifling a yawn.

"_9:15 am."_

"_Ugh. Didn't Mom say you'd wake us at 9 am?"_

"_I thought I'd be nice and give you some more minutes – but now please get up girls. We have a lot to do."_

"_Just a few more minutes Mom – "_

"_Yes Grandma, please you don't know when we got to sleep."_

"_That's not my problem." _I say while going over to the curtains to let the sun into the room.

"_Ugh – at least give us coffee Mom – "_

"_Oh yeah coffee would be really good Grandma."_

Nonsense.

"_You'll get your coffee at breakfast – which I'm waiting for over an hour by the way and now get up." _I say pulling away their blankets.

"_Mean." _Lorelai says.

"_Lorelai!"_

"_All right, all right – but we have only one shower, so get up Rory – you're the first."_

"_Why am I the –"_

"_Both of you get up now. Rory you can take my bathroom. Breakfast will be at 9:45 am." _I say sternly – now I know why an alarm-clock wouldn't have worked.

At 9:50 am we're all downstairs to enjoy a nice and delicious breakfast.

_Once more – reviews are appreciated. _


	35. Shopping

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska, Lore2 _and _Mary _for your reviews. It's interesting to see the different opinions you had about the last chapter. _

**Chapter 35: Shopping**

We've already bought a few skirts for everyone. When coming out of the store I'm looking questioningly at the girls.

"_So where would you like to go now?"_

"_Jimmy Choos!" _Lorelai exclaims – pointing at the store on the other side of the street.

"_Jimmy Choos it is." _I say.

Inside the store Lorelai is behaving like a little child.

"_Lorelai please – just pick out what you want, but stop embarrassing all of us."_

"_But Mom, that's half the fun – oh look at them, they're adorable, don't you think Rory?"_ she says while going over to them – she's close to kissing them.

"_Sure Mom, but the price – "_

"_Don't worry about that Rory – your grandfather is paying for everything. He specifically told me to go have fun, and he knows that shopping is included in this. So it's perfectly fine."_

"_See Rory – it's our Christmas present."_

While the girls are admiring the shoes I have to think of Richard. It's right when he came over to wish me a nice trip he reminded me, of using my credit-card.

_You know Emily – buy them something nice. And for yourself as well – it's all included in the gift. I want you to have fun. _

_Thank you Richard – and we will have fun._

Yes I still have his credit-card. He never wanted me to give it back – and he was never complaining when I'd spend a little more - like in Europe. Now that we have enough money he's very generous. In fact he even was when we hadn't enough.

* * *

I feel terrible – today I bought a dress, which we don't have the money for. He specifically asked me only to spend money in emergencies, and that surely wasn't one. But Sarah… she was so convincing and his mother is getting on my nerves and before I knew it I bought it. But none of this is an excuse, I know that. He's working late every night, just to pay his mother back. I feel terrible.

Finally I can hear the door. He looks tired. I can't bring myself to tell him now. But I know I have to – I'm quiet during dinner, we both are.

"_Are you all right Emily?"_

"_Yes." _I answer.

No, I think. He isn't questioning me more – I guess he's too tired. After dinner we're going to bed. I know I have to tell him now.

"_Richard?"_

"_Yes dear?"_

"_I have something to confess to you." _I start.

"_To confess?" _he asks surprised.

I'm handing him the bill while biting on my lip. He slowly looks up to me – waiting for me to explain.

"_I was at the mall today – I know I shouldn't have gone there – but I just wanted to look around a little and then I saw Sarah, and we saw this gorgeous dress and she talked me into it and it fit perfectly and I just ran out of ways to decline and I didn't want to tell her that I can't afford it and so I bought it." _I ramble._ "I know it wasn't an emergency." _I quietly add.

He's looking at me – nodding.

"_If you want me to I'll bring it back tomorrow."_ I offer.

"_No, you won't. It's okay." _he states – and I'm relieved.

Relieved that he doesn't demand that I'd have to do this and relieved that he isn't angry with me.

"_I'm sorry Richard. I promise I'll avoid the mall in the next weeks."_

"_No I'm sorry Emily. This whole situation is my fault. But it will be over in a few weeks."_

I sit down on his lap, stroking his hair. He looks so tired.

"_You're working so hard and here I am spending money we need -"_

"_Don't do this Emily. - Wear the dress for me."_

I kiss him before standing up to change. But before I leave the room I turn around.

"_Thank you Richard."_

* * *

I can even remember the weak apologetic smile he gave me back then. There was no accusation in his voice for me. He only blamed himself. Yes, I can have everything I want - he kept the promise he gave me in his letter – even when we're separated. _That has to mean something_. I know of friends where money was an issue from the moment they separated. Some women had to go to court to get money to live. Richard would never do that – he would never leave me without enough money.

"_Mom what about you?"_

"_Excuse me?" _I say to Lorelai – I was totally lost in my thoughts.

"_Which pair of shoes are you buying for yourself?"_

"_Oh I don't know – do you know which one you want already?"_

"_Yes – and Rory, too."_

"_Mom, I really don't know if I should get a pair of – "_

"_Nonsense Rory – it's your Christmas gift."_

"_Your mother is right Rory. If you like them you'll get them."_

15 minutes later we're leaving the store with three new pairs of Jimmy Choos. Next thing I know is Lorelai disappearing into a Jeans store. When she's coming out of the changing cabin she looks – cheap – I'm sorry but that's the way it is. The jeans-skirt she's wearing is much too tight – and it's sequined. Terrible.

"_I really like this one – and I think Luke will too, don't you think Rory?"_ she says winking at her.

This is way inappropriate. Of course he will like it – you look like a – well it's so short I bet you don't even have to get out of it to -

"_Mom, what do you think?"_

She's not honestly asking me this – how can she? She knows my opinion and we were just getting along quite well. I really don't understand her.

"_I think we should leave this store."_ I say trying to avoid the fight that's about to start.

"_I want to have these skirt – are you paying for it, or do I have to do it on my own?"_

"_Lorelai where do you think you're going to wear this? Certainly not when you're at work and certainly not when you're coming over to us. You look like a – well you look -" _better I don't finish this.

"_What mother? I look like what?"_ she asks and I feel the tension raising.

"_Never mind. I'm waiting outside. Take it or leave it." _I say turning around.

„_I look like a slut in it, right?" _she's calling after me.

People are staring at us and at her outfit.

"_Lorelai please. Stop shouting. And I never said that."_ I say while going back to her.

„_But you were thinking it, weren't you? You can just as well admit it."_

"_I'm not admitting anything, and you should think about your behaviour young lady – I'm waiting outside. I'd never buy you this and you know it."_ I hiss.

Great – how could I even think that we could spend a day without fighting? But this time it's her fault – her fault completely.

"_Grandma?" _Rory softly says.

I turn around. Lorelai isn't there.

"_Where's your mother?"_

"_Inside."_

"_Is she buying this inappropriate piece of clothes?"_

"_I don't know."_

I'm giving her my look.

"_Honestly Grandma – I don't. She just wanted to look around a bit."_

I don't believe it. She's letting me wait outside the store. But no, I won't wait until she decides to get out.

"_Do you have your mobile phone here?"_

"_Yes."_

"_And your mother – does she have hers with her as well?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Good – send her a message, that we're inside the Chanel boutique – she can meet us there."_

Rory is just looking at me.

"_What are you waiting for?" _I ask her impatiently.

"_Grandma please – "_

"_No Rory – don't 'Grandma please' me, I'm not waiting here until she decides to join us again."_

"_That wasn't what I wanted to say, can I please say my sentence without being interrupted by you?" _she says getting loud.

I can't believe it – not you too. Not another fight. I'm not saying anything – I'm just looking at her. But now she's silent as well.

"_Of course you can Rory – go ahead."_

"_You – you're just assuming that I would accompany you, right? You're not even thinking about what I want."_

I feel like someone had slapped me. I'm hurt that she doesn't want to go with me, but she's right, I wasn't thinking about her. This isn't about her – at least I thought it wasn't.

"_What do you want?" _I ask her and I can't keep the hurt out of my voice.

"_I don't know – I just, I don't want to be in the middle. I don't want to choose between you or Mom. When I'm going with you, she'll be mad. And when I'm staying here, then you'll be mad at me. I hate this. I don't know what to do."_

She's not looking at me. I'm stunned – I've never thought about this – that she'd feel this way. I feel guilty. Slowly she's looking at me.

"_And I'm sorry for raising my voice at you Grandma."_

I nod.

"_I'm not mad at you Rory. And I won't be. You don't have to come with me. I won't be mad – I promise. I just won't wait here for your mother. I'm betting that she's inside and only waiting for me to go away anyway. You don't have to come with me. I never meant to put you in the middle of this – I guess it has happened often enough though – I'm sorry."_

"_Thank you. But I still don't know what to do."_

"_It's your decision – I can't help you. I'll be at Chanel – it's right around the corner – when none of you is coming, I'll be back at the hotel."_

She nods.

"_I think I'll go and talk to Mom – I'm sorry."_

"_Don't be."_

I'm walking away. Rory – I've never thought about her this way. But she's right. She shouldn't be in the middle. Lorelai and I have to solve our problems, without involving her. I'm passing several stores. Suddenly I'm looking at a necklace – it looks familiar – the whole place looks familiar. But that can't be… or is it… I think this is the place. That it's still there – unbelievable.

This is the place where Richard and I were once, when we visited New York and went to a musical. I remember that I was looking at the jewellery – especially a beautiful necklace – and couldn't but admire it. I was so sure, that he hadn't caught me looking at it. But of course he had. Weeks later I got it – during our fight. How he was able to get it… He was always good at surprising me. He did surprise me as well with this weekend. Oh Richard if you could see us right now. I don't know how we'll be able to enjoy the musical in a few hours. And I want to enjoy it – I love musicals.

How could she shout through the whole store? Why does she always have to provoke me? By now I've reached Chanel. I'm going inside. I decide to buy another dress for me – a pink one. It really suits me. Just when I'm about to change again, Rory comes in - alone.

"_You look beautiful Grandma."_

"_Thanks Sweetie. Maybe we could get something for you as well?"_

"_Oh I don't know."_

"_But there's an extra collection for young ladies – just take a look at it."_

She looks adorable in the dresses. I can convince her to at least take one. Outside I'm looking around – no Lorelai.

"_I guess we should get back to the hotel, don't you think?"_

"_Yes – Mom will be already there."_

I nod. So she decided to go back – not the worst decision she could make. I would have hated another confrontation at Chanel.

"_Grandma?" _Rory hesitantly asks.

"_Yes, dear?"_

"_I don't know why she said this, I don't even think that she knows…"_

How couldn't she – but I have to admit that I didn't know either why I made my comment yesterday.

"_Maybe you could, I don't know – "_

I stop walking.

"_Rory. You don't want to be in the middle. I understand and respect that. And I'm sorry for every time we put you there. But now you're doing it yourself. You don't want to be in the middle? Then don't do this. Stop apologizing for your mother. Stop telling me what to do. If you won't, you'll put yourself in the middle."_

"_I just want you to get along. I don't know but I've the feeling that I'm in the middle no matter what I'll do – including nothing. I'm not saying it's your fault – it's just the way I feel it is."_

Perhaps she's right. I don't know what to answer her.

"_I want us to get along as well. Perhaps all of this will be behind us in a few hours." _I say and I'm trying to sound encouraging, but do I even believe myself?

* * *

She's not in the living-room. I won't go to her – she has to come to me.

"_Here – these are your bags." _I say to Rory, handing her some.

"_Thank you Grandma."_

"_Thank your grandfather – it's his gift." _I say and I'm turning towards my room.

"_Grandma?" _she calls after me.

"_Yes, Sweetie?"_

"_I love you." _she says before kissing my cheek.

"_I love you too." _I say while caressing hers – then I'm going into my room.

Five minutes later I hear a knock.

"_Come in."_

"_Hello Mom." _she says looking a little compunctious.

"_Lorelai." _I state.

"_I'm here to apologize. I'm sorry for my behaviour."_

I nod.

"_Why? Why did you do it Lorelai?"_

"_I don't know – I… I don't." _

I nod again.

"_I think it started with – I guess I wanted to tease you, and then I knew what you were thinking and it upset me and then I lost it. I'm truly sorry Mom._

Again I'm nodding.

"_Oh and I didn't buy it."_

She didn't? That's something.

"_Why weren't you coming? I waited for you outside."_

"_I know. I just, I had the feeling that we would continue arguing and I thought we'd better cool down and talk about it here. Perhaps I was even a little afraid to go outside. I know when I've screwed up. I didn't mean to upset you any further with it – I thought it would be the best thing to do. I'm sorry."_

Afraid? I hadn't thought she'd be afraid.

"_Perhaps it was the best thing to do." _I say and she smiles a little before becoming serious again.

"_Do you think you can accept my apology?"_

"_Yes - I accept."_

"_Thank you Mom."_

We're looking at each other for a moment.

"_Well I guess I'll go to Rory and tell her that we've stopped fighting." _she says and she's already at the door when I call her back.

"_Lorelai?"_

"_Yes Mom?"_

"_Did you know that Rory feels that she's caught in the middle – that she has to choose between us?"_

"_Well she did mention something like that, but choosing?"_

"_She told me today. I just thought you should know – after all you're her mother."_

"_Yes, thank you Mom. I'll talk to her – she shouldn't feel like she'd have to choose."_

"_I agree."_

* * *

We're coming home from the theatre and are in a very good mood. The musical it was just magical – all of us liked it. We even bought the CD three times. Rory suggested she could burn it, but I wouldn't want to hear anything about it. It's illegal, how could she suggest such a thing? But I didn't ask. I'm happy that we are the way we are right now.

We're sitting down at the hotel bar and are still talking about it. A few hours ago I wouldn't have believed that we could talk to each other in this way. But the atmosphere is nice and light. Lorelai and Rory are singing a few songs and after two drinks I join them. Around midnight we're going into our suite to get some sleep.

* * *

On Sunday we're getting along as well. The whole day without a single fight. It's good to know that we're able to do this. Soon the time comes where we're driving home. We're going to Stars Hollow first – Lorelai has to look after the Dragonfly and Rory needs to get her things to get back to Yale.

"_Say Dad thank you again."_

"_Yes Grandma please do that – it was a great present."_

"_I will."_

"_But I think I'll call him myself, too." _Rory says.

"_Yes, we really should do that."_

"_You should – I think he'll appreciate it." _

The girls are saying their goodbyes to me. Rory is hugging me. Lorelai and I are just standing in front of each other.

"_Again thank you for all the stuff." _she says, pointing to the several bags in front of her.

"_As I said, it's Richard's gift to you."_

"_Yes – well… I should go in. I'll see you on Friday Mom."_

"_See you Friday Lorelai."_

Overall I enjoyed the trip. We did have our fair share of fights, but it would've been naïve to think that we wouldn't have a single one. And after Lorelai's apology we were all trying very hard to get along and it worked. Lorelai was very polite to me for the last 24 hours. I'm a little worried about Rory though. Not that she mentioned it again, no she seemed to enjoy the musical and the whole Sunday – to enjoy that Lorelai and I weren't fighting. But she shouldn't feel the way she does, when we're fighting.

_Please review as soon as possible, cause I have to leave for a few days and I'd love to read some reviews before I leave. I even updated so quickly, so that you guys would have something to read while I'm away. _


	36. Come Home

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska _and _Lore2 _for your reviews. I hope you enjoy the next chapter. _

**Chapter 36: Come Home**

I'm going over to the pool-house. Since it was his present it's only good manners to visit him after I'm back. I'm glad to have a reason to go to him. He sees me coming and opens the door – he's on his way to work I guess.

"_Emily – you're back. How was New York?"_

"_Great. I'm here to tell you that I'm back and to thank you again – it was a wonderful present."_

"_So it was safe to send the three of you away together?" _he jokes – if he only knew.

"_Well Lorelai and I had a little fight, but afterwards it was great. And the musical was the best of course."_

For a moment I'm thinking about whether or not I should tell him about Rory, but he's interrupting my thoughts.

"_I'm sorry Emily but I have a meeting in 30 minutes – can we possibly talk later?"_

"_Oh yes, of course – we have to go through our schedule for the next weeks anyway. Can you come over this afternoon?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Good. I'll be there. Oh and Richard – we had fun." _I say while giving him a certain look.

"_Good – I was sure you'd find things you like."_

We're going outside together. He to his car to get to his meeting and I back to the house. Perhaps it's best not to tell him about Rory – he would only be concerned and what can he do anyway. I don't know what I can do about this either.

* * *

Richard and I are sitting opposite each other at the dining table. He had always been the one taking care of the cars, so I have to tell him about the mail I got a few days ago.

"_The lease on my Mercedes is up next month."_

"_Do you want to buy it?"_

"_I finally have the seat setting where I like it."_

And that says something – they've changed it numerous times. Well it's not my fault that they can't do it right the first time.

"_I'll make the arrangements tomorrow."_ he says chuckling.

"_Thank you, Richard."_

"_Now, uh, we need to schedule work on the water heater. Um, I was wondering if Friday morning would work for you?"_

"_Let me look."_ I say while looking at my planner.

"_They estimate the work to be about an hour, which means they'll be done in June."_

"_Oh, no, I have a hair appointment Friday morning."_

"_For what?"_

What kind of question is this?

"_What do you mean for what?"_

"_Your hair looks perfect to me."_

"_Oh, now."_ I say smiling.

Really. But I can't deny that I'm flattered.

"_Well, I can arrange for Robert to let the workman in and supervise it if that works for you."_

"_Well, that would be fine. Thank you, Richard."_

"_You're welcome, Emily. Ah what's next on the agenda?"_

"_The Modern Museum Gala is coming up."_ I say while looking at the paper in front of me.

"_Oh, yes. Martin Forman is being honoured this year."_

"_And Sugar Farthington is organizing it."_

"_Well, if Sugar's organizing it, then of course you should go."_

How generous – or are you only looking for a way to get out of it?

"_Well, if Martin's being honoured, then you should go."_

"_Sugar is one of your closest friends."_

"_Martin is one of your most trusted colleagues."_

"_Well, then, perhaps we should both attend." _he says after a short break.

Did he really just say that we should both attend? It's the first time that he's suggesting this. That has to mean something.

"_That does seem to be the sensible thing to do."_

"_All right. Then we'll both attend."_

"_Fine."_ I say smiling.

My feeling was right – we're on a good way. First dinner together – now attending the same function – not because of the people, but because we both want to go. That's good.

"_Uh, so, have we discussed the water heater?"_ he asks.

"_Yes, we have."_

Of course we did that – I wonder what you're thinking about right now Richard Gilmore.

"_Ah. More water?"_ he asks while looking at my empty glass.

I nod. I can't believe that he noticed that. What a change – a month ago he wouldn't offer me the butter and now he's really standing up to re-fill my glass. Something has changed – I'm sure of it.

"_Thank you Richard." _

I'm telling him about New York – not about the fight, and he isn't asking about it, and not about Rory either. Just the good parts. We have a nice talk. If only we could talk about the real important things. For a moment I consider starting that talk – I'm more and more thinking about it – but then I back off. I guess because I'm too afraid to destroy what we've gotten so far. To destroy the ability to talk to each other without fighting, even when it's only about light subjects.

* * *

I'm on my way to go to the car. The Modern Museum Gala is today. The house is smelling like a fish-market – I don't know what the maid did, but I'm glad to escape it. I can only hope she got rid of it when I'm coming home.

"_Gretchen, I can still smell the fish from here!"_ I call after her while leaving the house.

On my way to the car I'm running into Richard. Maybe we can drive there together.

"_Well, funny running into you here. You look very nice." _I say to him, while putting on my gloves.

And he does - somehow I expect him to say the same to me, but he doesn't.

"_Thank you."_ is everything he answers.

"_Do you have the directions? I have an extra copy if you need it."_ I say trying to bring up the topic of driving there.

"_I'm fine. Thank you."_ he says in a formal way.

Weird – so I guess we'll drive there separated. If that's what he wants, but somehow he's weird.

"_All right. I guess I'll see you there."_

"_Seems inevitable, doesn't it?"_ he says before he's going to his car.

What's wrong? There I was thinking that we're on a good way, and then he's so – I don't even know how to describe it – distant? Did I do something, or does he just have a bad day? I honestly don't know what got into him. Weird. I'm gettinginto my Mercedes and start driving to the Gala.

When I'm arriving at the valet parking stall I still haven't figured out, what happened all of a sudden. A few days ago I was even thinking about starting _the conversation_ and now it seems that we've gone 100 steps backwards. But I shouldn't think of that now – maybe it has nothing to do with me. I want to enjoy the evening. But it's still weird. Ah the valet is coming.

"_Excuse me, I need a ticket!"_ I call after him, but he's already gone to some car that isn't mine – great.

"_Emily!"_ someone calls my name and for a second I'm shocked to see that it's Simon.

"_Simon! Well, this is a pleasant surprise!"_ I say and I congratulate myself – I don't even sound a little shocked.

I wonder what he wants – part of me was relieved that he didn't call again – especially since I had the feeling Richard and I were making some progress, but now – concentrate on him Emily!

"_Are you waiting for someone?"_ he asks me.

Ah he wants to check out his chances – smart but I'm smarter than to answer this.

"_Yes, a mysterious man with an exotic accent and a red coat to give me a ticket for my car."_ I say conspiratorial.

"_Ah. Well, I wish you a great deal of luck."_

"_So, who are you here with?"_ I ask him, wondering if he'll change the topic, too.

"_My daughter and her husband. They're right over there. I'd love for you to meet them. Diana, come here for a second!"_ he says while waving at her.

He hasn't even finished that sentence when a car comes up behind me and hits into my Mercedes. Can't they pay attention!

"_What on earth?"_ I say while getting out of my car.

I can't believe what I'm seeing. Richard is coming out of his car – he's the one who rear-ended my car. What's wrong with him?

"_Emily."_ he states.

"_Richard! Have you lost your mind?"_ I say upset.

"_I misjudged the distance."_ he explains – as if that would explain anything.

"_You misjudged the distance! You hit my car!"_ I exclaim.

"_I was distracted."_

Distracted!

"_Emily, are you okay?"_ Simon asks me.

I'm just about to answer him, when Richard is cutting me off – I can't believe it.

"_I'm her husband, Simon. I'll ask her if she's okay. - Are you okay?"_

"_I'm fine."_ I say looking angrily at him.

"_She's fine, Simon. Are you happy? Now, go away."_

"_Emily, maybe you should see a doctor."_ Simon suggests.

"_No, I –"_ I start to say, but again Richard's cutting me off.

"_We will determine whether she needs to see a doctor. This is a family matter."_ he says and when I'm not imagining things I can feel his hand on my back.

I swear if we were at home, I would make him a scene – who does he think he is? But I can't do that with everyone looking, so I'm biting my tongue. And _family matter_ – what's that supposed to mean?

"_I'll call you tomorrow and see how you are."_ Simon says and I smile at him.

I don't get the possibility to say something to him though – because Richard is continuing his rant.

"_She'll be fine, Simon. She doesn't need your call."_ he says and now he walks threateningly in Simon's direction. _"Do you hear me, Simon? Don't call."_

What's up with him – is he, no, but he's behaving like – he's _jealous_. He's jealous of Simon. But he can't know about the date, can he? I would know that by now. Simon leaves.

"_Were you bitten by some sort of rabid animal?"_ I ask Richard, but he's only grabbing my arm to pull me after him.

"_Let's go."_

I'm not fighting it – partly because I don't want a public scene and partly because the realization that he's jealous is still overwhelming me.

"_You! You! I'm taking her home. I'll come back for this car."_ he says to the valet.

"_You're what?"_

We're heading to his car.

"_You were just in a car accident, Emily. You can't go to a party after having been in an accident. Let's go."_ he explains and he's nearly pushing me into the car.

"_What are you doing?"_

But he doesn't listen to me – instead he's going over to the driver's side. I wonder what he's up to.

"_Maybe we should take you to the hospital_." he says while getting into the car

"_I think it's a toss-up who needs the trip to the hospital more."_

"_When you pull up to a valet stand, you get out of the car. You don't dawdle."_

"_I was waiting for someone to take my car!"_ I say still upset.

"_Well, you wait outside the car! Everybody knows that_." he says either upset.

"_It is not my fault that you rear-ended my car."_ I exclaim.

"_I know you dated him."_

What is he -

"_What?"_

"_Simon McLane! I know you dated Simon McLane!"_ he says very upset.

Oh no – when did he find out?

"_Richard, I was just in an accident. Now is hardly the time to discuss this."_

When he can use the accident as an excuse to pull me with him, I can use it as well – I can't talk about that now.

"_Fine. - I found out about it in a business meeting, which was hardly the time to find out about it, but fine."_ he says in an accusing tone.

Damn - in a business meeting. That's terrible. I guess he deserves an explanation.

"_It was dinner."_

"_Dinner. Of course. Dinner."_ he says sarcastically.

"_Nothing happened."_ I explain.

"_Of course nothing happened."_

He doesn't believe me. How can he – I've never lied to him.

"_Stop it, Richard. I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true."_ I say hurt and I can feel a tear glistening in my eye.

"_Well, I told you that nothing happened between me and Pennilyn Lott. That all we did was have lunch. And I wouldn't have said that if that weren't true!"_ he says angry.

Right – I never told him that I believed that he had said the truth.

"_Well, then, there's nothing more to be said about these things."_ I state.

"_I agree."_

For a few seconds we're just sitting in the car. I'm looking outside the window – to avoid having to look at him.

"_People are staring, Richard."_

"_We're going."_

And we are. We're not saying anything. But he's not driving home – he's driving to the hospital.

"_I'm fine Richard – I don't need a doctor."_

"_It won't take long – I want to be sure that you're fine."_

I won't fight about this – we're silent again. Inside the hospital he's talking to the first doctor we run into.

"_My wife just had an accident. Someone rear-ended her car. I want you to make sure that she's fine."_

Yes someone!But I'm not saying anything. After he talked to some more staff I'm finally being examined.I'm fine – of course. I knew that before.

"_Are you sure?"_ Richard asks them again.

"_Yes, sir. Your wife is fine. You can take her home now."_

"_Yes, let's go Richard."_

I want to get out of here. After thanking the doctor we're leaving the hospital. On our way home we're silent again. Did he intentionally hit my car? Because he saw Simon? Or did he plan it earlier – no that's crazy. But he was definitely jealous. And that's a good feeling. It means that he still cares. And the way he behaved in the hospital – to make 100 percent sure that I'm fine. I wish I would know what to say, but I don't. So we're silent. I wonder what he's thinking.

When we're home he's getting out of the car first and comes around to open my door.

"_Thank you."_

We're walking towards the door. He starts talking about my car. _The car_, as if that would be important. But his voice isn't angry or upset anymore. Instead he's calm and sounds even a little defeated.

"_I'll make the arrangements to get your car to the shop tomorrow."_

"_Thank you."_ I answer calmly while taking my gloves off.

He closes the door. A light smell of fish is still in the air.

"_You might want to re-think that lease, though. - Are you sure you're feeling all right?"_

"_I'm fine."_ I say for another time.

I'm playing with my gloves. I don't dare to look at him. He's going a few steps away and I'm finally looking up – all I can see is his tall figure going away from me. Why can't I say anything? Suddenly he stops.

"_I don't want to go back to the pool house."_ he sighs.

He did it – he made the first step. Not an apology, but he finally said, that he doesn't like living there, doesn't like our current situation. Say something Emily! I know that when I'm not saying something soon it will be too late. Forever.

"_Come home."_ I simply say.

He turns around and we're just looking at each other.

_I know I'm evil to stop here – so tell me when you want to read more. And hey I usually don't have bad cliffhangers, so allow me one._


	37. The Reconciliation

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska, Lore2, Liz, petriebird18, fox24, bea _and _amelia _for your reviews. Every single one means a lot to me. I'm glad some of you came out of lurkdom – the things a cliffhanger can do – should I include more (or was that just coincidence)? I don't like long AN's but this time I feel I have to individualize a little - sorry._

Riska:_ I just want to write so much thoughts as she can actually have during these fast conversations without missing the dialogue. It's my take that she can't think too much. Plus I think that too many thoughts are disturbing the flow of the dialogue. _

Bea:_ Thanks so much for your lovely review. Great that you discovered the story. Enjoy reading and feel free to review even old chapters. It means a lot to me._

Amelia:_ I would've written you an email, but unfortunately I don't know it. About the 'begging' – I don't feel like I'm begging – more that I'm reminding my readers to review. I have an average review of less than 3 per chapter for this story, but I can read in my profile that every new chapter is clicked upon about 70 times. I know you can double click but it has to be more than 3 people reading it. I spend several hours writing each chapter and I think it's only fair to expect a little review (which takes you a few minutes or less) from my readers. Before writing myself I wasn't a big reviewer, but since I am I know the feeling of total happiness when you get one, and since then I'm reviewing a lot more. What I don't like to read at the end of a chapter is 'I won't post the next one until I'm getting 7 reviews' or something like that – and I never posted such a thing. Because after all I'm still writing this for myself as well. But sometimes I only continue because I know people are waiting and I feel I have the right to remind them – or as you call it guilt them - into reviewing. And since this is my first fic, I don't know whether or not I'm talented, so it's up to you to tell me. I know you weren't rude, but I felt like responding, so that you get my POV, since you said you're not writing yourself. That being said I'm looking forward to read more from you and I hope I haven't offended you either._

_**And now let's all read the heart of this story – the reason why I wrote this whole story – the scene that takes place after Emily's 'Come Home'. Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 37: The Reconciliation**

He's looking at me. It seems that we're really looking at each other for the first time in a long time. Slowly he's walking towards me. We're facing each other – my heart is beating so loud, I'm sure he has to hear it. I can feel that he's about to kiss me – and I really want to kiss him, to feel him, but I know that we wouldn't solve anything, if we would start to kiss right now. So I'm retreating a few steps – I can see his disappointed face – I hate myself for it, but he has to understand. Say something Emily!

"_Can we talk – please?" _I ask him softly.

"_Yes, I suppose we should."_ he answers sighing a little.

Talking isn't our thing – at least not the talking that's about to happen now. Somehow I always knew that this had to happen, but am I prepared? I don't know – I can only hope I am.

"_Thank you."_

He's taking my coat.

"_Thank you."_

He nods. I'm heading to the living-room and he's following me. I pray that I'm able to say everything I have to say without hurting him too much.

"_Do you want a drink?"_ he asks me.

I can't say that I want one, but I know that he wants one, and well - gives me more time to think about my speech – the speech I had in mind for so long but never said. In a way I'm dreading it – afraid of the outcome.

"_Yes please."_

He's going over to the drink cart and I hear him cursing silently – that's what happens when you steal the big cart. It's a good feeling to still being able to think in a sarcastic way.

"_Can't say that we have much of a choice. – Here." _he says handing me my drink.

"_Thank you." _I answer – giving him a weak smile.

I'm sipping a little – then I'm putting the drink on the table. I have to start now.

"_Richard you don't have to talk when you don't want to – but I have a lot to say to you, so please listen to me – that's all I ask of you."_

He nods again looking at me – waiting for me to start.

"_Though before I start I have one question – something I've asked myself for so long: Do you know why I left you?"_

He's staring at me – a little confused, but I have to know.

"_Well I guess because of Floyd's lawsuit and everything that followed then."_

"_Yes – and no."_

He's looking more confused than before.

"_I would've never left you because of Floyd's lawsuit – but then you sued Jason, and I was really scared to lose Lorelai. I came to you and asked you if that would be really necessary, and all you answered was **that you have to do what you have to do.** You didn't even listen to me Richard – you weren't talking to me. I had to find out all the things concerning the lawsuit by accident or after questioning you so much that you gave in. You weren't consulting me anymore. And it started earlier. I didn't feel needed anymore – remember how you cancelled my party and took the clients to Atlantic City instead? You just brushed it off – you brushed **me** off – at least that's what I felt."_

I can see the pain in his eyes – but I have to say it. Looking at him, he really hadn't thought about this the way I do. Suddenly I know exactly what I did wrong, recognizing the mistake Hope was talking of. So I continue.

"_I know that this is my fault, too. I should have told you all of this months ago – but I didn't. I thought you had to know how I feel but apparently you didn't and - I'm sorry. I really am Richard. And I don't want you to do everything I say, I just want to be your partner – someone you can rely on, someone you can talk to. I apologize for not telling you all of this before – well I did the night the cops came, but we were both angry then and I guess you didn't even listen properly. - I've waited that night for you, you know?" _I say my eyes filled with tears.

"_Oh Emily…"_ he says looking lost.

The tears are rolling down my cheeks – I can't help it. Slowly he comes over to me – sitting next to me. He has tears in his eyes too – I can't stand looking at him so I'm looking down on my hands – a tear is falling upon them. Suddenly he's putting his hand on top of mine – and it calms me down.

"_Emily – I can't tell you how sorry I am – I should've recognized all of this – but I didn't. I was too busy with Jason and the new business… I have to apologize – and I do. I am very, very sorry."_

I look up at him and nod.

"_And it's not true Emily – I need you. I need you more than anything. Those last months were terrible. I was always waiting for you to come back."_

**You** were waiting? **I** was waiting!

"_Why didn't you come – why didn't you fight for me Richard? I was waiting for you – all the time **I** was waiting for you."_

"_I wasn't the one who left Emily – and I really had no knowledge that you felt neglected though now everything makes sense. I was waiting for **you** to come."_

So Hope was right – of course she was right.

"_And I came – several times – it was always me who had to make appointments…"_

"_But you didn't say anything about us. I thought you didn't want **us** anymore."_

"_We were both stubborn." _I smile weakly at him.

"_Emily I'll change – I promise. But you have to tell me when you feel that way again."_

I nod.

"_Do you think you can forgive me?" _he asks – looking very serious.

And I know I already have – I'm so glad that we've finally overcome all of this.

"_Yes. – And will you accept my apology?" _

"_Yes."_

We're looking at each other – both relieved that everything is over.

"_We could have had that much earlier – perhaps I should've rear-ended your car months ago."_ he says winking at me.

Oh no – Simon. How could I have forgotten about him? He had to find out in a business meeting. Again I feel guilty. I know he deserves an explanation, even when he's willing to let it go.

"_Richard?" _I say looking anxiously at him.

"_Yes?"_

"_I never should've done this."_

Again he's looking confused.

"_I never should have dated Simon McLane."_

I can feel him stiffen.

"_I'm sorry – I was still married – I don't know how I could've ever…" _I'm looking down – ashamed.

"_and after everything I've said about you meeting Pennylin…"_ I'm biting my lip – then I'm looking at him again.

"_I swear nothing happened Richard – not even a kiss."_

He nods. Thank God he believes me. But I know I have to finish this.

"_I'm asking for your forgiveness."_ I whisper.

It's still not easy for me to say these words.

"_I forgive you, Emily."_

"_Thank you."_

"_And perhaps this is what had to happen – you don't know how jealous I was – from the moment I found out about your date I was sure that I couldn't let it go – nearly forty years of marriage. I knew that I still loved you. And I do – I love you."_

I can't describe the feeling those words are giving me. I've waited for them for so long.

"_I love you."_ I say looking into his eyes.

He's bending over to kiss me and this time I'm not retreating. He's caressing my face with his hand before lifting my chin a little – and then he's kissing me – tenderly. This kiss says more than all words could possibly say. I feel loved again. With time the kiss becomes more passionate and I give in. I'm totally his.

After what feels to have been a long time we're breaking the kiss – both in need to breathe. I'm looking at him – I'm so in love with this man – I don't know how I survived the last months. I'm leaning my head against his chest and he puts his arms around me.

"_Promise me you'll never leave me again." _he whispers.

"_I promise."_

We remain in this position for a while – both enjoying the presence of the other.

"_Emily?"_

"_Hmm?"_

"_Don't you think we should go upstairs? It's much more comfortable there – you want me to sleep in our bed again, do you?"_ he adds – sounding a little nervous.

"_Of course I do – I could never sleep well without you."_

"_Same here."_

We're standing up to walk up the stairs together – my hand in his. When we're entering our bedroom – yes **our **bedroom, not mine – he looks around. His eyes focussed on his pajama.

"_You haven't changed anything."_

"_No I haven't. – I couldn't. This way I could always hope…"_

He's kissing me again, pulling me close to him. He's kissing my lips, my face, my neck – all the while whispering compliments in my ear And I know where this is leading – we're about to fully make up. Before he's starting to undress me he's looking at me.

"_Are you sure you're ready for this?"_

"_Yes – yes I am." _I say while loosening his bow tie.

But I can't prevent my hands from shaking a little – after all our last time was months ago.

"_Are you nervous?" _he asks me softly.

* * *

"_Are you nervous?"_

I've just removed the tiara from my hair – my hands a little shaking. Richard is looking at me.

"_Yes."_ I admit.

"_Don't be."_

"_I'll try."_

He's bending down to kiss me. I'm still nervous. I don't want to disappoint him. And I'm a little scared of it. He's unbuttoning my dress, placing kisses on my neck and my shoulders. I know I shouldn't ask him, but I have to.

"_Richard?"_

"_Yes my dear?" _he says still kissing me.

But I don't know how to say it.

"_What is it Emmy?" _now he's looking at me - questioningly.

"_Never mind."_

Still he's giving me his questioning look.

"_I shouldn't ask you this. It's ok." _I say kissing him.

"_You can ask me anything. So what is it?" _he asks taking my hands in his.

I love him so much. I have barely eaten the whole day. This is the man I'm spending the rest of my life with. And he's right – I should be able to ask him anything. I'm looking up at him.

"_Promise to be gentle."_

"_I promise." _

_

* * *

_

And that he was. Why am I feeling as if this would be my wedding-night? He's still looking at me.

"_A little." _I admit.

He's kissing me again. Just as he's about to undress me he's looking into my eyes.

"_I promise to be gentle."_

"_You do remember?"_

"_Every moment."_

I love him so much and looking in his eyes I see his love for me. It seems ridiculous that I was ever doubting it.

"_I love you Richard."_

"_I love you Emmy."_

_I hope I at least fulfilled your expectations a little. I'm dying to hear your thoughts on this chapter since as previously stated this chapter is the main reason for the whole story. _


	38. Second Proposal

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Riska, Lore2, petriebird18, fox24, _and _Miss GoodManners _for your encouraging reviews. Good to know you liked it. _

**Chapter 38: Second Proposal**

I'm slowly waking up. Somehow I feel different, so warm, so light and – yes I'm lying in Richard's arm – it's not a dream. My head is resting on his arm and my hand on his chest. I'm looking up at him. He's already awake.

"_Why didn't you wake me?"_

"_You know that I love to look at you when you're sleeping, and I hadn't the opportunity to do so in a long time."_

I blush. That he's still able to do that to me.

"_Good morning Richard." _I say before kissing him.

"_Good morning Emily."_

"_Oh look at your arm – it must be numb, I've rested my head on it for the whole night, you really should've pulled it away." _I say while rubbing it.

"_I never would have done that. It was so good to finally have you in my arms. You know what - I'm never letting go of you again." _he says winking at me.

"_Oh Richard. - But you can't deny that your arm is numb now."_

"_Sacrifices have to be made. So how was your night?"_

"_Wonderful. How could it have been any other way? I can't remember the last time I've slept so well – and everything that happened before – "_

"_Yes same here." _he says and kisses me again very passionately. _"You know what I had to think of while looking at you?"_

"_No." _I say looking questioningly at him.

"_That this is how it's supposed to be – I want to be your husband. Nothing else."_

"_And I want to be your wife."_

We're kissing again. After pulling apart I rest my head on his chest and he's stroking my hair.

"_You know what date will be in one week?" _he asks me.

"_Of course I do – our 40th wedding anniversary."_ I answer while I'm caressing his chest.

In fact I'd even spent time thinking what we would do when we'd still be separated on that day, but thankfully that's over.

"_Emily Gilmore, will you marry me?"_

"_What?" _I say laughing a little.

That came out of the blue, but looking at him I can see that he's serious.

"_Marry me."_

"_We are married Richard."_ I remind him.

"_Re-marry me. Let's renew our vows at our 40th wedding anniversary. As a sign that the separation is truly over and as a new promise in our future."_

That he's so romantic… not the typical proposal with going down on one knee and flowers, but I never had that, and this is definitely an improvement to the last time.

"_I'll re-marry you, Richard. I want to become Mrs Richard Gilmore once again."_

"_Thank you Emily."_

We kiss again. He's bending over me and kisses my face and my neck. My hands are fondling his back while his are exploring my body. I enjoy every single touch and the shivers that are running through my body. I'm not sure if it's possible to top yesterday night, but this morning is just magical. We become one once again. I feel him inside me, and I never want to lose this feeling…. _Mrs Richard Gilmore…

* * *

"__I love you Mrs Gilmore." _Richard says and we're still in bed – it's 10 am now.

I can't even remember the last time I was in bed at 10 am.

"_I love you Mr Gilmore."_

"_So do you think you can organize a vow renewal in one week?"_

"_Are you teasing me – of course I can do that."_ I say and I can see in his eyes that he is teasing me.

My head is resting on his chest and we're enjoying being together again.

"_If only we could lie here forever." _I sigh.

"_Can't we?"_

"_Not when we want to celebrate our vow renewal in one week."_

"_And Lorelai and Rory are coming tonight."_

"_I can't wait to see their faces when they're hearing the news."_

Again we're silent. Richard is stroking my hair.

"_Emily?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Would you mind if I'd stand up now?"_

"_Why would you do such a thing?" _I ask disappointed.

"_Because I at least have to cancel the meeting I'm going to have in one hour."_ he says hesitantly.

His business – of course. But he wants to cancel it, that's something.

"_Oh – of course you have to."_ I say while lifting my head off his chest, so that he's able to stand up. _"You know, you don't have to cancel – I don't demand that."_

"_I want to cancel Emily – today is our day. I just have some little things to do – I'll be back in one hour, two at most."_

I nod – two hours, how often did he say something like that and never kept it.

"_I'll start to organize our big day, after all I have a reputation to uphold. But we need to have a quick breakfast first." _I say.

We kiss again. He's going to the bathroom and I'm going downstairs to tell the maid to make us breakfast. Breakfast for two.

* * *

I can't believe it. 90 minutes later I'm hearing the door and he comes in. 90 minutes! Should he really have changed? Isn't business that important to him anymore? Or is it just today? Whatever it is, it is at least a good sign.

"_Emily – I'm home."_

"_I'm in here darling." _I call from the living-room.

I just made some calls. I already have us secured a 20 piece band, only the room is a little difficult. But nothing I can't solve. I've already started to pull some strings and they promised me to call back this evening.

Richard is coming inside with what I guess are 40 red roses. He's carrying them carefully and I drop the phone.

"_Oh Richard – they're beautiful."_ I say touched.

"_I know I should have probably waited until now to propose, but when I saw you this morning I couldn't help it – it just happened."_

"_This morning was wonderful. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way." _I say while I'm reaching out my hands to take the flowers.

I'm bending over them to take in their sweet smell, when I see something glistening in one of them.

"_What's that?" _I say and I carefully pick a ring out of the center rose.

"_You should never propose without having a ring for your bride. A little late but here it is."_

I give him the flowers back to take a closer look at the ring. Platinum with a single diamond.

"_It's beautiful Richard." _I whisper. _"Please." _I say and I carefully take the flowers out of his hands to rest them on the chair next to us. _"Please give me my promise ring."_

He takes the ring back and I stretch my hand out to him. Tenderly he attaches it to my finger. It fits. I don't know how he did this in only 90 minutes but it fits.

"_Thank you Richard." _I say before giving him a deep kiss.

We're looking into each other's eyes – a deep look. That's why he had to leave, to buy presents for me – not because he had work to do. I love him so much.

My eyes are catching the roses again.

"_Maxima, please get me a vase for the flowers." _I call out for the maid. _"Richard, I already have us secured a 20 piece band for Saturday, but the room is a little problem. I thought we should celebrate at the Windsor Club, the Rose Room is perfect for our renewal. However they're completely booked and even though I offered that we'd be very generous we haven't gotten it yet. They'll call us this evening."_

"_I see, you've already started to plan our big day, but I wouldn't have expected less." _he says smiling at me.

"_We just have to get the Rose Room, or do you want to celebrate somewhere else?"_

"_No, the Rose Room is perfect, and don't you worry, if you want to have it, you'll get it. Let me take care of the room."_ he says kissing my hand.

"_Thank you."_

We kiss again. I'm feeling like a teenager, but I can't get enough of his kisses.

* * *

The girls will be here soon. Richard and I spent the whole day together. I suggested that Lorelai could be my maid of honour and Rory his best man, and he agreed that this would be perfect. After all they're the ones who were mostly involved in our separation. Later I called Miss Celine to come over with every wedding dress she can get a hold on, and by now about a hundred dresses plus Miss Celine are in my dressing room. Lorelai will have to help me to choose one – after all she's my maid of honour.

Right now Richard and I are in the living-room and we imagine how next Saturday will be, while making fun of some of the guests who'll come. I can't but laugh when he mocks the 60th birthday party of one of his colleagues, were all the ashtrays disappeared during the evening. It's a wonderful feeling to be able to laugh so openly. Before I know it we're kissing again. Suddenly I hear a noise and we're breaking the kiss. The girls are outside. I wonder what they're thinking right now, they must have seen us kissing. Richard is going to them to open the patio door.

"_Girls! Wonderful to see you."_

"_Hi."_

"_Come in, come in, come in."_ he says and I'm going towards them myself.

"_Hi, you're just in time."_ I say while putting my arm around Lorelai's shoulder to usher her in.

"_For what?"_ she asks.

"_The celebration. Ah! Champagne. Perfect."_ Richard says while Maxima carries in a tray of champagne.

"_What are we celebrating?"_ Rory wants to know.

"_Uh, shall we tell them?"_ he asks me as he gives me the glasses.

"_They're going to find out sooner or later."_ I answer whilst I'm handing out the glasses to them.

If they're smart they already know – why else would I kiss him? I stand next to Richard and he puts his arm around me.

"_All right, then. - Lorelai, Rory, your grandmother and I have reconciled. We are officially back together."_ Richard tells them.

Rory is over the moon over this – that's easily to see.

"_Really? Oh my God! That's great! I'm so happy."_ she says while running over to us to hug us.

Instead Lorelai's first reaction is a question.

"_When did this reconciliation happen?"_

"_Yesterday."_ I state.

"_And last night. And this morning." _Richard says and he's stroking my back in little circles as he's making this announcement a little triumphantly.

I can't believe it – they surely don't have to know about this.

"_Richard!"_ I exclaim.

"_Don't ask questions. Don't ask questions. Don't ask questions!"_ Lorelai mutters to herself and Rory and I can understand her.

"_And next week your father and I are going to renew our wedding vows."_ I continue to come back to our original announcement.

"_A week from tomorrow, on our 40th wedding anniversary."_ Richard finishes.

"_Aw!"_ Rory is resting her head dreamily on Lorelai's shoulder.

"_Wow. That's great!"_ Lorelai finally says.

"_And you're going to be my maid of honour."_ I inform her – I figured that it would be best not to discuss this.

"_Uh, wha -"_ she begins to protest but thankfully Robert is interrupting her right now – perfect timing.

"_Excuse me, Mr Gilmore. Mr Jeffries from the Windsor Club for you."_ he says to Richard as he hands him the phone.

Interesting – I wonder what they'll say to our offer.

"_Ah, yes. Thank you, Robert."_ Richard takes the phone and Robert exits. _"Oh, by the way, I'm firing Robert next week."_

"_You won't need him."_ I say smiling at him – I feel like I'm smiling the whole day, especially at him. I wasn't that happy in a long time. But how he was able to employ Robert this long is a miracle to me. I never find a maid who's good enough to employ her for longer than two weeks.

"_No, I won't. - Richard Gilmore here. - The Gold Room? Ah, yeah, would you hold on for a moment, please? Uh, Emily, they say they can free up the Gold Room."_

Didn't I say I want the Rose Room?

"_How are we supposed to get a twenty piece band into the Gold Room? No, we need the Rose Room."_

"_Right. - I'm afraid the Gold Room won't do. We need the Rose Room. - Well, perhaps they'd be willing to switch dates. We'd certainly be happy to make it worth their while. Of course, _

_I'll hold."_

While he's speaking on the phone I'm smiling at the girls who sat down by now. Rory smiles back, but Lorelai doesn't look so happy. I can't worry about that now, so I'm looking back at Richard.

"_Richard, we just **have** to get the Rose Room."_

"_Don't you worry, our company insures that building. We don't get that room, suddenly they have a very expensive foundation upgrade to go through."_

That's brilliant – I really don't have to worry about the location anymore.

"_I married a wonderful man, girls."_

"_Yes, you did."_ Rory agrees and Lorelai finally smiles either.

"_Uh, Mom, hey about this whole, um, maid of honour thing?"_

Right I nearly had forgotten about Miss Celine.

"_Oh, yes. Richard, can you spare us a moment? I want to take Lorelai upstairs."_

"_Why?"_ Lorelai asks suspiciously.

"_Of course."_ Richard says.

"_Wha- why do you want to take me upstairs?"_

"_Wonderful, we'll be right back."_ I say as I pull her up.

"_Why doesn't Rory have to go upstairs?"_

Please Lorelai. I won't discuss this with you. I'm dragging her along.

"_I'll finish this phone call and then Rory and I will discuss the possibility of her being my best man." _Richard tells her.

"_Really? I'm going to be your best man?"_ Rory says delighted.

"_What's upstairs?"_ Lorelai asks afraid.

Please don't be so dramatic – look at Rory, she's nothing like you. I have to literally push her up the stairs. Deciding not to fight with Lorelai I ignore all of her comments until we're in my dressing room. Lorelai gasps as she sees the hundreds of wedding dresses.

We're both looking around a little while Miss Celine is talking of the dresses Susan Hayworth once wore and once again she is calling Lorelai Natalie. I'm searching through several dresses before picking one and holding it up.

"_I think this has too much lace, Celine."_

"_Nah, there can't be too much lace, as long as it's Italian. What do you think, Natalie?"_

"_What do you think?"_ I ask Lorelai – after all that's why we're here.

"_Whatever you want, Mom."_

"_Lorelai! You're my maid of honour. I need your opinion here."_

"_Well, I kind of like that one, or even the one next to it."_

That doesn't sound very convincing, but I'm too happy to fight with her.

"_I'll try them both."_ I say and I take the two dresses with me to try them on.

"_You'll try them all."_ Miss Celine says before once again telling her stories of celebrities. I can't say that I'm listening very closely to it, but I'm paying attention again as soon as she's asking Lorelai if she's married. Of course this question had to come.

"_Oh, no, not yet."_ Lorelai answers.

"_Actually, Celine, she just opened her own business. She owns an Inn now."_ I clarify proudly.

"_Hmm, an Inn, how charming."_ Celine answers.

I'm looking again at the dress I'm currently wearing – I'm sure it has too much lace. Celine is asking me if I need breasts, but that isn't the problem with this dress – it's all that lace that's bugging me. I'm coming out to present myself to them.

"_Oh, my God, you're Mary Martin. Take it off immediately."_ Celine exclaims.

"_Oh, dear."_ I say – I knew it.

I want to go changing again, when Lorelai is giving me another dress.

"_Here, try this one on, Mom."_

That looks nice – after the first shock she really seems to be helping me. While I'm trying this much better dress on I'm discussing with Celine whether or not I should wear a hat or something like that. Of course she's not answering me, but telling another story – this time Marylin and Arthur.

"_You wear whatever you want, Mom."_ Lorelai says as I'm fighting with the zipper – it's not working.

"_Celine, I'm going to need some help with this zipper."_ I say coming out again.

Celine is admiring my dress, but Lorelai doesn't even look at it. She is standing in front of a mirror holding a dress up to herself. A simple but beautiful one. Seeing her like this I can't but think that she's thinking of marriage, too. What did she answer when Celine asked her – not _yet_? She honestly seems to become serious. Usually I'd be thrilled about it – I'd love to see her married, but of course she's thinking of Luke, and I don't think that I like that. But I have to admit that it's cute to see her like this. If only I could do something about it…

"_Here, try the Dior just for giggles, hmm?"_ Celine says interrupting my thoughts.

"_All right."_ I say and I'm trying on the third dress.

When I'm coming out again, Lorelai has put 'her' dress aside.

"_That one looks really good Mom."_

"_You think?"_

"_Absolutely Emily, this one is made for you."_ Celine agrees with her.

"_But the one you gave me wasn't bad either." _I say looking at Lorelai.

"_Uh yeah, but this one is beautiful, too. You know Mom, wear whatever you want, Dad will love you in anything."_

Right – so she's not admitting that she wasn't paying attention when I came out the second time.

"_You know what Lorelai – you can try one on either. Just for giggles." _I say to her.

"_Uh – I don't think I should do that Mom – "_

A knock is interrupting her.

"_Who's there?" _I demand to know – Richard isn't allowed inside here, but he knows that.

"_Rory."_

"_Come in." _I say.

"_Dinner is – wow, Grandma that's gorgeous."_

"_It's Audrey, I'm so glad to see you again." _Celine says going to Rory.

"_What do you think of this one Rory?" _I say pointing to the Dior dress I'm currently wearing.

"_Beautiful, Grandma."_

"_You know you can try on dresses too – just for fun. I was just saying the same to your mother-"_

"_Rory what did you want to say – dinner is ready?" _Lorelai interrupts me.

"_Yes. Dinner is ready."_

"_Well we shouldn't let Dad waiting."_

"_Yes, I suppose we shouldn't." _I say looking longingly at her, before changing into my clothes again.

* * *

When we're coming downstairs, Richard announces that we're getting the Rose Room.

"_Thank you darling." _I say and I'm giving him a quick kiss.

This evening is wonderful. We're joking, laughing – I haven't felt that good on a Friday Night Dinner for a long time. Just seeing Richard across the table makes all the difference. I'm so happy that we're back together.

After dinner I once again convince the girls to come upstairs with me. The Dior dress it is. But I can't but notice that Lorelai still has a dreamy look on her face when looking at the dresses.

* * *

"_Did you enjoy our first day back together Emily?" _Richard asks me when we're about to go to bed.

"_Of course I did - and you?"_

"_One of the best days I ever had." _he says and he's pulling me close to him to kiss me.

Just to feel him so close makes everything around me spinning. He's touching my breasts – squeezing them a little and I'm moaning slightly when his hand is moving towards my thighs.

"_I wouldn't mind ending this day the same way it started." _he whispers into my ear.

"_I wouldn't mind either." _I say before slipping my tongue into his mouth.

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter. And please don't forget to tell me your thoughts. I can't wait to read them. _


	39. The Bachelorette

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ petriebird18, AliseAndrews, _and _Miss GoodManners _for your nice reviews. It's good to know that you imagined it in a similar way. _

**Chapter 39: The Bachelorette**

"_Hope, I have to tell you something. Richard and I are back together."_ I say to her and I can barely hide my excitement.

"_Oh Emily that's wonderful. I'm so happy for you."_

"_Thank you."_

"_How did it happen – did you finally go to him?"_

"_No, he rear-ended my car – "_

"_What?"_

And then I told her the whole story.

"…_When we were coming home he said he didn't want to be in the pool-house anymore. I knew that if I wouldn't say anything now it would be lost forever. So I told him to 'Come Home'. He immediately wanted to kiss me, but I made us talk first. You were right I can make him listen. I basically told him what I told you and I have to admit that you were right in everything. I even recognized the mistake you were talking of. So I finally apologized for not telling him earlier about my feelings, and he told me how very sorry he was not to have recognized them. After we'd talked about everything we made up – you know." _I add conspiringly.

"_I can imagine." _she says laughing a little.

"_Oh Hope it's so good to be together again. He promised to change, and I think he did. I'm so in love with him." _I admit.

"_I knew you could make it. It's so good to hear you being so happy."_

Yes it surely feels good to be so happy – to be so in love with my husband.

"_I want to thank you Hope. You were there for me when I needed someone – as always – and you always believed in us, even when I didn't. You know I knew your letter by heart."_

"_I'm glad I could be there for you. I know you would do the same."_

Yes I would.

"_I haven't told you the best thing yet. On Saturday we're going to renew our wedding vows. He proposed again to me."_ I say hardly able to hide my excitement.

"_That's very sweet."_

"_I know it's very short notice and you probably can't come because Maurice still needs you, but you're of course invited."_

"_Thank you. But you're right Maurice can't travel. I'd love to be there though."_

"_I'd love to have you here either, but I can totally understand when you don't want to leave him."_

"_I'll talk to him."_

"_You do that. Hope I'm so happy."_

"_I can hear."_

We talked for a while. I enjoyed it immensely. But it does seem that Maurice stopped making so good progress. I don't think that she'll come. And that's okay, if her husband needs her she should be there. I think I'll ask Richard if we can visit them soon – it's right she always was there for me, I'd like to support her now either.

* * *

I'm in the living-room. The girls should be here any minute. After I'd given my dress back to Miss Celine to have it altered a little, I called her over once again for a dress and suit for the girls. She's already upstairs. I also hired a wedding-planner. It is a lot to plan and with everything that's going on I can need a little help. She's far from perfect, but it has to work.

"_Where is my favourite wife?" _Richard calls coming in.

"_In the living-room." _

He's home early. That's happened more often the last days and I'm not complaining.

"_Hello Emily. You look nice." _he says embracing me.

"_Thank you." _I say and he starts to kiss me.

As it's about to get more passionate I'm pulling apart from him.

"_Richard please, the maid can come in every moment."_

"_She wouldn't dare to come in, when you're not calling her. You know that poor thing is afraid of you."_

"_Richard!"_

He's kissing me again. I'm about to give in when I remember Lorelai and Rory.

"_Richard, the girls will be here any minute."_

"_Then let's go upstairs."_

"_Miss Celine is upstairs."_

"_So you don't want us to…" _he says giving me a disappointed look.

"_I didn't say I don't want to – just that the timing is bad."_

"_But the girls will ring the door-bell. We'll hear them."_

He continues to kiss my neck. What if Miss Celine comes down? Seeing us behaving like teenagers, making out in the living-room. His left hand is gently rubbing my back. _Yes we will hear the door-bell. _Finally I'm giving in. Our tongues are playing with each other. His right hand unbuttons my blouse a little so that he can slip inside to fondle my left breast. I can't believe that I'm doing this, but since we're back together, it's like the honeymoon all over again. Suddenly I'm hearing a noise. Looking up I see Lorelai and Rory standing in the door. Dammit. I knew this would happen.

"_Mom, Dad please – don't you have a bedroom?" _Lorelai exclaims dramatically.

I turn around to quickly button up my blouse. Richard apparently has lost his ability to speak. Great first he's the one to get us into this and now he's backing off.

"_I'm sorry girls." _I say turning around again.

"_We were supposed to arrive at 5 pm, right? I mean if not we can just walk around the block right Rory?"_

"_That won't be necessary. And yes 5 pm was the correct time. So let's go upstairs. Richard please excuse us."_

The one time you're on time, and something like this has to happen. I'm going upstairs and they're following me. Lorelai giggling all the time, Rory saying nothing at all.

"_Are you re-decorating the bedroom Mom?"_

"_Lorelai please. I already apologized. So stop talking about it."_

From the corner of my eye I see Rory making a gesture for her to stop. And she does.

Unfortunately she's totally against the dress I wanted her to wear, but finally we found one we all approved of.

"_So rehearsal is on Thursday. I expect you to be there at 4 pm." _I say after we bid Miss Celine goodbye.

"_I'm sorry Grandma, but I have to be at Yale."_

"_I can't be there either Mom. The Dragonfly, you know."_

"_No I don't. You're my maid of honour Lorelai, you have to be there."_

"_Well Rory is best man – I don't see the big difference. Why are you accepting her excuse but not mine?"_

"_Because she's not a professor, she can't change her classes. You however run the Inn so you can plan your own day."_

"_But that's very short notice. I'm sorry Mom, but I can't come. But don't worry, I'm able to go in a straight line."_

"_Lorelai – "_

"_No Mom, it's not possible."_

That's so typical of her. It's one hour, why can't she come for one hour? _Don't fight with her Emily. It will work, everything will work on Saturday._

"_Would you like some coffee **Rory**?"_ I say putting my arm around my granddaughter.

"_Sure I'd love to Grandma."_

We're going downstairs.

"_You so like her better." _I hear Lorelai mumble.

* * *

Today I went to Christopher. I couldn't get Lorelai's look out of my mind, when she was mirroring herself with the wedding-dress. She's about to get serious with Luke, I just know it. Christopher loves her, and so does she – at least she did. And who says she won't love him again? They would be the family they were always supposed to be – Rory would have her father.

Christopher is so much better suited for Lorelai. He is weak, but he has the right connections to support her in doing great things. And Lorelai is capable of great things – greater than running an Inn. Plus I can control Christopher, so I would have Lorelai around me. I'm afraid that when she'll marry the diner guy, she'll be in Stars Hollow forever. She won't come over to me anymore, because she wouldn't need me anymore. I can't let that happen, I can't lose her again, so I invited Christopher to the renewal, telling him, that when he'd want his chance with Lorelai he'd better do something now. That's only fair, to give him a last chance. Hell they would be married if he hadn't impregnated that other girl. He really has no timing.

But deep inside I know that perhaps I've overstepped the line – granted for a good cause, I only want what's best for her, but I can't deny that I'm feeling a little guilty. I haven't told Richard.

* * *

It's Thursday evening and Richard and I are lying in bed. Rehearsal was – well _okay._ Far from perfect, but there isn't much to rehearse when half of the important people are missing. I still can't understand that Lorelai wouldn't come. I sigh.

"_Don't worry Emily – everything will be all right on Saturday."_ he says kissing my hair.

I look gratefully at him. He's always able to calm me down.

"_Oh did I tell you – the boys organized a little bachelor party for me – in the pool-house. Symbolic isn't it?"_

I smile at him. Bachelor party – I haven't thought about this.

"_Are the girls throwing something for you either?"_

Are they? They really should.

"_Yes I'll drive to Stars Hollow tomorrow."_

Why am I lying? Because I don't want him to miss his party. I want him to enjoy the evening. And perhaps it isn't a lie – perhaps she has something planned and wants to surprise me. Perhaps that's the reason why she couldn't come to rehearsal – but I doubt it.

"_Good. So in two days is the big day."_

"_Yes – two days." _I say looking at him.

I start to get nervous. As if he'd feel it, he begins to kiss me. He's parting my lips and I'm able to relax into the kiss. As I said – he's always able to calm me down.

* * *

"_Emily – I'm going over to the pool-house now."_

"_I'll drive to Stars Hollow soon either." _I answer.

"_Enjoy the evening Emily."_

"_You too."_

A last kiss and he's gone. Lorelai hasn't called to get me to Stars Hollow or somewhere else. But I'll go there. I'm getting my dress to lose a few beads – that way I have a reason to show up. After I'm done I'm grabbing the phone to call her.

"_Hello?"_

"_I picked up my dress from the dressmaker and it's a disaster." _I say jumping right in.

"_What?"_

"_I got it home and it's falling apart. I need you to fix it."_

"_Uh,uh but –"_

"_I'm coming over."_ I state.

"_No, Mom, I –"_

What do you mean no?

"_Yes, I need you to fix this."_

"_I'm not the woman who made it. Make her fix it."_

"_When a woman gives birth to a crack baby you do not buy her a puppy."_

"_What does that mean?"_

I love to confuse her. So often I don't know what she's talking about – it's refreshing the other way round.

"_I want this dress to be perfect for tomorrow, Lorelai."_

"_Yes, Mom, but –"_

"_It's the most important day of my life, Lorelai!"_

"_It's not even the most important day of your marriage!"_

What do you know of important days of my marriage!

"_I'll be there in a half an hour, Lorelai."_ I say and with that I'm hanging up.

* * *

When I'm going towards her door I'm thinking about the quick encounter I just had with Luke. He was working on a boat - which doesn't even float – _yet _as he pointed out. Besides I don't know why he's in her garage. Doesn't he have one of his own? Is he that broke? Anyway he doesn't know a thing about etiquette. I don't know what Lorelai sees in him.

I'm knocking at her door and she's opening me.

"_Mom, great. Come on in. Okay, so, is that the dress?"_ she says and she's basically grabbing it from me.

"_Yes, it's –"_

"_Okay, well, let me take a look here."_

I can't even get a word in.

"_Hi, Grandma. Big day tomorrow, huh?"_

"_That wasn't your dinner, was it?"_ I say looking at some junk food on the table.

"_No, that was just the appetizer."_

"_Oh, well that's a relief."_ I say sarcastically to Rory.

"_Mom, I don't see anything wrong."_

"_Lorelai, are you blind? Look!"_

"_Where?"_

"_Right there. That bead and that bead and that bead, all loose."_ I say pointing at them.

"_Okay, I see it now. I don't know how I missed it. Well, this is going to take me no time at all, five minutes tops."_

"_Well, don't rush it."_

"_No, no, no, no rush. It's an easy job. Three and a half minutes and you're on you're way. You don't even need to sit down, because by the time you do, this'll be done. In fact you should have just left the car running 'cause that's how quick this is going to be."_

She's talking ten times faster than usual. It's annoying to see how much work she puts into getting rid of me as soon as she can. She's bolting up the stairs and I'm about to sit down next to Rory. I won't go as quickly as she wants me to. They really could be more understanding.

"_So how are you holding up, Grandma?"_

Okay Lorelai could be more understanding. Rory is just my little angel.

"_I'm a wreck, actually."_ I admit.

"_Why?"_

"_Well –"_

I'm interrupted by Lorelai who's counting down on the time she needs to fix my dress from upstairs. That's appalling. I decide to ignore it.

"_I still can't decide exactly what to do with my hair, and I have absolutely zero faith that my wedding planner is going to be able to pull this off –"_

Again I'm interrupted by Lorelai. This time she comes down – sewing the dress while she's standing. I'm glad that I only loosened a few beads.

"_Thirty seconds - someone clock me. What are you doing?" _she asks me as I'm taking off my coat.

"_Do you have anything to drink?"_ I ask her.

"_Uh no, no, Mom, why are you taking off your coat?"_

You have nothing to drink?

"_Some wine, or some chilled vodka, perhaps?"_

"_Yeah, but you might want to hold off on having a drink, Mom, 'cause you're going to be driving in two shakes of a lamb's tail."_

"_Well, I could use a little something. Calm my nerves about this wedding planner I hired."_

And yes thanks for asking me how I'm holding up.

"_I'm sure everything's going to be fine."_

It hurts that she's only saying that to get rid of me – not because she really believes it.

"_I don't see how it can be, everything is so last minute, and I didn't even get a decent rehearsal!"_ I say accusingly to her.

"_Mom, I promise you, I have successfully walked in a straight line at least once before. I can get you the cop's name if you want to talk to him."_

"_Oh, well, it's too late to do anything about it now."_ I say and I'm getting up to get myself a drink from the kitchen.

"_No, no, Mom. Wo, wo, wo, I'm almost there, I'm almost there! I'm done, I'm done, I'm done!" _

It's really a shame. She's even following me with the dress, trying to stop me from entering the kitchen, but I'm completely ignoring her. I won't spend this evening alone. Deal with it.

Just when I'd found a decent drink in that kitchen of hers, Rory comes in.

"_Hi Grandma. Take that and come into my room."_

"_Why into your room?"_

"_Because I want to show you something."_

"_And that has to be in your room?"_

Lorelai just wants to get me out of the way. Either the phone call one minute ago was Richard or she figured out herself that she'd neglected her duty as maid of honour.

"_Yes Grandma – just come in."_

She shows me pictures from Europe on her laptop.

"_I'm sorry Grandma – I should have shown them to you before, but it took me some time to organize them and then I forgot to bring it over, but well good thing you came tonight, so we can finally see them."_

She's so sweet – trying to cover up for her mother who's on the phone the whole time, trying to invite some people I hardly know. Those crazy town people. As if I wouldn't hear that – the walls aren't that thick. But the photos are nice. After the last picture I turn to her.

"_Thank you Rory – it was really nice to see them. The things you can do with a laptop are amazing."_

"_Maybe you should buy one for yourself, Grandma."_

"_Your grandfather said the same thing."_

She's looking a little irritated. The door opens and Lorelai comes in.

"_Well Mom, seems as if a little party for you'll be going on in some time."_

"_Well that's nice Lorelai." _I say and we share a look.

I have to decide now, whether to sulk the rest of the evening, because of her rude behaviour or whether to just enjoy it. I think I'll enjoy it.

"_Let me freshen up your drink Mom." _Lorelai says and she takes my glass out of my hands to refill it.

"_What's that?" _I say pointing to the table she has set up in the living-room.

"_Oh I thought we'd drink some rum and coke. Here try it." _Lorelai says and gives me her drink – in a blue plastic cup.

Plastic! But well I just decided to enjoy it.

"_Not bad." _I say after tasting it.

The first people to come are Miss Patty and Babette – I remember both from Rory's party. Then Rory's friend Lane with some other Korean girl and of course Sookie. After some more drinks I'm really enjoying myself. At least I'm not so nervous anymore. The drink is really good.

_Okay we're nearly there. Hope you enjoyed it – let me know._


	40. Vow Renewal

**Authors Note: **_Thanks_ Lore2, emilygilmore, _and _Mary _for your nice reviews. It makes me happy that you like the story so much. But everything has to come to an end so here is the last chapter – 40 chapters for 40 years of marriage (I didn't plan it that way, but when I was writing chapter 39 I figured 40 chapters would be nice – I love to be symbolic). Enjoy!_

**Chapter 40: Vow Renewal**

I'm waking up and I have the worst headache. I need a moment to see where I am – in Lorelai's bed surrounded by these ridiculous 'Hello Kitty' pillows. I bet she has pictures. I'm standing up and I'm wondering why there's pasta lying on the night-stand. And the shape is – well not the shape of Florida… Really how could she give me such a present? At least I guess it was Lorelai – I can't remember much. I'm nearly out of her room when I turn around to grab the pasta – it'll give Richard and me a good laugh.

When I'm going downstairs I see Babette lying on the couch. I slowly enter the kitchen to get my bag – didn't I leave it in the living-room? Well too much rum to remember correctly. The girls and Sookie are lying in Rory's room. For a moment I consider waking them up, but it's very early and they need their sleep. However if they're late I'll call her. I get into my car and drive home to get some coffee, aspirin and a shower.

* * *

Now I feel better. I take a look at my seating chart. That can't be true – everything is messed up. I know I checked it yesterday before giving it to that awful wedding-planner. This woman isn't capable of anything. She's fired. I know I need her, but I also need someone who's able to do things right – otherwise I'm better off without her. After calling her to tell her that she's fired I'm sitting down to arrange the seating again – trying to remember whom I seated with whom. Good thing I woke up so early.

Richard is coming in – looking completely dishevelled.

"_Aspirin and coffee are on the table over there." _I say to him.

"_You're my life-saver – how did you know?" _he says while taking some aspirin.

"_Needed it myself. You know the woman I hired to help me plan today? She's fired – my seating chart is completely messed up – it's unbelievable."_ I say upset.

"_Please Emily – not so loud. I think I'm going to get a shower." _he says and he comes over to kiss me.

"_You smell like you've fallen into an ashtray – I think you'll get your kiss later."_ I state and I'm returning to arrange the seating.

* * *

Finally I'm done with it. Richard and I are on our way to the Windsor Club.

"_Are you nervous?" _he asks me.

"_Yes – I don't know how to get everything done in time."_

"_You'll get it done." _he says and he's patting my thigh.

You have no clue what I still have to do. But I admire him – he seems so calm.

"_And you? Aren't you nervous?"_

"_A little. After all the most beautiful woman will marry me again."_

"_Oh Richard." _I say blushing a little.

* * *

Thank God Marilyn came earlier. Now I know that everything will be done in time - at least I have reasonable hope that it will be. I'm so relieved. I really have to be positive – and another positive thing is that this time his mother isn't around to make me feel even more nervous. She really was terrible, but I shouldn't think about that – she's dead and she was his mother after all.

"_Emily?"_ Richard says interrupting my unpleasant thoughts.

"_Yes Richard?"_

"_I think you'd better give me the ring now – before we forget, could be embarrassing later."_

"_Oh yes of course. Here." _I say and I'm taking it off to give it to him. It really is beautiful. I wore it since he gave it to me a few days ago and we decided – actually he wanted – to give me the ring again during the ceremony. And I think it's romantic. He didn't want to have another ring though. _"I can't wait to get it back." _

"_And I can't wait to give it to you - again."_

We share a look.

"_If I'd only know where Lorelai and Rory are – they should've arrived here some time ago."_ I say looking around.

"_They'll come Emily – don't worry."_

Perhaps I should give them a call. Just as I'm about to do that, I see them coming.

"_Well, there they are."_ I say.

"_Hello, girls."_ Richard greets them.

"_Sorry, um, Rory had a little emergency."_ Lorelai starts to apologize and I turn to Rory.

"_So did Mom."_ Rory defends herself – I thought so.

"_I hope everything's all right." _I say.

"_Yes. Just fine. How is everything going?"_ Lorelai asks.

"_Utter disaster. That moronic wedding planner finally fulfilled her potential. I get here and I go through my seating chart, and it's a mess. It looked like a drunken psychopath took a stab at it. I had to re-do the entire thing. It took me two hours and years of my life."_ I say and I'm still upset about it.

Richard is putting his hand on my back to calm me down.

"_Maybe she just got confused."_ Lorelai says.

"_She did get confused. Confused about what her profession should be. Anyway, I fired her. That should help clarify things for her."_

Rory is mumbling something I don't understand.

"_Mom, how could you fire her now? Who's going to run the wedding?"_ Lorelai asks shocked.

"_Well, luckily Marilyn came into town early for the ceremony, and she offered to help out."_

Richard is telling something of her and Cecil Beaton before I can go on to complain about the women's club who's refusing to leave the Salon today and insists on having their life painting class there. If only I'd had more time, I'd gotten them out of it too, but as it seems there's nothing I can do about it.

"_Are you using the Salon?"_ Lorelai asks.

As if that would be the point. She's not getting it – as usual.

"_Of course we're not using the Salon. What on earth would we use the Salon for?" _

My eye catches Luke who hasn't had the decency to greet us until now – no manners, like I thought yesterday. He can't even remember what I told him yesterday. After some small talk I want us girls to get upstairs, but Marilyn is coming.

"_Emily. The florist is here and everything looks fabulous."_

"_Really?"_ I ask her excited.

"_No. But it will."_ she says patting my arm.

That's really mean. I am honestly worried about these things – how can she joke? And now she starts flirting with Luke. Richard and I exchange a look. Before she can go on for too long I decide to put an end to it.

"_Marilyn, we're going to the bridal room now."_

"_And I have gardenias to deal with."_

Yes you have.

"_I'll see you in a little while. I'll be the handsome one holding the ring."_ Richard says.

"_My favourite kind of man."_ I say looking up to him.

Only a short time and we'll renew the vows. I feel butterflies in my stomach. Lorelai, Rory and I are leaving – at least I thought we would. Lorelai isn't there, when we're going upstairs.

"_I guess she'll come soon Grandma."_

I can only hope. I start to get my dress out of the suit-bag. The door is opening and Lorelai comes in.

"_Which one do you want?"_ she says holding up two necklaces.

"_That one, the other for my birthday."_

They're both gorgeous.

"_Look at that, it's so fancy." _Rory says taking it from Lorelai.

"_Your grandfather has perfect taste in necklaces and earrings. It's very important to find a man who can pick out your jewellery."_ I say to her before hanging up my dress. Looking around I see that Lorelai wants to leave.

"_Where are you going?"_

"_Uh, to give Dad back the necklaces."_

"_Hang your dress up first."_ I demand.

Rory announces that she's going to change now and Lorelai really hangs up her dress. I don't get the comment she makes to Rory as I'm sitting down at the vanity.

"_Oh, Lord, look at that. Pierre has his work cut out for him today."_

"_Stop it, Mom, you look gorgeous."_ Lorelai says coming over to me.

"_Lorelai, why am I doing this?"_ I ask her.

Suddenly I'm so nervous again – seeing myself in the mirror. Lorelai holds up the necklace.

"_Oh, yes. It is pretty, isn't it?"_

"_It's pretty frickin' awesome is what it is."_

Language my girl.

"_Oh my God, I'm so nervous, I haven't eaten a thing all day."_ I admit to her.

"_Do you want me to whip up a little pasta for you, Mom?"_

Oh you.

"_Stop that. Maybe I should take a Seconal."_

I could need it, that's for sure.

"_Excellent idea, Judy. All right, my dress is hung."_ she says turning around.

"_Make sure you hurry back. Lisette will be here to do your hair any minute."_

"_My hair is already done."_

"_Don't worry. She can fix it."_ I say maybe a little harsh, because she's looking at me. _"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm just so nervous, I can't think."_ I say pressing my hands against my temples

"_Why are you nervous?"_ she wants to know.

"_I'm getting married!"_ I exclaim – but of course she can't understand that feeling – she never was married.

"_But the second time. Mom, it's a pretend wedding. J. Lo has them all the time!"_

"_Well, it certainly feels like a real wedding. After all, we've been separated for months. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to have a man around the house. Oh, God, I missed him. It's a wonderful thing to have a husband, a partner, somebody who's always there."_ I say dreamily. _"Oh, Lorelai, don't you think you'll ever want to be married?"_

"_Well, um - actually, I, I do."_ she says smiling.

What? Looking at her I can see that she's thinking of Luke and her future – why Luke?

"_Well, that's nice."_ I say curtly.

Before we can get more into it, Rory comes out in her suit. I go to her to admire it. Lorelai makes her usual witty remarks before complaining about her dress. I thought we'd all agreed on her dress.

"_Your dress is beautiful."_ I say.

"_Yeah, but she gets to wear, like, a costume. Can't I dress like your maid? It'll be whimsical and I can wear flats."_

As my maid? Don't be crude Lorelai.

"_Go give the necklaces back to your father."_ I say to her.

"_You so like her better."_ she says before going out of the room.

When she comes back she wants Rory and her to leave me alone.

"_You can't leave me alone here Lorelai. You have to get dressed."_ I demand.

"_We'll be back soon."_

"_Lorelai – "_

"_Really Mom, we just have to look at something downstairs -"_

"_Oh my god, what went wrong?" _I say and I'm already on my way downstairs when she stops me.

"_Nothing Mom – relax. I promise we'll be back in five minutes. Believe me – you need these five minutes."_

She's giving me such a weird look that I'm not saying anything anymore. But when she's not back in five minutes I'll go downstairs. Just as I'm taking a look at the clock I hear a knock.

"_Who's there?"_

"_It's me." _Richard says.

"_You know you're not supposed to be up here."_

"_Are you already dressed?"_

"_No."_

"_So may I come in – just for five minutes?"_

Now I know what this is about. If I weren't so nervous I would've known even earlier. I open the door.

"_You can't be a few minutes without me?" _I greet him.

"_No I can't." _he says and he's pulling me close to him to kiss me passionately.

"_Richard!"_

"_Just practising for the ceremony."_

"_You better not kiss me like that at the ceremony."_

He's winking at me before giving me a quick kiss again.

"_Actually I came up to give you this." _he says giving me the necklace.

"_Thank you. It's beautiful." _I say kissing him.

He fastens it around my neck.

"_Did I already say that you're beautiful?"_

"_I don't mind hearing it more often."_

"_So are you still nervous?"_

"_Yes – and how are you holding up?"_

"_I admit I get a little nervous either."_

Somehow that calms me down.

"_Has Marilyn everything under control?"_

"_Yes she has. Relax Emily. Only one hour and it will be almost over."_

One hour. That's only increasing my nervousness. He's caressing my cheek before kissing me again. Another knock. We're pulling apart.

"_Who's there?"_

"_Your offspring – is it safe to come in?"_

"_Lorelai please – just open the door."_

She comes in. I'm giving her my look, but I'm glad that she knocked.

"_So – I think I'll better go downstairs and leave my two ladies alone to get ready."_

"_Yes Dad, that would be nice. We'll see you in one hour."_

We share a last look before he goes downstairs and Lorelai and I are getting ready.

* * *

I'm looking in the mirror and I have to admit that I'm really looking beautiful. I'm satisfied with my hair and my dress – I only hope Richard will like it either – but he will. Oh my I can't think straight.

"_You look beautiful Mom." _Lorelai says sincerely.

"_Thank you. You too. You know when you have to walk down the aisle?" _I ask her going through everything in my head again.

"_Yes Mom – and don't worry I can go in a straight line – even with this shoes."_

I'm breathing deeply. Only a few minutes and I have to walk down the aisle – alone. The first time I had my father to hold on to but today it's only me. The music starts.

"_I wish you and Dad all the best, Mom." _Lorelai says and I can tell that we're so close to hug each other.

"_Thank you."_

Then Lorelai turns around to walk down the aisle in front of me. Soon the music changes and everyone is standing up. I carefully go down the stairs and when I turn around the corner my first look goes to Richard. After a quick glance to the guests my eyes are focused on Richard. Seeing him gives me safety and the look he gives me is so cute. He is overwhelmed to see me walking to him again. I notice that he has to swallow. I'm stretching out my hand and he's reaching out his, so that he can take mine in his. We're looking at each other for a moment - smiling. I give Lorelai and Rory a quick glance before my attention goes to the judge.

"_May you all be seated, please. - I have known Emily and Richard Gilmore for twenty years now. I know them to be two of the most formidable opponents the world has ever seen. They complement each other. They defend each other. They were made for each other. And today, in front of friends and family, Richard and Emily have chosen once again to say to each other, "I choose you". How many of us in a lifetime get chosen even once for something we really want? Richard and Emily, will you please face each other."_

I can't think but that he's right with every word he was saying. I can be so lucky to have Richard. We turn to face each other and looking into Richard's eyes I feel so safe and I know that what we're doing is right. It's not over the top or anything – it's just what Richard and I need right now. To hear the promise again. And then Richard starts to repeat his vow - all the time he's facing me.

"_I, Richard Gilmore take you Emily Gilmore, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."_

It's magical to hear him saying the words he used 40 years ago. I have kind of a flashback. It's unbelievable how long we're already married – what we've gone through. And I know his words are honest. I think we've had our worst crisis – now we'll be together until the end. And this is a good feeling. Soon it is my turn to say my vow. At first I'm still nervous but looking in his eyes – his eyes only – I calm down and my voice is as strong as his was.

"_I, Emily Gilmore, take you Richard Gilmore, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."_

All the time he has looked into my eyes as well and I know that we're now closer than ever before. It's crazy what those words can make you feel.

Richard is turning to Rory now, to get my ring and Lorelai is taking my flowers. I stretch out my hand to him and tenderly he attaches it to my finger. We share a look.

"_Richard – you may now kiss your bride." _

A sparkle is coming into his eyes and I can't but smile when he whispers _"My favourite part" _while bending down to me. He's putting his arm around my waist to pull me close to him and I put my hands around his neck before I feel the sweet taste of his lips on mine. Our lips are playing a sweet dance. It's not a short kiss – but not too passionate either – we're not alone. But tonight we will be. Just thinking about tonight makes everything spinning again. It's a good thing that he has his arm around me. Slowly we're breaking apart.

* * *

We're waiting for the emcee to announce our arrival to the party.

"_Are you still nervous?" _Richard asks me.

"_No. Not anymore. Thank you for today Richard. Thank you for proposing again. It was perfect."_

"_Yes it was." _he says and he kisses me again.

"_So will you tell me now, what song you've chosen for our first dance?"_

I've questioned him several times during the last days about it, but he wouldn't answer this. All I got to hear was that he'd taken care of it and that he wanted to surprise me.

"_Patience Emily – patience."_

I would interrogate him further, but I can see how important this is to him, so I decide to give up. I'll know it in a few minutes anyway. Finally we hear the emcee.

"_Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present to you for the first time, this century, Mr and Mrs Richard Gilmore."_

Richard is taking my hand and kisses it. Then we're going inside while everyone is clapping for us. I'm waving in Rory's direction before Richard is leading me to my chair. He's taking the microphone and clears his throat before he starts his speech.

"_Thank you. On behalf of myself and my second wife, Emily, I would like to thank you all for coming here to help us celebrate. You are good friends, and we are very, very lucky. Now, in planning our traditional first dance, I gave a lot of thought to the song that would represent the next phase in our marriage. The best phase in our marriage, I believe."_

I smile at him – the best phase, he truly believes that the best is still to come. I blow him a kiss through the air. But now I have to pay attention to finally get to know our song.

"_I went over all the greats – Bennett, Sinatra, Chuck Berry – and a story popped into my head. Now, most of you know my daughter, Lorelai. When Lorelai was three, she went through a period of having chronic ear infections. It was terrible. Screaming all night long, we couldn't keep a nanny longer than a week."_

Oh yeah I remember that – a terrible time. I felt so sorry for her and helpless because I couldn't calm her down – until – oh no, he doesn't remember that, does he?

"_And so, it fell to Emily to sit with her all night long. She tried everything to calm her down. Finally, she found a song that seemed to soothe her. It was a popular song on the radio and it soon became Emily's favourite."_

He did – he did remember that song. Unbelievable! _Wedding Bell Blues_ – even I haven't thought of it for years.

"_Of course, it drove me crazy – some woman complaining about how she wanted to marry a man named Bill. Not exactly Cole Porter. Emily would tease me, saying, 'If only your name was Bill, then this could be our song.'"_

Oh yes I did say that, and I can't believe that you're telling everyone about it.

"_Well, Emily, for tonight, and tonight only, my name is Bill, and this is our song. Hit the button, Johnny."_

That is the most romantic thing that he said to me in a long time, if not the most romantic thing he ever said to me. The music begins to play as he's coming towards me.

"_Your hand, madam."_ he says while pulling me to my feet.

"_I cannot believe you remembered this song."_ I say to him when we're about to start the dance.

That he's still able to surprise me. The song starts and we dance. It's wonderful, he's twirling me around and I can't but think how much better everything is now than a year before. My thoughts are going back to my wedding day – our first dance forty years ago - and through the several phases of our marriage – the good and bad ones. I'm so happy that he was always at my side. Yes I'm so in love with this man. And the separation, I think we needed it. Everything's more beautiful now than before. We appreciate the other one more now. We won't take anything for granted anymore.

"_We should separate more often."_ I say to him after another twirl.

And even though I'm joking I know that there's a little truth in it.

"_Oh, bite your tongue." _he answers and I can't but laugh.

The music is saying _I love you so, I always will _right now and that's exactly what I'm feeling when looking into his eyes. I couldn't be happier right now.

"_I love you Bill." _I say to him.

"_I love you Emmy."_

- THE END –

_Thanks to everyone who read my story and even more thanks to those who reviewed. It was most appreciated. And just because I'm so curious I'd like everyone who's reading this just to left a quick review to tell me that you've read it. Thanks!_


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